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Featured My in and out story

Discussion in 'Stories From Inside Scientology' started by Good twin, Apr 3, 2008.

  1. Good twin

    Good twin Floater

    Part1 (How I justify becoming a Scientologist)

    I first got into Scientology in 1975. The mission was a very busy and exciting place. it also seemed very efficient and organized. It was friendly and the staff were well dressed and looked well taken care of. That's how I remember it and it all gradually morphed into a very surreal and scarey nightmare.

    At the mission there were four Class 8 auditors, and at least three Class 6 auditors. There were 4s all over the place, but not in the HGC. Where are the auditors today? Over the past 30 years the products of Scientology have changed into something that would not be recognizable if I hadn't been part of the gradual change. Even in the so called "upstat" Orgs and missions, there are no auditors anymore. Oh there are a few, but not nearly what there was 30 years ago .

    See, it used to be that the only training we did was the training of auditors. Selling books was a way to create interest and get people in for training. It also established the criterion of literacy. People who came on course were expected to have read books. That is about the importance of it. On the Comm Course you did TRs. TRs were developed for auditors. You could use them in life and it would increase your ARC with anyone. Becoming an auditor was the solution to any and all personal interactions. There were no life improvement courses. The thing that improves life is auditing. Giving and receiving auditing was not just the main course. It was the entire meal. There wasn't much attention on social reform or PR or anything else.

    As a Course Supervisor (grundy can back me up on this) there are a couple of key policies. The Supervisor's Code and Supervisor's Stable Data. Do they even read that anymore? If so how can they justify filling a course room with people reading basic books? The policy says to throw the students in over their heads and demand results on the PC. There is no reason to have them read every book and clear every word and drill every process within an inch of their lives before putting them in session and seeing a result. Today there are people who have been in Scientology for years before they ever get or give a session. In 1975-1977 the course rooms were full of co-audits. I mean full. There wasn't anything else going on.
    It was fun too. You gave up bowling or watching TV or doing drugs or whatever because learning to audit and auditing was so much more fun. It didn't have to be ordered or enforced particularly. Yes, sometimes there was CI or out ethics and it wasn't a big deal. You routed to someone who would help you sort things out. If you refused handling you left. No one threatened you or made you guilty. There were occasional flaps but not much drama. We used to say "Scientology isn't for everybody" and just left it at that.

    Anyway, as you all know this is a pretty naive and simplistic view of Scientology. There was obviously other stuff going on that I was completely unaware of. But this is my starting point. This is what I observed when I came in as contrasted by what I see today. Both observations are only surface observations. It will take some time to fill in all the stuff. I am coming to realize how my involvement evolved. From here I will continue to unravel what I experienced. This will include joining staff, training at Flag, being offloaded, comm eved, declared, recovered, awarded, applauded, attacked from within and without and bunch of other stuff. It will take some time but I need to get through it.
    Thanks for listening everyone. I'll be back soon.
    Good Twin
  2. lrnobs

    lrnobs Patron with Honors

    I am from the same time period. This is mostly how it was experienced by me as well, including at AOLA and ASHO. Most people were concerned about helping themselves and others.

    The flaws in the tech and ethics at that time is a different conversation. They did of course exist and occur.
  3. Escalus

    Escalus Patron Meritorious

    Oh shi... I thought this was about that great burger franchise in Cali...

    (just kidding...)
  4. Good twin

    Good twin Floater

    :unsure: I suppose I could tell the burger story. (note to self - include burger franchise drama)
  5. Colleen K. Peltomaa

    Colleen K. Peltomaa Silver Meritorious Patron

    Church of Stops

    Yes, yes, yes! You said it, it's all in the auditing! My husband and I cannot get enough auditing. We don't even want to watch movies anymore. We still do watch a movie once in awhile, but I feel fidgety, and just want to get back to the auditing. It's so simple, too. I'm talking especially about Idenics, because I do believe this little process is the gem that we all missed when we joined CofS. It is a latecomer in the broad scientological sense

    It's easier to run than Dianetics, no meter required. Just find a friend or loved one who has the same level of interest (so you won't get frustrated if they are not as committed as you). You won't want to quit, and it only gets better once one gets past the awkward stage and drops some of the fixed datum about auditing. It's a blast.

