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2015 SCIENTOLOGY PREDICTIONS -- You heard it here first!

Discussion in 'General Scientology Discussion' started by HelluvaHoax!, Dec 15, 2014.

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  1. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on


    Hey, it's time for a yearly tradition, the annual what-the-hell is going to happen to the freaky cult of Scientology in 2015.

    There have been many wonderful prognostications in previous years--some brilliant, prescient or hilarious.

    As always, here's da rules:

    For fun, here are the threads for the past few years. (couldn't find 2012 Predictions thread):

  2. Gizmo

    Gizmo Rabble Rouser

    Predick 1 : DM will be gone.

    Predick 2 : LRH will become remembered as Ella Ritz.

    Predick 3 : Old Blue will be painted pink.

    Predick 4 : Flag will unfurl.

    Predick 5 : Freewinds will disappear in the Burmuda Triangle.

    Predick 6 : Scientology will be declared a crime against humanity.

    Predick 7 : There will be no clear "created" in 2015 ( either ).

    Predick 8 : There will be no OT "created" in 2015 ( either ).

    Predick 9 : There will be no OT 8, 9 or 69 released in 2015 ( either ).

    Predick 10 : Someones prayer may be answered that old gizmo posts less previously - LOL !
  3. Gizmo

    Gizmo Rabble Rouser

    I have NO idea WTF that miss mashed structural attempt means - uh, post less than usual ?

    Predick 11 : The Church of Scientology will not only fully accept homosexuality but will also have openly homosexual spokespersons , ministers, & people in charge of their Churches.

    Predick 12 : The Black Magic Ceremony will be revealed publicly ay entry level.

    Predick 13 : The word "refund" will be defined along with "donation".....tithes will be set at 93 %
  4. TrevAnon

    TrevAnon Big List researcher


    Does this mean that everyone who ever attested to OT can not give predictions? :biggrin:
  5. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    Funny stuff!

    But, I need to get serious about making some of my own 2015 predictions. It's really hard this year with the orgs being so empty and all the top OTs and elite management execs blowing. Hmmmm, maybe I should get warmed up with a Scientology Koan. . .

    If a [STRIKE]tree[/STRIKE] needle falls in the [STRIKE]forest[/STRIKE] ideal org
    and no one is around to [STRIKE]hear[/STRIKE] obnose it,
    does it make a [STRIKE]sound[/STRIKE] stat?
  6. Gizmo

    Gizmo Rabble Rouser

    Missing data : Was this needle found in the haystack - or was it stuck somewhere ?

    Please, no more trick questions.
  7. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    Excellent question!

    I had to look that one up in the official rule book. On page 1059, Rule 668, subparagraph(c)(ii) it states:

    OTs may share OT wins about OT abilities in written success stories;
    however, OTs should never demonstrate OT abilities in real time as
    this is extremely out-reality and therefore upsetting to small beings.
    Insofar as OTs making predictions about future events, this practice
    is heavily frowned upon because it takes an OT out of present time
    where they need to keep their attention so that they can audit out
    incidents from 75 million years ago.
  8. Gizmo

    Gizmo Rabble Rouser

    That page is missing from my leatherbound signed rule book.

    Now getting back 75 million years to audit "incidents" raises a few questions.
    There is now. It exists....right now. Then, it existed. Anyway, somebody going to have to 'splain this getting back to something that done gone already.

    Oh, it is there for them there OT's? THAT 'splains it !
  9. Thrak

    Thrak Gold Meritorious Patron

  10. JustSheila

    JustSheila Crusader

    YAY!!! :happydance: 2015 PREDICTIONS!!! :clap: :clap: :clap:

    Thanks for starting it up again this year, HH. :biggrin:

    Gizmo, you are SO funny! :hysterical: My fave is Big Blue gets painted PINK! :omg: :dieslaughing:

    Okay, here are mine:

    1. The LA Complex gets hit by a meteor but insurance doesn't cover it because it is an "Act of God" and the Scientologists convert to Christianity

    2. DM is removed from his post as Cult Dictator AND

    3. The new Cult Dictator cancels all OT levels and revises all the books after finding old L Ron Hubbard manuscripts where L Ron proved inconclusively that we have NOT lived before this life, after all!

    4. Upon leaving the cult in disgrace, DM also gets hit by a rogue meteor.

    5. The IRS finds that Scientology's tax exempt status was actually a clerical error and was supposed to go to the Church of Scienology. Scientology and all its entities are backbilled for prior years.

