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Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology PART 4

Discussion in 'Evaluating and Criticising Scientology' started by HelluvaHoax!, Apr 25, 2017.

  1. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on


    Fascinating and funny article today at MIKE RINDER'S BLOG called "Big News about OT VIII" that includes this priceless (and inadvertent) revelation:


    You see, the most incredibly advanced beings on the planet, the OT VIIIs, need to "prepare" for OT IX. They've been preparing for decades.

    Actually, their entire case was supposed to get handled back in 1950 when Dianetics guaranteed no more somatics, no more reactive emotions, no more illness and no more case.

    Now, 68 years later, there is more case than ever! OT VIIIs cannot even study because they need to re-do their "Student Hat". How they progressed from DB Wog up to the godlike state of OT VIII is a complete mystery. DMSMH promised "perfect memory" but nearly three-quarters of a century later, OT VIIIs cannot even remember how to read and understand things, something they even knew BEFORE they began Scientology. After all, they read "Book 1" and decided to go into the org and do Scientology, so they must have understood it, right?

    And, they must have been capable of learning before Scientology, otherwise how did they learn their job and earn the money that they paid to start Scientology in the first place?

    And, oh yeah, there are the numbers, LOL. Today, in 2018, there are only 1,686 OTs that are "able" enough to have re-done their Student Hat which is part of the requirements of OT IX. That means that since 1950, every two weeks there was only one (1) person in the entire world who would join and ultimately end up staying in Scientology long enough to get set-ups to entitle them to really handle their case in 2018. If they can only get through the eligibility auditing now and live long enough for the COS (Crimewave of Scientology) to actually release OT IX and OT X.

    But their case was supposed to be handled 68 years ago when Dianetics was released, because that "modern science of mental health" was a bigger breakthrough, Hubbard claimed in his own book, than the discovery of the wheel or fire!

    CONCLUSION: Cult members never learn (that they are being scammed over and over and over again). Literally, they never learn, so maybe this is why they keep having to re-do their Student Hat? Scientology can only hope that they falsely attest to the Student Hat again because, otherwise, they will be able to learn and thus instantly blow the cult of Scientology.

    Last edited: Aug 2, 2018
    Churchill, ILove2Lurk and tesseract like this.
  2. Clay Pigeon

    Clay Pigeon Gold Meritorious Patron

    Yes HH...

    This is the Stupid Thread

    And when you came up with an intelligent historic allusion which I most immensely enjoyed I came back with a deft turn THAT KICKED BUTT!

    so you ran off with your tail between your legs to the dark and womblike ignorance of the stupid thread

    Intelligent people:

    Do not call a writer with a professional grade poetic liscence of long-standing a liar as they take pleasure decanting the truths only fiction may present. Such also respect myth and parable in religious writing. These are also well aware of usual Hollywood standards for press releases and Doctor Hubbard did indeed come out of a lengthy sojourn in Glitterville. We also have deeply compassionate sentiments to those who experience immensely turbulent mad passions with this thing of boy and girl (often having suffered such embarassments ourselves) and are not terminally intolerant of vets who lie about their service as many such are numbered among our friends and companions

    Do come out and play Hoaxie...
  3. Operating DB

    Operating DB Truman Show Dropout

    "Pins and commendations are waiting for you!"
  4. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    Yes, I feared your facts so I blew from that other thread. Dr. Hubbard states one only blows because of a misunderstood word.

    I believe in this case he is correct--there was a misunderstood, because you apparently never cleared the word "fact".

    If my courage to face the unknown returns, I may venture back to that thread. In the meanwhile, we are very busy here at the Church of Hoaxology, going Ideal---but first we have to get our CF in present time with all of the stupid moments of the last 68 years properly filed.
  5. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on


    I saw that and thought it was too hilarious, pathetic and statusy!

    Imagine the degree of UN-KNOWN-NESS a being must possess in order to see that "pins and commendations" offer and respond to it by going into the org. I thought these were supposed to be the KNOWING-HOW-TO-KNOW people! lol

    Well, on the positive side, Scientology really knows how to ring a bell and get Scientologists to status-salivate. With that, we switch to the Scientology Cable TV channel to join a show already in progress---an episode in the Scientology sitcom "PAVLOV'S PCs".

    Hey Billy, I am so excited about our European vacation tomorrow,
    we should really start packing honey.

    Um...I've been meaning to talk to you about that. Well, something
    has come up and I won't be able to go.

    Wuttttttt?! We've been planning and saving for this for 7 years honey,
    what's wrong? Is it a medical emergency with your dad again?!

    No, it's much worse than that.

    What is is dear?!

    The planet.

    What do you mean?

    The planet is doomed unless we clear it. And we can't clear
    the planet unless we get the Org to go Ideal. And it can't go
    Ideal unless the CF is in PT, on this planet.