    I had to leave the Church of Scientology to get what I was always looking for in the Church of Stops.
  6. grundy

    grundy Gold Meritorious Patron

    Supervisor's Code and Supervisor's Stable Data. OOOOOHH .. I'll have to append this to my story too :p

    Well, I think this is what made me what I was as a supervisor. When I first got to Flag for Supervisor training, I ended up helping someone on the Mini Sup Course with the Supervisor's Code even though I had just got there. It was the thing you had to completely duplicate and learn verbatim.

    Jeff King his name was, from Seattle. He was having a hard time and so Leif, our supervisor, decided to have me (a 15 year old newbie lol) help him, as I was also at Flag for sup training. (I know most people type supe so it gets pronounced correctly, but we always abbreviated it sup!)

    The line he was having the hardest time with was #8 - the longest clause.

    "The supervisor should be able to answer any question concerning Scientology by directing the student to the actual source of the data. If a supervisor cannot answer a particular question he should always say so, and the supervisor should find the answer to the question from the source and tell the student where the answer is to be found."

    Even 21 years later, I know this. I know it completely. It was my specialty. I knew supervisors that when asked a question would just tell the student to find his MU.

    Me, I always listened to the students question and if the question was answered in any reference, I would tell the student where to go. I was famous for being able to answer all the tough ones in the blink of an eye. I was accused by the director of training as trying to set myself up as source. She was a supervisor too.

    And Supervisor's Stable Data? COMPLETELY IGNORED in this the "Golden Age of Tech" ... DM needs to get crammed.

    A link which has both:

    Yeah. The Golden Age of Tech. The Tech is Robotics....
  7. Wisened One

    Wisened One Crusader

    GT: I got in Scn around 1989/90, so missed those 'simpler times' of it.

    But yeah: The Mission I first went to (in TX) was soooo nice to me, and not pushy at all, then later when I moved, the Mission there was very nice to me and I felt honestly cared for (not just a 'stat').

    But when you get to Orgs on up, you feel that you are just a 'stat'. A body to get your money out of and pushed up the bridge,etc..NO fun!:(

    The way you described it when someone just wanted to leave, I WISH we could've said that as Reg's to those who didn't want to sign up, sometimes. I used to try it (believing that the R/W concept would work better than the must-havey/desperate flow, anyway). But my Seniors wouldn't have it, of course.
  8. Colleen K. Peltomaa

    Colleen K. Peltomaa Silver Meritorious Patron

    Now that I think of it the Div 6 Supervisor at FCDC (Steve Lower -spelling?) did just that. I admired him for that.
  9. Terril park

    Terril park Sponsor

    I was never a sup, and read supervisors stable datum decades ago and forgot it. Its clearly obvious that GAT is in complete violation of this.

    The first part below:-

    Supervisor's Stable Data
    A Supervisor must never loose sight of what he is trying to accomplish in his students. He must never loose sight of the purpose of auditing and auditors. Auditing is for the preclear; it is designed to improve a preclear's case.

    There is thus a primary stable datum about all supervision which isn't covered in the Supervisor's Code:
    1) Get the student to do auditing to the benefit of the pc.
    2) Then get him to accomplish that with better form, speed and accuracy.

    Auditing is not just a matter of good form. It has to be for the pc to be beneficial.

    The student can be so fixated upon doing it all according to the book so he looses sight of why he is doing it.
  10. Good twin

