ESMB has entered archive mode. All posts and threads that were available to the general public are still readable. The board is still searchable. 

Thank you all for your participation and readership over the last 12 years.

If you want to join in the conversation, please join the new ESMB Redux at www.exscn2.net.



Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology PART 4

Discussion in 'Evaluating and Criticising Scientology' started by HelluvaHoax!, Apr 25, 2017.

  1. Type4_PTS

    Type4_PTS Diamond Invictus SP

    Yes, but be careful when visiting a Wog Café.

    They were created by whole track psychiatrists for the purpose of suppressing free thetans. :ohmy:
     
    Xenu Xenu Xenu likes this.
  2. guanoloco

    guanoloco As-Wased

    Welcome to the whole track California...

    Such a lovely place...such a lovely face.

    They're living it up at the whole track California...
     
  3. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    .
    LOL!
    .
    SECOND VERSE
    Welcome to the whole track California...​
    Such a theta space...such a keyed-out case.​
    They're mocking it up at the whole track California...​


     
    Last edited: Jun 7, 2019
  4. guanoloco

    guanoloco As-Wased

    I was pressed for time and couldn't give it justice. You smoked it!

    Also, I wanted to follow up with Sad Cafe and dub-in Wog Cafe for the lyrics but didn't have time so somebody else do it!
     
  5. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    LOL!

    Love to join you!

    And next time the cappuccinos are on me at another cafe that just opened across the street. Tried it yet? The people that work there are ever so friendly and, my word--they sure seem quite spiritual!

    Well, I'm right in front of it now, so lemme take a photo with my phone, hang on. . . . . . .

    [​IMG]



    Oh, damn....moments after I sent you the photo, 5 creepy looking people just walked out of the cafe and they are surrounding me. Wait......


    Shit, now all 5 are firing questions at me, demanding to know why i took a photo of their business. Wait....

    Um so i told them i was promoting their cool cafe to a friend of mine and they told me to have you meet me here. I told them you don't live close but now they are demanding my cell phone so they can call you and handle you because they already put you on their arrival grid. Holyhell this is getting really weird. Wait.....

    Well....they just said there's no problem, they just want to get to know people in the neighborhood and then they asked me what kind of coffee I needed and wanted. I told them an Americano with two extra shots of espresso. They all started applauding and said that this was the right answer and that I won a free introductory Americano. I told them maybe some other time. Wait. . .

    Whoa.... are kinda pushy and insistent and they just won't take no for an answer. Then they said "Hey it's a free introductory coffee, what do you have to lose?" So, yeah, I guess it's pretty rude to reject people who are nice enough to give me a free coffee, so I'm heading inside now.

    Hey if you are in the area, come on in and join me! They said they'd give you a free introductory coffee too, no problem.

    Sounds amazing, right! Wait. . .

    OMG, I'm inside now, and there are people in naval costumes and others screaming at ash trays. I tried to leave but they blocked the door and said I have to finish my Americano first and then "standardly route out" whatever that means. . .

    .
     
    Last edited: Jun 8, 2019
  6. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    - - -
    .

    Quotes from the wholetrack research of L. Don Hubbard[sup]1[/sup]:
    .


    "The correct "WHY" for any non-optimum condition is always
    lower on the command channel than the power upstat who discovered
    situation and is taking total responsibility for it by slamming ethics in on the
    low-toned, low-status, low-command channel DB/SP who caused it."



    "Scientology. They have the answers for everything!
    The only 3 things you need in order to learn the ultimate secrets
    of the universe are prodigious amounts of money, clay and stupidity."


    .

    [sup]1[/sup]Don Hubbard (see avatar) is the estranged and blown evil twin brother of L. Ron Hubbard. As Founder of the Church of Hoaxology, Don's DBtech[sup]tm[/sup] (DeBunking Technology) was humbly gifted gifted to mankind, in order for beings to attain the state of Total Freedom--from "Total Freedom".

    .
     
    Last edited: Jun 14, 2019
  7. DagwoodGum

    DagwoodGum Squirreling Dervish

    Historically their only products have been the DB and the SP.
    They have created and declared them en-masse.
    Is their implication that only such "low-toned, low-status and low-command channel" types would be drawn to and duped by Scientology?
     
  8. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    LOL

    Debug Datum: "THE DOWN-TONE DOWN-STATS ARE DOWN-LINE"

    .
     
  9. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    .

    [bcolor=#008000]RANDOM RON VS REALITY RANT. . . [/bcolor]

    ......Decades after abandoning Scientology, I have finally come to understand and fully accept Dr. Hubbard's advanced scientific discovery that people only blow from his religion because they have a misunderstood word. I have, in fact, now discovered that word! Using a scientifically proven electropsychometric diagnostic device (NOTE: yes, it was fully charged and yes I did have enough to eat and yes the needle did robustly respond to taking a deep breath and exhaling) I was able to identify my basic-basic word way back to the previous century. I was astounded to learn that I received this engramic "end word" (NOTE: yes, it was an end word because it ultimately and fatally "ended" my Bridge to total freedom) in the very first 4 Hubbard words I ever encountered---when a Scientology sidewalk sales representative demanded I buy a copy of "Dianetics The Modern Science of Mental Health".

