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Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology - PART 3

Discussion in 'Evaluating and Criticising Scientology' started by HelluvaHoax!, Sep 13, 2016.

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  1. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    <Part 2 of this thread is here:>
    Moderator 3375

    Cross-Posted from another thread where a non-Scientologist asked what books to read to learn about the technology of Scientology.

    There are two (2) routes to the OT materials:

    1) Pay 500,000 dollars and dedicate 2-3 decades on Dr. Hubbard's Bridge to Total Freedom. There you will encounter all the OT materials and achieve the EP ("End Phenomena") of Scientology.

    2) Instead, just Google Xenu and read the OT materials right here on your computer screen. The entire "red on white" Hubbard technical bulletins are online too. Rather than wading though ten million words, you should immediately skip to the book's last chapter, last page--where you will discover that the [STRIKE]butler[/STRIKE] BT did it.

    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 29, 2016
  2. Karen#1

    Karen#1 Gold Meritorious Patron

    Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology - PART 2

    Looks like Hillary Clinton went and read the OT III materials before doing set ups. God Dammit !
  3. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    Top 100 Stupid BIG LIES in Scientology


    Introducing a brand new feature on the Stupid Thread. . .


    After its 66 year track record of disgraceful dissembling, here's a safe assumption about the COS (Crimewave of Scientology): The vast majority of what they promote, claim or brag about is not simply a lie, but a BIG LIE. To quote the 20th century's most infamous psychopath on why Big Lies are the most effective propaganda techniques:

    The big lie is so "colossal" that one one would even believe that
    someone "could have the impudence to distort the truth so infamously"

    While provably cult leaders (Hubbard/Miscavige) have told (and sold) enough shameless whoppers to fill a multi-volume encyclopedia, it is equally fascinating that Scientologists cannot even turn out a simple promo piece without threading it with fictions, fabrications and falsehoods. Thus, offered here for a closer examination into the compulsion of Scientologists for manipulative mendacity, here's a promo piece that (on its face) appears to be rather innocuous. But, is it?


    Let's apply the magnifying glass to bring into focus how Scientologists use the Big Lie tech. . .

    Here is a clever use of Big Lies. The Scientologists begin their message by repeating others' Big Lies. The cities mentioned are each alleged events of racist white policemen murdering innocent, unarmed black youth. Scientology has no reservations about repeating the lies because it serves their "greatest good" purpose of restimulating ("ruining") people in order to increase the cults membership and coffers. In truth, the "Ferguson" story was thoroughly examined by the US Justice Dept (headed by a black man) and there were no innocent unarmed victims. Instead, the party shot by police had just committed a strong armed robbery and (when stopped) attacked the policeman, grabbing his gun and attempting to murder him. The cop shot back in self defense. Likewise, in Baton Rouge, the police were called by black residents that a man was waving a gun and threatening the neighborhood. When police arrived and tried to investigate, the perpetrator fought them and tried to pull his gun, resulting the police acting in self-defense. Dallas, the same.

    Yet, Scientology promotes (by innuendo and other sophistry) that "we...know it is the way things are." So much for "knowingness".

    Finally, spreading vicious rabble-rousing lies. Isn't this exactly what the "merchants of chaos" do, that Hubbard warned all Scientologists about? ​

    An absolutely brilliant example of one of Scientology's most treacherous techniques. Promoting something that is GOING to happen. Something wonderful and amazing. If you only will support the org with all your time & money. However, in truth, the monumental wins that are being referred to never happened in the first place. In this paragraph, earlier miracles are alluded to that handled, bettered or somehow resolve murderous gang violence in the black communities across America. Again, it never happened! Yet, the reader is asked to "imagine" how perfect life will be if only Hubbard's tech can be applied in Harlem.

    How absurd is it that a supposed "scientific technology" cannot be observed to work, one must "imagine" it working. lol

    There is a simple way to verify this assertion. Ask the people that DID Scientology. Unfortunately approximately 98 percent of all persons who ever experience Scientology's "real human rights" and "real freedom" blew the organization in tumultuous fashion, becoming whistleblowers on real human rights abuses. And who only experienced real freedom only after escaping the slave generating "total freedom" cult.

