Vinaire's Story
- Thread starter Vinaire
- Start date
As much as I may disagree with Vinnie I also respect his honest intention, and, I'm reading his story because it's a story worth reading.
Zinj
Vinaire
Sponsor
[Previously posted on Beliefnet 12/10/02 8:00 PM]
About 14 hours of my auditing were used up. I felt like being on a long runway but unable to take off. I needed just a little more push. The auditor kept on asking for an incident when I hurt by back. “Why isn’t something coming up?” I sat and waited. Various thoughts swerved in my mind to and fro. “Didn’t the Dianetics book talk about the birth engram? Didn’t it say that getting the birth engram would resolve a big part of the case? How can I get the birth engram? What do I have to do to get the birth engram? Oh! Hell this is not working. I am just stuck in this situation. It is just a scam. There is no way out. How will I pay back the debt? Oh! If I could just get this birth engram all the situations would resolve. I am ready to take off. I am ready to fly. If I could only get a little bit more push…”
Suddenly, I woke up and looked around. My body was slumped in the chair. I still had the cans in my hand. The auditor was peering at me over the shield of the E-meter. Had I dozed off? How long had I been this way? I asked my auditor, “What was all this? What happened to me?”
The auditor simply said, “Let’s go through this incident again. Go to the beginning of this incident and tell me when you are there.” I was perplexed. What incident could she be talking about? What am I supposed to do? Let me just wait and see what happens. I noticed a feeling of tightness around my head. I told that to the auditor. She simply said, “Continue.”
That tightness kept increasing until it formed a tight band around my head. Then that tight band start to move slowly downs my face. It took a few more moments before this thought hit me like a lightening. “I am being born! Oh, my God! I am being born…” A big shudder went through my body. I looked at the auditor. She was looking intently at me. She must have seen all that confusion followed by amazement and then excitement on my face. “I am being born!” I blurted out.
The auditor acknowledged me and sent me through the incident once again. I felt a great feeling of relief. What was happening was beyond my wildest imagination. Yes, I had read about the birth engram in the book. But it was just an interesting idea. Everybody was born so I expected to have a birth engram too. But this encounter was so sudden and unexpected that it took my breath away. I had come face to face with an engram. It was uncanny. It was just by the book. All my doubts about Dianetics were swept away.
The session ended. I felt very light in my body. I staggered down the stairs. I found it a bit hard to keep my feet steady. I felt as if I was drunk. But my mind was fully alert.
I walked out of the Dianetic Center, stopped, looked at the sky, and took a long breath of fresh air. I started to walk toward MIT campus to my dorm. My feet didn’t seem to touch the ground. Soon I found myself running.
I was off the runway. I had finally taken off.
.
About 14 hours of my auditing were used up. I felt like being on a long runway but unable to take off. I needed just a little more push. The auditor kept on asking for an incident when I hurt by back. “Why isn’t something coming up?” I sat and waited. Various thoughts swerved in my mind to and fro. “Didn’t the Dianetics book talk about the birth engram? Didn’t it say that getting the birth engram would resolve a big part of the case? How can I get the birth engram? What do I have to do to get the birth engram? Oh! Hell this is not working. I am just stuck in this situation. It is just a scam. There is no way out. How will I pay back the debt? Oh! If I could just get this birth engram all the situations would resolve. I am ready to take off. I am ready to fly. If I could only get a little bit more push…”
Suddenly, I woke up and looked around. My body was slumped in the chair. I still had the cans in my hand. The auditor was peering at me over the shield of the E-meter. Had I dozed off? How long had I been this way? I asked my auditor, “What was all this? What happened to me?”
The auditor simply said, “Let’s go through this incident again. Go to the beginning of this incident and tell me when you are there.” I was perplexed. What incident could she be talking about? What am I supposed to do? Let me just wait and see what happens. I noticed a feeling of tightness around my head. I told that to the auditor. She simply said, “Continue.”
That tightness kept increasing until it formed a tight band around my head. Then that tight band start to move slowly downs my face. It took a few more moments before this thought hit me like a lightening. “I am being born! Oh, my God! I am being born…” A big shudder went through my body. I looked at the auditor. She was looking intently at me. She must have seen all that confusion followed by amazement and then excitement on my face. “I am being born!” I blurted out.
