Part 4
Howdy all, Hi LBV, I don't think we ever spoke either, I can't guess who you are but I know we lived through some of the same things for sure. I really appreciate what you have posted so far. Bea Kiddo, you were a good inspiration to me when I first started reading this board and helped me to decide my writing style. Yes, I am Twin A because I was born 7 minutes before my twin sister. Says so on my birth cert! We were not identical, ie we had seperate baggies that we floated around in the womb I guess. But we sure LOOKED identical for a while. My mom was a poet so she gave us rhyming names Maureen and Corinne and our middle names rhyme too, hers if FAY and mine is GAY (I had to conceal and hide my middle name throughout school because kids would always just start squealing "ha ha ha you're gay!, you're gay!") So now that you all know my middle name, I'll have to have you swear to secrecy... oh wait, I'm 41 now, I don't CARE anymore!
I like my name.
I put a picture in my profile of me with a video camera from 1993, you can see if you recognize me, it's cut out from a Freewinds post card. Actually I have a better picture of me from recently I want to put up so people can see if they recognize me or ever met me, saw me, but I haven't figured out how to down rez it, it's a high resolution picture and I couldn't put it on my profile. My avatar picture is from April 1968. I'm hangin with my lil' sis by our luxurious pool ( we were independantly wealthy when we were two, but then lost it all
and went into foster care, and then welfare
) Guess which one is me, blue shirt or pink? Anyone?
OK, now for Part Four!
I mentioned at the end of part 3 that I started doing work for SAS, Scientology Auxiliary services. This didn't last very long, I got a baby sitting job, there was a day care center and I'd show up in the afternoons or sometimes mornings at this house with a bunch of kids and I'd watch them. At first, I did OK. I was told that it's best not to say NO and get mad, but to find better solutions, better ideas of things for the kids to DO, instead of just telling them what they could NOT do. Made sense to me. I took them out to the basketball courts at the nearby school grounds and tried to teach them basketball. Most of them were too small for that, but I improvised and gave them rides on my shoulders so they could be tall basketball players. Christian Leake took a liking to me, he was Jim and Debbie Leake's son. I gave him rides on my motorcycle too --- Oh, Oh --- can't forget.... I GOT MY LEARNERS PERMIT FROM THE DMV in Jan 1982 because I was officially 15 1/2 and I paid for my driving school with my paper route money
. But I
witheld from others that it was only a learner's permit and I did not follow the rules of not giving other people rides on my motorcycle or having a licensed driver in a car with me when I drove
I never got caught, no one found out
so sue me
One of the kids complained to their Mom that I had scared him/her and so I wasn't allowed to take them out of the house to the playground anymore. I was stuck inside with about 10 kids from 2 up to 10 and I'd never baby sat before...
I thought it would be cool to have a water baloon fight! So I brought water ballons this one day and I filled them up and we went outside and had a water balloon war!!! These kids had so much fun, but then it got a little out of hand. I ended up inside the house cowering behind the open door of the refrigerator trying to protect myself from incoming balloons and I had my loyal team of kids behind me lobbing back water balloons. It had become boys against girls. One of the little boys got this idea that if he unrolled the garden hose and brought it into the house, that he could over power his enemy, and get water past the blockade of the refrigerator door... just then the owner of the house walked in
I was so busted. She was mad, she banished all the kids into the living room to watch TV. She sent me out of the house and told the other SAS member to have word with me outside...she said I'd tarnished SAS's relationship with this public Scientologist who had been good enough to let us use her house for day care and that I was too much of a kid to be watching kids... so I could not watch the kids anymore. Boo hoo. Well, that was it for my SAS stuff for a while. I still gave Christian rides on my motorcycle tho when I saw him at the mission, we stayed buds for a bit-- hey I need a smiley symbol to symbolize FLASH FORWARD and FLASHBACK. Any ideas? I want to flash forward for a minute...I met up with Christian Leake years later when he showed up at Gold around 1991. He had changed his name to Chris and he didn't even remember me. I felt a little hurt, but hey, it had been a long time. Chris ended up staying at Gold and getting married to Roanne (the bosses grandaughter) He had this serious job assignment when he was in the Security Dept. before he'd gotten married too, he had to keep an eye on an ASI member who'd recently had brain surgery to remove a tumor, who had seizures constantly after the surgery. Chris would follow around with the oxygen tank. I saw the man have a seizure (and I'm sorry, the man's name escapes me at the moment, don't mean to be disrespectful or anything) once in the Qual Gold building, right in the lobby area and it was pretty heavy duty. Chris was right there helping out with the oxygen and holding the guy so he didn't thrash around and hurt himself, part of me felt proud that Chris could do that task, part of me felt bad that he had to get assigned to this task at such a young age, I think Chris was only 17. End of flash forward.