    Good twin Floater

    Part 2 - Becoming a Staff Member

    Exactly! Thank you all for your input.
    I was a terrific student. There was nothing else I'd rather do then learn how to audit and audit. I got fabulous results right from the get go and was validated heavily for it. I was going to school full time but Scientology seemed so much more fun and meaningful. I was recruited of course.
    I was told I would make good money as a Course Supervisor (like so many of you here). That didn't matter to me a bit. Truthfully I didn't know what good money was. I had never supported myself and figured I always had Mom and Dad to fall back on anyway. It turned out to be true. My parents were very supportive. (they were used to me starting things and quitting things and so on) I found some Scientologists who needed a roommate and I packed myself up and moved to be close to the mission.
    My first day on staff was disturbing. After signing my contract I was shown the reference on "Freeloaders". It was scarey. It made the five years I just agreed to seem like forever. This meant I couldn't be a quitter anymore. I vowed to end my dilletante ways and buckle down and keep a commitment for a change. I reasoned that when I go clear I will stay clear forever. Five years probably wasn't enough. I was honored to be allowed into the fold.
    Okay, that wasn't the disturbing part. I was routed to staff muster. I was shown to my seat and on the table in front of my seat was a copy of the Expanded Non Existence Formula. I sat through muster not really understanding anything and then I read the formula. For the rest of the day it seemed like no one would talk to me or even look at me. It was just really weird. Finally I realized that they were just forcing me to apply the formula and I did, but it felt really weird. I already had a comm line with each of the staff before I joined staff, but now that I was a staff member they treated me like I didn't exist, which of course I didn't (from their point of view). Of course doing the formula worked perfectly and I was soon moving through conditions formulas expertly. I got through my Staff Statuses and Sup training quickly and had some great wins. I was so excited because I was helping in the course room at night and was implementing what I was learning as I studied. I could see that as a Course Supervisor I would be even more valuable then I had felt as an auditor. (I was auditing some of the staff on weekends too, just to help get some of their advance programs up to date) I was told that my test scores were impressive and that I had an extremely high IQ. The mission holder told me that they were planning on sending someone to Flag for training and I might be the most qualified person they had. Of course I was thrilled. Before long I found out that I was being sent to Flag for training.
    Okay, hindsight being what it is, I can now see what is wrong with this picture. There is a mission full of people who have been working on various posts and performing various duties and have proven themselves, etc etc. This new kid comes in and takes a battery of tests and gets to go to training at Flag. I suppose they hated me (or should have), but everyone was very nice. I never heard a word of resentment. To tell you the truth, there are lots of examples of this kind of stuff and no one ever complained. I was on staff for 3 months and a newly trained MCSC when I was sent to the new Flag Land Base. It had just arrived in Clearwater and Scientologists didn't even know where it was. I was so excited. This was going to be the adventure of a lifetime. I was going to be part of the elite club of Flag trainees.
    Hold on the ride is going to get bumpy ....:nervous:
    Good Twin
  11. Wisened One

    Wisened One Crusader

    :clap: Keep going....waiting for the next installment, here!...:yes:
  12. Kathy (ImOut)

    Kathy (ImOut) Gold Meritorious Patron

    Good Twin,

    I can say for certain (with certainty) that you were a good auditor. You gave me the best D of P ever. Sure it got a bit more involved than your standard D of P, but it was GREAT!!!!

    Expanded Non-E - I hate when you first get on a post and they (your seniors/boss) has you do that formula. That's not what LRH says (or at least not the way I understood it). You do Expanded Non-E after you don't make it by applying Non-E.

    I almost got in in 1976, but the person that explained the E-meter to me, had me pretty convinced it would be similar to minor shock therapy. As a past-lifer, I stayed away from electricity - didn't want any problems being out-qual'd due to electric shock. LOL!!!
  13. Wisened One

    Wisened One Crusader

    I second that!:thumbsup:
  14. Good twin

    Good twin Floater

    Part 3a Flag training-HCI

    Okay, this part starts to blur.
    I trained on Flag Tech TRs. Mostly I remember this as being real fun. :confused2:
    I also did HPCSP (Hubbard Professional Course Supervisor Course). This was not such fun. :no: There were a ton of outer org students. Most of us were there for tech training and new checksheets had just been issued per "Fast Flow Training Reinstated". Unfortunately almost none of us were qualified for Fast Flow training. I remember asking for a starrate and being denied it. The Sup would just bark at me "this is a fast flow course room". :grouch: I remember asking for word clearing and the same Sup telling me "stop dramatizing and find your word".:grouch: I remember getting onto fire fights with my twin on emeter drills over the definition of "instant read".:catfight: I couldn't understand why the definition was given in the drill if you were expected to use a different definition. I remember almost falling asleep at the tape recorders. HCI was packed. Flag had just arrived in Clearwater. I met people from all over the place. I began to understand the difference between Orgs and missions. (The missions were more upstat and prosperous, but not respected by the Orgs) There were trainees from Davis and Riverside and various other missions that got stolen by the the finance police later in 1982. I remember being very impressed with the COSMOD staff. I also got to know Ray Mithoff while on course in HCI. He was not a jerk or a hard ass or anything creepy at all back then. He was on the BC. He was actually very kind to me. He used to give me candy to keep me awake at the reel to reel tape players. It was just amazing. The whole experience was like continuous and overwhelming stimuli.:dizzy:
    Of course when I first routed in I was debriefed and given my shore stories. I was also bonded to keep the location of Flag confidential. I didn't realize at the time but I was really turning a page on my own identity. I was assuming something new and foreign to myself and I was totally intrigued by it and becoming addicted. It's not really that different from any other addiction IMO.
    So, I was glibly completing my checksheet and sure I would get busted off the course any day. The Sups never spot checked anyone. They set our targets and then just left us alone. We were expected to be able to apply the study tech so well that we didn't require supervision. I hadn't acquired this skill just yet, but after the next few years of cramming and retreads (I'm not kidding...but that's coming up later ), I did just that. I am an incredibly competent Scientology student. I can be completely pan determined as a student or a Sup. I can apply conditions formulas minute by minute as I study. It's really quite impressive, but not really anything that serves me outside like it did in. But that's all later.
    I was shocked that I actually got to the end of the checksheet and hadn't been taken off. No one seemed to know that I had fallen into a semi conscious state mid checksheet and not come out of it. Now, mind you, I had tried to get help. I had originated that I had been having trouble, but it just wasn't heard. so there I was at completion and still waiting to get busted. When I got to the end of the checksheet. I was 8Ced into signing (now fully under hypnotic spell), then the Sups told me I would be tested. Whew! I was so relieved. I knew I'd surely get busted and have to be sent home or start over or something. Nope. I passed. :duh: I still don't know how. It was a verbal test. They asked me the Barriers to Study and the four things a Supervisor can say to a student. I don't think there was much more to it. Anyway, I was graduated and sent off to the internship. :omg:
    Anyone here been on Brian Livingston's internship?.....
  15. grundy

