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Growing up in a Scientology family

Discussion in 'General Scientology Discussion' started by Free to shine, Jan 5, 2008.

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  1. Free to shine

    Free to shine Shiny & Free

    Here's a thread where this unique subject can be discussed rather than derailing other threads.

    It is a unique challenge. It's different from an individual deciding to follow that life. It's even different from being brought up as a Sea Org child.

    I am talking about the experience of going to 'wog' (normal) schools, having normal friends, having a normal social life, a normal career - or not - while being totally raised within Scientology influences.

    I'm really interested in this, because it happened to me and others I knew.

    Having parents on staff. A dear friend of mine used to go to school and come home to cook and clean and shop for many siblings, at age 12 because her mother was SO. And try and earn pocket money to help the family survive.

    What happens if you decide not to be a Scientologist while everyone else in your family is? Parents, perhaps grandparents, siblings, spouses, children and grandchildren. Every avenue of family life. So if you leave Scn, you leave your whole family, because you will not be accepted as part of it again unless you repent. I can't begin to tell you what that feels like and it still makes me angry. :angry:

    I'd like to hear the stories of others and how they coped.
     
  2. Free to shine

    Free to shine Shiny & Free

    I was the lucky one amongst my (many) siblings as I was the eldest. Being 14 before being introduced to Scientology gave me at least that long in the normal world of childhood, friends and school.

    I soon left it far behind though, being one of the elite who were going to save the planet. :duh:

    My younger siblings had a harder time. They were transplanted to another country, another culture and raised within the indoctrincation.

    For reasons of privacy I can't tell a lot of their stories...that is for them to do. All six of us are out now though. Unfortunately it took many years for us to even begin to start to talk about it, and that is still an ongoing process.
     
  3. Free to shine

    Free to shine Shiny & Free

    I look forward to the day I can fucking speak freely of all this.

    That I can't is in itself a result of how we were raised and it's consequences.

    ('Scuse my anger today, LongGoneJohns story rang all too familiar to me and stirred it up.)
     
  4. programmer_guy

    programmer_guy True Ex-Scientologist

    I don't mean to derail this but I want to make this one non-SCN comment.

    When I was in elementary school there was one student - Sharon Buckley. She had red hair and buck-teeth. The other kids would tease her from time-to-time. She was not popular to say the least. She was not well dressed from what I could tell at that time. I never knew why - I was just another elementary school kid doing my studies.

    At about the end of my elementary school years I finally heard from my parents, who someway found out, that Sharon's single mother was frequently not home and Sharon was essentially "raising" her younger siblings!! She would sometimes cry about this (I didn't know at the time).

    She was not only teased frequently in 5th grade about her looks BUT then, after school, she had to go home to a parentless household to take care of her siblings.
     
  5. jodie

    jodie Patron with Honors

    Hi Free to Shine,

    What you have outlined here is the cruellest aspect of Scientology.

    Unfortunately, I cannot assist you with this, because I was lucky enough not to grow up in a Scientology family. But there will be others that have, and I am sure will help you here.

    I just wanted to add my support to the need to discuss this vital topic.

    The other aspect is people who did not grow up in Scientology, but were ripped away from family who are still in. I know many of those. Children disconnecting from parents, parents disconnecting from children, spouses, and so on.

    I remember the heavy inval of 2D when I was in. This equates Scientology to Communism for me. Loyalty to the Party/State supercedes loyalty to family, and it is an extension of the utter rejection of the rights of the individual.

    Scientology is the very embodiment of Communism. It is anti-individual, anti-happiness, anti-compassion, and anti that very foundation of society: FAMILY.

    I lost a spouse to the cult, so I have a small taste of the pain you have and are experiencing. I was fortunately prescient enough NOT to have children by that spouse, or years of bitter custody battles would have ensued, and I probably would have lost those children to the cult. I could not have been able to bear that. So thank god for that.

    In your case, your very foundations you grew up with, the whole fabric of your childhood, has been ripped away. You need most to hook up with and talk to other people who have had to experience the same thing - losing their entire childhood, their roots. You are right. No-one can understand that unless they have experienced it.

