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Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology - PART 2

Discussion in 'Evaluating and Criticising Scientology' started by HelluvaHoax!, Jan 31, 2016.

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  1. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    Top 100 Stupid "SPEED OF PARTICLE FLOW" Moments in Scientology


    For over a half-century Scientology and its 2 bombastic gurus (the "Commodore" and the "COB") have loudly proclaimed that Scientology is the "World's Fastest Growing Religion".

    Example: Snipped from a promo piece--


    After the year 2000, the marketing slogan was updated a bit and now their spokespeople, websites and celebrities are pre-programmed to endlessly keep repeating.....

    Scientology is the 21st Century's
    Fastest Growing Religion!

    It's now 2016, time for another minor marketing update (free of charge!):

    Scientology is the World's
    Fastest Talking Religion!


    Fast-Talk -verb: 1. To influence or persuade (someone) by talking quickly in a confident and often dishonest way. 2. To manipulate a person's thoughts and/or behavior by fluent, facile, and usually deceptive or tricky talk.
    Last edited: Sep 2, 2016
  2. Knows

    Knows Gold Meritorious Patron

    You put your STUPID in
    To get the CRAZY words OUT
    Words like "total Knowingness" and "Boom Boom"
    Is what you scream and shout!!

    You do FLAG's Hokey Pokey
    cause you duplicate what other have said
    That's what Scientology is all about!

    You get your Doubt Out
    To get your Certainty IN
    You're really in a state of confusion
    and that is where stupidity begins

    You do Flag's Hokey Pokey
    and your pray you can GET OUT~
    That is what Scientology is all about!

    Last edited: Sep 2, 2016
  3. Knows

    Knows Gold Meritorious Patron

    This video was from 2005 / 2006 - I know several people who "attested to amazing win after win after win" from the CONGRESSES....:whistling:

    And whose lives BLEW UP after they attested to "total knowingness":omg:

    THAT is what makes the waxing attests on videos so STUPID!

    [​IMG] Image compliments of a poster from Tony Ortega's Underground Bunker!
  4. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on


    LOLOLOLOL...that video!

    Super stupefied successes of unprecedented orders of mindless magnitude!



  5. Karen#1

    Karen#1 Gold Meritorious Patron

    PRE-REQUiSITE. You must agree to laugh with me

    First I bought into it. Looks legit at a quick glance.

    In a message dated 9/1/2016 10:17:35 P.M. Pacific Daylight Time, 63b7dd3608 writes:
    Hi Karen,

    My name is KXXXXXX
    I have a 14 year-old male Eclectus my boyfriend and I adopted last year and for the past 17 years have lived with a beautiful female Eclectus who just recently passed away (due to egg-bound related problems). We have been perusing craigslist thinking about one day taking on another parrot and found your ad about parrot adoption. By chance do you need some volunteer help with your birds? I'm looking to soothe a void and understand how much attention these special beings require.
    Let me know,
    - K XXXXX

    So I respond ~
    Thank you K.
    Send me your Email address and tel no and I will let you have a parrot. I am always looking for good homes.
    You sound like a great parrot parent.
    Best wishes,

    She does not send Email or tel no, but this is next ~~
    Sent: 9/2/2016 4:46:26 P.M. Pacific Daylight Time
    Subj: Re: craigslist ad

    Hi Karen, I'm actually not looking to adopt another feathered child right now. It's all too fresh still. I was wondering if you by chance needed any assistance with your adoption/rescue set up? Even just cage cleaning, or making fresh meals? Do you have a website set up to help find optimal parents? That sort of thing. I'm open to ideas, just want to help.

    Let me know, thank you.

    ++++++A stranger writes to me volunteering to come to my house to clean cages and make fresh meals. Los Angeles is very spread out..this could be a 30-40 min drive.
    Cleaning cages and making meals is a daily chore. So she’s already prepared to come over daily without even knowing where I live?
    She calls Parrots special "beings". Not special pets, not special creatures, but BEINGS. A Scientology term.

