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"Coming Out" as an ex-scientologist

Discussion in 'General Scientology Discussion' started by Dennis, Mar 2, 2010.

  1. Happy Days

    Happy Days Silver Meritorious Patron

    Welcome Dennis

    You'll find many friends here and we understand what the journey is all about... so do well and stay happy.

  2. scooter

    scooter Gold Meritorious Patron

    :welcome: Dennis - we know each other. :D

    Glad you're here and out and out, if you know what I mean.

    There were plenty of gay staff and public over the years in Sydney (unsurprising when you consider it's the home of the Gay Mardi Gras) but it was never very safe for them in the orgs - probably less so these days.

    Would love to hear more details of your story
  3. the-ghostwhowalks

    the-ghostwhowalks Patron with Honors

    In response to Feral's observation..

    Welcome Dennis , you are safe here !

    This has bothered me in recent times : Do we our will we need to hide our past ? Will anybody who did scientology become a social outcast as the church becomes more and more exposed ? How do we deal with this ? A PR campaign ?
    Could we even use " I am / we are ex-scn " as means to pre-empt such a trend in society and put the stigma where it belongs - on the church . Are we doing this allready ?
    Should we publicly apologise ? Would this work ? Is there a historical or sociological precedent ? I usually use the line " I did some scientology wow what a rort" , or similiar , but what do we do if the culture takes aim at the lot of us ? Lie our pants off ? eg: " I was just spying on them " I guess we are in uncharted waters .... :confused2:
    Last edited: Mar 2, 2010
  4. thetanic

    thetanic Gold Meritorious Patron

    Welcome Dennis.

    Next time they hassle you, just say that being straight is only a consideration, and that it can be handled. :)

    I always despised how gays were treated in Scn, but then my best friend when I got in was gay (though I am not) and I just took that part of Scn as not true for me.
  5. jenni with an eye

    jenni with an eye Silver Meritorious Patron

  6. Dennis

    Dennis Patron

    Thanks for the warm welcome and comments everyone.

    It is nice to be able to express myself in an understanding environment without the need to censor.

    Paul your name does sound very familiar. Carmel was right on the money identifying me, so know doubt you would be too.

    The comments so far have given me some greater confidence in broaching the subject of my ex-scio past, but still concerned that people, will think I am "weird" or "strange." Is this a valid feeling? or are people more empathetic towards the situation?

  7. jenni with an eye

    jenni with an eye Silver Meritorious Patron

    Hi Dennis,
    Easier said than done but honestly don't try to think about what others might or might not think.
    Just concentrate on you & be happy.
    You're free & can have a happy life.
    Go for it :yes:
  8. Carmel

    Carmel Crusader

    I agree with what Jenni said, but yeah, a totally "valid" feeling, that many of us have felt (for different reasons), and because of that you'll find a lot of empathy here. :)
  9. La La Lou Lou

    La La Lou Lou Crusader

    High Dennis, welcome.

    The difference beween Scn and being gay is that being a practising scientrollogist just isn't fun.

    Don't worry about it, if a guy can't accept you because you had a cultish past then the connection isn't deep. When you have a real connection to someone they don't care about things like that. Probably best not to bring it up on the first date, I'm sure there's plenty of other things you can talk about first. Just go out and find the love of your life, someone's who loves and respects you, as a complete package. If he rejects you on the basis of your past involvement with the cult they deserve to be on their own.

    Best of luck.

    Aunty La La
  10. MrNobody

    MrNobody Who needs merits?

    Hi Dennis, and :welcome: from a never-in!

    Well, If I were you, I wouldn't burst open the doors of a pub where nobody knows me and yell "Hi guys, I'm a homosexual Ex-Scientologist!" Nope, I wouldn't do that :no:

    People you have to do with on a more regular basis: I would let them know about both facts - that saves you a lot of effort and them a lot of frustration. You wouldn't need to hide who and what you are, and they wouldn't need to find out, since it would already be out in the open.

