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Chilling out as I say good-bye

Discussion in 'Life After Scientology' started by Glenda, Sep 24, 2019.

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  1. Glenda

    Glenda Crusader

    Five days before ESMB is archived this little thread is my way of saying good-bye. I am not bothered by the noise level. I am doing this my way. With some dignity (best version I can muster), some heart and soul, maybe some laughter, perhaps some tears, some music and a few photos I have enjoyed taking. And story. Behind every photo there is a story. Of course there bloody is. :whistling:

    I want to say thank you. I want to share a few moments in the midst of what is happening in my own little chill-out thread.

    So here we go. For the uninitiated, I used to post on ESMB as SallyDannce. This song is where that name came from. Sally Can't Dannce. The extra "n" was entirely my idea. Wow! I was on fire creatively when I first joined ESMB. Who the hell am I trying to kid. I liked that extra "n". I thought it was a truly inspired idea at the time, given my head was such a mess. I also set myself a challenge - to learn how to dance through life. Not literally. I was born with 2x left feet when it comes to dancing elegantly.

    News: I am now dancing through life!
    Weather: raining here tonight.

     
    George2 and tesseract like this.
  2. The_Fixer

    The_Fixer Class Clown

    Yeah. Let's party!
     
  3. tesseract

    tesseract Patron with Horrors

    Oh, a party? I'm in... Honk, honk! :biggrin:


    [Marilyn Manson - Tainted Love]

    :eek:
     
  4. Glenda

    Glenda Crusader

    Next stop is about my love of taking photos which does not make me a photographer. Or maybe it does. I don't really care so long as I can take photos. I am simply into living life. My passion for capturing moments started when I lived up in China. It was there I broke the spell scientology and Hubbard had over me. It was a tough time. I would wander around with my wee camera and soak up everything around me. Best I could. The passion for taking photos has only grown as I have moved forward into the big wide beautiful world.

    I take loads of photos, playing with all sorts of subjects. If someone was to ask me what I like photographing the most it would have be the full moon. I take myself out armed with coffee and snacks and hang out under the full moon most months. I do it because I really really really like it. The shadows and lighting fascinate the hell out of me. I come home, absolutely buzzing.

    I sometimes go to cemeteries to photograph the full moon. Weird? Not according to a photographer friend of mine. He even agreed to be my partner in cemetery photography.

    Late last January there was a super-moon which then turned blood-red in the small hours of the next morning. I sat in a cemetery and watched the blood red moon rise with my cemetery photography mate - who actually does have a name. I’ll call him Bob. He’ll probably hit me with his tripod if I start calling him Bob. Creative people can be such a sensitive lot. ;)

    So there I was sitting in cemetery at 2.30 a.m. with Bob. My great-great grandparents were nearby. The spirits roared and I rose up to meet them. I loved life like I have never loved it before. I sensed all that had gone before me and how much I had to be grateful for. At 2.30 a.m. Bob and I sat behind our tripods eating delicious peaches, washing them down with chocolate. The really good stuff. There was music playing. It was a type of perfection. Peaceful and energising.

    Damn it was a good night.

    Full16-1-2 (550x533).jpg Full22-1 (550x343).jpg light2-1 (550x550).jpg Good07-1 (500x401).jpg red01-1 (500x425).jpg
     
    UTR and The_Fixer like this.
  5. The_Fixer

    The_Fixer Class Clown

    I rather like opportunity photography as well.

    Sometimes you spot it, but have to wait for the right moment too.
     
  6. Tanchi

    Tanchi Patron with Honors

    Oh! Thank you for posting the moon shots and the story behind them.

    This spoke to me. "The spirits roared and I rose up to meet them."

    I don't have the same history of interacting with members on this board, a never in. But I read here because y'all shared your journeys of recovery and bits and pieces helped me in mine.

    Sorry, I planned on introducing myself on the 2board after this one shuts down. The posts now are so poignant I didn't want to interject myself any more than I usually do.
    But. Glenda. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I had a spark of ..sumthin today from your post.
     
  7. tesseract

    tesseract Patron with Horrors

    Coooool... I'm a moon addict as well. But I'm unselective there, all moons are pretty damn good! Not just a full moon. :biggrin:

    Here's a bigger version of my old avi, another moon photo I made, and the spotting scope through which I made these and others, including the "one in a million" snapshot with the airplane and the contrails, using the smartphone, holding it at the ocular. What fun. Not. :roflmao:
    The photos were made in Vienna on the Donauinsel (Danube Island). The skyscraper in the background is the Millennium Tower.

    20170514_015205 (frame, size).jpg

    20170506_221750 (gamma, cut, size).jpg

    20170505_213220 (size).jpg
     
    Last edited: Sep 24, 2019
    Dulloldfart likes this.
  8. Tanchi

    Tanchi Patron with Honors

    So pretty! I'm a cloud tripper and moongazer. My mom reminded me often of when I was a baby, pointing to the full moon, saying "mum".
    Mum equaled moon.

    Still transfixed after all these years,
    Tanchi
     
  9. He-man

    He-man Hero extraordinary

    We'll be seeing each other! If not, I wish you good fortunes in the wars to come. :rose:

     
  10. Glenda

    Glenda Crusader

    Transformations fascinate me. Of many types.

    I can spend an entire afternoon watching caterpillars and butterflies. I have learned a lot about what it takes to fly free. To soar above the mess, crash land and get back up again. Never backing down! Energy!

    03 (500x253).jpg
     
  11. Type4_PTS

    Type4_PTS Diamond Invictus SP

    Unlike you, I am bothered by the noise, just in case someone couldn't tell. :cool::D

    But I really admire your ability to not be bothered by it. I mean that.

