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Disconnected and it feels like I'm dying

Discussion in 'General Scientology Discussion' started by Sai Ninja 2000, Apr 18, 2010.

  1. Sai Ninja 2000

    Sai Ninja 2000 Patron with Honors


    i got confirmation today that my brother has decided to disconnect from me. where the rest of my family stands (my parents) is unknown at this point.

    i'm so alone. i feel... so... alone. i dont even know what to think, my mind is like.. feels like its filled with cement and the only thought that's left is how much this hurts.

    how do i deal with this? what am i supposed to do? feel? think??? i just want to curl up into a ball and sleep forever and i cant even sleep. i cant do anything but cry.

    i know.. logically.. i should just keep moving forward with my life, make the best of things and *know* that one day they'll come around. i cant wait 20 years to see my family again. my parents will be dead by then. will they ever truly understand my decision? will they ever fucking get it!?!? why is a religion so goddamn important!!!! more important than FAMILY!!!!!! these are the only people i've ever had, who i thought would be there always. i never took it for granted but having such a "stable datum" ripped away so easily is like waking up with no limbs. part of me is missing, and it feels like its gone forever.

    how can i walk again? how can i even breathe again knowing the people i've loved my entire life have decided never to speak to me again?

    i didn't even get the courtesy of a disconnection letter. nothing. i'm in so much pain, i've never felt anything like this. i dont know what i expect from writing this... just.. needed to do it. this seems like the only place anyone would understand what i'm going through. its better than sinking into my bed i suppose....

    god... its not fair.
  2. GreyWolf

    GreyWolf Gold Meritorious Patron

    For right now, just stay in communication with people here and just hold on. It will get better and hurt a little less as time goes by. So many here have been through the same thing and they have survived this. Just don't give up. Know that you have friends around the world who are here for you in your time of distress.

    Love and Respect

  3. scooter

    scooter Gold Meritorious Patron


    It's totally shit when you get disconnected from - I've only had good friends disconnect from me (thank God) but it must be worse when family does it.

    If it's any consolation - this cult won't be around in a few years and they'll want to reconnect with you when they too realize just how much they've been lied to.
  4. uniquemand

    uniquemand Unbeliever

    I'll tell you what got me through it.

    Chop wood, carry water. Talk about what is going on with people who understand.

    Then chop wood, and carry water.
  5. Wisened One

    Wisened One Crusader

    I feel your pain, I do! I'm in a similar situation myself!! :sad: (not with family tho, thank god!).

    At first, NOTHING helps.....except being able to freely talk about it with others who will understand your particular situation. And even THAT doesn't *fully* help, as you'll know, but it'll HELP at least....hang in there, Sai! :console: :console:
  6. Fancy

    Fancy Patron Meritorious

    You will make it through it as I did. I loved the one's that disconnected from me.

    Now I have friends out of the church and my family moved back to the city. They were not in so much so that was not an isssue but he did not talk to me for a long time when he was in Ca. He was growing up so sometimes he would say I will never talk to you again and now he calls me at times.

    I found friends in the freezone and elsewhere. I paint when I am not feeling sick.

    Anyhow as you said you know what to do and the church will probably cave in and you will have family back. You will be ahead of them decompressing.

    I have since lost my parents and I am alone a lot but one can move to do things to survive.

    My best to you.
  7. Blue Spirit

    Blue Spirit Silver Meritorious Patron

    Go After Some Theta

    I'm sure many will offer their help and suggestions, which should help.

    I've been at the same emotional level you write about, and you should know that myself and many others here will offer our support and spirit so that you can pull out of this.

    The "Church" will not be here for ever with their Insane Disconnection policy
    which LRH did cancel in the early seventies I believe. Certainly they won't be here for anything like 20 years, you can bet on that.

    Here are some useful suggestions:

    1> Go talk to some friends about it. If none find some in some light spiritual group.
    2> Get the real policy on Disconnection from Aida ("DianaClass8" here) by looking up her videos on YouTube.
    3> Look at a recent thread for this post #2033 which has a simple to do by anyone who will listen to you:
    This will give you some quick relief.
    4> Take long walks and LOOK more than thinking. Keep practicing, it will happen and you will feel better.

