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This is my story

Discussion in 'Stories From Inside Scientology' started by Imnotsupposetobehere, May 18, 2009.

  1. Imnotsupposetobehere

    Imnotsupposetobehere Patron with Honors

    Knowledge is precious, dangerous, valueless and horrible and craved.
    Dianetics 55!
    LRH

    This is the story of how I got involved with Anonymous, how I came to get involved in Freezone and then went and later decided to get involved with the church and later involved in Sea Org, to how I found my way home and came to the decision to leave the church. There have been several accusations made against me and I wish to tell my side of the events through this story. The only thing I have changed are the names of people I met both Anonymous, Freezone and Church. And now lets begin with what was the most twisted roller-coaster ride I have ever been on in my entire life and as such I do not wish to argue or fight any longer the target is not those next to us and it is definably not those in front of us but rather those individuals who hide behind us in the dark. I was told not to talk about what had occurred while I was in the church and to never tell this story, but I am a defiant teenager and I rarely do what Im told to, without good reason and so here it is let begin.

    It was a normal monday morning for me, wake up get dressed grab a pop tart and run out the door and hope that I wouldn't be late. A sigh of relief, I was early and I began to butterfly around saying hello to various friends and classmates. Then I came across two friends talking excitedly amongst themselves. I said hello and asked them what was up. I figured they had gone to a good concert or something like that, but I was surprised to discover that instead they had gone to the first Anonymous protest against the Church, and where very excited about it. I listened as they told me the most horrible things about the church. I could hardly believe it, it was completely out reality to me. I just couldn't imagine people treating others that badly. I mean sure I had seen the news about a people getting killed and harmed but that always seemed like something from a television show or movie, it was never real to me. That day at school I went to lunch and Jacob started to talk about Scientology and the Anonymous protesting too. He was really excited about it and I told him that I would go with him to the next protest.

    Before I went I goggled Scientology and instantly came up with various websites and I started reading. I was literally in shock no way anyone could get away with what was claimed and get away with it, there was just no way but then I looked more and I began to see how they could not have been caught, simply because the church had money and power and people where afraid of the church. I began to understand. I had been the nerdy sick kid in elementary and middle school I knew what kind of pressures a bully can put on a person and make them not want to say anything I knew it full well. I had said nothing at times where I most likely should have on the playground and in the hallway but didn't and so I saw the church as all the bully's that had ever bullied me. I saw it as a way to get back at the bullies and to also in some small way help those who I saw as getting bullied or those who where being forced to be a bully.

    9 o'clock in the morning jump out of bed. Ready. Put on a shirt and blue jeans and shoes place my suit, mask and wig in my bag and grab my camel back and cookies. Double check make sure I have everything, fliers, mask and clothes. Good. Give my mom a hug and walk out the door to the bus stop. Ready, some friends from school walk up and we where ready. We go to the MGM, where everyone was suppose to meet up and later march up to the org. We where early so we had lunch and changed cloths and walked outside. I started to pass out fliers and a man came up to me and asked me for a flier and I gave him one and he asked e who the leader was. I told him that there where no leaders in Anonymous and he kept asking me and kept asking me and I started to get upset and another Anon noticed and walked up.

    "Can I help you with something?"

    And the man ran off, glaring at the Anon who had came up on our conversation.

    "Thanks" I said.
    "No problem"

    I walk back over to my friends and we start the march down to the org passing out fliers and dancing down the las vegas strip.

    After walking and dancing for what seemed like a long time we finally arrived at the org and thats where we had found out that some of the Anon's had already gotten into some trouble and where forced to show their Id's to police officers but after much explaining they went away. We ate cake and partied and laughed at each others jokes and soon it was time to go home, I went to many protest after that, I went to about five and I had read all about the crimes and abuses of Scientology but I began to wonder why someone would be drawn to Scientology if it was as bad as I had read.