Back in high school, I was doing fairly well in school. Not because of Scientology at all, my step father was very helpful. It was helpful to have a guy with a PhD in computer science and mathematics, who had served in the Korean War, to help me with school work. (currently I'm back in college now and I so miss the guy
He was a casualty of my Scientology experience... more on that later...) It also helped to have a Mom who had graduated Stanford with honors (despite her mental problems preventing her from being fully functioning, she was a great teacher to me) with a degree in education. My step father taught me to look up words before I'd ever heard of that at the Mission. He bought me my first dictionairies. If I used a word in Scrabble that I didn't know the meaning of, I'd lose twice as many points, man he was tough. He also taught me how to do demos. He didn't call them demos tho, he just showed me that it helped to use blocks and stuff to work things out. If I couldn't understand 3 +3, then I could put 3 blocks and then add 3 blocks and see it for myself. He showed me how to USE math and physics for practical things. Because of this, I had straight As every single year of elementary school AND high school so far. I was in the top 98.5 percentile of test scores (SAT) for the Santa Clara County school district, I'd tested as a genious at age 10, I'd been assigned to a special group called Mentally Gifted Minors and I did extra fun school assignments ( I got to be Goldylocks in a play at age 11 where I did the Three Bears in French!!!
What a trip, it was my debut as a comedienne, I got everyone to laugh by way overacting --- who the heck could understand French, it was an all english school! So I mimed and waved my arms around a lot. When I broke the little Bears chair, I splayed out on the floor wildy --
I was a riot.
I'm not just saying all this to brag... this is a significant part of my life story. You see.. I wasn't that fucked up. I was nieve and emotionally troubled but I had a bright future so f___ any current Scientology staff who insist that Scientology "saved my life" and how I should be more appreciative, and not be critical, yeh --
-- I didn't need to be saved
I was gifted! I had a counsellor COME OVER to Wilcox High school to see me from Stanford University (I'm told this is rare) who told me that I would automatically get a FULL scholorship to Stanford if I kept up my grades and test scores and my MGM activities, PLUS I got placed/accepted in a work/study program where I was going to get to work as a production assistant at Channel 36 with pay AND school credits. I was in the drama club, our self formed film club-- I helped to found the film&video club at Wilcox! the bicycle club, the weight lifting club (yeh I lifted weights, I was tough!) AND I still had two paper routes ( I let someone else have the third one, San Jose Mercury News only allowed one paper route per person, so I got my arm twisted to give one of my routes to another kid-- I gave him the smallest one.) I took all this for granted. I didn't realize what I had, I had no idea what a scholorship to Stanford was worth!!
I was, however, despite my braininess, suffering from puberty, or really lack of it. My growth problems started to show at age 16, I still looked like I was twelve, still flat chested, still skinny with no hips. I was embarassed. I wanted to look all curvy and beautiful like my best friend RB. I had this crush on a boy in high school, GT, we worked on some film projects together after school. But alas, he fell in love with my best friend RB
I just KNEW it was because she had boobs and I didn't!!! I also kind of felt like I'd lost my best friend too
because she started hangin out with GT more often, and not me. I really had no reason to sulk, but I did...and guess what, the Steven's Creek Mission had ALL the answers to my sulkiness! Just walk into these two doors at this big little mission near the Meridian Quad theaters and walk away from my problems and start helping them with theirs! Their problems were bigger than mine! Kingsley said so, we all had to HELP. So...