    In Scientology's 66 year history, there has been not even one (1) instance where Hubbard's "tech" reduced murder and violent crime in an American inner city. It was promoted, at one time, that passing out The Way To Happiness booklets reduced violent crime in St. Louis, America's #1 murder capital. Yet, the murder rates went up after that and have since continued to soar in that war zone, making St. Louis one of the world's most dangerous locations.

    Yet, in spite of the obvious fact that Scientology never was able to do anything whatsoever about urban kill zones (e.g. thus far in Chicago alone this year, there are already over 3000 shootings!) here we have the Scientologists bragging that they can AND HAVE fixed it in other locations.

    This closely parallels the trick Hubbard/Miscavige and their robotic public relations zombies most love to use: "SCIENTOLOGY IS PRODUCING ASTONISHING MIRACLES RIGHT NOW! (JUST NOT WHERE YOU ARE)"​
  4. Leland

    Leland Crusader

    Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology - PART 2

    HH, you might like this site about crime rate in Clearwater Fl., the "Meca of Technical Perfection" for the Cult....

    The Crime Rate is higher in Clearwater Fl......than the National Average....across the boards.
  5. Knows

    Knows Gold Meritorious Patron

    Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology - PART 2

    Do we need to start a new thread - "100 Top Stupid Moments Outside of Scientology"????

    Is this a side effect of Scientology High Ranking Official's who worked too close to Miscavige - then BLEW, ATTACKED Scientology, Suppressed Scientology and exposed the crimes within Scientology

    ..then got his job back???

    Check out Marty Rathbun's posting today.

    I would copy and paste it here - but I don't want to get banned for posting something really stupid from an EX Scientologist.
    Last edited: Sep 15, 2016
  6. lotus

    lotus stubborn rebel sheep!

    Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology - PART 2

    Is it creepy???

    Is it freaking ????

    Is it scary ?????

    No, it's $cientology ARC triangle
  7. guanoloco

    guanoloco As-Wased

    Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology - PART 2

    Ratbrain Rathbun writes this:

    Since he had acknowledged to me that Mike Rinder was part of his advisory team, I told Ron that I assumed that Mike informed him that the accusation about David instructing the private investigator is in fact “provable bullshit.”

    And here's this quote:


    Now whether he's paraphrasing this or not I always find it raises the Creepy part of the FSC Scientology triangle (Freaky, Scary, Creepy) when these Scientologists suddenly start saying the EXACT SAME THING at the EXACT SAME TIME!!

    You when "bigot" became the big buzzword and suddenly Scientologists were spewing it all over the "other fish to fry".

    Like the celebs started saying "Oh...aliens? I think people are confusing Mr. Hubbard's fiction with his other books." Remember the FSC (Freaky, Scary, Creepy) of that?

    In case any of you techies out there are wondering just exactly what the FSC triangle equals "Stupid". We have FSC = S where the more freaky, scary, creepy Scientology is the more stupid it is.

    Sort of like Ron using his "fabian" tech.


    Last edited: Sep 16, 2016
  8. ILove2Lurk

    ILove2Lurk Lisbeth Salander

    Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology - PART 2

    . . .
    Shocking Marty sightings this week!
    . .
  9. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    Top 100 Stupid FACTS in Scientology


    Nominated as one of the stupidest moments in Scientology:


    Clearing: It's been validated by doctors and nuclear physicists.

    Even Dr. Hubbard has verified that Clearing is a 100% WORKABLE TECHNOLOGY!

    Clearing: It's a SCIENCE! It's a FACT!


    Small problem: In the late 1950's Hubbard went in front of film cameras that recorded his "fact" that the first Clear was produced in 1957. This contradicted his previous "facts":

    --CONTRADICTORY FACT #1: All of the paying PCs who gave him tons of money from 1950 to 1957 to get auditing and be declared clear. And even more money to train to be a professional Hubbard auditor who, in turn, could charge others boatloads of money to be audited up to clear.