    ++++++Her bird died so she wants to volunteer to come and work for me, a stranger so she can "soothe" her void.
    Does OSA continue to believe that I was born on a banana boat ?

  6. guanoloco

    guanoloco As-Wased


    Being want a carrot?
  7. Anonycat

    Anonycat Crusader

    It's too soon to get another being to fill the void, but starting with cleaning up parrot poop would be the proper gradient.


    Strange ... although she claims that the was looking on Craigslist for a parrot to buy. Maybe she's decided that she needs to do some MEST work for causing her parrot to die?
  8. Bost_Bobby

    Bost_Bobby Patron with Honors

    Do birds fly? I'll repeat the auditing question...
  9. oneonewasaracecar

    oneonewasaracecar Gold Meritorious Patron

    Ask them if they have their own toothbrush.
  10. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology


    Cross-Posted from a thread about the "tell all" book ("RUTHLESS") by a blown Scientologist (father of the cult's leader David Miscavige), and his ghost writer who is a practicing Scientologist (Indie). What could go wrong? LOL


    That would explain why Dan "Mr Scientology works!" Koon's fingerprints and DNA are all over that book.

    Hmmmm, a KSW Indie Scientologist helping write a "tell all" book on Scientology. A book that fails to "tell all" about or even mention mention that Scientology and its promise of "clear" and "OT" are a hoax. Yeah, seems standard to me. lol

    Isn't this a famous strategy of Scientologists--parasitically taking over the host, as was done in the case of Scientology acquiring CAN (Cult Awareness Network) which they had just succeeded in bankrupting. Then cult goons were posted answering CAN's phones and "handling" people who were worried about their children being psychologically kidnapped by L. Ron Hubbard and his fanatical loyal officers.

    (answers telephone)
    Cult Awareness Network, where 'We not only care about cults,
    we are doing something about it!
    '--how can I direct your call?

    (on her home telephone)
    I am worried to death, my teenaged daughter ran away from
    home and won't talk to my husband and myself any more.
    She's on a ship, wearing a naval costume and she signed
    a billion year contract to a science fiction writer!

    Oh, that sounds very strange, indeed! We are happy you contacted
    us, but why did you think to call CAN? We only deal in cults.

    She is in a cult! Scientology!

    Let's me just look that up in our data base.
    I see here that we thoroughly investigated
    Scientology and found it to be the world's
    fastest growing religion that helps people
    learn the study skills necessary to succeed
    in school and also trains them in using
    communication to solve problems.

    Whatttt? But after she started this Scientology
    stuff, she dropped out of school and refuses
    to communicate with us!


    We at the Cult Awareness Network fully
    duplicate your situation and are very
    grateful that we had the opportunity
    to listen to your issues and concerns.
    Was there anything else you'd care
    to say or ask before I end this call?

    Wuttttt? That's it?! That's all you
    have to say?! That's all you're going to do?!

    Yes. Well--unless you have an earlier
    similar time your daughter was on a boat
    that you'd like to share with us.

    Last edited: Sep 5, 2016
  11. Knows

    Knows Gold Meritorious Patron

    Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology


    Fair enough!

    We at the Cult Awareness Network fully
    duplicate your situation and are very
    grateful that we had the opportunity
    to listen to your issues and concerns.

    Now, we are going to give you a little
    relief for free. Is that okay wit you?
    Okay - Good.

    Now, let me check something here ... bear with me... - Here we go.

    Now - when you have YOU done something
    similar where YOU were on a boat, refusing to speak with YOUR
    loved ones?
    Just take a LOOK.
  12. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on


    The surreal circus of scientology has come to town (Australia) with the grand opening this week of a $50 million dollar "ADVANCED ORG".


    Full coverage over at Tony Ortega's THE UNDERGROUND BUNKER.

    The chief clown in charge (Miscavige) waved his arms and boomed his voice and confidently proclaimed that he has (once again) conquered the universe and saved mankind.