I started hanging out at the Mission more often. I joined part time staff
A women named Linda who was the HAS told me I could join the TTC (Technical Training Corp-- a mythical group of students who go on full time study and get educated in Scientology so as to increase the delivery teams of Scientology Counsellors and improve quality and speed of service to the public) But after I signed up, Linda said she needed help in HCO (Hubbard Communications Office -- all those jobs that have to get done to run the place that nobody really wants to do) instead, so I didn't get to do the TTC. How could I say no? Linda was a pregnant women and she looked so stressed, she was begging for me to work in HCO and so I said yes. She was about to become a Mom, I had to help her with her work didn't I? I liked being with these enthusiastic adults, and now I was being given duties at the Mission so that I could be around them more...
and I wanted to make Linda happy, Mom's should be happy. My mom often tried to kill herself when she was sad, so when I saw this about to me a mom all unhappy and overworked, little sirens went off in my head, had to help. Must help.. it really pulled on my heart strings. And for me, I had been given some big hopes, I could earn courses in Dianetics by working and I had f____d up my first Book One Session, so I had to learn more, had to be more responsible. Dianetics supposedly could help my mom and my little brother and so I had to learn it. My family needed some real help, not the crappy mental health system that existed today. This was all in the public lectures that I'd gone to. I remember in one lecture that Clay Primrose said that he had a Phd in Psychology and that his Scientology training was far more useful to him. I couldn't believe it at first, but Clay looked so believable, he looked like a bright smart guy, someone who you'd want to BE like.
Flashback, I forgot to put this bit in. Earlier on, I had purchased a Book One Seminar for 50.00. Either mid '81 or early '82. Anne and Carter Manier came from "Flag" -- I didn't know what it was, it was some kind of mountainous place high up for the big spirits or something. So on a weekend, I studied Book One and practised taking someone into session. Then I went to the Hilton and the San Jose airport where Anne and Carter, their son, and several other Scientologists that I'd never met before were there to supervise us. I took my little brother RS into session. He told me he wanted to fix this problem he had with getting anxious and scared when he was lost. So I started the session with that in mind, but I was also going for "basic basic" the first engram in his life. He went "whole track" which I was not expecting. This wasn't covered in Book One, I was just trying to get basic basic. I had my little brother floating around in the womb and then I said "earlier similar" because it wasn't reducing in charge or changing, my lil brother went straight into a horrible nightmare of an incident
He was being bulldozed into a ditch with a bunch of other people who were skin and bones and smelled like they were dead. He had dirt in his mouth and eyes, and he caught glimpses of shiny black boots and the guns of soldiers at the edge of the ditch and the smoke coming out of the bulldozer's stack. Heads and arms and legs were rolling by... my brother started to scream. He opened his eyes in sheer terror and screamed WHERE AM I, I DONT KNOW WHERE I AM. I was a little shocked to see my little brother so terrified, his eyes were bloodshot and his pupils were wide open, actually I was a lot shocked, I had nightmares of that look on his face for years. Anne and Carter's son came over to help me out. We got my little brother to close his eyes and I had him repeat "I DON'T KNOW WHERE I AM", using repeater technique. My brother travelled on his time track to some medieval torture chamber, and then to some strange "space station" where he was being spun around and around in circles until he puked as a spirit I guess and didn't know where he was. Anne and Carter's son seemed to be just as lost as I was as to what to do. He went and got someone else to help. We were the second to last couple of people left in this large room at the Hilton where everyone had been Book One auditing their first preclears. There were about 100 people at this place, 50 new auditors, 50 people being preclears. The women who helped me had blond hair, I didn't recognize her from the mission. She had my little brother come up to present time and then she ran him through several pleasure moments. She had him open his eyes and look around the room at stuff. He seemed just fine. His eyes were back to normal. He wasn't shaking anymore. She asked my little brother to recount the session a little to her, he only told her about the pleasure moments. He couldn't remember ANY thing else. I was stunned. I sent my little brother to get snacks outside before the food was all gone and I went back to the other room with the training tables and I sat down and stared at the book Science of Survival. Someone else had handed it to me as I'd left the auditing area and told me that I had audited my little brother "over his head" and that he was lower on the tone scale and needed lighter processing than Dianetics. I tried to read the page they had turned to for me, but my eyes started to water. Ann Manier came over and asked me how it was going, I started to cry. She gave me a hug while I cried and asked what had happened. I explained to her the horrible things my brother had exerienced on the "whole track" and I wanted to know how to keep bad things like that from happening again, and the bad session too, and she said, "well, you go "OT"! Of course, why didn't I think of that
I asked, as I wiped my eyes of tears," what is OT?" She took me to the back of the room where there was a chart with some columns on it. She said she was at the very top doing things that were experimental (Ls? maybe), it was called Operating Thetan and it meant a powerful thetan/spirit that could control their environment around them. I wanted that. I didn't know it then, but my brother had told me in great detail significant things about the Holocaust that I had not heard about yet, I hadn't studied it in history and neither had my little brother. It is possible that my brother had seen some movie clips on TV of the holocaust but I don't really know. He knew the right year. I know I hadn't seen these films yet. I was still on American History, around the revolution and Civil War in school.