    grundy Gold Meritorious Patron

    I didn't train on the HPCSC until the late 80s at Flag. I have to tell you....

    :omg: :omg: OMG!!!!!!!

    Say what you will about the gradual changed in tech that came right after LRH passed, for supervisor's we had an excellent checksheet. (It was a pilot. The few of us on HPCSC training, we had to sign in and out our checksheet everyday.) I also had the benefit of having an exceptionally caring supervisors on my earliest training. There was co-auditing actually happening in the practical section at HCI.

    I read what you went through and it makes me SHUDDER!

    I think someone needs to have been slapped silly .... (not you btw) ....
  16. Good twin

    Good twin Floater

    Part 3b Flag Internship & cramming with Dennis Erlich

    Well, I suppose it does sound bad. However being there was just the way it was. I wasn't the only only one. Like I said the courses were packed. We were honored to be the first Land Based trained Scientologists. Some were of course much more seasoned then I, but many were not. By now the Base was also full of trainees who hadn't made it through their training but couldn't afford to go home. The outer Org students who weren't paid up for their training had to stay until their Orgs were able to get their exchange in with Flag. So...there were lots of Org staff working at Flag. I found out that many of the HCI students were also routed onto the Student Booster Rundown and were being audited by Interns. Many had crashed on their training. One person told me that she crashed because she wasn't fast flow. :duh: Oops. I wasn't either, but had just completed my training fast flow anyway. I found out many did. Oh well. I had faith that Scientology could handle anything. I mean everyone here seemed to agree on that. Outpoints can be corrected. It never occurred to anyone that there were outpoints in the tech or in the Mecca of technical perfection. We just turned ourselves over to be handled or corrected. Right?:confused2:
    So.. The Internship. It was in the FH where the Bookstore is now. It was packed. After the first roll cal this was surprising because interns were being routed out in bulk. I'm not talking about completions here. I'm talking about offloaded interns. Here's how it worked. At roll call each auditor had to answer roll and report his or her previous days WDAH. They were required to audit 5 or 8 hours a day. (I can't recall which) if they failed to get their hours in for 3 days in a row they were offloaded to retrain. It was terrifying. I was grateful that I was a Supervisor. But not really. I felt totally outclassed in this environment. These guys were REAL Scientologists and i was a mere poser. Brian Livingston was the most terrifying person I had ever experienced. He was incredibly arrogant and seemed to feel contempt for the interns. He had a blond that followed him around and sat on his desk and took notes while he bellowed at us. But this was obviously what a real Scientologist was. Right?:grouch:
    I started my checksheet. This could be the end but I guess I can tell it all here. My First step on my checksheet was "Starrate KSW Series 1", right?
    So I flunked on the first word. Okay. I was cool with that. Happy to be getting checkouts at last. Then after clearing the word and restudying flunked again. And again. My coach got mad at me said I wasn't applying study tech correctly. Basically said I didn't belong here! :clap: No kidding.
    I was upset, but glad to be found out. Maybe I would get fixed like the other "failed students". I was looking forward to my first trip to cramming.:happydance:
    I had no idea how Dennis Erlich had become what he was. What he was at that time was the gatekeeper to hell.:angry:
    I remember walking into his office. I remember picking up the cans. After that it is a blur. He ranted at me louder and angrier then I had even seen Brian Livingston. I cried through the whole thing:bigcry: and he just keep glaring at me.:angry: He told me that I needed to retread lot's of stuff and I had MUs on my metering that retreads wouldn't handle. Then he waited for me to stop crying. I just stared at him. He told me he would write it all up and that obviously I needed case handling as well. (That's as best as I can recall, it really is very hazy)
    The upshot was I was sprung from the internship and sent to the reg. I felt safer there. :yes: I think it was David Light. He was very calm. I saw him a few years ago in L.A. and he still seems very calm. Maybe it's just my perception because anything would seem calm after the chaos of the internship. I needed auditing. I needed money. I didn't have any. David called my mission holder and i was told to come home. They said they would fix me when I got back to the mission. :p I was so happy to be leaving Flag. However, I knew by now much I didn't know before I got there. I knew that PR was far more important then truth. I knew that Flag was perfect and I needed to be corrected so I could fit in. I knew that it was my duty to protect the image of Scientology and Flag so I could get back there and continue my enlightenment. I knew that my case was far worse then I expected. I knew that Scientology was my only hope.:yes:
    I was so excited because I was going home to get audited and retrained and I was going to become a real Scientologist. I suppose I was a bit too relieved because that night I went out with some public people I met and got drunk. :yes: That was my last day at Flag for a while. By the time I came back I would be a different person.:whistling:
    Good Twin
  17. Wisened One

