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How/when do you decide when to tell people you were in Scientology and/or Sea Org?

Discussion in 'Life After Scientology' started by ScienceNotScientology, Jul 9, 2014.

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  1. How/when do you decide when to tell new people you were in Scientology and/or Sea Org? I work/study in a science-y field with lots of super-duper skeptics and advanced degrees, etc. Yes it was stupid of me to do that but I didn't know then the things I've studied since, and if I had I'm nearly 100% sure I wouldn't have done scientology in the first place! (let alone the X years in the Sea Org).

    I'm also curious how people approach letting potential romantic partners know they used to be in the Sea Org and/or Scientology.

    Thanks!
     
  2. Enthetan

    Enthetan Master of Disaster

    Re: How/when do you decide when to tell people you were in Scientology and/or Sea Org

    Revealing past Scn involvement to employers is a strong negative, I've found.

    I dated a nice Catholic girl at one point, things were going well, I mentioned Scn, and that was the last date. Wife is former Scn, so it's not a present issue.

    These days, I don't mention it.
     
  3. Bill

    Bill Gold Meritorious Patron

    Re: How/when do you decide when to tell people you were in Scientology and/or Sea Org

    A serious romantic partner? Yes, eventually.
    Anyone else? Why?

    By "Why?" I mean "To what purpose?" It really is no one else's business. Why mention it unless there is a good reason to do so?
     
  4. strativarius

    strativarius Inveterate gnashnab & snoutband

    Re: How/when do you decide when to tell people you were in Scientology and/or Sea Org

    A very closely-related discussion of a few weeks ago took place here.

    http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?36273-coming-out-as-an-ex-cult-member

    You might like to follow that one as well to get a few more points of view on the subject.
     
  5. Ho Tai

    Ho Tai Patron Meritorious

    Re: How/when do you decide when to tell people you were in Scientology and/or Sea Org

    If someone would, for some strange reason, ask me, I would tell them (hasn't happened so far). Otherwise I wait until the other person and I know each other well, I consider them a good friend and trust them. I let them know the Scn business because I like them and want them to know something more about me that gives a more complete picture of who I am. I ask that they keep it private, though I don't rely on them doing so and it wouldn't hurt our friendship if I found out that they had told someone else. So far in over five years there have only been four people (two couples) that I have shared it with. It has been fine.

    My ideal would be that everyone knew but nobody cared. I volunteer at a number of things in my community with the goal of being able to shape the environment I live in to be more the place I want to live and that I think others would like to live. Hopefully if someone comes upon the Scn information they will already have a positive opinion of me and won't think of me as "Ho Tai the Scientologist".

    That being said, there is always risk: http://www.humorbin.com/showitem.asp?item=20
     
  6. Helena Handbasket

    Helena Handbasket Gold Meritorious Patron

    Re: How/when do you decide when to tell people you were in Scientology and/or Sea Org

    Years ago, I read this book about telling people Your Big Dark Secret. The very first thing it said was do they really have to know? If not, don't tell them.

    I've also seen the opposite viewpoint -- that you should let people close to you know everything. But I've gotten in trouble talking about things like my prior C of S involvement, so I now zip my lip about certain things, exceptions only if really necessary.

    I like what Lotus said in the other thread http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?36273-coming-out-as-an-ex-cult-member&p=943036#post943036 :
    She did replied : '' you didn't knew - you thaught it was a self-betterment group".

    I recommend that for most people in your life, after you get to know them well, let the subject of Scientology come up and just see what their reaction is. Take to the next level later (best not the same day).

    You can say you left when you realized how destructive it was. (Ain't it the truth.)

    And there's always the chance that you could tell someone and they start telling everyone they know.

    For employers, I would say don't say anything at all. But you do have to cover that gap in your resumé somehow.

    That's all I have to say.

    Helena
     
  7. KissMyStats

    KissMyStats Patron with Honors

    Re: How/when do you decide when to tell people you were in Scientology and/or Sea Org

    Never tell. Just don't.
     
