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Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology PART 4

Discussion in 'Evaluating and Criticising Scientology' started by HelluvaHoax!, Apr 25, 2017.

  1. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on


    More advanced technology from Dr. Hubbard's inspirational published works. . .


    At first, the cover graphic was absurdly nonsensical to me. Because Scientology has more unresolved conflicts than a billion BTs with BPC being blown up in a volcano.

    Then I did 2 hours of TR-0 on the photo of two hands--and suddenly realized that the unresolved conflict is that the big being is trying to give a "high 5", while the DB is attempting to do a squirrel "fist bump".

    Inside the book it reveals the secret of how to resolve that. Both beings are ordered to a chaplain's court where a fully third party investigation is done. Once the third party (who is promoting the conflict) is discovered, the DB is routed to ethics to do lower conditions and contribute an amends project that makes up the damage with a substantial donation to the Church. The DB was determined to be the "WHO" because in all of LRH's HCOBs, tape lectures and books he does not mention anything about fist bumps, making it an "other practice".

    CULT PRO-TIP: If this all sounds hyperbolically exaggerated for the sake of satire, let me assure readers that inside Scientology it is actually far weirder & wackier than that.

    Last edited: Jul 22, 2019
  2. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on



    CULT-CRAFT TIP OF THE DAY: The TITLE of that Scientology handbook is an excellent showcase for the Orwellian cult gimmick known as "acceptable truth"---the theta euphemism cult messiahs substitute for the entheta word "lying".

    Without all the rhetorical cloaking and misdirection, what then would be a truthful title?

    OTs vs DBs
    How to resolve conflicts by selling ARC triangle tech
    whilst shattering your enemies with

    "Never Defend! Always Attack!"

    CULT-CRAFT FREE BONUS TIP: The OT is on the left (the attacking fist). The defending DB (hand on right) is a feeble fool's futile effort to fight the flying fists of the F/Ning fantics.

    Last edited: Jul 22, 2019
    Operating DB, lotus and Type4_PTS like this.
  3. Dotey OT

    Dotey OT Cyclops Duck of the North - BEWARE

    Btw, each clay demo in this photo is a big fat FLUNK!! They are too small.
  4. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on


    Maybe I left the cult long before someone "discovered" and released "lost tech" that mentioned a clay demo's SIZE requirements?

    Is KCG[sup]1[/sup] really a thing? LOL


    [sup]1[/sup] KCG (abbv.): Keeping Clay-Demos Gargantuan

  5. screamer2

    screamer2 Idiot Bastardson


    Imagine if the cult opened a craft brewery brew pub and started brewing Cult Crafted ales and such.

    They could have the Beans-n-Rice Sea Org Special Dry-Humped Lager, or the Incident One Snappy Ale, or the Thirty-Six Day Drive-In Session Ale, or the Meat Body Shandy...

    The possibilities are endless.
    tesseract likes this.
  6. Dotey OT

    Dotey OT Cyclops Duck of the North - BEWARE

    If you can believe it, the wording is something like "they must be large, they can be too small." And some additional thing like "if the student is not getting relief, the clay demos may be too small."
  7. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on


    Have you tried Beans-n-Rice-Beingness-Beer by BT Brewery?

  8. screamer2

    screamer2 Idiot Bastardson

    Hold on a moment...

    What if that was said about high cultic enemas or dildos or whatever... :hysterical:
  9. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    I don't recall anyone ever doing clay demos larger than those depicted in the photo (above).

    However, based on your briefing and r-factor, I have begun taking responsibility by writing several thousand KRs on people I gave clay-demo checkouts to that were non-standard, due to their diminutive dinkyness.

    My fear is that by "passing" their squirrel clay demos, they will will lose their eternity and not make it, on this planet. If my KRs do not reach some of them, I can only hope and postulate that they WILL make it on other planets.

  10. JustSheila

    JustSheila Crusader

    The unwritten clay demo tek is they have to have legs and feet and you can’t use animals or cartoons. It’s a deadly serious activity and only the tigers survive, but if you clay demo tigers eating people as Scientology, you’ll flunk. It’s all very esoteric and if it doesn’t make sense you are dramatizing the next expensive level and should pay for it yesterday.
  11. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on


    du jour

    AXIOM: Clear is only Clear on the 1st Dynamic.
    COROLLARY: An Operating Thetan is only OT on the 1st Dynamic.

    This datum in no way invalidates the fact that an OT does possess supernaturally miraculous superpowers such as exteriorization, levitation and postulating into existence real physical world MEST objects that can clearly be seen, measured and weighed by scientists!

    Since the 1950s there have been a vast multitude of miracles confirmed by the written testimony of the most reliable eyewitnesses imaginable--the OTs themselves.

    Often in a lame and failed effort to invalidate the state of OT, debunking DBs have challenged the OT to produce a miracle while being filmed. This is a profoundly flawed & biased methodology for quite obvious reasons. Because, the moment the cameraman (or anyone else) enters the testing room or any space in which an OT is operating, it becomes a 3rd Dynamic matter.

    CONCLUSION: This, at long last, scientifically confirms & explains why MEST cameras and Homo Sapiens are unable to perceive the provable reality of OT miracles.

    Last edited: Jul 23, 2019
    JustSheila likes this.
  12. Type4_PTS

    Type4_PTS Diamond Invictus SP

    I knew there must be some rational reason that OT's wouldn't preform demonstrations to others of their OT abilities. That certainly does make sense.

    I am curious though why OT's don't get more attention by the media. With their amazing state of being that makes Jesus and Buddha look like DB's by comparison, these OT's must be making amazing contributions in the fields of science, engineering, and other fields.