The pump was primed. I was shocked into wanting to become OT, I was ashamed of screwing up my first Book One Session and thinking I'd caused harm to my little brother...I had to learn how to audit properly and I had to become OT!!!!
End of flashback,
I agreed to work in HCO for Linda the HAS, and in return, I could do courses in the Academy. My first job assignment was to help in MIMEO. I learned how to use the mimeo machine and I was pretty damn good at it. This scruffy looking guy with reddish blond/grey hair showed me how to use the machine, how to ink it up, how to burn stencils, how to fix tears in the stencil with a piece of scotch tape. Where to file the "fair copies" -- black and white copies that the stencil gets made from, and where to file extra prints. Which colors of paper and ink were used for what. There was the really really cute guy who could use this other machine, some kind of graphics art machine, in the same room as the mimeo office. I'd stare at him sometimes when he came to work. His name was Scott Chambers, he could style his beard differently every week. Oh, back to work -- I learned How to tell the guy over the area (the Director of Communications, Art ) when I needed more paper and ink. I got my own comm basket! At this time the Steven's Creek Mission had 150 staff, 50 full time and about 100 part time. I know, I had baskets for everyone. I got really good at mimeo, so I could do it fast and I got some duties added because I'd finish the mimeo orders and have time to spare (oooh was everyone just really impressed with me! I was hot, got a commend and everything) I started to hold reception. There were 7 incoming lines and at around 6PM to 7PM, they would all light up at once. And not stop lighting up until after 10 PM. I'd have to hit the buttons one after the other and say "Church of Scientology, please hold, Church of Scientology, please hold, and put all seven on hold, and then I would go back to the first call and find out and route the call. The cope officer, Carol, had a heart to heart with me one day and said that my appearance wasn't good enough to be out front. She took me shopping for some nicer clothes and told me to stop chewing bubble gum while I greeted people and answered phones because it looked unprofessional. Especially the way I chewed it to keep it from sticking to my braces (paid for by my step father, thank you, my teeth would have been a train wreck with them!) Hey I was learning "people skills".
I also learned some lunch skills from Carol. She taught me that I would feel much healthier if I ate a turkey and avacado sandwich with sprouts for lunch instead of just a snickers bar and a glass of milk. I appreciated the info, but snickers and milk were MUCH cheaper!
Some weeks later, I was with my brother on a short excursion with our step father. We got a little lost. My brother picked up a map, found out where we were and told my Dad which turn to take. I was stunned. He seemed so calm and cool and collected about it. He never got upset about being lost ever again. He even did a stint as a taxi driver later on, he has a very good sense of direction. Oh my god.. what a relief, maybe I did help my little brother after all, it's what he had wanted in that session and, even tho it was kind of rough, he got what he wanted and didn't even notice it. Or had I just scared the fear of being lost out of him? Who knows!! Or did he just learn how to use a freakin' map?
Well, that's all for my part four, more later folks, tune into this same station, this same thread later on. Don't know my full Thanksgiving schedule, think I'll be really busy with social family stuff, so tune back in a couple of days.
Ta Ta
P.S. Does this message board have a spell check?
