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Right now, somewhere in ScientologyLand. . .

Discussion in 'General Scientology Discussion' started by HelluvaHoax!, Jan 27, 2015.

  1. Smurf

    Smurf Gold Meritorious SP

    LOL. I used to have this problem when I lived in Florida where there are ALOT of lakes & swamps occupied by every species of bird one can think of. I owned a baby blue Honda Civic & it got covered in all kinds of bird shit.

    I posted an inquiry about this on the Internet & an ornithologist responded that birds are instinctively driven to "let loose" over bodies of water & they confuse the roofs & hoods of blue cars as water. :biggrin:
  2. Gizmo

    Gizmo Rabble Rouser

    Of that was a low blow !

    DM is a Class XII auditor & CS .

    How dare you insult the head ( giving ) midget !
  3. Knows

    Knows Gold Meritorious Patron

    I disagree with you Hoaxie - that is Dev-T ^^^ :

    ADVANCED HANDLING: Also emissaries from within ScientologyLand will journey out into the real world to issue media statements which essentially will consist of:

    * "Everyone associated with the documentary is evil."
    * "Everyone associated with the documentary is criminal."
    * "Everyone associate with the documentary is lying."
    * "We have a new building which proves we are virtuous, truthful & winning."

    I think the emissaries from ScientologyLand will issue a BPI with only one statement from COB:

    *"Everyone associated with the Documentary is connected to A PSYCH":omg:

    That seems to satisfy the masses in ScientologyLand...and it just works!:yes:
  4. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on


    Right now, somewhere in ScientologyLand. . .

    A Scientologist has just completed a big clay demo and asks the supervisor for a checkout. The supervisor (in the middle of another cycle) tells them to wait until she has time to look at it. The student waits. . .

    After a considerable time, the supervisor finally inspects the demo and says what it is. When the piece of paper is turned right-side up, the student has a huge win and VVGIs because they got a pass on the following LRH datum:

    "The worst trap a thetan can get caught
    in is the degradation of needing and
    having to wait for the approval of others."
    -L. Ron Hubbard : SHSBC lecture of 1 April 1963:
    "Waiting, Approval & Degradation"

    The absurd irony of the Scientologist waiting for a checkout in order to get their approval would not show up on any Scientology radar screens on this planet.

    Final Note: Sorry, I made up that whole Hubbard quote (lol), which kind of brings us to another thing happening every single day in ScientologyLand. It's that Hubbard, Miscavige or other cult seniors just make up the most ridiculous nonsense and Scientologists have huge OT wins on gaining priceless cosmic wisdom.

    If I had more time, I'd create a spoof documentary by surveying Scientologists. At the beginning of the survey, I'd r-factor them that a small treasure trove of unpublished LRH quotes were discovered in one of the church's storage archives. Then, the first question (to get them revved up) would be to ask if they would prefer to own these priceless quotes in hardcover book form or via a one-time modest download charge onto their computer.

    Then, I'd r-factor them that there are so many quotes we need to just choose the top 100 and so I want to show them one of the confidential references and get their feedback and whether they get any big wins on it. By now, the Scientologist would be slipping into that all-too-familiar Pre-Win, Pre-FN reverie (the feeling they get just before they burst out laughing and blurting out a new realization that changes their life!

    So...then (drumroll) I'd pull out an official looking HCOPL with one quote on it, ask them to read it over to see how it could improve conditions across their dynamics.

    Saint Hill Manor, East Grinstead, Sussex



    Pilot Conditional Target
    For Immediate Implementation - All Orgs

    As per previous advices, we have surveyed and vetted with considerable success a listing of LRH datums which the public has chosen as their favorite quotations.

    Authorized and fully hatted project administrators should show only one (1) of the top 300 LRH quotations (see attached sheet) after which:

    1) After reading it, they should be asked how this LRH datum, if applied, would improve conditions across their dynamics.

    2) Ask them what cognition they think people would have if they could read this LRH quote.

    3) Get their name and contact information and give them a one week Time Machine to get this datum "in" in their lives, after which they should write and submit a Success Story.

    It has been discovered through practice and hard-won experience that the only way to break through a MEST being's resistance to the Bridge is to feed them gradient tech datums and let them win. Therefore, this pilot project is to be given top priority by all Dissemination personnel and failure to implement it shall be considered a High Crime.

    Follow these simple steps and watch your pay unit soar and your city and country prosper!




    Quote # 137

    "The success of a being is entirely
    upon their willingness to
    unreservedly invest themselves and
    their MEST into theta goals."

    -L. Ron Hubbard-


    ps: NOTE TO READER OF THIS POST: That quote is wayyyyy too normal sounding. LOL. But it would convince the Scientologist that they should not worry about giving all their money & MEST to the Church of Scientology. I actually would make up some far wackier quotes that sound like they COULD be something that is so advanced and OT and cosmic, that it must be true. Hubbard specialized in those kind of quotes. LOL.