    [bcolor=#008000]RANDOM RON VS REALITY RANT. . . [/bcolor]
    [bcolor=#ffffff]......D[/bcolor]ebunked cult members are reminiscent of B-movie zombies, in that their belief in Hubbard's sci-fi hoax should already be dead. But, no. They sometimes arise out of the graveyard of destroyed delusional dreams and metamorphose into the "[bcolor=#ffffff]walking[/bcolor] winning dead", otherwise known as "Indie Scientologists". I once was fascinated that they could blow the cult, yet still believe in the cult founder's promise of miraculous superpowers. I once watched indie videos with morbid fascination how "Indies" performed impossible rhetorical gymnastics trying to explain how countless miracles happen every day, but you just can't see any of them. On another thread today I mentioned that "I was not able to watch" a certain Indie video where two ideal planet-clearing indies shared their cosmic wins. Scientology can make the able more able, but not that able. LOL. Besides not having the ability to listen to Scientologists spew delusional wins about pretend supernatural tech that is saving the universe from 75m year old aliens---I am also not able listen to 100,000 hours of audiotaped gibberish from microphones hidden inside mental hospitals and then do 100,000 clay demos of mental patients' top 100,000 alien abduction stories.

    [bcolor=#008000]MEA CULTA CONCLUSION: [/bcolor]

    ......Don't blame me for this acerbic post about Scientologists--it's not my fault that the R part of their ARC triangle is very cruel to them.
    .



    free word clearing bonus

    .
    F
     
    Last edited: Jun 23, 2019
  10. screamer2

    screamer2 Idiot Bastardson

    The cult would suddenly make 100% complete sense if all the semicolons that were removed were restored?
     
  11. PirateAndBum

    PirateAndBum Gold Meritorious Patron

    [format=h3]Corollary: The Up-tone Up-stats are off-lines[/format]
     
    tesseract likes this.
  12. Karen#1

    Karen#1 Gold Meritorious Patron

    Last edited: Jun 25, 2019
    Xenu Xenu Xenu likes this.
  13. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    .


    11:59 PM MIDNIGHT MUSTER AT THE SKBSC
    Scientology Kids Book Selling Corps

    [​IMG]

    CORPS COMMANDER
    (in foreground facing mortified downstats)
    I just looked at your daily GI stats and after 12 hours of being out on the
    street today, you only sold ONE fucking book?! You people make me sick the
    way you betray Ron and try to sabotage his dream of a world without insanity!

    Now you DB downstats get your counter-intentioned dilettante asses back out
    there on the street and keep selling all night until you make your target of 300
    books sold. That's only 10 books each so use your TRs and your tone 40 intention
    and make it go right. And remember, on the wholetrack you each sold
    a million books a night when you were OTs before you committed
    all those hideous overts and crimes and ruined your own

    fucking OT powers. And also remember, Ron loves each of
    you very, very much and that is why he is giving
    you this precious opportunity to sell his
    books so that he can save your
    eternity & prevent SPs from
    manipulating
    you
    !




    .


     
    Last edited: Jun 25, 2019
    Operating DB and Karen#1 like this.
  14. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    .


    TOP TEN TERRIBLY TRANSPARENT TECH TELLS
    ...that Scientology never worked

    1. Nobody ever attained "mental health" from the "modern science" of pretending there are engrams.

    2. The "One Shot Clear" command that Hubbard guaranteed would exteriorize 50% of all humans--actually attained 100% uniform results (100% of people sat there forever waiting for something to happen---after which Dr. Hubbard discovered the low-toned human phenomena known as "com lag").

    3. Every single one of the beings that attained the abilities of a Clear, triumphantly attested to it without any "doubts or reservations"--and F/N[sup]ed[/sup] on it due to forgetting that a Clear is supposed to have perfect memory.

    4. All advanced Scientologists who reached the miraculous state of Operating Thetan only realized one (1) supernatural ability--the paranormal power to "be there and do nothing". Scientology tech is so powerful that Scientologists routinely attain that superpower on the first day of their first com course.

    5. The most elite Scientologists (who sign a billion year contract and dedicate decades of their life to bringing "total freedom" to all mankind) are not rewarded with the upper OT levels that make a being "total cause over life". Instead, they are expected to "not have case on post" and "make it go right" to create ever increasing millions to send uplines. And, failing to do so, they are not audited to make them OT, they are thrown overboard, thrown into chain lockers or thrown into an RPF prison for DBs and SPs where they are terrorized and made psychotic enough to hallucinate and "confess" their "crimes". This particular "tell" is irrefutable proof that even Scientology's gurus don't believe their own tech works.

    6. When Scientology massively "ARC BREAKS" the public by their fraudulent crime wave and criminal fair game thuggery, they do not use the ARC TRIANGLE or any other Scientology tech to fix it. They simply lie and claim they did nothing wrong, making sure to target and viciously attack one of their victims in the process.

