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The Stupid Cupid Rundown

Discussion in 'Scientology Technology' started by Helena Handbasket, Nov 30, 2014.

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  1. Purple Rain

    Purple Rain Crusader

    Yes, my relationship was also cultic. I've loved and lost before and it hurt, but life went on. All I want is for it to stop hurting now, and I think moving away will help with that. I really do not want to get laid. I love sex, which is why it's all so ironic, but I don't feel ready for that at all - still a year and a half after we broke up and a year since we last had sex. I wish I had known then that it was the last time.

    I will never understand why he gets under my skin.

    I just want to be a crazy old cat lady too.

    I am having dinner with Denise's friend Robin and This Is Not OK and KissMyStats when I get to New Hampshire, so I am looking forward to that. They are the most excellent cooks - the best meal of all time was at there house last year.

    I'm just focusing on simple things - simple pleasures. At the moment everything hurts and I can't believe it is still so painful. I don't know what's wrong with me. But I am moving on as best I can, and I'll never see him or speak to him again after Saturday.

    Thank you for saying those nice things about me. My tarot says I will meet lots of good people but never someone special, and I'm okay with that now if that's how it is. God, I'm bloody 51. Time to retire from it all. I'd love to have sex one day and think, "Is that what it's all about? What's the big deal?" Lol!
  2. I told you I was trouble

    I told you I was trouble Suspended animation

    Getting some real professional help was totally the way to go in the situation you found yourself in and I really do get that and admired the way you handled it ... but Helena's issues are very different and she has stated many times that she wants to find a new partner.

    I'm outa here now, I've already said too much.

  3. mystic...

    as grand old man of esmb

    though not uncontestable is yet unassailable


    as indisputable court jester of esmb

    is also worthy of being thought unassailable
  4. Helena Handbasket

    Helena Handbasket Gold Meritorious Patron

    No, sallydannce, I don't have you on ignore. You're a nice lady; I enjoy reading your posts.

    Besides, I've found that putting people on official ignore just gives them an opportunity to slander you behind your back. So now there's a few people (not you) that when I see their posts, I just skim over them and never reply.

    I did throw myself into relationship after relationship trying to forget. With this one guy, it did help some, but he died after our third date. :bigcry:

    I am concerned about intimacy, but at this point am more concerned about not finding it than finding it.

    I have consulted many professionals looking for help but they were unable to make a dent in my pain. Only my own rundown -- which is actually bits and pieces of many different viewpoints -- worked.

    Yes, I did develop this tech to "handle my own case" but the point is that it got handled. However many people have gone down this same road -- this rundown is for them, too.

    That's probably where I'll end up. See you there! :)

    Last edited: Dec 4, 2014
  5. The_Fixer

    The_Fixer Class Clown

    Well don't look at me either!

    Married 25 years and I still haven't got it right.....:grouch:

    Maybe one day I will. Maybe too, one day I'll listen and think...."Oh, is that what she means (and nothing to do with the cricket either)?"

    Probably after the day I die?

    Oh well, :carryon:
  6. Claire Swazey

    Claire Swazey Spokeshole, fence sitter

    Reminds me of some ethics mini course I did a long time ago. I was supposed to do something or other with one of the dynamics. Anyway, I jokingly said to the course supv "Oh, I guess I'll overhaul my entire 2nd dynamic" and he laughed and said "See you in a few decades" and we both started laughing.

    Because this love/relationship stuff is very very tough.

    I suppose that's in proportion to how special and rewarding it is. Something that important isn't going to be a caekwalk.
  7. Claire Swazey

    Claire Swazey Spokeshole, fence sitter

    Well, these days, as far as approaching problems and feelings go, I'm mainly with you. A rundown wouldn't be my way of coming to terms with something.

    But I don't have any worries about someone else doing it. I think we've all got to find our own way. And if it seems to help, then great.

    Scientology has been called, by some, a therapy cult. It's fairly apt though, of course, in the case of CofS, omits the many institutional cultic horrors people there go through. Helena's just experimenting with concepts and theories she came across in her studies to make her own therapy. If it's any comfort to anyone, she would never have had that freedom to do that in CofS. Would have been sent straight to ethics for it.

    If it's a bit limiting and thinking within the box-ish, well, maybe she already tried other ways before and didn't feel better.
  8. Helena Handbasket

    Helena Handbasket Gold Meritorious Patron

    Claire, it's absolutely true that I've tried other ways. Lots of them. I moved to another continent for ******* sake.

    To say I belong to the therapy-of-the-month club would only be a slight exaggeration. I've searched everywhere for a solution to this problem, only to take bits and pieces of everything from Excalibur to Sprig Lore to make up a "custom process" (meaning I squirreled) which finally fixed it.
    Last edited: Dec 5, 2014
  9. Helena Handbasket

    Helena Handbasket Gold Meritorious Patron

    One of the "crippling syndromes" I've had (its over now) was Elliman's Syndrome.

    Okay, maybe that's not a real syndrome, but; wait, I'll let Yvonne Elliman explain it to you ... .

  10. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    Something seems not quite right about that. Oh yeah, I see it now.