    So I read the the entire thing on Scientology.org and I downloaded DMSH and I started to read I could see how it could be used in real life and I began to apply it and see what would happen. I also found DMSH at my local library and read that. It all made sense to me. I read more and more, course I had already found out about Xenu at that time and I researched that more and I found the lecture and course material I read and listened to lectures it made sense as absolutely nits as it may sound to you, I felt and still feel as if I had found the key. I eventually came across the Freezone and quickly got in com with a few people. I had already done some processing on my own and had some wins. I got some auditing through a guy names Rick he was a nice guy and we just did some book one auditing, I know not exactly ST but oh well it happens. I wanted answers and I wasn't about to wait for them.

    I discussed some of my benefits and even processed and did some book one auditing on some of the Anon's that I knew at the time. Discussing with them exactly what we where doing so as they where not in unawareness. Well, some of the other Anon's discovered this and disliked that I used the Tech. They claimed that I had outed them when I was in FZ and even claimed that I was OSA. Several times I offered to answer their questions and whatever they wanted to know. I soon ended up in a conversation where the com was badly misdirected and mutilated, but I knew from the start that those individuals who had started the conversation where not there to honestly ask me questions and honestly listen to anything I had to say and where simply interested only in twisting what I said for their own twisted amusement and so that is when I decided to no longer go to any more protest and I started to see that as much as Anonymous claims to only be against the abuses of the church they are also against the beliefs as well.

    During this time I got in com with a guy named Allen and he eventually came down to Las Vegas and we did some TR training and talked alot. Then He went home and over the phone we would audit and process each other and it was during this time that we started doing some Whole track auditing and I came across the fact that I had been SO before. I had full recall and Allen didn't know quite how to handle it. He gave the command to come up to present time and I did and he ended the session there we talked for a while and I hung up.

    The next day I began to wonder. Should I keep the promise that I had made before or should I just pretend it never happened. I tried and I found myself for a good while questioning my ethic for going as well as for not going and that is when I started to go to the org in Las Vegas and I went and I did the DMSMH Extension course at the org. I went to events and fundraisers, I met many people and quickly became friends. I remember a few times just hanging out in the public canteen afterwards and trying to get out before the SO recruiters or the IAS guys would come, we made it a game and did our best to stick together. One day I walked out of the org with a friend and went to Starbucks when some the the Anonymous protester's where out protesting and they decided to put up a sign that said that I was part of Anonymous, when I went back to the org that day for course I was asked about it and I told them that I never It. I had alot of fun at the org but I finally came to the decision that it would be out ethic to not keep my promise no matter how long ago it was and so I emailed AOLA and I and asked who I would talk to regarding returnees to the SO. I need up getting an email back from a person calling himself Morgan and I talked to him for a while and he seemed to be very excited and asked for my phone number I gave it to him and I guess it got lost in the shuffle because two weeks went by without so much as a word. I went online and found the number to AOLA.

    "Scientology LA, How may I help you" asked the receptionist with a thick accent.
    "Can I talk to Morgan Metcalf, please"
    "Okay, may I ask who is calling"
    "Rebecca Archer"
    "Okay, let me go find him, hold please"
    "Okay"

    And after awhile I was talking to Morgan. He was extremely excited once he discovered who I was and I was quickly handed me over to a SO recruiter. The conversation we had went on for quite sometime his name was Charles and he was talking to me about SO and he even emailed me the SO contract. I told him that I wanted to finish High School and then I would rejoin but he kept pushing saying that I had already played that game and indeed I had but I was raised that you finish High school before anything. But eventually I decided to go ahead and join the SO. I was set up to do my A-J at 6 the next night.

    I went and It was a big mess,the person who was scheduled to do it wasn't there but I felt like I was flying, like I was floating on the air. I was bigger, better and stronger than anything I had decided to become a SO member and I would soon be on my way. The whole org was a wave of excitement and I as I completed each test I found myself onestep closer to my goal. Marry finally came and I got my A-J, I smiled this is what I was waiting for and I followed her back into an empty auditing room.

