Dave B.
Maximus Ultimus Mostimus
Love it! LOL
If I had an undercover film crew (dressed as Sea Org members from "Golden Era Studios".
I'd send them to interview public Scientologists outside their local orgs---asking them (seriously) about the "monumental 4th Dynamic wins" that were announced in recent events by COB.
VIDEO CORRESPONDENT
...so we'd love to hear what it meant to you personally as an ethical OT on this planet
when you heard that Source scripture had cleaned up the audio and optical quality of
LRH lectures.
IDEAL SCIENTOLOGIST
Wow, it was totally amazing! I mean, like it's like for all of us to Keep Scientology
Working, we have to have the Source materials, right? If people can't understand
each word, then they will get MUs and blow. We can't clear that planet that way.
VIDEO CORRESPONDENT
Wow, thank you for such a uptone, ethical. theta answer! One final question, the
SP media, squirrels and SPs always try to degrade Scientology's contributions to
mankind on this planet---they even claim that we are lying. But this time, we've
really beaten them at their own game because we can PROVE scientifically that
we removed 6,926,409 dust particles from the LRH video. Can you tell us why you
this will finally shatter our critics and prove that we are clearing this planet?
IDEAL SCIENTOLOGIST
Wow, I didn't know that. We can scientifically prove that we removed 6,926,409
dust particles? OMG, really? That's unbelievably exciting! How can we do that?
VIDEO CORRESPONDENT
Well, we carefully and meticulously collected all 6,926,409 dust motes and
stored them in a really sturdy shoe box where they are safe.
IDEAL SCIENTOLOGIST
Wow! That blows me away! What a huge win!
Wait, is a shoe box really safe?
VIDEO CORRESPONDENT
I'm glad you asked me that. The answer is, not really. That's why
we need every Scientologist in the world to donate $1,000 today
to fabricating a titanium box where these priceless religious
relics can be preserved for eternity, in case there is a nuclear
war that destroys the planet. Can we count on you to help
save the planet and mankind right now by taking out your
wallet and giving us a charge card?
IDEAL SCIENTOLOGIST
I, ummm......well, I mean....
VIDEO CORRESPONDENT
I really hope you are not in Doubt as a Scientologist and
putting counter-intention of Ron's dream of creating
a world without dust-motes!
IDEAL SCIENTOLOGIST
Um, okay, count me in!
(hands over charge card)
Hey, could you do me a huge favor and
not write down that I com lagged on whether
to donate? I mean, just write down my
huge win that I realized that wholetrack psychs are the
reason we have dust motes on this planet and if it wasn't for
that wholetrack conspiracy, LRH would not have even had to
discover the technology of turkey-feather-dusters to clean
his Jaguar in our scriptural policy called "CAR WASHING".
"Well, we carefully and meticulously collected all 6,926,409 dust motes and
stored them in a really sturdy shoe box where they are safe."
Because after all they were the dust particles on the **LRH** video so obviously they're UPSTAT dust particles!