    But honey, you already went in to the org and volunteered on the
    CF project for the past 27 weeks, every weekend! You can continue
    working on it when we get back from our vacation, right?

    You don't understand. They are now offering
    volunteers pins and commendations!

    Wow! That's amazing. Jeez, screw our stupid MEST universe
    vacation, I'd really like to get one of those pins--
    if they are still willing to accept volunteers.

    Last edited: Aug 2, 2018
  6. Clay Pigeon

    Clay Pigeon Gold Meritorious Patron

    Well I certainly hope you are not unfamiliar with the most fabled naval engagement of our Revolutionary War
  7. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    The Revolutionary War is a delightful new thread you can start. I think millions of OTs from Scientology will want to get in on that discussion because they seem to have an inordinate percentage of their "attention units" back on the time track.

    Curious, isn't it, that Dr. Hubbard commanded everyone to "GET INTO PRESENT TIME" at the same moment he was commanding them to GO BACK 75 MILLION YEARS and stay there worrying about and paying him to get rid of aliens.
    tesseract and Dave B. like this.
  8. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on


    On the subject of Scientologists spending decades to rid themselves of Xenu's aliens. . .

    Paying Scientology to get rid of aliens is like paying a horticulturist for decades to consult you on how to get rid of weeds in your back yard.

    When you don't have a back yard.

    Ergo, the first few decades, the horticulturist necessarily invests all that time helping you raise your awareness, so you can come up to perceiving your back yard.
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2018
  9. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    PART II:

    We join an auditing session now in progress. . .

    Look at that tree.

    What tree?

    Oh, I see. Your case condition is much worse
    than we suspected. We are going to have to
    add another 50 hours to your tech estimate.

  10. Karen#1

    Karen#1 Gold Meritorious Patron

  11. Karen#1

    Karen#1 Gold Meritorious Patron

    Glen posted on the above quotes: on the Bunker.
    USED GOOGLE TRANSLATE TO translate the major Columbian Newspaper today ~~from Tony Ortega's blog :::::
    El Tiempo, the most highly circulated newspaper in Colombia, ran the story yesterday. The comment section was quite active. Although the commentators generally lambasted the national police, retired General Mena, political corruption, etc.., $ci was well critiqued (including citations from Aftermath). I'm using a translator program so please excuse some of the tortured syntax. A small sampling in the remarks to follow:

    "Rewarding the leader of a sectarian religion that charges its followers for "treatments" they do not need. They do not accept psychiatry so that people with a deteriorated mental health are their victims since they do not receive the correct treatment of evidence-based scientific medicine."
    "It is the only 'religion' that requires you to sign legal contracts absolving him of all responsibility if you want to receive / buy his services."
    "What a disgusting scientology, they are scammers."
    "What happens with the Colombian national police responsible for the internal security of the country? Now linked to a quasi-criminal sect. Have we hit bottom? Is the police institution dismembered? What can the Ministry of Defense do? The national police can not stand a scandal anymore, please."
    "Amazing. The national police of Colombia linked to an unscrupulous magical-religious dogmatic sect and therefore questioned throughout the world for the cruelty it exerts with its followers."
    "According to several people who recently escaped from this sector, Scientology does not have more than 25,000 active members around the world. In reality it is a small group but it has seized a lot of money and has insatiable greed."
    "Scientology, a lucrative business disguised as religion and promises of self-improvement and altruism."
    The lone clam who put up a defense of $ci by saying he had studied it and it helps provide peace of mind and clarity was met with skepticism:
    "Fabio, since you advise going and seeing, I advise you to watch the documentary about Scientology that is on Netflix. They do not look like the little angels you describe."

    Last edited: Aug 3, 2018
    Churchill likes this.
  12. Dave B.

    Dave B. Maximus Ultimus Mostimus

    Some spot-on observations there.

    " unscrupulous magical-religious dogmatic sect and therefore questioned throughout the world for the cruelty it exerts with its followers."

    "Scientology, a lucrative business disguised as religion and promises of self-improvement and altruism."

    "Scientology does not have more than 25,000 active members around the world. In reality it is a small group but it has seized a lot of money and has insatiable greed."

    "It is the only 'religion' that requires you to sign legal contracts absolving him of all responsibility if you want to receive / buy his services."

    "What a disgusting scientology, they are scammers."
    Churchill likes this.
  13. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on


    Scientology Paradox # 697:

    The most helpful & most harmful aspects of Scientology are exactly the same. . .

    Euphoric relief from all stress/worries, because
    you have total certainty that your ruin is handled
    and all your problems are finally solved.

    If any part of Scientology was true and worked, after your greatest wins and attestation to the attainment of higher states, they would not immediately send you to the Advanced Spiritual Guide[sup]1[/sup] to find the real ruin that is destroying your life with stress/worries.