    I mentioned the frustration because I still remember my frustration when I was in love with this gorgeous woman who was SO obviously immune to my "charm". My frustration ended immediately when she told me that she was lesbian. :lol: That was the end of a pretty one-sided love affair, and the beginning of a long friendship.

    About feeling "weird" or "strange": I've met quite a few people in my life, and each and every one of them was "weird" or "strange" in one way or another. That's what we all are. Human. Nothing to worry about.
  11. OldAuditor

    OldAuditor Patron with Honors

    Welcome to the outside world!

    Dennis, I can appreciate your difficulties in telling others who you are.

    One of my mission public used to tell the story that it was harder for him to tell his parents that he was a Scientologist than it was to tell them he was gay.

    You have survived the church and well done for that! Quentin Hubbard was gay and he finally committed suicide. Whether Ron drove him to it or not is no longer an issue, but Ron certainly did not make it easy for Quentin - ever.

    You are who you are and you deserve our support in every way. Perhaps you can eventually lend a hand in the task of building a new civilization out here in the field where EVERY BEING has rights.

    David St Lawrence
    Old Auditor
  12. Lurker5

    Lurker5 Gold Meritorious Patron

    I am late

    I am late - I am late - for a(nother) very important date !
    Again, I am late to a coming out party. :D

    Welcome, Dennis. Lots of wonderful folks here.
    You will find much support here.
    Bravo to you, for getting out, for knowing who you are.
    That cannot be taken away.
    Last edited: Mar 2, 2010
  13. He-man

    He-man Hero extraordinary

    Show me one person on this board who doesnt classify as weird in some way or another and I´m gonna eat my hat.

    Yay for gay I say, the more the merrier. Less competition for me.

    Seriously, you have a right to your own sexuality and no one has a right to think less of anyone else because there is a difference.
    Granted I am a scandinavian and things are less homophobic up here I hear.
  14. Mark A. Baker

    Mark A. Baker Sponsor

    Looking around at what generally passes for "normal" I wouldn't knock myself out too much worrying about appearing to be too "strange". :coolwink:

    Besides, anyone Carmel calls "a little theta ball" is definitely going to have friends wherever he turns up. :yes:


    Mark A. Baker
  15. FinallyFree

    FinallyFree Gold Meritorious Patron


    Welcome here and welcome out. I sent a link tot his thread to a friend of mine, who is also gay, was in the S.O., - was even second generation come to think of it - and who is very happily out and OUT.

    Welcome here. I am so glad to hear you made it out – in both ways.
  16. No worries...

    Yes, I was thinking that you might make some new friends here who are "out" in both ways, too...:)

    I think the "Ex" conversation should be broached with a potential good friend, or potential new lover when a natural opening presents itself, such as when Scientology is in the news, is under discussion, or cults or abusive groups in general are being discussed, or if someone asks you what your religious upbringing, experience or preferences are.

    You don't need to say much of anything to casual friends or co-workers, etc.

    This is for everybody: don't you be afraid to tell the truths of your life to the people around you!...just do it on a gradient that makes sense and is practical and reasonable for the surroundings and the people involved. You are all survivors and have learned some valuable lessons that others can benefit by, and I am SO PROUD of each and every one of you who lived to tell the tale of your experiences with Corporate Scientology.

    I have not yet met one single Ex who got into Scientology for a bad or selfish reason, ALL had good reasons for getting in or joining up, starting being audited or starting training, just as you have had very good reasons for getting out! As for those who were born in and raised in it, you hardly had a choice, much less than for most religious groups, thanks to Sci private schools, the cadet org, and staff and SO recruitment being what it was...

