ESMB has entered archive mode. All posts and threads that were available to the general public are still readable. The board is still searchable. 

Thank you all for your participation and readership over the last 12 years.

If you want to join in the conversation, please join the new ESMB Redux at

I Am Not Anonymous

Discussion in 'Stories From Inside Scientology' started by Lynn Fountain Campbell, Jan 30, 2008.

  1. Lynn Fountain Campbell

    Lynn Fountain Campbell Silver Meritorious Patron

    Bwahahahahahahaha :clap:
  2. TG1

    TG1 Angelic Poster

    You're very welcome. HelluvaHoax wrote it for me. :)
  3. Lynn Fountain Campbell

    Lynn Fountain Campbell Silver Meritorious Patron

    Thanks, Mary. Wish I knew a faster way though.

  4. Lynn Fountain Campbell

    Lynn Fountain Campbell Silver Meritorious Patron

    I might have known. It has his inimitable brand all over it. :biggrin:
  5. Lynn Fountain Campbell

    Lynn Fountain Campbell Silver Meritorious Patron

    Damn. I bet AOLA counted me as a Body In The Shop that day, even though they didn't give me any service. :eyeroll:
  6. Little David

    Little David Gold Meritorious Patron

    Lynn Campbell comments about "Going Clear" on Tony Ortega's blog today:

    Lynn Campbell: I feel a tremendous amount of gratitude to the people involved in this film. It has made — and will continue to make — such a difference to me. People can now start to understand what it was like being stuck in a cult, and begin to figure out what can be done to protect people in a vulnerable state. I’m hoping the IRS will at least take another look at Scientology’s tax exempt status and investigate how the organization has not lived up to its end of the deal that was struck in 1993. They have the power to do something about it. Come to think of it, everybody has the power to do something about it, even it it’s just signing a petition or writing to a congressman or putting a sign in your shop window.
  7. Gizmo

    Gizmo Rabble Rouser

    And in the general section there is now a thread on scn & TP.

    They just continue to get ridiculed & laughed at all over the place.

    They'll be remembered in history as 'the little cult that always needed some TP'.

    Lynn has stood up the cult, right next door to them at big blue, & the front door to her business in full view of their security cameras !

    My hat's off to her courage & determination !

    Hmm, maybe I could a little more......
  8. OutToe83

    OutToe83 Patron with Honors

    And Alex probably counted you in his body-routing stats...:eyeroll:

    EDIT: Actually, both of you probably got counted. :roflmao:
  9. Gizmo

    Gizmo Rabble Rouser

    Lynn stood up & was willing to be seen, noticed, recognized so long before many of us considered that was something that anyone could do & survive .

    I can't wait to get in the LA area so I can call, stop by, meet her & get a fine hair cut, too !
  10. Lynn Fountain Campbell

    Lynn Fountain Campbell Silver Meritorious Patron


    Thank you, Gizmo.

  11. Lynn Fountain Campbell

    Lynn Fountain Campbell Silver Meritorious Patron

    Anyone who has slogged through this thread long enough to get to this point will have noticed something: I've never actually said much about my actual experiences while I was in $cientology. I've been meditating on it recently (yeah, love those "other practices") and have had some thoughts about why I've felt so "blocked" about doing it.

    $cientology is a mindf*ck. That's a given. But there are specific ways it f*cks you up.

    It makes you so you can't focus.

    To get anything done in life, you have to focus. During my time in $cientology and for a short time after I got out, whenever I would start working on a project -- my business or whatever -- I would invariably get a phone call from somebody at some org, wanting me to "come help them out" with something -- take on a "special" pc, do a "VIP" FES, whatever. And I'd always fall for it. "The Tech" was my thing, and I like to help. And after all, my little project couldn't possibly be more important than helping them save the planet, right? And I was "the only one who can do it." So my own work would get "not done, half done, and backlogged," and by the time I got back to it, I'd have a mess on my hands and would be so busy playing catch-up that I couldn't get back to the original thing I was trying to do, if I could even remember what that was.

    As a result of not focusing on your own stuff for so many years, by the time you do get out, your ability to create your own "game" becomes atrophied -- like a muscle that becomes weak and flabby when you haven't used it in a long time.

    There are lots of opportunities once you get out of $cientology. But $centological thinking makes you believe you can be an instant expert on anything, due to your supreme thetanical ability to "make it go right." Of course, nothing could be further from the truth. So after a few false starts, I finally realized I'd have to buckle down, start from scratch, and study a subject in depth -- at a time when I should have been thinking about and planning for retirement. All those years I gave them took away from the time I could have used to build something for myself. Is there still time to do that? That's not a unique situation, of course. Everybody goes through that. But it's so depressing at the moment when it dawns on you that you think you must be the only person in the world this has happened to.

    The stigma $cientology attaches to "being a victim" stays with you for a long time.

    You don't want to tell your story from a "victim" viewpoint. At least I didn't. I just wanted to pick up the pieces of my broken life and move on. But until I really examine what happened to me, that's probably not going to happen. Not really. Not permanently or in a meaningful way.

    It's been eight years now, since I started posting -- and 13 years since I've actually been out -- and I'm still peeling layers of $cientology crap off of my mind. It only happens once in a while though. It's not like any floodgates are suddenly going to open and voila! a feature-length story of my life is suddenly going to appear. I really admire the people on this forum and elsewhere who have been able to do that, by the way.

