ESMB has entered archive mode. All posts and threads that were available to the general public are still readable. The board is still searchable. 

Thank you all for your participation and readership over the last 12 years.

If you want to join in the conversation, please join the new ESMB Redux at

Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology PART 4

Discussion in 'Evaluating and Criticising Scientology' started by HelluvaHoax!, Apr 25, 2017.

  1. screamer2

    screamer2 Idiot Bastardson

  2. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on


    From another thread "Scientology's TOP 100 Biggest Lies".
    - - - - -

    Excellent point Chuck! Thanks for that.

    Presenting the new-and-improved

    0. Ron, the greatest scientist in the universe who discovered the hitherto unknown mystery and dynamic principle of life ("Survive!"), admitted he was a clueless failure who failed so badly he intended to use his OT powers to postulate the end of his own life--by suicide. Ergo, Hubbard sold "Survive!" but selected "Succumb!"
    1. Scn is The Bridge to Total Freedom.​
    2. You can become an Operating Thetan.​
    3. You can achieve the state of Clear.​
    4. There is no disconnection.​
    5. Fair Game is canceled.​
    6. Ron did not die, he purposely dropped his body in order to research upper levels for you.​
    7. The Sea Org is the most ethical group on the planet.​
    8. Scientology works.​
    9. Psychs are an evil wholetrack conspiracy to enslave you.​
    10. You need to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars to get rid of body thetans if you want to be free and happy.​
    11. DMSMH results in mental health and clear.​
    12. L. Ron Hubbard is the true and only Source of freedom tech.​
    13. Scientology controls your ‘eternity’.​
    14. Hubbard is mankind’s greatest friend.​
    15. Keeping Scientology Working is the greatest good.​
    16. Scientology is a religion not a business.​
    17. Scientology believes in The Creed of the Church of Scn.​
    18. Church of Scientology believes in the Universal Declaration of Human Rights.​
    19. L. Ron Hubbard is an ethical Operating Thetan who rose above the bank to save mankind from eternal suffering.​
    20. Scientology handles the causes of war, criminality and insanity.​
    21. CoS senior management is not liars and criminals.​
    22. Scientology is the fastest growing religion in the world with over 10 Million members.​
    23. Scientology is clearing the planet.​
    24. Ron’s technology will make you cause over life.​
    25. All illness and accidents are from PTS and suppressives.​
    26. Ideal Orgs are ideal.​
    27. The Golden Age of Technology is unaltered LRH tech.​
    28. Applying ethics conditions makes one ethical.​
    29. Mary Sue Hubbard and the other criminal leaders of Scientology that went to prison were not following Hubbard’s policies and orders.​
    30. Office of Special Affairs is not the same as the Guardians Office except better at lying and hiding crimes.​
    31. The religious leader of CoS, COB, is not a sociopathic sadist who physically beats and psychologically terrorizes staff.​
    32. Hubbard didn't believe in or use drugs.​
    33. At the top of the Grade Chart beings can exteriorize with perception and other paranormal powers.​
    34. …​
    35. …​
    36. …​

    Last edited: Jul 9, 2019
    tesseract and Type4_PTS like this.
  3. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on



    du jour

    All PCs postulate they will one day experience "Total Cause" and "Total Freedom".
    PCs purchasing & persisting on "The Bridge" can eventually attain those rapturous
    Prevaricating PCs pretending such preternatural powers are wildly celebrated
    with certificates, standing ovations & jumbo medallions.
    However, any PC attempting to actually use any of their newfound total
    freedom/cause (by even partially disagreeing with Hubbard's sacred
    scripture or his cult's commandments) is promptly declared an SP.
    Ergo, the end phenomena of Scientology is two (2) pieces of paper. A certificate
    scientifically confirming your miraculous God-like powers and an SP declare
    scientologically condemning your malevolently Devil-like evil.

    Last edited: Jul 9, 2019
    tesseract likes this.
  4. Type4_PTS

    Type4_PTS Diamond Invictus SP

    I don't think any lugubriously laughable list of Lron lies would be complete without the claim of boosting ones IQ 1 point for each hour of auditing received.

    I forgot exactly what publication that that was written. I wonder if it's been removed or still told to new prospects these days.
    Churchill likes this.
  5. Karakorum

    Karakorum supressively reasonable

    IIRC it was in one of the basics.
  6. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on


    DIA(BOLIC)NETICS: The Modern Science of Resolving Customer Complaints

  7. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on


    Well, let's not be so fast to condemn the modern science that creates new super-geniuses every day!