The auditor acknowledged me and sent me through the incident once again. I felt a great feeling of relief. What was happening was beyond my wildest imagination. Yes, I had read about the birth engram in the book. But it was just an interesting idea. Everybody was born so I expected to have a birth engram too. But this encounter was so sudden and unexpected that it took my breath away. I had come face to face with an engram. It was uncanny. It was just by the book. All my doubts about Dianetics were swept away.
The session ended. I felt very light in my body. I staggered down the stairs. I found it a bit hard to keep my feet steady. I felt as if I was drunk. But my mind was fully alert.
I walked out of the Dianetic Center, stopped, looked at the sky, and took a long breath of fresh air. I started to walk toward MIT campus to my dorm. My feet didn’t seem to touch the ground. Soon I found myself running.
I was off the runway. I had finally taken off.
.
Vinaire
Sponsor
Thank you all. I am reading this story after a long time myself. And I am looking at my first experience again after being aware of the criticism of Scientology over past 24 years.
There is some ancient truth that exists beyond Scientology. There are aspects of Scientology that help one sense that truth. Like any knowledge, Scientology can be used or abused. I was lucky from the beginning to have focused on the use of Scientology, and in some peculiar way, I kept my distance from the abuse of Scientology.
It is not that I didn't come across any abuse of Scientology while I spent 12 years in Sea Org from 1971 till 1983, but it is just that I have acted as a filter---a filter of good from bad.
Even now I look at those abuses as "abuse of Scientology" instead of "abuse in Scientology" simply because to me Scientology starts with the Vedas and not from LRH. Hubbard is just another identity in the story. But there was some force here that tried to organize the ancient knowledge a bit better.
Anyway, I have my point of view based on my long experience that goes beyond Scientology that you know. And you have yours.
I shall continue with my story.
.
There is some ancient truth that exists beyond Scientology. There are aspects of Scientology that help one sense that truth. Like any knowledge, Scientology can be used or abused. I was lucky from the beginning to have focused on the use of Scientology, and in some peculiar way, I kept my distance from the abuse of Scientology.
It is not that I didn't come across any abuse of Scientology while I spent 12 years in Sea Org from 1971 till 1983, but it is just that I have acted as a filter---a filter of good from bad.
Even now I look at those abuses as "abuse of Scientology" instead of "abuse in Scientology" simply because to me Scientology starts with the Vedas and not from LRH. Hubbard is just another identity in the story. But there was some force here that tried to organize the ancient knowledge a bit better.
Anyway, I have my point of view based on my long experience that goes beyond Scientology that you know. And you have yours.
I shall continue with my story.
.
spbill
Patron with Honors
Thank you, Kilia. I had started to wonder if anybody is reading my story, or if I am just wasting my breath (or, wasting my "copy & paste" per Paul).
Thanks for all the details and your insights Vinaire. I'm having fun trying to figure out how much of your description of what you went through in those introductory encounters with Scn was what you actually experienced at the time vs what you have dubbed in later as a result of spending a long time in the church and having acquired a much deeper understanding of the tech.
Bill
Vinaire
Sponsor
I wouldn't speculate on that too much. Deep within I am what I always have been. Dianetics helped me overcome my physical troubles. Scientology taught me how to think better. I may be naive, and I may appear unassuming, but I have always been strong mentally and quite analytical in my observation.
What really got me to trust Hubbard was the Data Series HCO PL on Logic (DS #2).
My Tech Traing is limited to Study Tech, Word Clearing Tech, and Cramming Tech. Very early in my Sea Org carrier I also became Data Series evaluator.
.
Sharone Stainforth
Silver Meritorious Patron
Vinaires Story
Hi Vinaire,
I have been reading your story also.
I find it interesting but difficult to understand,but i will persevere out of curiosity.
I know very little about tech at all.
Sometimes i find myself reading posts six times or more trying to make sence of the Tech.No offence meant,but i don't get it
Tamasin
Hi Vinaire,
I have been reading your story also.
I find it interesting but difficult to understand,but i will persevere out of curiosity.
I know very little about tech at all.
