Purple Rain
Crusader
I know I'm gonna regret this...oh well...(Helena has me on ignore/blocked whatever it is called on ESMB so won't get to read it) I fully accept I am not everyone's cup of tea nor do I strive to be that.
I don't know about love, the older I get the less I know. I'm fine with that, comfortable with it. I love cats so all will be well - crazy old cat lady woo hoo.
I do know about how to heal a broken heart. Go get laid, safely, responsibly. (Note to self: edit out last sentence before posting). I actually do not think finding someone else fixes a truly broken heart. I tried a different strategy and it worked. I didn't want some poor man having to put up with my messy heart and head as I did the, initial, serious healing. I enlisted professionals I trusted and did the work myself without getting all hooked up in the complexity of forming a new intimate connection. I didn't need the adoration or the attention when I was so damn low and just trying to learn how to breath in my new life.
I am my own person and apart from that two-decade slip-up of following the fanatical herd (ahem, throat clearing), I am very much my own person, doing things my own way. Plus I think I am now terrified of intimacy.
I am the least likely person in the entire Southern Hemisphere to offer any advice about love. Hopeless at it. But at least I do not having an aching heart for the man that rejected/abandoned/kicked me to the curb. I did for quite a while, and then I got over it. It wasn't easy - we were so entangled with each other, it was so complicated, so cultic. I consciously chose to let it all go and found ways to do that.
Now, I am very very happy working towards being a crazy old cat lady.
p.s. I know several people who've found romance in their 70's and found true companionship, passion, etc. Life is for living, no matter what your age.
Yes, my relationship was also cultic. I've loved and lost before and it hurt, but life went on. All I want is for it to stop hurting now, and I think moving away will help with that. I really do not want to get laid. I love sex, which is why it's all so ironic, but I don't feel ready for that at all - still a year and a half after we broke up and a year since we last had sex. I wish I had known then that it was the last time.
I will never understand why he gets under my skin.
I just want to be a crazy old cat lady too.
I am having dinner with Denise's friend Robin and This Is Not OK and KissMyStats when I get to New Hampshire, so I am looking forward to that. They are the most excellent cooks - the best meal of all time was at there house last year.
I'm just focusing on simple things - simple pleasures. At the moment everything hurts and I can't believe it is still so painful. I don't know what's wrong with me. But I am moving on as best I can, and I'll never see him or speak to him again after Saturday.
Thank you for saying those nice things about me. My tarot says I will meet lots of good people but never someone special, and I'm okay with that now if that's how it is. God, I'm bloody 51. Time to retire from it all. I'd love to have sex one day and think, "Is that what it's all about? What's the big deal?" Lol!