    "Sit down, please make yourself comfortable"
    I did
    "Are you well fed? Have you gotten enough sleep?"
    I said yes
    "Im not auditing you"
    Okay
    "Start A-J"
    She asked me about Anonymous during my A-J and needless to say I successfully mocked up and alternate reality and put some isness in it and I was given admittance to PAC.

    The next day I called Charles and told him that I had completed my A-J and I told Charles and asked about how to handle my mother. He said to tell her that I was going to go to Bridge for a Job, I tried calling her and she didn't pick up. I did the only thing I could and I wrote a letter telling her where I was going. I called a friend and he forwarded me the money to buy an airplane ticket to LA and my recruiter said that he would pick me up from the airport. I had everything, I was ready to go, I just needed a ride to the airport and the next day I gave my mom a hug and walked out the door, placing the key under the rug and walking out. Not really sure if I would ever return, and looking forward to the future that was to be.

    I got on the bus and headed down to the org. I was bound to get a ride from the org to the airport and after hanging around for a bit a guy named Alex came up and took me to the airport. I gave my last goodbye to all the staff and public that where there and I was off on a new adventure. Allen was grim through the entire ride and he told me that he was SO and that I would like it there he seemed so sad and I wanted to know why but I also didn't want to pry so I stayed quite through the rest of the ride to the airport.

    I got on the airplane and arrived there and walked down to the baggage claim where I grabbed my stuff and I saw Charles for the first time. He was beaming and I couldn't help but be happy too. I had made it there. He grabbed my bags and joked about how small I was and then put the bags in the car and we drove off. He then told me about my schedule and told me how excited he was that I was there, I was excited too We then started the massive amounts of paperwork I talked with several people and everyone was happy and cheerful.

    After we covered all of that we then went around for what seemed like hours to give information to different people. I think it was around 3 when I got back
    My recruiter told me that I would get to sleep in till 8 and he would come and get me, pointed me to where the EPF berthing was and said goodnight.
    I put my pj's on and woke up the next morning to the sound of a vacuum cleaner.

    I crawled down from my top bunk and looked around and an elderly lady smiled at me and said "Welcome to the Sea org". I smiled back at her and said thanks and a girl with bright red hair named Helen came into the room she smiled and said hello and introduced herself and I said hi back and she said that she was there to get me my uniform and we looked everywhere in storage but we couldn't find one small enough.

    So the elderly lady, named Mildred said that she would hem a pair for me. I put on a smaller uniform and then my recruiter came to get me. " Look at you Sea Org Member" I smiled and we walked down to the EPF space and I was placed infront of a computer with a blue screen an told to write out my life story. I did it putting up my altered Reality. I was then given a buddy and we had trouble at first but we mainly got along because we where forced to, her name was Jackie. Then I went walked up to lunch and started on the typical schedule for all EPF.

    My favorite job when I was there was putting the books into boxes for the Library event. We all had rows of boxes and we put the stickers on the boxes making sure each one was perfectly aligned. It was a lot of work but we eventually made it a game and raced to see who could complete the most amount of products in the amount of time we had and eventually we where done. Our arms where cut up from the boxes and somehow some of us had bruises.

    Cuts and bruises on EPF where joked about. We called them war wounds and often joked saying that the one with the most was upstat. While I was there I saw myself do some incredible stuff like jumping off the steps so I could get to muster faster and laughing the entire time as I ran in just in time and took my place behind my Unit I/C.

    My Unit I/C was a bossy little brunet midget who liked to play leader so that he could sit back and watch as his unit did the work needless to say I wrote up a KR on him and from the point on he acted like a scared bird whenever I was anywhere near him. I was so glad when they switched me to a smaller unit and my stats started to increase and he was threatened that he wouldn't graduate EPF when he was planed to if he couldn't be a stable unit I/C and keep his unit upstat.

    I did morning decks , Study the whole schedule and I went on like that for awhile I was having fun however there where some jobs even when I tried to make them fun I just hated doing, like sorting the garbage, where it did raise my confront, it was totally gross and I hope I never have to do anything like that again.