    Let me FIFY:
    Besides, I've found that putting people on official ignore just gives them an opportunity to [STRIKE]slander[/STRIKE] libel you behind your back.

    Hmmm, there still is something funky going on with it. Oh yeah, there it is. . .

    FIFY again:
    Besides, I've found that putting people on official ignore just gives them an opportunity to [STRIKE]slander[/STRIKE].[STRIKE]libel[/STRIKE] disagree with your opinions [STRIKE]behind your back[/STRIKE] in front of your computer screen.

    Editing services donated compliments of Int'l Association of Hoaxologists, on a no-charge invoice. :hattip:
  11. looker

    looker Patron Meritorious

    For what its worth.....

    Having had the opportunity to hang around some Mormon folks, I over heard some divorced ladies talk about their relationship dating troubles. One said from her readings and therapies that FEAR ( that faint red flag flapping in the back of the mind) can be interpreted as deep out of this world LOVE.

    She went on to say; The nervous adrenaline rush of magical adoration especially with an Obsessive Compulsive Personality can leave an addictive emotional HIGH and crash, like a hit of METH.

    Then there was more talk about codependent relationships and I kind of tuned out.

    When I was dating in my dirty thirties I had 2 such meetings with addictive women. I felt instant gushes of endocrine juice and feelings of a dreamy "Soul Mate" connection that felt other worldly. However, the feeling that my feet were not on the ground steered me away form forming a real relationship.

    Besides, the women seemed to be extraordinarily intoxicating in their demeanor and mannerisms as though they enjoyed being on stage, watching their craft enchant me. While it was fascinating being in this interplay, the red flags were flapping because the sparkle in her eyes said this is really just a game of magic, and, I am really not available emotionally for you, ... maybe.

    The age old game. Evil flirting unobtainable women creating a Mystery Sandwich. :hysterical:

    The "hang over" from those exhilarating experiences was a little hard to shake short term, but over time I got my feet back on the ground. :)

    So, when I heard the ladies talk about LOVE feeling, could actually be a FEAR adrenaline reflex. I noted that down because it seemed to fit.

    As they used to say; When you find your love you hear music in your heart, feel safe and feel like coming home. I did have a 6 year relationship like that but she was a Mormon, I wasn't, so, we couldn't be. We parted good friends.

    The kicker in the cult (CO$ and Mormon) is the brainwash that one should not get married if not perfect. Perhaps that internalized standard has sabotaged many potentially great relationships between imperfect people.
    Last edited: Dec 9, 2014
  12. Helena Handbasket

    Helena Handbasket Gold Meritorious Patron

    FIBA (Fixed It Back Again):

    Besides, I've found that putting people on official ignore just gives them an opportunity to
    [STRIKE]slander[/STRIKE].[STRIKE]libel[/STRIKE] [strike]disagree with your opinions [/strike][STRIKE]behind your back[/STRIKE] [strike]in front of your computer screen[/strike] SLANDER YOU BEHIND YOUR BACK.

  13. Purple Rain

    Purple Rain Crusader

    It says more about the character of that person than about the person ignoring them, however. Any two year old can be hurtful and make fun of another person. It's a lot harder to take the higher road. To insult and degrade somebody is the easiest thing in the world. It's harder to choose to be the kind of person you want to be instead of responding in like kind.
  14. Helena Handbasket

    Helena Handbasket Gold Meritorious Patron

    Rather than shouting back at someone, I'd much rather quietly ignore them. If you keep acknowledging someone they'll keep talking.

    But I have found there are sometimes where you HAVE to respond -- as in when someone accuses you, and if you say nothing, people will assume you are in the wrong. That's been a lesson I learned the hard way over the years.

  15. Helena Handbasket

    Helena Handbasket Gold Meritorious Patron

    I have previously said that I seem to be cured of my obsession with my XBF, but that it was really too soon to say if that was going to "stick" or not.

    Enough time has gone by that I think I can answer that question:

    It's over. While I still consider him to be someone I would like to be with, I am not so obsessed about it. I can take it or leave it.

    However, I may have drunk too deeply of the potion of immunity to love. For I have this feeling that I'll never be in love again. The mechanism itself has been damaged; there may be no repairing it.

    In fact, I've lost just about all interest in gender, sex, and love. I just don't care. Maybe I'll get some cats someday.

  16. R2-45

    R2-45 Silver Meritorious Patron

    What this thread needs is moar cats.

    Like... I donno... maybe five or six dozen?

  17. uncover

    uncover Gold Meritorious Patron

    Alf agrees and says: "yes, at least five or six dozen.... I really miss the taste since I left Melmac..."

  18. Helena Handbasket

    Helena Handbasket Gold Meritorious Patron


  19. JustSheila

    JustSheila Crusader

    Good for you, Helena. Especially the part about waiting and checking up on yourself. It sounds like you're making great progress.

    Yeh, that happens. One loses interest for a while after a loss. It may not be forever - it's a bit early to say, since you've only recently accepted the relationship with your ex is over. Maybe you can check up on yourself on that in like, three months and see if you still feel the same, like you did with getting over the bf.
  20. phenomanon

    phenomanon Canyon

    Losing interest in sex and Gender is not a bad thing. It is actually a relief for some of us. I'll take affection any day over lust.