    But I still can't. I need help. Ask me questions. Tell me where to go from here, and I'll do it, if I can.

  12. This is NOT OK !!!!

    This is NOT OK !!!! Gold Meritorious Patron

    Boy, do I know how you feel!

    Friends and family are busy with retirement plans, second homes, etc. while I'm digging into a new career.

    I've realized a humbling fact - this new career IS my retirement - I'll be at this until I'm 75 AT LEAST, if I don't get kicked out first.

    I'm holding on to a sliver of hope that people who work full-time into old age are better off mentally (and physically?) than those who retire.

    So, we have that going for us Lynn!
  13. I told you I was trouble

    I told you I was trouble Suspended animation

    I've always loved your posts and it's really good to see you again Lynn ... what you say makes a lot of sense and it's often the truly dedicated scientologist who gives the most that gets penalised the most because (as you point out) nothing gets completed properly and your business or career pretty much has to run itself and on top of all that there is always the constant gnawing guilt (of not doing or giving enough or of not being contracted staff/SO or no longer being in the SO if you have left) being carted around as well.

    It's a loss/loss situation no matter how a dedicated scientologist chooses to operate ... until the chains are broken.

    For what it's worth you always sound very "sorted" (and you communicate beautifully) but if you feel you need to rid yourself of more indoctrination perhaps it would be worth setting up some time with another ex with whom you feel a bond and just meeting and chatting now and then because often those final hidden bits of cult crap surface when we just relax with each other.

    Like you, I haven't told "my story" and I never will ... I don't feel the need and (for me) it would just drag it all up again needlessly and I don't ever want to see or feel most of it ever again. I suppose I'm am an introvert by nature and just don't want my story out there, it isn't a requirement of freeing yourself so I hope you are not pressuring yourself in that direction.

    I was never fond of auditing for much the same reason ... for me some things are best just acknowledged and flicked off or perhaps accepted as part of life and if I do revisit them (very rarely) I do so alone or with someone I trust.

    I'm just relieved to be free of the cult now.

    The things I did "run" in auditing are still there, they didn't "erase" ... they don't bother me but then they never did, it's the embarrassment of being trapped in a cult that occasionally horrifies me to the point of wanting to go to bed for the rest of my life.


    I often wonder how some of the (now elderly) SO are going ... those people are usually truly and permanently trapped in the degraded and exhausting lifestyle that they chose while still young and full of hope, they may be flicked out at any point to a elderly peoples retirement home ... which I suppose may feel like a holiday camp after the rigours and misery of the SO for years, it's truly sad and such a waste of life.

    I do hope you make time to nurture yourself and allow relaxation time now you are free ... we recently discussed bathing in magnesium ... I've been doing it every few days since and I can confirm that it is divine and sets me up for whatever I want to do the next day (thread is below).

    Anyway, it's lovely to see you.


    Clay Pigeon likes this.
  14. Lynn Fountain Campbell

    Lynn Fountain Campbell Silver Meritorious Patron

    Thanks for this, ITYIWT. I'm mostly OK. But I tend to be something of a mental hypochondriac. I guess it's because I fall so short of the superpowers we were led to expect in $cientology. Kind of like not liking what you see in a full-length mirror because it's not a supermodel or playboy bunny. :biggrin:
  15. Lynn Fountain Campbell

    Lynn Fountain Campbell Silver Meritorious Patron

    That's a good point. I've always said I never really wanted to retire. I remember how my mother hated it when her job made it mandatory for her to retire at 65. Counting my blessings.... Still being able to work at this age is no small feat. As they say, aging is not for sissies.
  16. I told you I was trouble

    I told you I was trouble Suspended animation


    Sorry to laugh but I think most of us (including never ins) have that issue ... one good trick is to remove all mirrors and turn all lights off (permanently). It does wonders for the morale (and you can always stick a bunny tail on too if you like ... pretend it's for Easter if anyone sees it).

    PS I know you didn't mean that (about the supermodel) literally ... and I do get what you really meant.

  17. Enthetan

    Enthetan Master of Disaster

    I don't think I will necessarily retire at 65 (actually, it's getting up to 66-67 now if you want full social security benefits here in the US). I might slow down a bit, though.

    I have lots of people at work whose company I enjoy.
  18. Enthetan

    Enthetan Master of Disaster

    You might try beginning at the beginning, and see how that flows.

    How did you get into Scn? Did a friend of relative disseminate to you?

    What initially attracted you about Scientology?
  19. phenomanon

    phenomanon Canyon

    I have been retired for 25 years. My physical and mental conditions are just as active as they were while I was working. I do realize that most ppl my age are into walkers and wheelchairs and retirement homes etc., but that doesn't mean that you will be. The true fact is that most ppl who retire work as hard or harder maintaining and helping others along than we did when we were concentrating on our jobs in the workplace. YMMV.
    Clay Pigeon likes this.
  20. phenomanon

    phenomanon Canyon

    :arose:From one Class V111 to another. We've come a long way, baby. Things get better and easier as we go thru this. You are admired and respected by so many ppl. Many of us that you have never even met.
    I am coming to LA for the launch of the Disconnection billboard. I hope that we can meet and maybe have a little time together.

    After I wrote this, I opened the messages re the Billboard getting a stop. So, in lieu of our meeting in LA, Lynn please take a little time off and come up to Port Ludlow. There is so much beauty and so much space here, unspoiled by Human habitation, that you can just bliss out. And I will cook for you.
    Last edited: Mar 5, 2016