Both of my children were "accidents", although there weren't any extreme measures taken to prevent them. This didn't mean they were unloved, or merely tolerated. It did mean an unwanted change in my life, and perhaps in my wife's life, but not something which we blamed the child for. There's a significant difference between not wanting a child, and not wanting a specific child. When my children were born, I was very happy, and I love them very much, regardless of the difficulties having children brought to me or my marriage.
All of my mother's children were "accidents" and unwanted. I was left in a train station when I was three with my brother, a year older than I, who I basically raised. I only have an idea of where one of the other children might be. Since this was a malady that began with my mother when she was 16 and didn't end until she was almost 40.
I've managed to get her up the bridge most of the way, at least enough so she doesn't have a drinking problem and recognizes right from wrong at least 50% of the time. That has been a struggle since she has a problem connecting dots for some reason. She also doesn't change most of her operating basis and mocks up the case almost as soon as someone takes it away.
We've had a reverse role I guess.
From what I've seen in society, a lot of the children even "planned" become unwanted early on and surrendered into the public school system.
I am in the process of writing a book with the hope it will make a difference in the lives of some children.
For me, the fact that I was unwanted made me grow up faster and become a lot more independent. Since I ended up being raised by people who themselves were more or less unwanted we were all on the same terms. As an adult I ended up taking responsibility for my parents and doing whatever I could for them. I found my father when I was in my 30's.
I had a real Tom Sawyer childhood and I loved every minute of it. Parents never think about the fact they they themselves are a burden on children. They think a roof over the head or a bowl of food is the world. Look, how many homeless people do you see in this country? There really is not a scarcity for shelter or food. I left "home" at 14 and slept in the back of a funeral hearst for several months in a garage, and panhandled an hour a day for a tub of fried rice. It was not a big deal to have food or a place to sleep. The rest of the time I laid around in the park or read at the library, traveled roof tops, went to concerts in the park. I was on cloud nine. (skip the heroin chapter). I was able to get a phoney I.D. and a job and more or less spent at least half the year seeing America for a few years. I started hanging out at the Chruch of Scientology two weeks past my sixteenth birthday. I think coming in as a broke "kid" I got a lot of discount points. I mean, I think that's why I didn't go through any of the problems other people met. Whatever, I made it to clear at 21.
But look at what the Hubbard kids inherited. One of them cracked in Las Vegas and the rest had to spend time visiting Mom in federal prison.
T.I.