  8. hummingbird

    hummingbird Patron with Honors

    Re: How/when do you decide when to tell people you were in Scientology and/or Sea Org

    It came up with my current husband after we'd been together for a while, when we saw the Tom Cruise "glib" interview with Matt Lauer. I spoke up. He was a bit surprised that his rational, pragmatic, anti-religion wife had once been involved in a cult, but who hasn't done something stupid while in their 20s? When we watch shows that have as a plotline someone's cult involvement, he'll ask me if it's disturbing, but that's about it.

    I told one other close friend, after she told me she had been involved in EST. She passed away a couple of years ago, so ...

    No one else knows. Tell an employer or coworker, prospective or current? Not in a million years.
     
  9. Intentionally Blank

    Intentionally Blank Scientology Widow

    Re: How/when do you decide when to tell people you were in Scientology and/or Sea Org


    I think this is a really important point. People know you for who you are and how you live your life now. We all have our dark secrets and skeletons in the closet and stupid stuff we did in our pasts. And, hopefully, we use those experiences - building on them to become more compassionate, more embracing of diversity, more patient, and more discerning in the future. Nothing there to be ashamed of!

    I'd agree that romantic partners who look like they might be around for a while need to know. It's hard to have a fully engaged relationship if you feel like you need to look over your shoulder and worry that someone might spill the beans.

    If they accept you for who you are now that's a point for them. And if they judge you it's better to know what kind of person they are now rather than later.

    Good luck!

    Blanky
     
  10. Polly

    Polly Patron with Honors

    Re: How/when do you decide when to tell people you were in Scientology and/or Sea Org

    Well this subject is touchy for me. I recently within the last two years tried to talk to my boyfriend about my involvement and it didn't go over well. First response from him was very nonchalant "Oh that's a cult" then when having problems in our relationship would use it against me. "I hope you find your spaceship" So now I keep it all to myself. Except for talking through things with my parents and in here. Bout the shame issue gee all the time! I still have so many unknowns and speculations.

    Wow thanks that actually relieved some of my stress over this (knowing now not the only one dealing with these issues)

    :heartflower:
     
  11. Intentionally Blank

    Intentionally Blank Scientology Widow

    Re: How/when do you decide when to tell people you were in Scientology and/or Sea Org


    I'm so sorry! That is completely uncalled for and disrespectful on his part. I'd rather have a past in a cult than be so rude to someone!
     
  12. Polly

    Polly Patron with Honors

    Re: How/when do you decide when to tell people you were in Scientology and/or Sea Org

    Thank you Blanky! I have a very hard time being rude to people. It always makes me question how mean people can sleep at night(because if I say something that hurts someone I feel completely horrible until I resolve the issue and make peace with the person)
     
  13. pkatz

    pkatz Patron with Honors

    Re: How/when do you decide when to tell people you were in Scientology and/or Sea Org

    I am/was a professional mariner (hoping to come ashore with a job @ FLA Park Service. "Postulate it" along with me, willya guys?) A woman sailing in the same position as me asked how it was I went to sea. I said "I joined a cult that owned a ship, and that's all I'm going to say about it."
     
  14. strativarius

    strativarius Inveterate gnashnab & snoutband

    Re: How/when do you decide when to tell people you were in Scientology and/or Sea Org

    Hope this is not too far off-topic.

    In 1996, not long after I'd arrived back in the UK after living overseas for 6 years, I was stopped in the street and asked if I'd like to attend a 'seminar', although what the subject of this presentation was exactly I can't recall. Not having anything better to do and vaguely liking the sound of what was on offer, I agreed and followed this person into an office complex in the city centre.

    As I'm sure you have probably guessed, it was a CofS front for recruiting raw meat, something I realised as soon as I got inside. In the best traditions of tabloid journalism, I hurriedly 'made my excuses and left', desperately hoping I wasn't going to bump into somebody who might recognise me on the way out.

    When I was on staff in the 1960's and 1970's we went out onto the streets handing out leaflets and made no secret of the fact that we were scientologists attempting to recruit new people.

    What I'd experienced in '96 really got me thinking about the way the cult had changed and the more covert methods it was using to insinuate itself into the cultural lives of ordinary people, as all the 'front groups' that are now in existence demonstrate.
     