    Making up truly bizarre LRH quotes that Scientolgists would get huge wins on would be one of the most fun things to do if I didn't have a life. LOL

  5. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on




    Quote # 59

    "In order to win any game in the physical universe,
    all a
    has to do is to refuse to acknowledge or
    place any attention units on the clamor for "proof" that
    you have won, by MEST beings trapped within it. "

    -L. Ron Hubbard- ACC 2 April 1957: "The MEST universe--a Limited Game"


    Okay, that should do it.

    Give this LRH quote to a Scientologist.

    Sit back and enjoy as huge OT wins ensue.
    Last edited: Jan 30, 2015
  6. Gizmo

    Gizmo Rabble Rouser

    OK. Let's get serious. Who made the biggest fucking clay demo of all ?

    How high was that Mo Fo ?

    Who had a biggie ?
  7. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on


    I wonder why something completely covered in birdshit is so enjoyable to see when talking about Scientology.
  8. Udarnik

    Udarnik Gold Meritorious Patron

    Because one of the things that keeps me from dismissing the idea of God out of hand is the occasional perfect metaphor? :p
  9. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    I don't know about you, but my clay demos were always life-sized.

    Here's me, when I was in the Sea Org doing the "OKAY TO DRIVE A CAR" checksheet.

    Just putting some finishing touches on it before getting a checkout.

  10. Gizmo

    Gizmo Rabble Rouser

    This covers scientology the best I've ever seen !

    This is it !

    Covered in bird shit !

    And that IS as good as it gets !
  11. Knows

    Knows Gold Meritorious Patron

    HH- this: " By now, the Scientologist would be slipping into that all-too-familiar Pre-Win, Pre-FN reverie (the feeling they get just before they burst out laughing and blurting out a new realization that changes their life"

  12. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on


    As long as we are kinda on the subject of LRH quotes, I have a question if anyone knows. . .

    I found this reference last year on ESMB, which is allegedly the last recorded words of L. Ron Hubbard from 1984.

    Does anyone happen to know if this has been verified as authentic?

    Also, has anyone run this procedure to see if it cures arthritis?
  13. Udarnik

    Udarnik Gold Meritorious Patron

    Ayup. That was one of the first clinical trials I ever ran.

    Didn't cure arthritis, but it was a surefire cure for adiposity of the bank account!
  14. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on


    According to reliable sources, Hubbard's cure for arthritis has not become widely known because his historical discovery is being suppressed by big pharma and Timex.
  15. DeeAnna

    DeeAnna Patron Meritorious

    Great genealogy research! Interesting that our beloved Billy Blowdown uses the surname of his mother Blanche. When a genealogist sees a male child with the surname of his mother, they look for things like: an illegitimate birth; a messy separation/divorce situation where the mother absolutely hated the father AND his name and thus changed the child's surname to that of her own family; a person who just didn't like their given surname so decided to adopt a "better one".

    FYI a cursory search at showed only one person with the name "Blowdown". Listed in a 1955 Montgomery, Alabama City Directory was a "Spouts Blowdown". (I kid you not!) Further investigation revealed this not to be a name but rather a service offered by a roofing company. I suppose I'll have to forgive the computer software for listing it as a person's name. Actually I was envisioning all sorts of interesting possibilities for finding an ancestor of Billy who was named "Spouts". Kind of has a ring to it, know what I mean?

    Knowing that surnames can change over time, I used the "sounds like" search function. I encountered a very few "Blodown"s and a few "Bleaudon"s and "Bloedon"s. "Blodine"s were fairly plentiful - think Jethro Bodine - and there was that Tennessee connection......

    Bottom line, I got nowhere using conventional mean to trace what must surely be a fascinating family. Why, I'd bet there were a few war heroes among them! Highly decorated war heroes.

    I await the recharge of your e-meter.
  16. DeeAnna

    DeeAnna Patron Meritorious

    Thank you for this, Helluva. As a never-in this explains the mind-fuck to me in a way that I never could quite grasp. :clap:
  17. Operating DB

    Operating DB Truman Show Dropout

    Yeah, maybe I misread a meter read or two. I was in fact using an old Mark V that had at one time fallen in the toilet.

    Don't ask me how that happened.

    Nevertheless an e-meter is the most accurate method in determining facts. I don't bother with wog research methods and using the internet. They are too outdated.

    Spouts Blowdown! lol
  18. oneonewasaracecar

    oneonewasaracecar Gold Meritorious Patron

    It was a friend of Steven Spielberg's who was a scientologist and was obsessed with marcabians.

  19. I knew those damn Psychs had an accomplice.
  20. There should be an "Amen!" button.