    --CONTRADICTORY FACT #2: In 1950 Hubbard published the bestselling book DIANETICS which made him very rich indeed from the scientific claim that he had produced clears. The book went of for hundreds of pages extolling the miraculous virtues and homo-novis abilities of those clears that Hubbard had made. ​

    But not even one (1) of those pre-1950 or pre-1957 clears were clear, Hubbard now admits.

    --CONTRADICTORY FACT #3: In the late 1970s through present day, Scientology still cannot figure out who is or is not clear. There are multiple rundowns (paid for by the Clear) to determine if they are Clear. For example, the "CLEAR CERTAINTY RUNDOWN". Even thousands of modern day clears were un-declared and told they really weren't clears.

    --CONTRADICTORY FACT #4: Nobody in Scientology has ever had any idea what a clear is. The definition of clear keeps changing. The requisite confirmations are all woo, lacking any objective tests; thereby only consisting of examining the PC's folder for things they said that might have had a F/N.

    That last "FN Method" of confirming clear is not good because even sociopathic con men, sadists, rapists and serial killers have "wins" (accompanied by an F/N) whilst brutally defrauding, torturing & assaulting their victims.

    --CONTRADICTORY FACT #5: No modern day Scientologist, staff member, auditor or C/S who is "clear" will allow you to show them the definition of CLEAR (with its claims for perfect memory, no colds, et al) and simply ask them if they have those abilities. Instead they will write a "knowledge report" on you for "enturbulating" them and "invalidating the state of clear". You will then be routed directly to the "ethics officer" who will threaten you with a "non-enturbulation order" (under immediate threat of SP Declare and disconnection) if you dare to ask others that question or even talk about it. ​

    It's Scientology FACTS, folks! It doesn't have to be true as long as you can say it with enough certainty to sell it.
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2016
  10. Ogsonofgroo

    Ogsonofgroo Crusader

    Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology - PART 2

    My my my, obviously they are all MEST up eh! :p

    My favorite quote regarding this phenomena~ Jason B. "Show me a mother-fucking clear!"

  11. guanoloco

    guanoloco As-Wased

    Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology - PART 2

    My favorite part?

    "...we can have a civilization."

    If you have ever witnessed Ron's version of civilization or Scientology's version you will immediately know that this version of civilization is:

    1. Freaky
    2. Scary ( as in CRINGE!)
    3. Creepy

    Which all add up to:

    4. Stupid

    Think NOI and FarraCON as "civilization". Think of Tom Cruise jumping on a couch only to have his spouse make a mad dash escape in the middle of the night.

    That's civilization Ron-style.
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2016
  12. uncover

    uncover Gold Meritorious Patron

    Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology - PART 2

    From this thread:

    We get enlightened by one of them:
    Wisdom from the [STRIKE]deluded[/STRIKE] superior Marty-fanclub I have been waiting for:
    Hoaxie is the incarnated devil....

    BTW, who cares about Ex-Scientologists ? I mean they "pulled it in".... probably they have been top-implanters in the psych era billion years ago....
  13. guanoloco

    guanoloco As-Wased

    Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology - PART 2

    Wouldn't it be a "Helluva-hole", instead?

    As in "out of his own bitter Helluva-hole."

    IDK...I just...well...expected more out of Alanzo...

    I do want to express here and now, though, how much the phrase "so bad for Ex-Scientologists" resonates with me. I couldn't agree with Alanzo more.

    I cannot begin to recount or even count, as in summate, the amount of times I have literally had to clutch my sides due to the pain of rigorous laughter from the poisonous ridicule and denigration steeped upon ESMB from ESMB's own clown, HelluvaHoax. In keeping with the same does anyone know how many times I have come close to personal mortal expiration due to having just taken a sip of coffee and then reading these same HelluvaHoax ridicule/denigrations?'s entirely plausible that I could've electrocuted myself from spitting said sip all over the keyboard!!

    Keep up the great work, Alanzo, and do hurry back to ESMB soon!
  14. guanoloco

    guanoloco As-Wased

    Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology - PART 2

    Remember, folks, if it's not Freaky, Scary, Creepy and, above all,'s NOT Scientology!!
  15. guanoloco

    guanoloco As-Wased

    Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology - PART 2

    Lotus, in case you haven't noticed I absolutely looooooooooooooooooooooove this new and fangled Scientology Triangle that you have discovered!