    If you have committed some overts against others while in, then yes, make apologies and do your best to make amends wherever possible. But other than that, you don't owe the world any long explanations, or anything at all in the way of apologies. You were a victim and are now becoming a survivor of an abusive moneymaking organization that pretends to be a religion. When you learned the truth, you got out, and are getting on with your life. That's all anybody not really close to you ever really needs to know about it, anyway. Flourish, prosper, enjoy! :D

    Be the lovely ball of theta that you are...that goes for each and every one of you! :happydance:

    Get involved in the critic's movement, it's very empowering...that way it can come up naturally, as in, "I met the cutest guy at a raid this past weekend"! :D (Everybody LOVES a pirate!:coolwink:)

    Good luck and God bless you wherever you go and whatever you do next! :) Keep in touch with us and let us know how things are going for you!
  17. Human Again

    Human Again Silver Meritorious Patron

    Hi Dennis,

    It's something I deal with constantly. My hubby knows and has watched me come full circle from being very pro-scn (he used to ask me sometimes, "You wont go back will you?" that's how pro I was) to realising what an evil trap it is. But he has only the stories and no real grasp I think of what it meant.

    My folks know, (obviously they OK'd me to go to the SO at 16) but my Mum says she was helpless to stop me going and my Dad is still pro Scn and thinks I am a DB because I left the SO, so as you can imagine we never talk about it. They expected me to just forget it and never mention it again when I came home. Now I realise I should have had cult -rehabilitation counselling or at least a chance to talk.

    I have one friend who knows but does not know the trauma or how F**k it was. My best and closest friend - I can't remember if I ever told her and I am too nervous to bring it up in case it changed things between us. She'd be mad if she knew that but truly, I just haven't had the courage.

    I have never put in on a CV - EVER and I never will.

    I tried counselling but couldn't afford to continue so I am blundering my way through by myself as best I can to flush out all the diseased thinking.

    This website has been an enormous help and I think I have made more progress to releasing myself from the Scn trap since comming here than in the entire decades before.

    I was always very afraid that a known Scn background would get in my way in public life and in business.

    So, actually I can only tell you my story not help in coming out because I really haven't managed to. However, I think if I had managed to do so a long time ago, Iwould have been able to shift my thinking earlier and I wouldhave had a better life today and not missed on on things that I now realise I need, but which I couldn't see becuase I was so programmed.
  18. Cherished

    Cherished Silver Meritorious Patron

    Hi Dennis,

    Congratulations on standing up for who you are, despite all the pressure to conform. You did well to say NO and I"m sure you're better off for it.

    I was never in Scn. but I've met some terrific exes here whom I like and respect. I suppose there will always be people who will stereotype others - whether "scientologists" or "gays" or whatever. But most people, I reckon, will just be interested to understand that part of your experience and how you reflect back on it now. It's part of what made you who you are. So, it deserves to have its right place in your history. But then, not everyone needs to see your whole history. As you get more comfortable about your Scn history, you'll find yourself sharing it quite naturally, I reckon.

  19. La La Lou Lou

    La La Lou Lou Crusader

    People respond to being lied to, covering something up. If you walk around in pink sequined suits and your beard died purple, and you look confident and happy about yourself you most likely wont get anyone say anything. As soon as you act nervous, try to change the subject or try and act like John Wayne and dress like Rambo, but mince just a little bit, that's when people attack. It's the same on any subject, if you can be relaxed about something it's just not interesting to attack you about it because you wont respond.

    No one care's if Tom Cruise is gay bi or straight, they do care that he may be in the closet and denying it. It's the same about being a closet ex-scientologist.

    A dog will not chase a squirrel that doesn't move, it's the movement they can't resist.

    The solution isn't to tell everyone, it's to feel OK about it yourself. Just like coming out of the gay closet you need to accept yourself first and only then can you talk to someone else about it.

    Being on this board will help you.
  20. Opter

    Opter Silver Meritorious Patron

    Hi Dennis


    Google the name Michael Pattinson and read his story. ( his story appears on Xenu net). I think you'd love his story because he is gay and an ex OT 8.