    [sup]1[/sup] Advanced Spiritual Guide: The registrar.

    Last edited: Aug 4, 2018
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  14. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    PART II:

    The original guarantee Dr. Hubbard made in DMSMH (1950) was that you could go Clear and thus handle everything that troubled you spiritually and physically in only "20 hours of processing".

    In fact, it takes approximately 20 years of processing to go Clear.

    At which time you are informed that you are "at great risk" because Clears are in the middle of the "Non-Interference Zone" where horrible things will happen to you unless you immediately pay for all the auditing/training you need to get onto your OT levels and complete OT I, II and OT III.

    Forget about being Clear and the wondrous health & happiness that Dr. Hubbard guaranteed in Dianetics. Now you are facing the worst catastrophe in the history of not just this planet, but the entire universe! The WALL OF FIRE!!!

    It's so dangerous that nobody can tell you what it is because you will die. But you need to pay another $50,000 to go from Clear to OT III immediately!

    And Scientology Clears pay for it. Because they don't have the perfect memory that Clears are supposed to have, otherwise they would remember that they were supposed to be perfectly happy now, instead of terrified they are going to die unless they mortgage their house and max out their credit cards and give all of that MEST money to a the multi-billion dollar "non-profit" cult.
    Churchill likes this.
  15. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on


    Some funny stuff over on Mike Rinder's Blog today included this Sea Org recruitment promo:


    My confidential informant inside the Sea Org leaked me the down and low on why so many Sea Org members are being trained on "frogman" tactical skills.

    It is a crack corps of special forces that Miscavige modeled after the greatest commandos in the world, Seal Team 6. They are the bad asses that ran the wildly successful black ops to whack-out the world's most dangerous terrorist, Osama Bin Laden.

    Because Scientology is always the best and most advanced, Miscavige named Scientology's crack special force unit Seal Team 7.

    Scientology's Seal Team 7 actually works in coordination with Seal Team 6 When there is a hostage situation where an innocent victim has been kidnapped and imprisoned by SP terrorists, Seal Team 6 goes in and does the "extraction" to help them escape.

    Thereafter, Scientology's Seal Team 7 goes after the escapees, stalks them and by any means necessary, drags them back to Int Base where they go onto the RPF and later return back to their previous post.

  16. programmer_guy

    programmer_guy True Ex-Scientologist

    Ha. Are they using PADI or NAUI for scuba certifications or ex-military? :D
    Last edited: Aug 5, 2018
  17. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    Well, according to their recruitment posters to join SEAL TEAM 7, they do use PADI (Professional Association of Diving Instructors) certification. That's why I joined!

    After several years of training, I began to complain that nobody had a freaking clue what they were doing and so I wrote a KR that they had resorted to fraudulent false advertising as an enticement to sign a billion year contract. That's when I was given an r-factor that PADI stood for Professional Association of Dianetic Instructors.

    It seems like all those promo films of Seal Team operatives storming Bin Laden's compound and other rescue operations were just based on standard LRH surveys. The actual "missions against terrorists" we were sent on mostly involved stalking blown Scientologists, sifting through their garbage, getting them fired and bankrupting them with litigation.

    To be honest there was one (1) time our mission orders did involve assassination like the Bin Laden raid, but the target was a blown Class XII's pet dog. Nobody wanted to be on that mission to murder someone's pet---but we all were assigned the condition of DOUBT and forced to do a clay demo of "Why Doing The Greatest Good for Ron Includes Removing Counter-Intention On All Dynamics, Including the 5th" (after which we all F/Ned and followed the expanded Code of Honor that instructs: "...never fear to harm a comrade or their pets if the order comes from someone higher on the command channel")
  18. freethinker

    freethinker Sponsor

    Look at the brite side, all these redo's are a sure sign of no newdo's. Scientology works and the redo stats prove it. Let's not hear any more nattering, k? Otherwise you will be expanding the redo stats. :cool:
    Type4_PTS and HelluvaHoax! like this.
  19. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    !! TRUTH !!

    We now listen in on a two-way-com cycle where the org is trying to recover an Old OT VIII--so they are able to secure their eternity with New OT VIII.


    I don't see why I have to redo the Student Hat. . .
    I was already a NASA rocket scientist before I became a Scientologist,
    so obviously I know how to study. And besides that,
    I've already completed the Student Hat 5 times now!

    What does Ron say about number of times over materials?

    What's that supposed to mean? You are trying to feed me a cognition?

    No really, what does LRH say? See if you can fill in the blank.
    "Number of times over materials equals........................???"

    Gross Income?

    Last edited: Aug 7, 2018
  20. freethinker

    freethinker Sponsor

    Number of times over equals greater GDS. Ron didn't say that but he sure thought about it all the time. Number of times sold equals Scientology.
    Enthetan, Type4_PTS and HelluvaHoax! like this.