Sometimes i find myself reading posts six times or more trying to make sence of the Tech.No offence meant,but i don't get it
Tamasin
Vinaire
Sponsor
Maybe if you query it, somebody, or me, will explain it to you as best as possible.
.
Vinaire
Sponsor
Vinaire, I am printing out hard copies of your story here so I can re-read it away from the computer when I want. You are a very interesting person to me.
Thank you. That makes me happy.
.
Vinaire
Sponsor
[Previously posted on Beliefnet 12/15/02 10:06 AM]
I was off the runway, but I was not quite flying yet.
I had tasted the validity of Dianetics but I was a long way off from being rid of the pain in my back. I was still apprehensive about my predicament. But my hope had doubled, I felt more certain that I am on the right path and I dived into further auditing with a passion. And here I went wrong.
I knew from the Dianetics “Book One” to expect prenatal engrams. So, I deliberately start looking for prenatal engrams. This was wrong. I was no longer sitting and watching my mind to see what came up. I was now actively imagining what might be there. I was trying to control my auditing. My auditing went into sort of a grind again.
During this period I read the book SCIENCE OF SURVIVAL. It was interesting but it did not have the same impact on me as Dianetics “Book One” had. I then read the book HISTORY OF MAN, and I found it to be unreal and more like a science fiction. But then I came across the book SELF-ANALYSIS and I felt I could do something with it. I wanted to try it out on somebody.
I had always had a keen desire to understand the subject of the mind. At IIT, Kanpur (INDIA) an elective was allowed every semester to do with Humanities. I had elected courses in Industrial Psychology, Abnormal Psychology, Experimental Psychology, etc. I still remember the experiment I had designed for my Experimental Psychology class.
I was fascinated by the idea of a Lie Detector. So I took an ordinary Ohm Meter, which measures resistance, and connected two wrist plates to it. I could then put these wrist plates around the wrists of a person and measure the resistance of his/her body. The idea was to notice the reactions in a person to certain stimuli. I knew how suppressed the subject of SEX was in the Indian society. I theorized that I should get maximum reaction to the word SEX when spoken to a person. I designed a strategy to spring this stimulus on a person in an unexpected manner to get maximum reaction.
The idea was to approach other students on the campus. Tell them that I was interested in finding out what associations came up most commonly in the mind in response to a list of words that I had prepared. I expected antonyms to appear mostly, such as, “day” in response to “night,” “girl” in response to “boy,” etc., but other responses could come up too. Then, I prepared a list of common words and somewhere in the middle of that list I embedded the word SEX.
The experiment was quite popular and highly successful. Other students would happily put those metallic wrist bands around there wrist and would be curious to find out about what came into their mind as a reaction. I would call out the words, note down their response, and also note down the reaction of the needle. The Ohm Meter was not that sensitive. Most responses didn’t read, some caused just a little flicker in the meter’s needle. But the word SEX always caused a movement of the needle all across the dial. It was fascinating. I would watch the expressions on the face of the subject. They would be eagerly responding to the words, but no sooner did I call out the word SEX, they would immediately withdraw within themselves in a seeming effort to hide any reaction, but the reaction would be clearly visible on the dial of the Ohm Meter. It was so revealing. And the person would then be more on guard when responding to subsequent words. It showed how the subject of SEX was so much suppressed that even thinking about it evoked a sense of guilt.
When I came across the E-meter in Dianetics, I seem to understand the function of it. I understood how it could peer into the suppressed thoughts in the mind. But I also looked at it as just an aid which had no more significance than that. The real significance lay in the answers that the mind presented to the consciousness in response to the questions.
I wanted to try out the questions of SELF ANALYSIS on somebody on the MIT campus. The opportunity soon presented itself.
.
I was off the runway, but I was not quite flying yet.
I had tasted the validity of Dianetics but I was a long way off from being rid of the pain in my back. I was still apprehensive about my predicament. But my hope had doubled, I felt more certain that I am on the right path and I dived into further auditing with a passion. And here I went wrong.
I knew from the Dianetics “Book One” to expect prenatal engrams. So, I deliberately start looking for prenatal engrams. This was wrong. I was no longer sitting and watching my mind to see what came up. I was now actively imagining what might be there. I was trying to control my auditing. My auditing went into sort of a grind again.