    The circus attendees clapped and stomped their feet and screamed with delight to hear about how their eternity was now secured by means of having a building in Australia. Nobody explained how that works, but Scientologists have knowingness, so if you don't get it use more clay.

    Instead of spending $50M, if Scientology actually worked they could have used the funds to pay for an army of people to go full OT VIII. At the organizations expense, estimated to be $25,000 each. To be safe, let's allow $50,000 per OT to audit them up to that level. Now, instead of an empty building there would be 1000 "total cause over life" OT VIIIs in Australia.

    Those 1000 OTs would easily cause a boom unlike none that has ever happened before in the entire world, right?

    An unstoppable force.

    But Scientology doesn't believe in OT.

    So, instead they have circuses and clowns. They feel good about it.

    And, the science (F/N on an electropsychometer) confirms that something truly miraculous is happening in those empty buildings. You can't see it. That's because you are not OT.


    ps: Donations are now being accepted for the Ideal Overflow Building which will be constructed right next to the "Advanced" org. We desperately need $10,000,000 to accommodate the people that are waiting to get into the Advanced org, because it the demand is so great and the lines so long with overflowing beings waiting to get in!

    R-FACTOR: The Overflow Building will make planetary clearing a reality, on this planet.
  13. Knows

    Knows Gold Meritorious Patron

    Just when you think Scientology can't get any more stupid - it does.


    What is masking this Scientologist's vision is her inability to look and think for herself.

    How appropriate she is wearing glasses after all the Stupid Powerz Rundowns in Scientology....

    and she still can't see.

    But she can move her body without making it go ....what ever the fuck that means??? LOLOLOL
    Last edited: Sep 8, 2016
  14. Knows

    Knows Gold Meritorious Patron

    More stupid...can't wait to see what HH does with this one...."handling Black PR" Take it away HH:wink2:

  15. Knows

    Knows Gold Meritorious Patron

    There is an endless supply of Stupid coming out of Scientology - I thought you guys would enjoy the show...


    TRANSLATED in Scientology lingo - "Get trained" on how to pretend to get along with others so they join Scientology. If they don't like Scientology or speak ill of Hubbard, COB or the CULT - you FIRST ATTACK - go through their folders and find crimes...if you can't find crimes...make them up.

    If that doesn't work -

    then ignore, hide from, shun and run from the truth about Scientology and disconnect from anyone who won't duplicate what is true for you whilst you chant to them...

    "What is true for you ... is true for you":ohmy:

    Scientology - the only religion on the planet where "Parishoner's" have to pay tens of hundreds of thousands of dollars and spend umpteen years - to drill and self hypnotize on how disconnect from anyone that does not agree with you and L Con Hubbard's evil cult - and then WAX enthusiasm as to how THETA it all is.....:whistling:
    Last edited: Sep 8, 2016
  16. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    This is a sublimely stupid part of Scientology that I have never seen discussed...

    The "tech" of getting someone in Scientology by following the simple steps of the "DISSEMINATION FORMULA". It all begins with contacting an individual and first making sure they don't have any "antagonism" towards Dianetics or Scientology.

    If they do have "antagonism towards the subject", Ron's scripture states that you must "handle it" before moving on to the next step of "finding their ruin" and then using it to scare them into signing up for Scientology.

    Hubbard doesn't say HOW to "handle" their antagonism, but Scientologists drill each other on it and typically what they do is counter whatever negative statement the person makes about Scientology with a positive one that proves they don't know what they are talking about.

    WARNING: I feel a rant coming

    Scieno-Scenario: An OT sits next to a wog on an airplane.

    Hey, perhaps you noticed I am reading a book?

    (awakened from snoozing)
    Uh, what? No, I hadn't noticed. Did I do something
    to disturb you, was I snoring?

    No, I just wanted to know if you were curious
    about what book I am reading.

    Um, no, actually I was sleeping.

    Okay, I get that. But are you now curious
    about what book I am reading?

    No, it's okay, I'll just go back to sleep.

