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Kim Loss

Discussion in 'Leaving Scientology' started by AnonKat, Mar 4, 2011.

  1. Pooks


    No, I can't respect that, but I can and do respect you for coming here and posting.

  2. MostlyLurker

    MostlyLurker Patron Meritorious

    Welcome Kim!


    I hope you will reconnect with old friends and make new ones. :thumbsup:
  3. Jquepublic

    Jquepublic Silver Meritorious Patron

    I'd forgotten all about this thread until I got an alarmed call from a friend of mine asking me if I had gotten back into Scientology like he'd read on ESMB.

    It's time for an update I think!

    Long story short: I ordered my two meters and got ready to start auditing friends and family and myself. My meters came in, I unpacked them, tested them, and put them back in the cases...where they sat gathering dust. I had no desire to audit. I didn't want to go in session, I didn't want to do drills, I didn't want to do anything at all related to Scientology. I tripped over those meters for weeks before I admitted to myself that that part of my life - the Scientology part - was over.

    Long story long: I honestly believe that the events that had precipitated my overly bouyant return to Scientology had acted in concert to trigger aspects of my cult experience that I hadn't properly addressed: chiefly, the loaded language. After hours and hours of chinese school and memorization of technical data and 10 years living in the insular world of a staff member, I struggled when I first left the cult to form sentences in "wog speak". I had to think through my sentence, translate it, and then speak, otherwise I would infallably speak Scientologese. I gradually accustomed and then never looked back - literally, I was determined to forget the entire experience. I kept up with the subject sporadically, did some internet activism, things like that for a couple of years, but then it was cold turkey - no Scientology at all, even in my thoughts.

    When I contacted Dan Koon and Marty Rathbun, they were the first Scientologists I had spoken to in over 8 years. I had just seen the Truth Rundown and was shocked and shaken by the stories. I remembered that I had sworn to my ex-husband that there was an "SP" up lines. Suddenly Dan and Marty and everyone in the Truth RD were giving me a name.And we were communicating in the language that I had struggled to discard. I added more and more indies to the mix and they were all gung ho and happy and welcoming - that was a big thing to me, having been declared and shunned.

    Bottom line: I was triggered, and regained that "fixed and dedicated glare" for a few weeks.

    BUT! I got better. :thumbsup:
  4. AnonyMary

    AnonyMary Formerly Fooled - Finally Free

    Dear Kim,

    Thank you so much for coming back and giving us an update. :thumbsup:

    You, like many others who have left the church, deserve much respect, no matter which place you landed upon exit. Leaving Scientology is a process, an evolution, and each person deserves the space to find their way and make their own self determined choices outside the organixation.

    I'm glad you came back to update us about your adventure so far and even if you'd have stuck it out with the indies, I would have respected that because it would have been what you wanted, not what anyone else wanted or expected for or of you. It's a first step for many and one I will never deny another the right to experience. It's a hell of a lot better than being stuck in the church, living in fear and believing ' because you're supposed to'.

    Quite a few who land in Martyland eventually come round to seeing a fuller picture of what is going on with their own needs and what scientology really offers. The internet IS the Liberty Tree, for sure. Glad you found your freedom from Scientology.

    Best wishes,

  5. Infinite

    Infinite Troublesome Internet Fringe Dweller


    Happy dance . . .

  6. Panda Termint

    Panda Termint Cabal Of One

    You made me smile! See! :)
  7. Jquepublic

    Jquepublic Silver Meritorious Patron

    Thank you Mary. You're very kind hearted, and I agree with you - out of the church proper is a really good thing no matter where someone lands. :) The freedom to investigate, explore and decide for oneself is key in recovering from a cult experience.

    I've been popping in here to post occasionally, I think I even mentioned the triggering on another thread some time back without much detail. But this post comes up on the first page when you google my name and Scientology. And this is not my story. This is a 6 week episode in a 20 year experience. It's important to me that if any of the people I still know in the church ever decide to google me (or any of my current friends and family, which is how I was reminded of this thread) they don't land here and think that's all she wrote.
  8. TG1

    TG1 Angelic Poster

    Becoming Fully Ex-ey

    Jquepublic/Kim Loss,

    I've always known who you are -- it says so right on your ESMB profile. :)

    I admire your chronicling of your journey out of Scientology.

  9. Smilla

    Smilla Ordinary Human

    Glad she's left the Cof$. Shame she's gone from cult to another. Selah.
  10. Jquepublic

    Jquepublic Silver Meritorious Patron

    LOL Smilla. She = me and I didn't go to another cult, I just dipped my toes in the water. :)
  11. Smilla

    Smilla Ordinary Human

    Yeah, I know. Watch out you don't get conned again.
  12. TG1

    TG1 Angelic Poster

    I’m entertained by those ex-Scientologists who espouse that although they themselves are fully ex-ey, most others who were once Scientologists are not now and never will become fully ex-ey.

    A variation of this is that the really, truly, fully ex-eys follow the same process to achieve the fully ex-ey epiphanies and attitudinal and emotional changes within the same time frame after leaving the church to achieve their fully ex-ey’ness.

    Some anons and never-been-in critics place themselves on even higher rungs of humanity and intelligence scales above fully ex-eys.

    As a result, only a few ever really qualify as Homo Burrito Nuevo.

  13. Sindy

    Sindy Crusader

    Kim Loss, you have some of the best posts ever on ESMB on many a thread. It's obvious who you are and where you are coming from and I like it! :hifive::smoochy:
  14. Jquepublic

    Jquepublic Silver Meritorious Patron

    It was a humbling experience for me, feeling compelled to get back into Scn. I had been out a lot of years and thought it was over and done with! I didn't fully appreciate the psychological factors involved in loaded language until I realised that in the span of a few weeks I'd gone right back to thinking in Scio speak. There was a little love bombing, but I don't know that it was intended to manipulate so much as it was intended to validate and re-enforce my decision to be in the open about my whole experience.

    But you made me laugh with your summation! And you made me hungry for a burrito. :)
  15. Jquepublic

    Jquepublic Silver Meritorious Patron

    Thank you so much, Sindy! :biglove:
  16. Sindy

    Sindy Crusader

    I've recently attained quesadilla status and hope to qualify as a Chile Relleno soon :biggrin:
  17. TG1

    TG1 Angelic Poster

    Thank you for your origination. But please report to ex-ey qual to have your new status confirmed before proceeding further.
  18. Smilla

    Smilla Ordinary Human

    We're all walking our own paths, so there's no 'one size fits all' solution.
  19. Auditor's Toad

    Auditor's Toad Clear as Mud

    Isn't being in $cn being in a shitstorm ?