    6. The big movie showing the real crimes of Scientology is released and becomes a huge box office hit, sweeps the Academy Awards and is translated in every major language and shown in theatres around the world

    7. Scientology reges are reduced to begging with their e-meter cans at airports.

    8. Someone sues COS after a terrible electric shock from a flawed e-meter and all e-meters are recalled with full refund,

    9. Golden Era Productions remakes The Osmonds songs and are pelted with bad apples

    10. The Dept of Homeland Security uses eminent domain to take all remote Church of Scientology properties in the US
  11. TrevAnon

    TrevAnon Big List researcher

    No. Insurance doesn't cover it because they pulled it in. :unsure:
  12. TrevAnon

    TrevAnon Big List researcher

    Guess he pulled it in too. :coolwink:
  13. George Layton

    George Layton Silver Meritorious Patron

    It's funny out-reality is used, in ancient Marcabian that's what the word scientology translates into.
  14. TrevAnon

    TrevAnon Big List researcher

    Only in ancient Marcabian? :omg:
  15. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on


    I am trying to pick a winner for my first 2015 PREDICTION. Back in December of 2011 and 2012 I made some bold predictions that in fact came true (e.g. "Tommy Davis will blow" and " a few years, Katie Holmes will blow.")

    So, i have been trying to channel some really cosmic junk but all I am getting on the Scientology channeling hotline is a lot of "static". LOL

    What's wrong with my channeling this year?! It really sucks. Maybe I should just concentrate a moment and see if I can at least spot something from the future, wait......wait......

    Okay, the patron saint of futuristic channeling just came on line and whispered this little bit of gossip to me:

    (but they will call it a "medical leave")
  16. Dean Blair

    Dean Blair Silver Meritorious Patron

    1. I predict that two more major celebrities leave the church and speak up about their experiences.
    2. The cult membership decreases by over ten thousand.
    3. Mosy wins her lawsuit against the church.
    4. Laura DeCrescenzo wins her lawsuit against the church.
    5. The Garcia's win their lawsuit against the church.
    6. The NOI as a body whole have a great big ARCX with Scientology and leave.
    7. David Miscavige is going to be drinking a lot more than he used to and it will take a serious toll on his liver.
  17. anonomog

    anonomog Gold Meritorious Patron

    Miscavige's hair will go straight up and vertical until it reaches Ideal Do size. Marg Simpson being the benchmark for the Ideal Do height on this planet.
  18. Type4_PTS

    Type4_PTS Diamond Invictus SP

    OK, haven't had any coffee as yet this morning :nervous: but will give some predictions for the upcoming new year:

    (my first two are actually from last year but I'd like to renew them)

    1) Tony Ortega's book will be released and instantly become a New York Times Bestseller, breaking into the Top Five and later receiving a nomination for a Pulitzer Prize.

    2) Miscavige continues to prepare his new home in Bulgravia, scheduled for arrival in the summer of 2015.

    Note: A couple of predictions from last year partially came true:
    Xenu has in fact broke containment but hasn't taken legal action as yet. However, he is at HBO Studios helping put the finishing touches on the documentary that will be making its premier at the Sundance Festival.

    And also on this prediction...
    One of the dogs took advantage of the broken perimeter fence during the recent mudslide at the Int Base to make his move.


    For new predictions:

    4) HBO, BBC, and Mark Bunker ALL will win multiple awards for their documentaries to be released in 2015. (some awards won't be issued until the beginning of 2016)

    5) Jesse Prince will publish a book on the last years of LRH's life despite Miscavige offering him $10,000,000. for the rights to this book as well as his signature on an NDA. A bidding war
    will break out on the film rights for this book.

    5) Entheta to be straight up and vertical, reaching highest ever levels.

    6) HelluvaHoax makes announcement that he is writing a book, scheduled for a 2016 release.

    7) Laura's case finally comes up for trial at the end of 2015 or early 2016!
    Twenty minutes before proceedings are set to begin cult attorney Moxon offers up a settlement for 20 million.
    For those who don't know about what I'm referring to go to:

    and here:

    8) Due to a campaign by AnonLover, ex-scientologists, critics, watchers, and other SPs, the U.S. Government will pass legislation as concerns the FOIA (Freedom of Information Act).

    Please help make this prediction happen! :thumbsup:

    Watch this thread for more information:

  19. ForLease

    ForLease Maximus Squirrel

    Hmmm... let's postulate some wins!

    1. Elisabeth Moss quietly fades away from cult involvement.
    2. Without a SupahPowerz building to suck donations, Davey starts fundraising to replace the (not) Free-wins.
    3. At least two Ideal or Advanced Orgs combine day & foundation and this is THE GREATEST THING EVER.
    4. Michael Chan shows up on at least 10 fliers promising to teach us how to give more money to the cult.
    5. The Hollywood Guaranty/Testing Center will STILL not open.
    6. Davey will be deposed. Sadly, it will only be in a lawsuit. ESMB & the Bunker will still corner the market on popcorn.
    7. Security will get even tighter around events. There will still be a major leak.
    8. There will be another mass declaration in a foreign country a la South Africa. It will backfire.
    9. The Garcias win their lawsuit.
    10. Grant Cardone will be an asshat.*

    *I wanted to make sure I got at least one right!
  20. Type4_PTS

    Type4_PTS Diamond Invictus SP

    Davey can announce the coming release of OT IX and X and begin raising funds for a new building (or an island) where these services will be delivered.

    He'll be long gone to Bulgravia before the membership realizes that OT IX and X never existed.