During this period I read the book SCIENCE OF SURVIVAL. It was interesting but it did not have the same impact on me as Dianetics “Book One” had. I then read the book HISTORY OF MAN, and I found it to be unreal and more like a science fiction. But then I came across the book SELF-ANALYSIS and I felt I could do something with it. I wanted to try it out on somebody.
I had always had a keen desire to understand the subject of the mind. At IIT, Kanpur (INDIA) an elective was allowed every semester to do with Humanities. I had elected courses in Industrial Psychology, Abnormal Psychology, Experimental Psychology, etc. I still remember the experiment I had designed for my Experimental Psychology class.
I was fascinated by the idea of a Lie Detector. So I took an ordinary Ohm Meter, which measures resistance, and connected two wrist plates to it. I could then put these wrist plates around the wrists of a person and measure the resistance of his/her body. The idea was to notice the reactions in a person to certain stimuli. I knew how suppressed the subject of SEX was in the Indian society. I theorized that I should get maximum reaction to the word SEX when spoken to a person. I designed a strategy to spring this stimulus on a person in an unexpected manner to get maximum reaction.
The idea was to approach other students on the campus. Tell them that I was interested in finding out what associations came up most commonly in the mind in response to a list of words that I had prepared. I expected antonyms to appear mostly, such as, “day” in response to “night,” “girl” in response to “boy,” etc., but other responses could come up too. Then, I prepared a list of common words and somewhere in the middle of that list I embedded the word SEX.
The experiment was quite popular and highly successful. Other students would happily put those metallic wrist bands around there wrist and would be curious to find out about what came into their mind as a reaction. I would call out the words, note down their response, and also note down the reaction of the needle. The Ohm Meter was not that sensitive. Most responses didn’t read, some caused just a little flicker in the meter’s needle. But the word SEX always caused a movement of the needle all across the dial. It was fascinating. I would watch the expressions on the face of the subject. They would be eagerly responding to the words, but no sooner did I call out the word SEX, they would immediately withdraw within themselves in a seeming effort to hide any reaction, but the reaction would be clearly visible on the dial of the Ohm Meter. It was so revealing. And the person would then be more on guard when responding to subsequent words. It showed how the subject of SEX was so much suppressed that even thinking about it evoked a sense of guilt.
When I came across the E-meter in Dianetics, I seem to understand the function of it. I understood how it could peer into the suppressed thoughts in the mind. But I also looked at it as just an aid which had no more significance than that. The real significance lay in the answers that the mind presented to the consciousness in response to the questions.
I wanted to try out the questions of SELF ANALYSIS on somebody on the MIT campus. The opportunity soon presented itself.
.
Vinaire
Sponsor
[Previously posted on Beliefnet 1/26/03 12:35 AM]
I ran into my would-be preclear in the cafeteria on the MIT campus. She was in the second year of the undergraduate program. She was from New Delhi, India. She was still finding it very difficult to adjust to the campus life in America. She was homesick and depressed. Her studies were suffering as a result.
I briefly talked to her about Dianetics and my experiences. I told her that this might help her pull out of her depression. I explained to her the self-analysis procedure of Dianetics, which was simple and easy to understand. She agreed to meet for a session on the next Saturday morning.
I met her in the lobby of her dorm after breakfast. It was a large lobby with very few people there at that time of the day. We sat down at a table in the corner. I took out the Self-Analysis book. I gave her brief instructions about what we were going to do.
Basically, it was a procedure called “straight memory.” I was supposed to ask her simple questions, such as, “Can you recall a time when you ate something good?” She was supposed to tell me whatever appeared in her mind in response to the question. If nothing came up in the mind that was ok too. When some incident did come up, she was to focus on one perceptic (visio, audio, taste, smell, touch, etc.) that I asked her to. Then we would see if she could get the earliest incident of that type. The whole effort was to be kept very light.
We started the session. I ran the session just by the book. The preclear was in apathy at the start. But as she started to recall incidents she got somewhat interested. We continued the session for half hour. There was no visible improvement in her tone, but she liked the session and agreed for another one. I gave her couple more sessions in the next few days. The sessions were pretty mild. There were no surprises or big changes. I asked the questions, and she answered them. At the end she felt sort of better.