    A book I found absolutely inspiring, and humbling, (it has nothing to do with Scientology), is "Left to tell", by Immaculee Ilibaggiza. http://www.amazon.com/Left-Tell-Discovering-Rwandan-Holocaust/dp/1401908969

    She lost her entire family in the Rwandan Holocaust/Genocide. It is different, because they did not disconnect from her, they were murdered in the genocide - her whole family - but it tells of how she endured the loss of her whole family, her roots, her whole identity, even, and built up a new life for herself.

    The inspiration there is that she SURVIVED, and then went on to tell, and then went on to build up a new family for herself, and found healing in that.

    If your family are going to insist on prostituting their souls to a communist cult, and continue their heinous disconnection from you, then the best way forward is to take your time, heal, talk to others who experienced this, and look at creating a new family for yourself, in time, when you are ready.

    I hope this helps, even in some small way.

    Love,

    - jodie
     
    Last edited: Jan 5, 2008
  6. Free to shine

    Free to shine Shiny & Free

    Oh I know it's not unusual...sigh. That's not really my point.

    My siblings were also teased ..."the Scienos" and all that. Thank goodness I didn't go back to school when we moved. :catfight:

    It's more the point that it was OK within the Scientology world that kids were neglected, terribly disadvanted in the normal world etc. That we were RAISED that way and when you leave that family environment because you finally find something to compare it to, it rips you to pieces. How do you find common ground with family still there?
     
  7. programmer_guy

    programmer_guy True Ex-Scientologist

    That wasn't my point either. My point was that this is heart ripping to hear about (SCN or not). I hate it from the deepest part of my being.
     
  8. Free to shine

    Free to shine Shiny & Free

    Thankyou sweet lady. :)
    I am actually quite OK, I went through all the angst many years ago - I just have little hissy fits sometimes when an onion layer gets peeled. :melodramatic: (Although I still have the disconnection thing going on with one family member.)

    I guess I am angry on behalf of anyone who went through this. It's not a subject I have seen much discussion on. I'll try and think of some stories....
     
  9. Free to shine

    Free to shine Shiny & Free

    So do I.
    I guess that's why I am here, to tell others that you can survive and make a better life.

    Luckily most all of my family have left now. :happydance:
     
  10. RolandRB

    RolandRB Rest in Peace

    The stories about the break up of families due to Scientolopgy get to me. The stories about children's lives made difficult or children abused because of the cruelty of Scientology get to me more. I have said this before, and it has not made me popular, and that is, I would dance a jig if I saw an org burning. I would clap my hands with glee. I don't smile often enough, but this would make me beam and laugh and dance with joy. The government or authorities are powerless to stop this evil that traps people off the streets and ruins lives. If you had a disguised hole in the ground in a high street that people fell into and broke their backs then the authorities would fill the hole or cover it. But Scientology is having the same effect, though on a bigger scale, and the authorities can do nothing. Therefore it has to be individuals who bring an end to this evil. And whoever did it, would remain my hero for life.
     
  11. Sharone Stainforth

    Sharone Stainforth Silver Meritorious Patron

    I guess that's why I am here, to tell others that you can survive and make a better life.



    Free to Shine

    My heart goes out to you,and the above statement is inspiring.

    Survival is something that i think is genetically in our makeup as human beings,we all strive to survive sometimes against all the odds.
    Human courage to rise above the challenges that life throws at us help to guide us in making a better and improved life.

    Reading the trials of other people is always good to put ones own problems in perspective.I know it always helps me enormously.

    Thanks for the book referral,i have read a bit about the Rwandan genocide before.It is heart breaking,and incredible that these people endured so much and yet come out of it so much stronger.

    Such are the capabilities of Mankind.


    So glad your here.
    Love
    Tamasin
     
  12. Sharone Stainforth

    Sharone Stainforth Silver Meritorious Patron

    The stories about the break up of families due to Scientolopgy get to me. The stories about children's lives made difficult or children abused because of the cruelty of Scientology get to me more. I have said this before, and it has not made me popular, and that is, I would dance a jig if I saw an org burning. I would clap my hands with glee. I don't smile often enough, but this would make me beam and laugh and dance with joy. The government or authorities are powerless to stop this evil that traps people off the streets and ruins lives. If you had a disguised hole in the ground in a high street that people fell into and broke their backs then the authorities would fill the hole or cover it. But Scientology is having the same effect, though on a bigger scale, and the authorities can do nothing. Therefore it has to be individuals who bring an end to this evil. And whoever did it, would remain my hero for life.