    I also love taking nature photos as well. Although with what can be done with digital photography with cropping, I tend to be very lazy in properly framing the photos.

    Sometimes I'll just look up at the sky and be amazed at how beautiful it is. Here's a couple pics I took last month with my cell phone as that's all I had at the moment.

    pic1.jpg

    pic2.jpg
     
    Operating DB likes this.
  12. Glenda

    Glenda Crusader

    @Type4_PTS

    I have this developed this strange capacity to be very calm during "storms". No matter what, they always pass. Sometimes you have to ride the wave, hanging on for dear life. Other times it is better to stay off the beach. :)
     
    Lurker5 likes this.
  13. lotus

    lotus stubborn rebel sheep!

    Glenda,

    You know how I appreciated your presence on the board, for many reasons., but mostly for the beautiful genuine being you are.

    I too, as you know am connected with nature and love to take pics too. So I can relate to your passion and how it brings you joy, in the present moment.

    It was always lovely times when you were here and you were missed when you left.

    Please keep in touch with me if you wish and want to share nice stories and\or pics.

    Wishing you the very best and all the love you deserve + beautiful scenic views in the Lord of the rings land

    Warm hug to you
    LotusXXX

    :kiss:
    :arose:
     
    Last edited: Sep 24, 2019
  14. Glenda

    Glenda Crusader

    Dear sweet Lotus,
    Thank you for being you. I don't know what to say. Sort of speechless here. So much in my heart. Ya know. These past few years have been so enormous and so valuable. I am truly one of the luckiest people in the world. I am not sure how much gratitude one person is capable of carrying but I am doing my very best to not miss a second of this life.

    I will be around for sure but will probably mostly be out here in the world with soil over my hands and wonder in my heart.

    I love you dearly.
    Glenda
     
  15. Glenda

    Glenda Crusader

    A man on his solitary journey. I quietly watched him for a short time. All I felt was connection and peace.

    journey01 (500x307).jpg
     
    tesseract likes this.
  16. lotus

    lotus stubborn rebel sheep!

    The reasons I am still on the board lies to :

    Jana was coming and I tried to make it fun for her
    Jana is gone.
    I have another dear friend here and we ensure we get good laughters as well as with you and Sheila.
    Because life is short and laughing creates lot of endorphins to heal whatever and to heal others.

    I graduated Scientology years ago , because of this board. Then it became a social thing...especially in times of a long recovery, stucked at home .

    I mostly enjoyed the threads about revcovery, self-compassion, meditation etc...in those we shared all our discoveries + the renovations threads as well. You have been instrumental in creating all these sharings.

    LotusXXX
     
    Last edited: Sep 24, 2019
  17. Glenda

    Glenda Crusader

    There are two things remaining I wish to do regarding scientology. I have started one of them, the other will happen in a relatively short time. Both are deeply personal things. It is really fucking hard to lose so much to a stupid cruel destructive cult. It has made me strong coming back from the madness. And yes it was a type of madness that happened. A full-blown spiritual crisis, mental melt-down, neurological hammering. With that strength comes a softness deep within and respect and insight about what I am capable of.

    I have tried to not hate Hubbard. I tried not to hate him the day I had a brain scan because of the amnesia I suffered from. I tried not to hate Hubbard as his ideas consumed the man I (then) loved as he pushed me around and did things I still don't put into words. I tried to not hate Hubbard as I writhed in agony because of the primal sadness for not having had my own children. I tried to not hate Hubbard when his policies kicked in to try to legally silence me, to take away my rights to speak freely in any media. I tried to not hate Hubbard when it became obvious my creative freedom & abilities had been stunted because I believed doing scientology was about freedom. I tried to not hate Hubbard over and over and over. I failed. I hate him. I love life. I am not someone who hates easily but I hate Hubbard for what he did to so many – what his damaging and deranged methods continue to do to harm people.

    Hubbard’s mad methods got the best of me. And now without his damn words in my head, the world gets the best of me. Finally.


    And so the circle nearly closes…

     
    tesseract and Little David like this.
  18. The_Fixer

    The_Fixer Class Clown

    Looks like my contact Will be kinda limited now for the next few days.

    I'm moving house and by Sunday night will have had to moved us, my daughter and her partner . Sometimes he's about as useful as tits on a bull, I swear....

    Then I have to help him move his step dad who has buggered up his ankle.

    Struth.

    Just another weekend in paradise....

    It will be up to a week before we get our internet connected. Still have my mobile, but it isn't the same.
     
  19. Lurker5

    Lurker5 Gold Meritorious Patron

  20. Type4_PTS

    Type4_PTS Diamond Invictus SP

    I didn't really realize this completely until reading your post just now, but somehow I've gotten over my hatred for Hubbard, and to be honest, not sure this moment how I even did it, nor do I recall any distinct point in time when it happened. Something I will have to look within and examine.

    I do view Hubbard as the one responsible for all the harm caused by Scientology and the CoS, even now, after his departure to Target Two. And that's not to relieve any other person from responsibility. But Miscavige and any others who have caused harm would have never been in a position to do so had Hubbard not set the stage for it all to happen. Hubbard wrote all the "scriptures" which led to many intelligent, wonderful, good-hearted people doing things that were immoral, and sometimes illegal.

    What bothers me more than Hubbard though is that the "education" systems we went through failed to prepare us to recognize and deal with people of his nature. He certainly isn't the only one who uses deception to abuse and exploit others, and prey upon our vulnerabilities.