The study schedule caught up with me and there were no more sessions. Couple of weeks passed before I ran into her again in the student cafeteria. “Vinay,” I heard her bubbly voice, “I have been looking for you. I want to tell you that since those sessions I haven’t felt depressed again.” My jaw dropped, but I recovered fast and congratulated her.
“Wow!” I thought to myself, “This stuff works!”
.
I ran into my would-be preclear in the cafeteria on the MIT campus. She was in the second year of the undergraduate program. She was from New Delhi, India. She was still finding it very difficult to adjust to the campus life in America. She was homesick and depressed. Her studies were suffering as a result.
I briefly talked to her about Dianetics and my experiences. I told her that this might help her pull out of her depression. I explained to her the self-analysis procedure of Dianetics, which was simple and easy to understand. She agreed to meet for a session on the next Saturday morning.
I met her in the lobby of her dorm after breakfast. It was a large lobby with very few people there at that time of the day. We sat down at a table in the corner. I took out the Self-Analysis book. I gave her brief instructions about what we were going to do.
Basically, it was a procedure called “straight memory.” I was supposed to ask her simple questions, such as, “Can you recall a time when you ate something good?” She was supposed to tell me whatever appeared in her mind in response to the question. If nothing came up in the mind that was ok too. When some incident did come up, she was to focus on one perceptic (visio, audio, taste, smell, touch, etc.) that I asked her to. Then we would see if she could get the earliest incident of that type. The whole effort was to be kept very light.
We started the session. I ran the session just by the book. The preclear was in apathy at the start. But as she started to recall incidents she got somewhat interested. We continued the session for half hour. There was no visible improvement in her tone, but she liked the session and agreed for another one. I gave her couple more sessions in the next few days. The sessions were pretty mild. There were no surprises or big changes. I asked the questions, and she answered them. At the end she felt sort of better.
The study schedule caught up with me and there were no more sessions. Couple of weeks passed before I ran into her again in the student cafeteria. “Vinay,” I heard her bubbly voice, “I have been looking for you. I want to tell you that since those sessions I haven’t felt depressed again.” My jaw dropped, but I recovered fast and congratulated her.
“Wow!” I thought to myself, “This stuff works!”
.
Sharone Stainforth
Silver Meritorious Patron
Vinaires Story
Vinaire,
I have taken a leaf from Kilia's book,and printed your story to read offline.This has proved to be a very good idea.I now understand much more.However i will read it again as i do have some Mu's.I do believe Terril said there is a good scieno dictionary on the freezone site.
I like Kilia,his/her posts are always to the point.
It is deffinately a very interesting story Vinaire,i am learning all the time.
Best Wishes
Tamasin
Vinaire,
I have taken a leaf from Kilia's book,and printed your story to read offline.This has proved to be a very good idea.I now understand much more.However i will read it again as i do have some Mu's.I do believe Terril said there is a good scieno dictionary on the freezone site.
I like Kilia,his/her posts are always to the point.
It is deffinately a very interesting story Vinaire,i am learning all the time.
Best Wishes
Tamasin
Vinaire
Sponsor
[Previously posted on Beliefnet 6/7/03 8:08 AM]
The last time I added anything to this story was in January. I think it is high time that I end this hiatus. This is a weekend with no Math tuitions. So I can sit still, ruminate and type.
The period is the summer of 1970 in Cambridge, Massachusetts, USA. I was living in the Ashdown house on MIT campus pursuing my Master’s degree in Nuclear Engineering. I was feeling more and more cheerful about life and getting more involved in it. I was feeling more hopeful about a future for me. At this time there were interruptions in my auditing. I was making new friends and getting more involved in social activities.
I heard of an event being planned in Los Angeles which was supposedly the largest event in the brief history of Dianetics & Scientology. Scientologists from all over the world were expected to converge to this event. A chartered flight was being arranged for all Scientologists from the New England area. I was asked if I was interested in coming to the event.
The price was fair. It was a great opportunity. I had a week off from my duties so I could take off for that event. And my curiosity had been building up too, with all the rumors about L. Ron Hubbard and his mysterious ship on high seas somewhere with a band of adventurous souls. I wanted to see first hand what it was all about. The organization for this chartered flight introduced me to more Scientologists at the Boston Organization of Scientology across the Charles River.
