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Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology PART 4

Discussion in 'Evaluating and Criticising Scientology' started by HelluvaHoax!, Apr 25, 2017.

  1. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on



    Does Scientology's miraculous tech--that doesn't actually work,
    actually work on a small number of exceptional people,
    because--they are exceptionally stupid and therefore
    don't notice or even care that it didn't work?

  2. Type4_PTS

    Type4_PTS Diamond Invictus SP

    Scientology "tech" does work. It just doesn't work in the way its advertised.

    It doesn't create Clears or OT's. And the stat for Number of Scientologists that achieved Total Freedom has steadily remained at 0 for 68 years now.

    But Hubbard was worth hundreds of millions just before his departure to Target Two, and to a degree he successfully achieved his objective to enslave many (for which he acknowledged his intent in the "Admissions") So his tech to achieve THOSE things was pretty successful.

    I do believe he succeeded at "smashing his name into history", and will go down as one of the greatest conmen of the 20th century.

    Hubbard has much to teach any aspiring cult leaders, and some individuals, such as Charles Manson and David Miscavige, have already used the "tech" to achieve their own objectives.
    Last edited: Aug 7, 2018
    Churchill and HelluvaHoax! like this.
  3. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    Well, on the bright side of things, it would only require a very minor tweak to Scientology's BIG LEAGUE LIE CLOSING TECHNIQUES for their marketing to not be fraudulent.

    All that would be required for Scientology to "get honest and straight" is to change. . .


    to. . .​


    Truth in advertising!

    Zero-Point-Zero (0.0%) annual growth rate (of anyone achieving Clear or OT) for 68 straight years is truly a stable stable-datum! lol
    Last edited: Aug 8, 2018
  4. programmer_guy

    programmer_guy True Ex-Scientologist

    For example, does the e-meter pinch test work? Yes.
    Does this then imply that everything that reads on an e-meter is always true? No.

    This is one logical fallacy of if A implies B then, therefore, B implies A.

    All chevrolet camaros are automobiles but this doesn't, therefore, imply that all automobiles are chevrolet camaros.

    Also, a polygraph test is not admissible in a court-of-law for proof of guilt or innocence. Guess why.
    Last edited: Aug 8, 2018
  5. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    Scientologists always fail the pinch test.

    When investing decades and upwards of a half-million dollars to attain the states of Clear/OT---after which they have exactly NONE of the supposed paranormal powers---what a normal is supposed to do is pinch themselves ask:


    It's a koan and the cognition is: "OMG AM I STUPID STUPID!"
    Karen#1 likes this.
  6. DagwoodGum

    DagwoodGum Squirreling Dervish

    But the answer you seek is already present in your above statement.
    "KNOWING-HOW-TO-KNOW" is a step and a chasm removed from KNOWING.
    By planting in your mind that you will know how to know and getting your agreement and satisfaction with that you become a willing NOT KNOWER because at least you would know how to know if you ever had to.
    Which is at the other end of the spectrum from actually knowing.
    So as long as you think you know how to know as a result of Scientology they don't ever have to ever provide you with any approximation of actual knowledge.
    Which now you know.
    tesseract likes this.
  7. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on


    Cross-posted from another thread discussing the mystically inscrutable "Reactive Mind". It is unknowable mainly because its presence can never be predicted nor known by the knowing-how-to-know people.

    To wit, the reactive mind is never present when Scientologists are asked by wogs about the glorious state of Clear---but it's always present when a Scientologist is speaking to their advanced spiritual master & guide[sup]1[/sup] who gives them their next KSW Koan[sup]2[/sup] to meditate on and solve.

    [sup]1[/sup] advanced spiritual master & guide -noun: The registrar

    [sup]2[/sup] KSW Koan -noun: 1. A standard Scientology auditing command, the answer when discovered produces floating needles, delighted laugher and enlightenment. 2. Able Scientologists who nonetheless are un-able to solve the KSW Koan are graciously provided a new "One Shot Repair Koan" at no extra cost, consisting of the looking deep within their own spiritual essence in order to divine an answer to the question: "How could you make it go right to borrow and/or increase your credit card limits so that you can flow MEST money up lines to bigger beings who will then selflessly help you end your trillion-year-old downward spiral into the small, disgracefully low-havingness, no-status, degraded broke ass being you are today?"



    Big goals by Big Beings---to clear the planet! Big promises, that the tech works on everyone! Well, everyone except SPs.

    THE SITUATION: 68 years of the "modern science of mental health" frantically and fanatically trying (yet failing) to make their first clear.

    THE WHY: Quite apparently everyone Scientology ever audited since 1950 is an SP.

    HELPFUL TIP TO PLANET CLEARERS: Instead of trying to "clear the planet" (7.4 billion people), why not cut back the gradient by slightly modifying the goal and running this auditing command: "Look around the planet and locate one (1) person who is NOT an SP".