    Everyone is always curious about this
    book, isn't the mystery of what it's about
    just killing you? I mean did you see the volcano
    on the front cover? Here LOOK!

    Oh..a volcano. That's nice. Thanks
    for sharing.

    So, now that we have established excellent
    two-way communication, I need to go to
    the next step. Do you have anything against
    Dianetics or Scientology. Did you ever hear
    of it?

    Actually, yes. Some friend and people in my
    family are involved in Scientology.

    So, what do you think about Scientology?

    It's just not for me.

    What have you heard that is
    negative about it?

    Well, I didn't need to hear
    hear anything negative from anyone else.
    I just reached my own conclusions.

    I wonder why you reached a negative
    conclusion. What happened?

    Well, my ex-wife divorced me because
    she was a Scientologist and I wasn't interested
    in selling our house and real estate and donating
    all the money so that Scientology could buy real estate.

    Oh, wow! I see how that could have
    given you a wrong impression. I'd like to
    handle you on that by explaining how
    Scientology uses the donations to
    help mankind and reduce the
    suffering of helpless little
    children around the world.

    But that's not the only thing that
    turned me against Scientology.
    So, when my wife left she took
    our 3 kids who each sent
    me a letter of disconnection
    and I haven't talked to them
    in 7 years. And since I worked
    for a Scientology business, I got
    fired and ended up having to
    declare bankruptcy. All my co-workers
    also disconnected and they refused
    to give me a good referral so I could
    show prospective new employers that
    I had a great track record for the past
    18 years. So, I couldn't find a new job
    because nobody wants to hire a person
    with no references. Because of that I had
    to live on savings and ended up having
    to declare bankruptcy. But, there's more.
    My ex-wife got my parents into Scientology
    also. My mom and dad also sent me disconnection
    letter and they refuse to see me or talk to me.
    Same with my brothers and sisters, they all
    sent disconnection letters and I have no family now.
    During the divorce I was interviewed for a TV show
    on cults and that's when Scientology goons and Private
    Investigators started following me everywhere. They
    went door to door where I live and said horrible things
    about me to my neighbors. They tried to plant drugs
    in my car and have me arrested. Eventually because
    of all the lies and intimidation tactics, my landlord got
    freaked out and kicked me out of my apartment. As a
    matter of fact, that's why I am on this airplane today.
    I am flying to the other side of the country to look for
    work and a place to live, to try and get far enough
    away from these insane, fanatical Scientologists that
    I can actually survive in spite of their terrorism.

    Well! That's quite a lot of experience you've had
    with Scientology. I'd like to handle you on that.

    What do you mean, you'd like to "handle me" on it?

    I mean, handle your considerations that
    Scientology has done something wrong.

    No. If you want to "handle" me you would need
    to "handle" what Scientology did to me. Not
    my reactions to that or my conclusions
    about how destructive and evil Scientology is.

    Well, okay. Whatever. Let's continue
    handling your antagonism towards
    Scientology, shall we?

    SHouldn't you be talking to Scientology
    management instead of talking to me.
    If you want to handle the problem, you'd have
    to get them to stop their pathological attacks,
    apologize and then make up the damage to me.
    And cancel disconnection so that my entire family
    can come back together without fear of your
    harassment, intimidation and fair game black ops.

    No that's not the way it works. You're trying
    to handle us. We are the most ethical people
    on the planet. We are following Ron's policies.
    You don't handle us, we handle you.

    Thanks. But I have had enough of your
    handling. My life has literally been
    destroyed by Scientology and Scientologists.

    So, are you saying you still have
    unhandled antagonism?

    Have you been listening? I hate
    Hubbard and his terrorist tech.

    Those are all just considerations. We can
    handle that if you just change your
    consideration. Then you won't
    feel antagonistic any more.

    LOL. I want to feel antagonistic. That's
    how sane people separate themselves
    from delusional cult fanatics, and
    avoid going insane.

