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Discussion in 'New Member Introductions' started by Michelle Reed, Jan 8, 2019.

  1. Michelle Reed

    Michelle Reed New Member

    Hi Guys. My name is Michelle and I used to be on staff at AOLA. I've been out for 6 years this August. It's a daily struggle sometimes.
    Gib likes this.
  2. I told you I was trouble

    I told you I was trouble Suspended animation

    Hi @michelle ... Congratulations on getting out!

    Most of us have been through something similar to what you are going through (to various degrees) so feel free to talk about anything bothering you. You can always alter a few things or omit them completely if you need to ... (I realise your tag may not be your real name).

    Churchill and Gib like this.
  3. Gib

    Gib Crusader

    been there done that, just read more, it'll be ok, you will go thru all the emotions, just keep a cool composure. If you feel pissed off, here's the place to explain that.
  4. Bill

    Bill Gold Meritorious Patron

    Yes. People who haven't been in a cult can't understand. We do. Feel free to talk about anything.

    And :welcome2:
    Last edited: Jan 8, 2019
    Out Effix likes this.
  5. PirateAndBum

    PirateAndBum Gold Meritorious Patron

    Welcome to ESMB Michelle! Glad you're free.
    Out Effix likes this.
  6. cakemaker

    cakemaker Patron Meritorious

    Welcome! :bighug:

    It's a process to shed the deep-to-the-bone brainwash but it does happen and leaves you stronger and brighter.

    When you're comfortable, I (we) would love to hear stories about current life in the SO at PAC.
    Many of us are 1990 or earlier vintage and are amazed at how strict, controlled and suffocating life in the SO has become.
    Enthetan, Out Effix and Type4_PTS like this.
  7. Leland

    Leland Crusader

    Hi Michelle!

    Very glad you are out!!

    Welcome to ESMB! :rose:

    In 27 years. Out 18 years now, myself.
    Out Effix likes this.
  8. Cat's Squirrel

    Cat's Squirrel Gold Meritorious Patron

    Welcome to ESMB! For people who have been in the Church of Scientology, and in particular those who have been on staff, there is simply no better place on the Internet to be than here - you get to really be yourself here and to say all the things you weren't allowed to say when you were "in."
    Out Effix likes this.
  9. Type4_PTS

    Type4_PTS Diamond Invictus SP

    Hi Michelle...

    Out Effix likes this.
  10. Wilbur

    Wilbur Patron Meritorious

    Dear Michelle,

    Even though you have been out for 6 years, you may have experienced the sensation of doing something terribly wrong and evil as you posted your first message here. If so, this is just as a result of the programming in of guilt that Scientology carefully perpetrates on its members.

    Please be assured that you aren't going to hell, losing your eternity, or about to be run over by a bus as a result of your 'evil act'. On the contrary, once you have posted a few more messages, you will start to feel more liberated, as you begin to get back your freedom of choice over who you communicate with.

    The first time I downloaded the OT levels online, I was convinced that OSA would be looking for me, and it would only be a matter of time before they found me. You soon realise how ridiculous that kind of think is, as you start to regain your own thoughts.

    If you didn't experience the above, then great - it means that you are further along the road to recovery from cult-think.

    Welcome to the board!

  11. Out Effix

    Out Effix Out Ethics Ex Ethics Officer

    Welcome out to the land of the free and the brave.

    You were in a mind fucking cult and it is normal to feel the way you do.

    Read up on Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

    Find out what they did TO YOU. A lot of deceit, manipulation and parlor tricks were used by Scientologists via the "tech".

    Go ALL the way down the rabbit hole on Scientology and L Ron Hubbard - it will set you free.

    The truth hurts but it is better than living a lie.

    You were lied to.

    You are now free but you have to do some work to get out of the prison in your mind.

    Read every book written on this subject - Going Clear, My Billion Year Contract, Madman or Messiah, Troublemaker, Ruthless, Blown for Good and many more.

    It will only get better.
  12. Dulloldfart

    Dulloldfart Squirrel Extraordinaire

    Hi Michelle,

    Welcome! As cakemaker said, we like to hear recent (more or less) stories of SO life. I was in AOSHUK 1972-86 and OSA Int / ITO 1986-96. I was never AOLA staff but visited every now and then, and lived at Leb Hall for most of my US SO time.

    Out Effix and Enthetan like this.
  13. Enthetan

    Enthetan Master of Disaster

    Yes, any glimpse of relatively-current SO life would be interesting
    Out Effix and strativarius like this.
  14. TheOriginalBigBlue

    TheOriginalBigBlue Gold Meritorious Patron

  15. phenomanon

    phenomanon Canyon

    Yo, Michelle.

    I blew from AOLA in 1983 when Gary Jacobs, the MAA, asked me to 'dose' an HGC PC with LSD.
    I ran like the wind from the Org, only stopping in my auditing room to get my emeter and some materials.
    I resigned from COS that very night.
    I was a Class 8, FEBC, non SO pro , auditing the OTIII HGC.

    Congratulations on taking your life back.
  16. Leland

    Leland Crusader

    Hey Phenomanon,

    Derail here. There was a Non-SO OT III C/S at AOLA ( that helped Ann Rollins with OT3 C/Sing...) He was a guy, tall and lanky, white....light hair...i believe was very thin if I remember correctly....or could have been long. I only saw him a couple times. What I heard was that he was selling gold chains as a side business...on the Streets... and I was told he went into a bad neighborhood and got robbed and killed. Do you know anymore about this story?

    I don't know exactly when this happened...but around I guess you'd already left.

    But if you left in 1983 you might know who I'm talking about. I guess you might have known non-SO AOLA cramming officer Steve Miller also? He and I shared an apartment in Silverlake at that time...from late '83 for several years...

    Anyway, I don't remember his name, do you know who I'm talking about?
    Last edited: Jan 8, 2019
  17. Wilbur

    Wilbur Patron Meritorious

    Dose an HGC pc with LSD? They didn't want him to apply for the SO, then?
  18. EZ Linus

    EZ Linus Cleared Tomato

    Hi Michelle.

    It is a struggle. I totally understand. But you're here! You came here earlier than I did after I came out. I don't think this place was here yet. You're lucky. And the worst is behind you.

    I was on lines at AO myself. You probably feel scared, or maybe you don't, I don't know, but would you reveal what division you worked in? If not, that's totally okay too.

    I clearly remember walking out of AOLA for the very last time. It was weird.

    Anyway, welcome.

    I highly second what OutEthics suggested: Look into the meaning and treatment for Complex PTSD (C-PTSD). I think you'll relate to the symptoms.
    Type4_PTS likes this.
  19. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    This message board and everyone outside of that nano-sized spec of insignificant space in the universe occupied by the COS (Cult of Scientology) welcomes you to real life.

    It's real like, um--reality.

    Not like "ARC", not that reality. The real reality, LOL.

    Enjoy your new total freedom from "total freedom".

  20. strativarius

    strativarius Inveterate gnashnab & snoutband

    Last time I read that story it was Thorazine and not LSD.
    Last edited: Jan 8, 2019