  15. Jag

    Jag Patron

    Re: How/when do you decide when to tell people you were in Scientology and/or Sea Org

    I haven't been out long and haven't made any new friends since waking up, but I would have no problem telling a new friend (not employer) about my involvement (35 years off and on). The reason? To tell them how bad the cult is and to spread the word. I have a few long term non-scn friends and I have been very vocal about what I found out, even to my mom. None of them judged me. I never care about someone's past - just who they are today.
     
  16. Ho Tai

    Ho Tai Patron Meritorious

    Re: How/when do you decide when to tell people you were in Scientology and/or Sea Org

    I'd be careful with new friends. If you are very vocal about the evils of $cn, you might come across no differently than someone who is very vocal about the joys of $cn and if they don't know you well it might leave a strange imprint on your friendship. Depends on what you are after - a friend or a fellow crusader.
     
  17. This is NOT OK !!!!

    This is NOT OK !!!! Gold Meritorious Patron

    Re: How/when do you decide when to tell people you were in Scientology and/or Sea Org

    Easy for you to say!

    I still have a "I'm a Scientologist" website! :omg:

    And I'm trying to get a job!

    With my recent activities, a business Facebook page and a little blogging I managed to get the "I'm a Scientologist" web site driven down to the bottom of page 2 on Google Search.

    But I want it to go away. FFS, I'm DECLARED! They don't want to promote me, do they?

    So I call Senior HCO at Flag a couple of weeks ago and speak to the person who sent me my declare letter a couple of years ago and ask her about my web site. She said "That's not OK" and that she would handle it.

    So I wait a week or so and google my name again.

    "I'm a Scientologist" is now the #1 result when searching my name! :itstrue:

    :nervous:
     
  18. mockingbird

    mockingbird Silver Meritorious Patron

    Re: How/when do you decide when to tell people you were in Scientology and/or Sea Org

    Hey , in finding out about life outside the terrorist mind control cult and international fraud we used to belong to I found people have BOUNDARIES , and expect you to also ; normally a non-intimate relationship DOES NOT involve sharing things like child abuse , rape ,truly insane family stories and cult involvement.

    These issues are very sensitive and personal , and people who haven't been DEEP in for years often don't have a fucking clue what you went through.

    Really you're protecting yourself from their ignorance and prejudice.

    Some people feel strongly motivated to speak out and that's their right and I applaud their courage ; I wouldn't be out without Arnie Lerma and Jon Atack and Gerry Armstrong and many others.

    But , if you aren't determined and ready for a lot of prejudice , I'd say don't tell, EVER unless you are ready and trust deeply the people you tell ; you can't put the toothpaste back in the tube.
     
  19. TG1

    TG1 Angelic Poster

    Re: How/when do you decide when to tell people you were in Scientology and/or Sea Org

    I told my husband ... two weeks after we became engaged.

    He laughed and said, "THAT's the big thing you had to tell me before marrying me? You built it up so big that I thought it was something really important."

    :hysterical:
     
  20. Weagook

    Weagook Patron

    Re: How/when do you decide when to tell people you were in Scientology and/or Sea Org

    I agree that there were plenty of helpful comments on this thread.

    That said, I've in recent past grappled with the same question. In the afore mentioned thread, Arthur Dent made a comment which particularly struck me and made me think about how we've been brainwashed into this confessional mentality, overts and withholds. The fact is, the Spanish Inquisition isn't coming to seek you out. You can choose to withhold and that's not always a bad thing. Sometimes less is more, right? :)

    Funny story though, my spouse didn't know and I've received calls for some years now after decades out. So, one day my spouse gets a call from co$ looking for me. Damn internet! Anyway, I had mentioned it "casually" about a month prior, i.e. I was a child and a step-parent involved my family. So, we discussed it not in explicit detail, but in basic, nuts and bolts terms. It has kind of turned into a family joke. The moral of the story is that, if you care for someone and have a close relationship, it maybe best to share and discuss it. It can be kind of cathartic. If not, you are not obliged to tell anyone anything. If you're done with it, then be done with it! We all make mistakes and they're only as powerful and lasting as we let them be.