    Why are the media refusing to cover that? Are they funded by the Psych's? :unsure:
    HelluvaHoax! likes this.
  13. Xenu Xenu Xenu

    Xenu Xenu Xenu Patron Meritorious

  14. ILove2Lurk

    ILove2Lurk Lisbeth Salander

    . . .
    Robert Mueller was not the first to have a lackluster performance.
    A historical video surfaced after 34 years in secret FBI archives.

  15. Gib

    Gib Crusader

    reminds me of the lady, who was clear, who couldn't recall the color of Hubbard's tie.
  16. Gib

    Gib Crusader

    hey, god damn it, once you go clear or OT, you have 52 perceptions, somebody sign me up for Super Power!,
  17. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on


    Hubbard The Hyperbolic Huckster
    AXIOM: All Scientology "Paranormal Wins" and "OT Success Stories"
    about miracles and supernatural powers are provably just lies.

    AXIOM: Scientologists are carefully trained to lie (to others and
    themselves) by Mankind's Greatest Liar, L. Ron Hubbard.

    AXIOM. The frequency and magnitude of Scientology's encyclopedic
    volumes overflowing with lies is only exceeded by its absurdity.

    Ref: wiki article on "Supernatural Abilities in Scientology". Hubbard stated with certainty that a being can "mock up" enough "mental pictures" to very substantially increase the body's weight.

    The book "E-METER ESSENTIALS" contains this passage: "This test has actually been made and an increase of as much as thirty pounds, actually measured on scales, has been added to and subtracted from a body by creating 'mental energy.'" (p. 52)

    In December 1954, Hubbard declared before a crowd at a lecture: "Just mock up something, pull it in, mock it up and pull it in, mock it up and pull it in. Mock up heavy planets, mock up dense things and pull them in. You shoot a person's weight up - and if he's working pretty well, and you do this very insistently, and you insist on density and mass - you can put a person on a set of very accurate Toledo scales, have him do this process for a few hours, put him back on the scales and find out his weight has gone up about thirty pounds." — L. Ron Hubbard, Introduction to 9TH ACC "Havingness "

    PRO-TIP: If that one (1) ludicrous little mind-over-matter-miracle above was true, it would have been heralded as the scientific discovery of the century and been awarded a NOBEL PEACE PRIZE. And Scientology would now have hundreds of millions of adherents and Hubbard would never have gotten desperate enough the later 1960s to start making up bizarre science fiction stories about Xenu, body thetans and volcanos. Ergo, there would be no OT III because Hubbard would have become a billionaire without it. And there would be no OSA or IAS because no one would be hating & attacking the cult. And there would be no "Ideal Orgs" because people would be happy to pay for miraculous powers even if the org's floor was wood or linoleum. And there would not be any over-boardings, chain lockers or RPF prisons because people would be flooding into orgs and lined up for many blocks waiting to get in and pay for their miracle powers---thus, there would be no "downstats" "DBs" and "SPs" holding the stats down that have to be punished and tortured. And there would be no Sea Org because if Scientology had real miracles, they would not need intimidating paramilitary uniforms to terrorize people enough to "impinge on them" to stop dramatizing and committing overts. Everyone would be too busy doing miracles instead of attacking each other for causing Ron's tech to not work.

    Last edited: Jul 27, 2019
  18. Me and My Self

    Me and My Self Self-born, Autogamous Unicorn

    Just every woman's dream come true! :biglove:

    (Now on a second thought ... that may work indeed but over a little longer time span ... a week or so maybe?

    Try sitting all day watching all those mental pictures unfold along with a good provision of chocolates, soft drinks and :popcorn:, munching and gargling along, non-stop.
    That's 4 pounds a day or more, guaranteed! :panic: )
    Last edited: Jul 26, 2019
  19. Type4_PTS

    Type4_PTS Diamond Invictus SP

    Randomized, double blind, placebo controlled clinical trials (considered the “gold standard” in the research community) have actually confirmed a slight loss of mass when certain Scientology processes have been run.

    One of the processes used in the study was running this command repetitively:
    "Look around your wallet and find something I can have".

    (End Phenomena is when the auditor registrar has F/N, VGI's.)

    ∗ Process swiped from HelluvaHoax.
    Last edited: Jul 26, 2019
  20. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on



    Hubbard's advanced marketing technology mandated that all promotion pieces must first be surveyed, in order to determine:
    1. The emotional "tone level" of the being who will ultimately receive the promotion piece.

    2. The "go-button" that will trigger the being to desire & demand what is being promoted.

    3. What "represents" the go-button that can be reduced to graphics and iconography.

    HOW THE SURVEY TECH WORKS: By frequency of response, whatever surveyed Scientologists answer is then literally cut/pasted into the promo piece.

    EXAMPLE (simplified):
    What is your dreamy ideal scene for going up the Bridge?

    Wow, I would love to go up the Bridge as fast as possible!

    Okay, what is the fastest thing you can think of?

    Wow, um, what really indicates to me
    and blows charge is. . . A rocket ship!




    PRO-TIP ON MESSIANIC MARKETING METHODOLOGY 101. All standard survey questions are at their core, essentially & exactly identical: "What miracle would a promo piece have to promise & guarantee, that would credulously compel you to surrender your MEST money to a cult?"

    PARANORMAL PC PARADOX: Scientology marks actually pay money to train, in order to learn Messianic Marketing Methodology 101, the very gimmick that enslaved and bankrupted them. At first when such courses were promoted, cult members did not buy them. So they were surveyed. That's when the cult changed the name from its original form (Messianic Marketing Methodology 1.1).

    Last edited: Jul 27, 2019