    Whilst i am with you on the stories of breakups of families and how children have suffered due to abuse by Scientology and at the hand of individual Scientology members,i have to draw a line at "orgs burning".

    What if people were trapped inside and burnt to death.Innocent people,Scientologists maybe,but people all the same.I could not clap with glee if that were to happen.

    However, i would clap my hands with glee and dance and jig if the Cof S were to stop their evil practices of :

    Disconnection

    Fair Game

    Suckering people into their organization under the false impression of making their life better and happier,whilst charging extortionate amounts of money for the priveledge,and in many cases making their lives a whole lot worse.

    This being just a tip of the ice burg.

    As for authorities,i have some letters to write.

    Tamasin
     
  13. Free to shine

    Free to shine Shiny & Free

    Thanks for your input Roland.

    One of my local orgs did burn down! Luckily no-one was hurt, but many PC folders were lost. The word at the time was that it was all ASIO's fault, all part of a terrible conspiracy.

    The thing is that losing the org premises had the effect of bringing together all the staff in a remarkable way. We overcame great odds to keep operating. I don't think the loss of premises does anything to change the situation really. It has to be individual change that snowballs.
     
  14. Free to shine

    Free to shine Shiny & Free

    Well Tamasin, I know you are one who had experienced more as a child than most. And you are here and posting, and that is good. :happydance:

    The thing is, there are millions of kids in the world today who suffer terrible upbringings and threats to their very lives. What I am writing about is nothing compared to that.

    My own childhood was great and I am blessed that it was. The complications came in teenagehood, and those complications are also experienced by any youngster who has a religious family of any kind and wants to move away from the religion but not the family. :confused2:

    I wonder how many people brought up in a Scn family are reading this board? I'd really like to hear more stories.
     
  15. Mick Wenlock

    Mick Wenlock Admin Emeritus (retired)

    The day you can speak freely on everything is a day that you decide - no-one else.

    That probably sounds ridiculously trite but there comes a point when going along with anything that benefits or acknowledges Scientology will almost suddenly appear to be ludicrous.

    Many exes spend their time tiptoeing around saying what they really think and trying to avoid declares and disconnection - but this crap DOES NOT WORK!! Scientology "tech" is total crap. It didn't work while we were in - it doesn't work when we leave.

    One we realize that simple fact - then maybe its time to try other philosophies?
     
  16. Free to shine

    Free to shine Shiny & Free

    You are totally right Mick. :D

    Oh I have no problem with declares and all that shit - and disconnection I have dealt with. Maybe it's just too personal when it's the family, you know? I am trying to think of stories that could help someone else, but so far it's difficult. There's a difference between tiptoeing because of Scientology ramifications and family ones. :melodramatic:
     
  17. Free to shine

    Free to shine Shiny & Free

    "Hmmm".. she muses.
    This is the whole point of the thread! How it all impacts the family.

    My grandparents disowned my father, (and the children by default) when he took us abroad for Scientology. I only saw them once again in the 30 years before they passed away a few years ago. And by that time dementia meant they didn't know who I was anyway.

    My younger brother was sent away to the Sea Org when he was 15. Whatever happened to him is his story, and I know it's not terrific.

    I was sent to the Sea Org at 16 and pregnant. Luckily I didn't stay that long, though the only alternative was org staff. That's written up in my story elsewhere.

    I love my parents dearly and we are close these days. I know they did what they felt was right at the time. And quite simply "right" was to further the aims of Scn, no matter how that impacted the family.

    I later married a Scientologist and his mother was also an oldtimer. What it all means is that there was never anyone with an outside viewpoint to talk to. Ever. It's a sort of prison.

    We are scattered all over the planet now, my family. We all sort of crept away quietly from each other over the years, keeping up the "good roads". It was easier for the younger ones who never joined staff. The stupid part is that no-one really knew who was in and who was out! (And in one case that's probably still true.) :duh: So much for better communication!
    Thankfully I have a close bond with most of my siblings now.
     
  18. RolandRB

    RolandRB Rest in Peace

    I suppose people could try super-glue on the door.