    I'm running with it hard and heavy and want to give you kudos for its discovery!

    Brilliant! Genius!

    I took the research just a taaaaaaaaaaaaaaad bit further along the discovery line and found, much to my astonishment, that this natural triangle equals stupid. You see, the more one raises the freaky, the scary/creepy just naturally raise along with it and vice versa for all sides. As well, one readily sees that there's a corresponding increase in the stupid as well.

    Scientology can and will demonstrate this clearly in every action they commit and every statement they make.
  16. Anonycat

    Anonycat Crusader

    Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology - PART 2

    Alanzo | September 17, 2016 at 2:44 pm | Reply A great example of a former Scientologist who has an excellent perspective as a so-called OT in Scientology, and much-loved, is ESMB’s own clown, HelluvaHoax!

    This guy writes clever and funny things for everyone and exposes the fraud of Scientology, and jokes about his own time in it. As if his own sense of humor and vast knowledge from having been in Scientology is an enjoyable way to see it, and he very funnily and intelligently denigrates the cult, that is: Scientology.

    He’s the kind of guy who makes the Anti-Scientology threads so fun for Ex-Scientologists. He is very intelligent, and can be quite funny, too. But he is stuck in a J&D mindset about Scientology. The views he shares with others through ridicule probably makes people spit coffee on their keyboards in laughter which is wasteful and could damage electronics.

    I hope he keeps the Top100 Moments thread going for a long time and continues to give people laughter after getting ripped-off by this cult aka that fucking bitter hell-hole.

    Maybe then he can be more helpful to Ex-Scientologists, which I think, at his core, he is trying his best to be with his night classes in Comedy.



    There were a lot of typos, but FIFY, Alanzo.
  17. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    Top 1000 Stupid SECRETS in Scientology


    SCIENTOLOGY SECRET #666: The basic-basic misunderstood Scientologists have had since 1950 is thinking Scientology is something to apply, rather than something to obey.
  18. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology - PART 2



    Just what I needed.. .

    A Scientology straggler emerging like a disoriented and clueless Japanese soldier who kept fighting WWII in the Philippine jungles for 30 years after Japan unconditionally surrendered.

    And he wants to offer me a free uniform so I can suit up and go back in the jungle. Yayyyy, right?

    Not only that, but he's offered me another priceless bonus! Free psychological counseling so I can stop claiming his side lost the war. When I tried to show him an old newspaper, he said I had "Toxic cognitive distortions", after which he TR-3'd the command for me to go back in the jungle and re-join Scientology's desperate fight to save mankind and this sector of the universe.

    Notwithstanding the above, one part of Alanzo's advice was truly valuable to me. Ever since 1999 when I first noticed and started posting on ESMB, i thought I was having a delightfully fun time with friends on ESMB. Tons of laughs and illuminating conversations, well that's what I mistakenly perceived. Thanks, Alanzo, I never knew that I was living in a "bitter hell-hole". That's so weird, though, my needle floated so many times and I had so many cognitions and wins they way Scientologists claim they have. Musta been false VGIS, false Cogs and false FNs, right?

    So, thanks a bunch Alanzo, I never knew that fake wins could be so convincing. I never had a clue I wasn't having great fun. As such, I will now and in the future always send my wins up lines to an authority such as yourself so I can find out if my wins are standard or not. I am eternally grateful and tremendously impressed that you have so much knowingness!
  19. Anonycat

    Anonycat Crusader

    Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology - PART 2

    You seem disappointed with your free psychological evaluation.


    Well, you know how it is with any type of cultie be it brand name or Freakzone; they always know everything about everything, and will tell anyone and everyone what's "really" going on.
  20. Operating DB

    Operating DB Truman Show Dropout

    Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology - PART 2

    Wait a minute! Is this one of those Poes Law type phenomena? Is Alonzo being satirical or serious? Or did HH actually write this for kicks?
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