    Study was always the high point of my day and I loved the high particle flow of the course room. Running under the tunnels and laughing during break as a friend did cartwheels down the hall. Grab an apple and eat it quickly and run back up to the course room. The exect's yelling at us as we goofed of during break and running as fast as we could away from them.

    But I have to say that the oddest day was when the Anon's where there and everyone was in a huff. I was told to go into the trailer and cleanup and I heard Broc tell my Unit I/C to make sure I stayed in the trailer until he came back. I continued to clean and I reorganized everything and walked out to throw away some trash. My unit I/C said to get back in there and clean. I told him that I had already completed that cycle of action and he said to stay in the trailer until Broc came back. So I looked everywhere but it was completely spotless, I had completely white gloved the place but I didn't want to look like I wasn't doing anything; I somehow managed to get Broc and he checked the trailer and walked me over to the graduation tent to clean up there and rather shortly afterwards we finished decks and was sent. The rest of the day we stayed inside and used the tunnels and everywhere we went we went in groups of 3 and 4.

    Then I went through alot of other stuff and then I was sent to go see my recruiter and I was brought to an auditing room in AOLA course I used my altered reality on the sec check. I denied any involvement with Anonymous and it wasn't until a week later that I was walked into a conference room by Joan.

    I was told to sit down and 2 people that I had never seen before offered me oreo's, I was nervous something wasn't right, I could feel it. I turned down the oreo's and was asked if I wanted something to drink. Okay, something was definably wrong. I was an EPF'er why was I being offered oreo's and something to drink? It didn't fit. I said that I'd take a water and immediately someone got me a water bottle and opened it for me. Something was definatly wrong. And thats when they told me that they had the truth about me and that if I knew what was good for me I would tell them. I saw no other route and I told them about my involvement with the FZ and Anonymous. Then they asked me for names I told them that I didn't know any names of the Anon's but showed them the IFA website, that had a list of qual'd auditors. This is a website that everyone who has internet access can get to but they acted like I had given them some great information. When in actuality they could have gotten this information by using google.

    Then after a while I was given a ton of paperwork so I could route out. I was upset, I was crying. I didn't want to leave and Joan did everything she could to try and cheer me up but it didn't work. Then Dave came in and video taped me signing saying that I wouldn't say anything negative about the church.

    I ended up staying in a room in Big Blue with the MAA that night. She didn't know why I was leaving, she just knew that I was. I told her that I didn't want to leave that I would miss her and everyone else. I told her that I didn't feel like I was going home, that I felt I was being sent back out into prison and thats when she told me that it was a little like Harry Potter. I smiled and agreed with her and she said don't worry about it, you have your own magic, and you can make it anywhere.

    The next morning Joan came to get me and we went to the airport, she would be coming with me to talk to my mom and make sure everything was properly handled. We got to my house and she talked to my mom for a bit and asked to see some of my art. I showed her and she gave me her number and email and told me to keep in com with her.

    I did my best to keep in com but eventually she just began to drop com with me and there went the stable datum that had been promised before. I was confused and I stared to look around some more and then decided to create an honest doubt formula and to go exterior to the situation and come up with a logical decision my decision was to leave the church.

    I was nervous at first then I decided to be brave. I posted my first vid and now here I am, I'm not sure what the next chapter holds for me in my life I can only use what I have learned so far and progress through it.

    I was happy when I was in, but now that Im out of the church I have time to smell the flowers and look up at the stars and that makes me doubly happy.
     
    Last edited: May 18, 2009
  2. OxiClean

    OxiClean New Member

    A question for the moderators:

    Would this thread be the appropriate one to dump contradicting information sent via PM by Imnotsupposedtobehere to other members regarding her status with the church?
     
  3. anonVStheRTC

    anonVStheRTC Patron

    Just because you didn't like the questions didn't mean they weren't being asked in good faith. "We" were curious about what you believed and asked many questions...you evaded practically all of them (if not every single one), and then "lolquit anonymous".