    7. After Hubbard discovered the "final barrier to OT" (the "Wall of Fire" Xenu story in 1967), advanced Scientologists promptly began attesting to the end phenomena of OT level III---"Freedom From Overwhelm". For the next 52 years, all those same OT IIIs continued to pay hundreds of thousands to audit the very same Xenu BTs on OT IV, OT V, OT VI, OT VII and OT VIII---thus proving beyond any doubt that they were utterly and completely overwhelmed by Hubbard's hoax.

    8. Because nobody in Scientology has any slightest "powers" that ordinary humans don't have, Scientology management devised an elaborately diabolical Orwellian misdirection, to prevent Scientologists from thinking about it. Instead of getting on YouTube and showing how they can exteriorize, levitate matter and other demonstrable miracles, Scientologists are madly tasked with "Clearing the Planet", paying for "Ideal Buildings" and dozens of other donation rackets. The misdirection has Scientologists believing that they can prove their OT powers by being upstat (making donations and/or causing others to make donations). Ergo, the Grade Chart levels promising happiness, prosperity and immortality are the bait---and the tone 40 command to "Now give us all your money, bitch!" is the switch.

    9. The greatest OTs in the universe (Hubbard, MSH, Miscavige, Captain Bill, et al) all went crazy, went violent, went to prison, went on the run and/or went dead. When Scientologists are confronted with this fact, they either claim they don't know anything about that ("I wasn't there") or pretend that beating people or unexpectedly dropping dead is really an upper level OT ability ("Hey, Ron was so total-cause that his body was totally-causing him to slow down, so naturally he had to kill himself!")

    10. The No-Tell Tell. Ask any Scientologist to tell you what Hubbard says is the reason why no Clears or OTs can simply demonstrate one (1) of their homo novis powers. They can't tell you. They can, however, tell you to give them $600,000 so you can find out the answer for yourself.


    .

     
    Last edited: Jun 30, 2019
    Operating DB likes this.
  15. Enthetan

    Enthetan Master of Disaster

    If auditing truly "made the able more able", you would expect staff to be given lots of auditing.

    But if the true effect of auditing is to make the PC/Pro-OT more suggestible and controllable, and more vulnerable to regges pressuring them to dig up more money, then it would make sense to NOT give auditing to staff, who are supposed to be the ones doing the controlling, rather than being the effect of others running control.
     
    Leland, tesseract and Type4_PTS like this.
  16. screamer2

    screamer2 Idiot Bastardson

    Damn.
    This is some kind of axiom.
    If you ever start another religion, I want to be a saint of it. :yes:

    :roflmao:
     
    Type4_PTS and HelluvaHoax! like this.
  17. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    .

    SCIENTOLOGY TO STAFF: The reason your life is in ruins is is because you are out-ethics, have evil purposes and crimes. You don't need auditing, you need ethics!

    SCIENTOLOGY: The reason your life is in ruins is because you have a bank. You don't need money, you need auditing!

    .
     
    tesseract likes this.
  18. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    SCIENTOLOGY ADVANCED NON-EXISTENCE FORMULA:

    1. Find out what Scientology needs & wants.

    2. If you don't have money we need all your time.

    3. If you don't have time we want all your money.

    4. Hey, we're flexible, we'll try to work with you!

    .
     
    tesseract likes this.
  19. Karen#1

    Karen#1 Gold Meritorious Patron

    She had been educated and brainwashed into being 'A good Scientologist". A LOYAL Scientologist in "Good standing" which means she had to cut all communication with her father who wandered off, and her PRIME loyalty to the cult meant Disconnection.
    The cult makes in mandatory to choose the cult over family ~~It is one of the major reasons the cult is so despised ,
    She disconnected and would not talk to him when he was ALIVE.
    But she talks to him when he is DEAD/


    [​IMG]
     
  20. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    .
    [​IMG]


    The only value I can imagine in what she wrote to her dearly beloved and departed father is this. . .

    It could be of tremendous use on the DATA SERIES COURSE in drilling to look for outpoints. There is nothing contained in that hideous paragraph of cult perversity that is NOT an outrageous outpoint.

    (example): "I want to use the theta of our church and this group to wish him well on his next adventure and to tell him to go get a great Scientology family."

    The "theta of your church" is what brainwashed you into the diabolical zombie mindset that made you think it was saving the planet by disconnecting from your own father because your "theta church" didn't like something his wife thought or said. And, compounding the stupidity, you send your dead father imaginary postulates that are supposed to make him "go get a great Scientology family"---just like the one that just brutally cut him out of their lives.

    Can anyone imagine what the dead father would say to her if he could respond about her preposterous post-mortem postulate that he remain a degraded pawn in the strangulating clutches of the sociopathic cult of Scientology.

    CONCLUSION: There is arguably nothing stupider than an Operating Thetan with total certainty about everything in the universe. Going OT can best be described by the following mathematical equation.

    OT Knowingness = (Dunning-Kruger Effect)[sup]2[/sup]


    [sup].[/sup]
     
    Last edited: Jun 30, 2019