    I can assure you, Scientologists are
    not delusional. I happen to be an OT VIII.


    I see we are starting to land now. Let me have
    your phone number and e-mail so we can stay in com.

    Stay in com about what? The moment
    this plane lands I am out of here. As a
    matter of fact, I am already starting
    to feel a profound sense of relief

    knowing that in a few moments I
    will be able to get out out of this
    seat and never talk to you again.

    I see. Well, in that case, can I ask you
    a small favor? I am on the OT Committee
    and there's a lot of pressure for us to keep
    our stats up each week. It would really help
    if you could write up a quick Success Story.

    Are you serious? LOL. Success??

    Yeah, you just said yourself--a moment ago-- that
    after we talked you were "starting to feel
    a profound sense of relief
    ". Obviously
    we must have handled something, because
    you blew a lot of charge and had
    a really nice win there.
  17. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on


    Apologies that last post had dialogue that rambled on forever, like a grade zero release with glossolalia. lol

    Once those two characters started talking, it was like rats running in a maze. They couldn't find the cheese or the exit so they kept on runnin' (their mouths).

    So, don't blame me, write those KRs on the "PASSENGER" and the "OT", they're the ones that would not STFU. lol
  18. Jump

    Jump Operating teatime

    meh longest post I ever read, and still lolled ;)

    btw i think we all sat next to that guy - or his non-scientologist cousin - some time. :hysterical:
  19. Knows

    Knows Gold Meritorious Patron

    Oh HH - it was eerily so "spot on" - the whole thing!!

    I recall I got a guy in Scientology who had a been in Scientology back in the 80's in LA. He had a horrific experience and the "execs" in the tiny little Morgue I brought him to "handled" his antagonism.

    They made a BIG DEAL about how UNSTANDARD and NOT OKAY the goons in the 80's were "doing Scientology" . They seemed to CARE SO DEEPLY about making sure the guy knew THAT was NOT Scientology....they allowed the guy to talk about it for DAYS, WEEKS etc....

    I thought to myself (I was new too) WOW - These Scientologist's really CARE!! They kept telling us both - "Scientology does not do things like that - that is not done any more" ... I think it was stuff they did like crush regging, lying about benefits of being on staff and other sordid lies, betrayals and crimes....

    It was an "apparancy" that these Scientologist's really care and they don't want to have a bad reputation and go the extra mile to handle people's antagonism's about Scientology...I am impressed....Okay - count me in. (See how the ole Tubb of Lard's tech works standardly when applied)

    Yep - took the bait - hook, line and sinker~! CRINGE CRINGE CRINGE

    Years later - after ScienDollatry scammed hundreds of thousands of dollars out of us both - we THEN had OUR OWN HORRIFIC, CRIMINAL experiences with the Criminal Con Organization disguised as a "church" and found out they are above the LAWS of the land so they can bribe, steal, extort, betray, lie and crush people with no consequences of any kind.

    and when we tried to use their JUSTICE :whistling:system....we were shunned, deemed nattering DB's with big crimes to hide...and illegal PC's cuz we at some point along our whole tracks - were connected to THE PSYCH's!! :omg: LOL

    We both LOOKED at the internet and WENT CLEAR and then became cause over our bank accounts and lives again!! Hip Hip Hooray!!! LOL
    Last edited: Sep 9, 2016
  20. Knows

    Knows Gold Meritorious Patron

    Saint Hill Manor, East Grinstead, Sussex

    NED for OTs Series 46


    I have discovered that BTs can have misunderstood words too!:unsure:

    The body’s ear might hear one thing and the BT might hear something else entirely, direct. This results in Mis-U sounds and oral words. The BTs don’t know what the person is saying, nor do they know what is being said to the person, due to these Mis-Us. And the person gets caught in the middle of this flow channel, experiencing the reaction to the BT’s Mis-U. The usual reaction of the BTs is just to withdraw.

    BTs can get Mis-Us from reading matter, foreign languages, and I have found BTs that don’t speak English. :ohmy:
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