    For those that care, here's a ling to the massive thread in which this all went down...

    http://www.lasvegasanonymous.org/forums/index.php?topic=404.0

    decide for yourselves, but I maintain that valid and legitimate questions were asked - perhaps pointed, but generally there was no aggression towards you. You picked the "gimme" questions to answer with "it works and it helped me" and totally ignored the direct/specific questions.

    and i'm done now...not feeding this dramatroll again.
     
  4. Been Done Had

    Been Done Had Patron with Honors

    It's a great personal story, thank you so much for sharing it!

    It reminded me of the "good times." When Scientology has that shiny glow and makes sense and the people around you are cool, on purpose big beings. The sense of mission and belonging and KNOWING you are part of something unique in human history and salvaging mankind is something you have to experience to understand.

    In a way I'm sad for you, this is going to sound crazy, but I feel you would have really enjoyed being in the SO. Now let me qualify that. I think you would have enjoyed a few years. It can go downhill and get very un-fun really fast. But it sounds like you were nowhere near that point.

    You had to have known that you were on a ticking clock with those kind of with-holds. I understand how you had to of been off-loaded per policy, but does not LRH also claim Scientology can handle ANY CASE?

    Please do not take a loss on any of this. The SO group you were part last lifetime would be unrecognizable today. It's a brutal life these days. You may have saved yourself some real bruises. The kind that take years to go away.

    You have had an amazing journey and are a very brave young person. Your life is just beginning, so maintain your brave spirit and go wherever it sends you. One day you will look back on these days with fondness. In the meantime... Finish school and go to college!:thumbsup:
     
  5. anon612

    anon612 Patron with Honors

    Thank you for the link, it's...illuminating.
     
  6. Been Done Had

    Been Done Had Patron with Honors

    I read through the thread also.

    She mentioned she's a freezoner and having gains. Then she was ratpacked. Her beliefs were attacked. And she took it personally.

    If you attack my beliefs (which as of this evening are a 1000X more insane than anything I learned from LRH) I also will take it personally.

    Articulating over and over why someone's beliefs are the brainwashing babble of a conman is attack beliefs.

    Tell a Muslim Allah is not God and see what happens.

    And now exploding head time...:)

    I touched the spot on the wall. I talked to the ashtray. I gave someone my hand over and over. I've discovered my sins during countless lifetimes. But I am pretty darned far from being brainwashed.

    I would just say cease fire, let the girl be and if she is what you claim, she will out herself and fade into the archives.

    God bless.
     
  7. rich

    rich Silver Meritorious Patron

    Cool story. I don't hear many story's of those who really do the "we come back" thing. And of the ones I've heard, they are all one hell of a roller coaster ride. thanks, I'mnotsupposedto
     
  8. OxiClean

    OxiClean New Member

    For what it's worth, at the same time as she was describing (how very little) why the Freezone was good for her, she was still not answering or declining answering questions posed to her. Instead, the wait time was drawn out.

    Keep in mind, that while some of you may find it an offensive conversation, and while obviously some Vegas anons aren't fans of Freezone either, she was being asked seriously with little Anonymous trappings in the questions in the majority of the posts. She decided, in the end, not to answer because "if we continue with it - there will be conflict - and I want to avoid conflict." Fair enough, except she was the one bragging to those in public during protest, as well as to Anonymous, both publically and privately, of how fantastic Freezone and the tech are. When asked on the forums by people she didn't know, she stated the questions were attacking her beliefs. For what it's worth, she still did persist in bragging about how great Freezone and the tech are after this incident. (I have chat logs and emails, upon request.)

    Also, at the same time she was stating "WOG just refers to anyone who doesnt study the tech" in that thread, she was using the term "wog" offensively in private conversation with her friends, including her friend / boyfriend scientologist in Washington. I have many of her chat transcripts which state things such as (not verbatim, forgive me, but I will deliver upon request) "Stupid wog is home" or "woggy needs computer" in reference to her mother as well as conversations where every other word is "wog."

