That's how I see it too - and thankyou for posting!
You experienced one of the most intense of all the Scientology experiences, and that was the one of running around after LRH and looking after him personally. I can barely imagine how hard that would to come to terms with. Messiah or madman....
I don't like speaking Scientologese, talking about withholds etc. It's
reality ! What you were experiencing, both the good and the bad, was just how it was. Making sense of it is another subject, and the reason for this forum.
I didn't meet him, but I handled lots of his comms when he had just left SH. And my conclusion at the time was that nothing surprised me. I was just seeing snippets so in later years when I read some of the stories, the puzzle pieces began falling into place. His extreme changes of viewpoint were par for the course, and only really known to those in his immediate area - and certainly not talked about generally.
The whole idea was to keep the 'public' unaware and also 'the end justified the means'. In my opinion anyway. Those early days were unique, it was part of a big adventure in a way and easier to excuse strange behaviour to ourselves because it was all new and there were sure to be rough spots. Unfortunately not many knew the extent of it.
Although this thread seems to have veered into yet another squabble discussion of definitions, please keep posting. Your stories are so valuable. You were there.