    More if your interested.

    You WILL pull out of this mess if you persist. Don't let DM make you another statistic. He loves to destroy and cave you in.
  8. Sai Ninja 2000

    Sai Ninja 2000 Patron with Honors

    thank you everyone for your kind words and advice.. i talked to my dad briefly today and he told me my brother has disconnected and that he would talk to me tomorrow. so i will find out whats happening with my parents tomorrow....


    i am lucky to have a wonderful boyfriend that i met through here in fact.. i love him and i know he is here for me. i dont know how i could do this alone. i dont know how i could do this without esmb...

    i miss my family.. more than ever now.
  9. byte301

    byte301 Crusader

    Sai, I am so sorry. Just hang on. As long as your family is alive there is hope. I know that to you it feels like they have died in a way but they haven't. The grief you feel is the same as if they had.

    UM had good advice. Get out of the house, take walks and stay active. Don't sit around and think about it all the time.

    Go be free. That is the reason they disconnected from you in the first place. You deserve to be free and so do they. Someday they'll realize that.
  10. FoTi

    FoTi Crusader

    You haven't lost your parents yet....maybe they won't disconnect from doesn't always happen that family members disconnect just because they are told to do so. Your brother will come back to you when he sees the truth.

    The church won't be around for long, and when it goes down there won't be any more disconnection policy.

    It's a waiting game.

    Sorry you have to experience this. :console:

  11. Blue Spirit

    Blue Spirit Silver Meritorious Patron

    Parties To Come

    I can see some real Big "Re-Connection" Parties coming soon. :yes:

    We will probably have to rent a big hotel for them ! :happydance:
  12. Good twin

    Good twin Floater

    I am truly sorry to hear this Sai.
  13. FoTi

    FoTi Crusader

    Now, I'm confused here. Didn't you get a formal disconnection letter from your family back in December? You posted the following here on ESMB on I think Dec 18, 2009. Did you get back together with them after you received this letter?


    "i just got a formal disconnection letter from my family.

    this is so wrong. the things it said about me.. so wrong.. :'("

    Last edited: Apr 18, 2010
  14. PerfectRecall

    PerfectRecall New Member

    Scientology will not last 20 years. They are shrinking each year. The BBC will speed things up. There are more things to come.

    We feel your pain. Remember that you are on the right side of history. Keep educating yourself about L Ron Hubbard & Scientology.
  15. Wisened One

    Wisened One Crusader

    :welcome: to ESMB, PerfectRecall :)
  16. Megalomaniac

    Megalomaniac Silver Meritorious Patron



    Don't let anyone else do the disconnection. If someone doesn't want to talk to you, verify that personally with that person.
  17. dchoiceisalwaysrs

    dchoiceisalwaysrs Gold Meritorious Patron

    Sorry to hear this Sai. It is good that you let the world know about the pain scientology causes.

    With every disconnection the Co$ shrinks further from humanity

    Grab a friend and go do some sports even if it is just walking. Take breaks and give a long hug. Eat nutritious foods and get some extra sleep. And I hope your boyfriend doesn't mind but here:heartflower:
    Last edited: Apr 18, 2010
  18. R6Basic

    R6Basic Patron Meritorious

    I'm sorry to hear about this situation Sai,

    I am glad you are able to communicate about it to us.

    I think you've got enough advice.
    so I'll just say hang in there.
  19. I told you I was trouble

    I told you I was trouble Suspended animation

    I am so sorry to hear about this ... I wish I could tell you that you will feel better soon ... but on this issue you may never feel totally better until you are able to communicate to your Brother to sort things out (even if that means agreeing to disagree).

    Disconnection for this reason is a truly suppressive act and hubbard knew that when he wrote the policy.

    This may not be good advice, but I suggest that after you recover from the initial shock, try to put this 'issue' in a separate place within you, and look at it when you want to and cry/rant when you want to ... please don't let it take over your life, it isn't worth it.


    Enjoy your partner and create a whole new family that (hopefully) you can trust ... and don't ever forget that we are here for you.

  20. thetanic

    thetanic Gold Meritorious Patron

    Sai, I'm sorry. Your brother is short-sighted and manipulable. I hope the rest of your family is more enlightened.