    CONCLUSION: It would be such a tragedy if all 7.4 billion humans were audited but NONE of them went clear---which would mean all 7.4 billion are SPs! What an awful shame it would be to waste Dr. Hubbard's miraculously brilliant, effective & perfectly workable tech on a planet exclusively populated by SPs.

    ELSEWHERE IN THE UNIVERSE: In deep space (Target II) the most OT being that ever existed (Dr. Hubbard) looks out at the night sky, gazing in the direction of a slave planet 75 million light years away--and suddenly cognites and types into his mobile phone: "Note to self---do not get DevT'd by taking miraculous technology that works on all beings to a planet where all the SPs were dumped. Shit, Xenu was not evil, he was simply using my disconnection tech so that must have been me!"

    Last edited: Aug 13, 2018
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  8. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on


    Scientology Paradox # 463:.

    Every training and auditing level in Scientology has "pre-requisites" in order to qualify and begin it. The entire Bridge and "Total Freedom" itself is achieved only by doing OT I through OT XV.

    The pre-requisite of beginning OT 1 is "Clear" and "ethics clearance" resulting in an invitation to do that advanced level.

    However, nobody ever could have conceivably met and satisfied these qualifications because:

    • Nobody ever attained Clear--which clearly is demonstrated by the observable fact that Clears have a perfect memory, and therefore they would have remembered all the supernatural abilities Hubbard promised (that they clearly never got) when they reached the state of Clear.
    • Nobody could have legitimately ever gained "ethics clearance" since having falsely attested to Clear (and all the preceding levels below it) would mean the PC is grossly out-ethics and guilty of an unhandled "high crimes"-- and thereby unqualified to do OT levels.
  9. triumph

    triumph Silver Meritorious Patron AU
    Shelly Miscavige, the wife of Scientology’s leader, hasn’t been seen for more than a decade
    WHEN Leah Remini celebrated Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes’ marriage, she realised her friend Shelly Miscavige wasn’t there.
    Natalie Wolfe August 18, 20181:21pm

    Gladston Observer

    Where is Scientology leader’s wife?
    by Natalie Wolfe
  10. triumph

    triumph Silver Meritorious Patron

  11. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    Interesting, and true to a certain degree. However, within the Church of Scientology (COS) they do seem to actually worship a "God", albeit it an unusual one. . . .

    Let's then take a closer look inside the COS: Church of Solipsism

    solipsism -noun:
    1. (philosophy): the theory that only the self exists, or can be proved to exist.
    2. extreme preoccupation with and indulgence of one's feelings, desires, etc.; egoistic self-absorption.

    Scientologists believe themselves to be Gods, fallen from their trillions-year-old infallibly omniscient and miraculously omnipotent heights.

    L. Ron Hubbard discovered why these all-knowing and all-powerful deities didn't know and couldn't stop their descent into the disgraced degradation they now suffer the indignities of, on this planet. Only Ron has the key to returning all your "knowingness" and "powers" back to you, for a modest mest fee.

    It's kind of like a cosmic scavenger hunt--where you arrive at the local "church" of scientology, in order to find the pathway leading out of the physical universe trap of eternal slavery and suffering. Only for Ron to give you instructions to go back into the MEST universe and scavenge about--until you find and return with the designated object[sup]1[/sup].

    [sup]1[/sup] designated object: Cash in an amount equal to not less than $500,000. Said amount shall be sufficient to successfully complete one's entire Bridge to Total Freedom--the first time, before being put back on the student hat and objectives and re-starting your Bridge to Total Freedom (2.0) from the beginning again. Thereafter, you will be fully qualified to do your Bridge To Total Freedom as many times as required in order for you to stop falsely attesting to being an OT (i.e. Total Freedom 3.0, 4.0, 5.0, 6.0, 7.0, 8.0, et al). A more detailed & scholarly technical description of this cycle can be found in the film "The Wizard of Oz" wherein scavenger hopefuls petition the Supreme Being for miracles and are sent forth to retrieve an SP's broom as proof of their delivering an effective blow to the enemy despite personal danger--at which time their personalized & postulated superpowers are granted. Scientology, by contrast, is vastly superior insofar as it doesn't require the scavengers to go back into the dark realms of the MEST universe where they risk imprisonment or death by flying monkeys--when all that can be totally avoided by simply using a charge card. (LEGAL NOTICE & WAIVER: CASH DONATIONS ON "TOTAL FREEDOM" ARE HEREBY UNDERSTOOD TO BE NON-REFUNDABLE DEPOSITS AND THE CHURCH MAKES NO REPRESENTATIONS NOR GUARANTEES WITH REGARD TO THE DELIVERY DATE OF SAID PRODUCT(S) DUE TO THE OVERWHELMING DEMAND FOR AND VERY LIMITED SUPPLY OF FREEDOM WITHIN THE ORGANIZATION].