I remember this one evening when I was at the Boston Org. I was attending a briefing for all those who were taking this chartered flight to LA. After the briefing I was in the reception area when something caught my eye. It was a little magazine lying on a table. It was opened to a page on which was written:
“Think of infinite space in front of you.”
“Think of infinite space behind you.”
“Think of infinite space on your left.”
“Think of infinite space on your right.”
“Think of infinite space above you.”
“Think of infinite space below you.”
It was part of some Scientology process. I picked up the magazine and read all that was written on that page. I felt curiously attracted toward this process. There was a churning in my stomach. But I knew that I could not run this process on myself without the help of an auditor.
I placed the magazine back on the table and headed toward the door. But my mind kept thinking about this strange process. I had a long walk ahead back to my dorm. I remember being in very high spirits that evening. I was cheerful. I felt energetic. It was a beautiful summer evening. It was late. The full moon was brightening up the sky. I kept thinking about that process. Soon I found myself running over the bridge across the Charles River toward my dorm.
.
The last time I added anything to this story was in January. I think it is high time that I end this hiatus. This is a weekend with no Math tuitions. So I can sit still, ruminate and type.
The period is the summer of 1970 in Cambridge, Massachusetts, USA. I was living in the Ashdown house on MIT campus pursuing my Master’s degree in Nuclear Engineering. I was feeling more and more cheerful about life and getting more involved in it. I was feeling more hopeful about a future for me. At this time there were interruptions in my auditing. I was making new friends and getting more involved in social activities.
I heard of an event being planned in Los Angeles which was supposedly the largest event in the brief history of Dianetics & Scientology. Scientologists from all over the world were expected to converge to this event. A chartered flight was being arranged for all Scientologists from the New England area. I was asked if I was interested in coming to the event.
The price was fair. It was a great opportunity. I had a week off from my duties so I could take off for that event. And my curiosity had been building up too, with all the rumors about L. Ron Hubbard and his mysterious ship on high seas somewhere with a band of adventurous souls. I wanted to see first hand what it was all about. The organization for this chartered flight introduced me to more Scientologists at the Boston Organization of Scientology across the Charles River.
I remember this one evening when I was at the Boston Org. I was attending a briefing for all those who were taking this chartered flight to LA. After the briefing I was in the reception area when something caught my eye. It was a little magazine lying on a table. It was opened to a page on which was written:
“Think of infinite space in front of you.”
“Think of infinite space behind you.”
“Think of infinite space on your left.”
“Think of infinite space on your right.”
“Think of infinite space above you.”
“Think of infinite space below you.”
It was part of some Scientology process. I picked up the magazine and read all that was written on that page. I felt curiously attracted toward this process. There was a churning in my stomach. But I knew that I could not run this process on myself without the help of an auditor.
I placed the magazine back on the table and headed toward the door. But my mind kept thinking about this strange process. I had a long walk ahead back to my dorm. I remember being in very high spirits that evening. I was cheerful. I felt energetic. It was a beautiful summer evening. It was late. The full moon was brightening up the sky. I kept thinking about that process. Soon I found myself running over the bridge across the Charles River toward my dorm.
.
Vinaire
Sponsor
Vinaire,
I have taken a leaf from Kilia's book,and printed your story to read offline.This has proved to be a very good idea.I now understand much more.However i will read it again as i do have some Mu's.I do believe Terril said there is a good scieno dictionary on the freezone site.
I like Kilia,his/her posts are always to the point.
It is deffinately a very interesting story Vinaire,i am learning all the time.
Best Wishes
Tamasin
Thank you, Tamasin. I read your story too, and I feel a lot of affinity for you.
To me, the most important thing is the ability to think for myself. If there is a route to higher OT levels, it is through the ability to observe and analyze for oneself.
I have always been amazed by the data recorded in The Data Series. To me, Scientology is best understood in the light of its background since the Vedas. I have been fortunate this lifetime to be born in India, and to have grown up in a relatively calm, rational and spiritual environment, though it has its own aspects to confront.
Best wishes,
Vinaire
.
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