    Based on the evidence gathered, including a large amount of her private emails and chats, I genuinely believe she wanted to be on all sides at once. She would weave different stories with different people.

    Kind of sickening to note, however, that if it wasn't for Anonymous, she would have never learned about nor joined this cult. Though she may have just joined another one... but that is speculation, and all I intend to do is bring forth cleanliness and facts, not opinion and drama.
     
  9. DCAnon

    DCAnon Silver Meritorious Patron

    Why is it so difficult to just tell the truth? Especially when many of us already know it and know when you're lying? :no:
     
  10. Imnotsupposetobehere

    Imnotsupposetobehere Patron with Honors


    So you admit that you got into my private email?
     
  11. DCAnon

    DCAnon Silver Meritorious Patron

    So you admit you lied to everyone on all sides all at once?
     
  12. Imnotsupposetobehere

    Imnotsupposetobehere Patron with Honors

    I am telling the truth DCA
     
  13. Imnotsupposetobehere

    Imnotsupposetobehere Patron with Honors

    No, I didnt say that
     
  14. Emma

    Emma Con te partirĂ² Administrator

    Wha?

    I'd like to know that too.
     
  15. ClingingMars

    ClingingMars Patron

    lol, he was obviously referring to emails that were exchanged, not hacking into her email.
     
  16. DCAnon

    DCAnon Silver Meritorious Patron

    Emma, she emailed people while she was "in" begging for help and saying she was going to be kidnapped. This is at the same time she insulted Anons and sold them out to the CoS. She protested WITH Anonymous at the same time she was a part of the Org. Not the Freezone, the CoS. She's turned this into a pity party for herself when there are months worth of phone call records and emails showing what she was really doing. Out of respect for this board and the fact the Vegas Anons are private guys, they haven't spread all of their saved messages and emails around. If needed, I'm sure they could.

    She is whatever will give her the most attention, regardless of who gets harmed in the process. Then lies to play the victim, forgetting all her conversations were saved proving her wrong. It's stuff like this that really hurts the people who ACTUALLY need help and ACTUALLY are cult survivors on this board. It's sick.
     
  17. Imnotsupposetobehere

    Imnotsupposetobehere Patron with Honors

    Okay fine
    I told what happened
    Ive had enough
    Okay
    bye
     
  18. Consensus

    Consensus Patron with Honors

    Hey I'mnot, are you of age? 'Cause tits hold my attention.

    Post tits, attentionwhore. It's the most efficient way to achieve your aim.

    edit: alternatively, if you're actually interested in self-actualization, PM me. I've studied philosophy and psychology far more than Hubbard ever has, and I've spent the greater part of my life trying to figure out the secrets of living. I'm quite confident in what I've discovered, and it's been amusing reading Hubbard's awful writing and comparing it to my own conclusions. He had a few good leads, but his own ego got in the way and, rather than admitting ignorance, filled in everything he didn't know with his own deluded, vain inventions. He also didn't spend a whole lot of time researching; it's like he had cliffs notes versions of everything he borrowed from.

    Shoot me one message. I've never heard of you, all I know about you is what's in this thread. If my reply doesn't completely 'wow' you, you can write me off.
     
  19. anonVStheRTC

    anonVStheRTC Patron

    Becca's fairly eager to open up to those with "sympathetic ears"...she wants an audience, and private ones are even better for her.

    no need for those sorts of things, concerned parties are moar than happy to just forward correspondence of their own free will...no need for anyone to get v& over an 18 year old who's "reality" is predicated on whomever she's trying to get sympathy/camaraderie from/with.
     
  20. Consensus

    Consensus Patron with Honors

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder#DSM-IV-TR_criteria
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Histrionic_personality_disorder

    <not qualified to diagnose, and I'm going strictly from what's contained in this thread, having not even read the thread on the vegas forum>

    e- sad thing is, this thread really illustrates how Hubbard carefully designed his system to draw in people with unstable personalities. Tell me, notsupposedtosuchandsuch, do you often find yourself experiencing magical thinking?