    Last edited: Aug 19, 2018
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  12. JackStraw

    JackStraw Silver Meritorious Patron

    Beautiful! And, if you convert this to an L&N process: Who or what is not an SP? - the answer "Me" is invalid and may not be taken up.

  13. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on


    That gives rise to yet another Stupid Moment In Scientology. . .

    The moment that a PC has a huge cognition, floating TA, VVGIs and their nightmarish PTS rollercoastering suddenly vanishes, due to having found the correct SP on their PTS rundown.

    However, instead of indicating "Your tone arm is floating!" the session is abruptly ended and they are routed to Ethics where they are assigned a lower condition and whacked with a Non-Enturbulation Order.

    Because their "item" was a big being, like COB or the Commodore.

    When that item is found it is a wrong item and worksheets are duly corrected:
    • The "VVGI's" notation is corrected to read "PC is total glee of insanity!"
    • The "dial wide F/N" is corrected to be a "gargantuan ARC Break FN"
    • The cognition "Wow, Ron is the SP!" is circled in red and noted as an "evil purpose" to be audited out at the pc's expense.
    CONCLUSION: Scientific research has discovered that, invariably without exception, SPs are always lower on the command channel.

  14. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on


    Wanna see a stupid cult that believes the same stupid thing that stupid Scientologists believe?

    SPOILER ALERT: A Scientologist could clay demo every single scene of that documentary and never once realize that they themselves share the identical superstitions and stupidity of the snake handling preachers who demonstrate their faith by dying in front of their congregation--in order to show that their "tech" works.

    Just like these snake-handling preachers, Scientologists also believe that if a poisonous snake bites them it means that they have sin (out ethics/overts) in their life. Scientologists call it "pulling it in" or "motivating". But where is the venomous snake in Scientology, you may be asking yourself. Read on ye brethren, have faith. . .
    • Scientologists likewise perform life-threatening and even suicidal "acts of faith" to prove their blinkless dedication to the infallible Hubbard and his "advanced technology". In Scientology, the snake is Scientology itself--its Fair Game black ops, bankruptcies, disconnections and other life shattering ethics terrorism---when the COS ("Crimewave of Scientology") gets scared and instantly delivers its lethal bite.
    A Scientologist would derisively laugh aloud at this perfectly apt cult comparison.

    So much for Scientologists "knowing how to know".
  15. freethinker

    freethinker Sponsor

    If Scientology switched to number of PC's that achieved the state of SP, Scientology would be booming and would have cleared the earth of all those pesky OT's that think they can have whatever they want by simply having cognitions, smiling like an idiot while they tell a success story in front of a bunch of hopeful future OT's that only have the total certainty of achieving the state of total SP with F/N (fuggin nothing), VGI's (very gullible ideas) and cognition (these assholes only want my money).

    Co audits would be overfilled as pc's thoroughly disabusing themselves of the idea that the state of OT (operating turmoil) will lead to states of blissful happiness as they exteriorize into a state that they hope will allow them to escape unnoticed.
    HelluvaHoax! and Operating DB like this.
  16. JackStraw

    JackStraw Silver Meritorious Patron


  17. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on


    Worrying about whether the "metabolism test" works on an e-meter is like a Scientologist holding the cans and asking the question: "IS THE E-METER A FRAUDULENT QUACK DEVICE?"

    If it doesn't read, that means that the e-meter is a legitimate, highly accurate scientific diagnostic device.

    If it does read, that means that it was a protest read--and therefore that the e-meter is a legitimate, highly accurate scientific diagnostic device.

    Notwithstanding the above, I do think the e-meter has valuable purpose in any society. It could be included in a deluxe package that also contained a Magic 8 Ball and Ouija Board over at Amazon--in the "Parlor Games" section.

    Last edited: Aug 21, 2018
  18. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on


    From today's "If it looks like a quack and quacks like a quack" journal:

    Scientology Metabolism Test - noun: 1. The scientific pre-session determination of whether a pre-clear has sufficient body energy in order to as-is and erase the negative mental energy contained within pre-natal engrams, 75 million year old body thetans and trillion year old gorilla goal implants. . 2. A preposterous pre-session wherein a pretentious prevaricator pre-dupes a pre-clear.


  19. screamer2

    screamer2 Idiot Bastardson

  20. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    Cross-posted from another thread:

    ANSWER: I don't see how Scientology could have possibly "tainted" a subject that they made such profound contributions to. In fact, Dr. Hubbard's ten million-plus words of CONSCIOUSNESS EXPANSION research and activities were actually going incredibly well in the early stages. . .

    All the way up until the 4th word.


    Last edited: Aug 28, 2018