    First let's see how Scientologists' IQs compare to famous geniuses in history. Ranking atop the list of "highest IQs" are DaVinci at 200 and Goethe at 210.

    JOKE DU JOUR: A homo sapiens walks into an org. . .The registrar asks "What can I do for you sir?" The wog replies, "Well I heard I can become a genius, but I only have an IQ of 100. Can you help me?" The registrar takes a long look him and then announces, "Well, you've come to the right place!" Fast forward to 1 year later. The wog has received 153 hours of objectives and now boasts the highest recorded IQ in history at 253! The registrar calls him into his office to discuss securing his OT package. . . . . .​

    Hey congratulations on finishing your objectives!

    Yeah, I have the highest IQ in history. I really line charged
    when I realized what a DB Einstein was!

    So then, let's get your OT levels paid for so we can secure
    your eternity. With the sliding scale discount it's only $148,000,
    plus you'll need to buy your Patron status--another $50,000, so
    that brings it up to only $198,000. Let's, add in the two required
    e-meters, another $10,000 and you'll need to secure your
    accommodations & eligibility auditing. Okay, this is an amazing
    bargain price if you buy it today only. It's only $253,000!

    Wow, what a coincidence, 253 thousand! it's exactly the
    same as my 253 IQ! I'll do it, here's my charge cards.


    Me and My Self likes this.
  8. Type4_PTS

    Type4_PTS Diamond Invictus SP


    I needed a good laugh and this post gave me one.

    But somehow I was expecting a different ending than:
    With a 253 IQ I figured he'd have the "blow cog". LOL
  9. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    Unless I am mistaken that "one point of increased IQ for every hour of processing" appeared in Dianetics Modern Science of Mental Health.

    Another place it was published was in a LETTER THAT HUBBARD WROTE TO THE NY POST IN 1964:

    ".....our most spectacular feat was raising a boy from IQ 83 to 212."
    CULT CURIOSITY: The main methodology Scientology used to measure a being's IQ is by calculating the number of hundreds of thousands of dollars they have donated to Scientology--divided by the number of times they reacted to their own miraculous powers with the exclamation "Wow!"

    Last edited: Jul 9, 2019
  10. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on


    Intuitively you are quite correct.

    However, in Scientology the "blow cog" can only occur after someone's IQ has gone high enough for them to first blow their case gain.
    Type4_PTS likes this.
  11. ILove2Lurk

    ILove2Lurk Lisbeth Salander

    . . .

    Don't be huntin' too long for this issue on Ebay or at your local library. :coolwink:
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2019
    Leland likes this.
  12. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on


    FACT: An IQ of 83 is considered "DULL".

    FACT: An IQ of 212 is spectacularly higher than Leonardo DaVinci (200) or Goethe (210).

    FACT: Any IQ of 200 or above had a rarity factor of only several in one-hundred and five billion (the number of people that have been born since the beginning of human history on this planet).

    FACT: Scientology operates in this sector of the universe (not only on this planet) where untold quadrillions of beings exist. Therefore is not mathematically nor statistically unlikely at all that a dull cult kid could ingeniously cognite and F/N upon originating: "After touching a wall for 129 hours I realized that there was a wall there, something Einstein never even mentioned in his so-called Theory of Relativity. A wall is not a freakin' theory, it's reality man!"

    Last edited: Jul 10, 2019
    Type4_PTS and tesseract like this.
  13. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    . . .

    posted by ILove2Lurk


    Brilliant world-class messaging!

    i'd love to see that one go viral across the internet.

    Afterwards, anyone who saw it and yet still gave their money/mind to the cult actually deserves to lose both.

    That's probably the best ONE-SHOT-CULT-CLEAR process in existence.

  14. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on



    Activists, Protesters, Whistleblowers and Critics have been asking for years what is the best one-shot message for their placards, as they march around in front of ideal orgs.

    That's the answer! That's the biggest shotgun blast graphic I've ever seen. Here's what will happen.

    SCIENO-SCENARIO: SPs and CRITICS march around outside the Ideal Org. A wog comes up and queries a placard carrying protester. . .

    Wow! I mean, holy hell, is that for real?
    I mean did that really happen?!
    I mean is that really a TIME MAGAZINE cover story?

    (thoughtfully pauses, then--)
    Hmmmm. It appears to be a Time Magazine cover.

    Well, what's the problem? He didn't lie and claim it was real. He only said it appears to be. LOL

  15. ILove2Lurk

    ILove2Lurk Lisbeth Salander

    Thanks so much for the kind comments. You get it!