    Wisened One Crusader

    WOW, GT. :omg: Hanging on every word, here...Next installment!!??
  18. Kathy (ImOut)

    Kathy (ImOut) Gold Meritorious Patron

    More story, please.

    Side note: David Light has always made me feel like I needed a shower after talking to him. He seemed to always be checking me out. Very creepy. This happened when he was a reg on the ship and then later when he was wearing whatever post at PAC Base.
  19. Good twin

    Good twin Floater

    Okay, soon.
    Re: Side note: The bad guys and good guys change in this story a lot. David Light is creepy, but at the time he was my salvation. Later when I read Dennis Erlich's story on the internet, I really felt for him. David Mayo was my role model of technical excellence and passed my TRs at Flag. Later he was declared a Squirrel. OSA was my hero when my mission was attacked. Later I read stuff on the internet that was reported to the police that was just plain absurd. The things I was most ashamed of at certain times now seem like no big deal. The things I was most proud of seem unimportant and/or shameful. I guess the upshot is we all have our frailties. Being out makes it easier to admit.
  20. Good twin

    Good twin Floater

    Part 4 - My first bottom up

    So, I'm back from Flag with my tail between my legs. Surprisingly everyone treats me with amazing respect. I am given an admin post while I work on my program. Life is good. :yes: I'm happy to be back, but know I have to really sort out how to be tough like these Scientologist are.
    The first step of my TIP is a very extensive cram on metering, from Dennis. I had to M9 a book on electronics before starting. I had to M9 all three emeter books. I had to do all Emeter drills 5 times through, including a couple of other drills that were not in the drills book. One was throwing the meter. It was pretty cool. You stand about 3 feet away from your twin and toss the emeter to him. Then when you are comfortable with that you step back a little bit and throw it again and so on until you are throwing the meter across the room. It really turned on some weird stuff and took all significance/importance off the meter.:whistling:
    This cram was very difficult to get through and I had to really dig up alot if intention to get through it. Most of my energy came from trying to prove that I wasn't hopelessly degraded as my experience at Flag had tried to teach me. It worked. I got through it. I can't imagine this working with the public of today. It was a different time. It was just one year since I first got into Scientology when I completed my cram on metering.:happydance:
    Once I got through that, I had to bottom up my training. I also got some auditing. I also wrote up O/Ws on all dynamics. I also did lowers. I learned alot. So even though I was terrified and horrified by my Flag training, I came to realize that it pushed me into a new level of toughness that I really didn't have before that. I got back into the course room eventually. I did well on post. I was sent back to Flag.:nervous: It was so very different now. Only 18 months later and a different world entirely.