    If one were "running back to basic-basic," that would be it. After one fully "groks" what
    happened, one probably becomes pretty free from it all. It might take some time, but
    realizing the truth of it all really helps one go free and be free. (That sounds like a level
    that needs an attest cycle, LOL.)

    For years, I've been writing long-winded posts about just this point. Sometimes I wondered
    if I was going overboard or beating a dead horse. But at the end of the day, that is the true
    and final plot point that needs to be communicated far and wide, IMO.
  16. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    That "FAILED MESSIAH" poster tells a compelling narrative that no Scientologist in the world can either accept or deny. It is an inescapable CHINESE FINGER THETA TRAP.


    What can a Scientologist in good standing possibly say in answer to that illuminating anti-cult poster?

    Their immediate impulse is to DENY IT (well they are Scientologists so that's the default position---to deny all entheta as lies, lies & lies! But they can hardly assert that "RON DID NOT KILL HIMSELF!" because the cult made very sure to televise the announcement that Ron killed himself in a mandatory worldwide event that is captured in every glorious moment in full color videos, all across the worldwide internet.

    Yet there is no conceivable way that they can AGREE that Ron killed himself either. Because its so ludicrous on its fact that virtually every Scientologist alive knows full well that it's a "shore story", just another "BIG LIE" and "Acceptable Truth" to keep PR in. 98% have to know it's a PR gimmick. Same way 98% of Scientologists know Scientology is not a "religion" or "church". They know it's a tax dodge and way to "safe point" the COS from government and other SP attacks, by reason of religious protections.

    What would a Scientologist do or even if they saw that cognitive dissonance dissolving poster?

    ANSWER: They would have so summon all their OT powers and postulates in order to try and UN-SEE it. Too late, the seed has been planted. What sprouts sooner or later is a blown Scientologist ultimately and suddenly sits upright in their chair and thinks very loudly to themselves: W.T.F.WAS.I.THINKING?!
    Last edited: Jul 10, 2019
  17. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on


    The more closely a PC approaches the advanced state of a perfectly ethical,
    god-like empowered Operating Thetan---the more certain
    it is they will be discovered to have been a lying, false
    attesting, out-ethics criminal, DB and SP.

    PRO-TIP: Because of the extraordinary treachery, trickery & covertness of 1.1 SPs, the SP/PTS detection tech cannot detect an SP Scientologist until after they have blown and delusionally claimed that they did not gain any miraculous OT powers. However, in the rare case that the PC did not gain supernatural powers, this proves, once again, that the tech works 100% of the time---because the tech states that SPs cannot get case gain and it is firm policy that Scientology always delivers what it promises.

    Last edited: Jul 11, 2019
  18. ILove2Lurk

    ILove2Lurk Lisbeth Salander

    IMO, fact of the matter seems like Hubbard spent his last five years
    essentially living in a private nursing home situation with aides
    and a doctor at beck and call. Many people go into nursing homes
    when they get older -- usually late eighties or nineties and not early
    seventies. Wealthy people often arrange it privately in their own homes,
    as Hubbard did in Creston.
    Think about this. A person has a stroke or heart attack and refuses
    to call an ambulance, refuses to go the the hospital, and instead wants
    to just stay at home and let things unwind as they will, knowing that
    death will be the likely outcome
    . I'd call that a death wish or willful
    suicide. End of story.

    And of course, we have Sarge's Nov '85 "suicide e-meter" anecdote.
    I've delivered my "suicide rant" to a couple of Scientologists many years ago
    and what I got was a stunned silence. Dead stop.

    They probably were thinking that I'd gone batshit crazy and just couldn't
    believe that I had. (I was just ahead of the curve, that's all.)

    Too much truth too fast for these folks. Once I plant the seed . . . the seed
    is definitely planted.

    My "other rants" were all about Class 8s who had cheated on their spouses
    -- who knew? -- and the OT8s I knew who were suffering from depression or
    went back on drugs as a habit. This stuff is all around you, if you'll just look.

    I can be a brutal conversationalist for believers. :coolwink:
    Last edited: Jul 12, 2019
  19. screamer2

    screamer2 Idiot Bastardson

    What was the official "church" position on the death of L R Haitch™*?

    Might find a clue here:

    L R Haitch™ "disgarded the body"

    L R Haitch™ did this at "complete cause"

    Now if that is not abject admission of L R Haitch™ suicide, I don't know what is.

    * Trade Mark, strativarius, ESMB, circa 2019 et seq.
    Type4_PTS likes this.
  20. guanoloco

    guanoloco As-Wased

    Are you guys saying that Ron was at Total Flaws on all 8?