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Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology PART 4

Discussion in 'Evaluating and Criticising Scientology' started by HelluvaHoax!, Apr 25, 2017.

  1. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

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    more
    MESSIANIC MARKETING METHODOLOGY


    . . . and the #1 survey response is people wanting to
    "Have a better life for Myself"



    Thus, the cult promotes the derivative abstraction that you can have a better life
    (happier, healthier, richer...) if you just could somehow better "KNOW YOURSELF"


    [​IMG]



    [​IMG]
    Screen capture from last moment of Scientology promo film



    THE PROBLEM: The promo film is too short. They cut it off at the point someone "discovers" Scientology is the answer and walks into an Ideal Org.

    THE SOLUTION: Roll the film fast forward to see what happens in the THIRD ACT. Better use FAST forward because we need to cover the next 35 years, until the point the person has just attested to Scientology's highest level, OT VIII. That's when a being has fully discovered who they are and is a master of their own life. Right?

    THE NEXT PROBLEM: The "end phenomena" for OT VIII is attesting to this: "I NOW KNOW WHO I AM NOT AND I AM INTERESTED IN FINDING OUT WHO I AM." This is identical to the first day they walked into the org with that dial wide grin on their face. Except now they have lost a third of a century of "myself" and also lost $600,000 that used to belong to "myself".

    IDEAL ORG IDEAL SCENARIO: It would have been so much simpler on that first day 33 years ago when the wog first set foot inside the Ideal Org. It ideally would have gone like this:

    IDEAL CULT SALESMAN
    So, what seems to be ruining your life?

    WOG
    Well, I keep failing at everything.

    IDEAL CULT SALESMAN
    So! Do you think that if you knew yourself better
    you'd be able to control life better and thus start
    to enjoy the success that you so richly deserve?

    WOG
    Um, well, I guess so.

    IDEAL CULT SALESMAN
    So you're really not a loser then, right?

    WOG
    Um, I guess so. I mean I know who I am not, but
    I am just wondering who I really am?

    IDEAL CULT SALESMAN
    Excellent, would you like to
    attest to OT VIII?

    .
     
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2019
  2. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

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    SCIENTOLOGY IN 10 WORDS OR LESS


    Guru defrauds/bankrupts credulous dupes
    who cheerfully write success stories.



    .
     
    tesseract and Type4_PTS like this.
  3. This is NOT OK !!!!

    This is NOT OK !!!! Gold Meritorious Patron

    How about 5 words (including a compound word)?

    CRIMINALS FUCK-OVER VICTIMS......AND WIN!!
     
    tesseract likes this.
  4. Type4_PTS

    Type4_PTS Diamond Invictus SP


    Here's Scientology in 9 words:




    clearing.jpg
     
  5. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    .

    [​IMG]

    FIVE OUTPOINTS IN THIS PHOTO IT WOULD
    BE IMPOSSIBLE FOR A CLEAR TO OBNOSE

    1. She is not "Clearing the Planet".

    2. She is not Clear.

    3. If she had the abilities of a Clear she would know there are no Clears.

    4. If she ever cognited on 1-3 above, she would take off the fake naval costume and stop blinklessly handing people 39 cent soup cans, whilst charging them $600,000 for fake tech to "secure their eternity".

    5. Not only is she not "Clearing the Planet" (or herself), she's not even able to clear the crashing Misunderstood Word "CULT" that crashed all 8 of her "dynamic urges to survive".

    .

     
    Operating DB and Me and My Self like this.
  6. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    ..


    100% WORKABLE TECH TO GET ANY
    SCIENTOLOGIST TO BLOW SCIENTOLOGY


    1. Brief the Scientologist that in the 1950s Ron not only researched a "One-Shot-Clear" command that worked on 50% of all PCs, he also discovered a "One-Shot-Total-Freedom" process that worked on 97.5% of all beings, on this planet.

    2. After the Scientologist has finished saying "WOW!" and giving a suitably long standing ovation to the nearest wall portrait of the Commodore--show them into a room that is well-stocked with clay.

    3. R-factor Scientologist that they can achieve "Total Freedom" if they can simply pass a clay demo on one word. "CULT".

    4. Lock Scientologist in room for as long as it takes to get a pass. After some weeks, when they begin pounding on the door and screaming things like "WHAT ARE YOUR CRIMES?!" and "LET ME OUT OF THIS ROOM YOU FUCKING SP!" do not acknowledge their comments (see TR-3), which is just reactive Q&A and implant confusion blowing off.

    5. Maintain a 10-20 years reserve of food and water provisions that you can slide into the room through a security slot, because Scientologists are notoriously com-laggy, slow-cogniting stragglers.

    6. Whenever the Scientologist originates "I"m ready for a checkout", use the surveillance cameras to zoom in and take a look. Then, after you have stated what the clay demo appears to be, have them hold the "overall label" up to the cam. Always give them a crisp ARC-ful "FLUNK!" unless they have written down the Cult-Cog, which (as it turns out) is identical to the Scientology Blow-Cog.

    [CONFIDENTIAL EP] The Cult-Cog is: "OMG I'M IN A CRINGEY-CREEPY CULT! WTF WAS I THINKING?!"



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  7. Type4_PTS

    Type4_PTS Diamond Invictus SP

    Speaking of the 8 dynamics, there's something I've been having a very difficult time understanding. Even back when I was in I had some confusion about this. Per the "scriptures" on the 8 dynamics, If one is doing very badly on any of the dynamics it will reduce how well your doing on the others as well.

    So I'm wondering exactly how a Sea Org member is supposed to do well on the Third Dynamic if they're coerced to have abortions, often kept away from their spouse for months, sometimes years at a time, working 100+ hours/week for about 50 cents/hour, sometimes going weeks or months with no days off, going without sufficient sleep on a long term basis? :unsure:

    Per LRH, if your 1'st and 2'nd dynamics are crashed it will negatively impact your entire life, including your 3'rd dynamic.

    I was about to write that it doesn't make any sense for CoS to treat people this way because of what I wrote about the 8 dynamics. But I know because of the Hubbard Law of Commotion there must be a completely reasonable explanation which makes it all OK (and the greatest good) to treat your staff and S.O. members in this fashion. :whistling:
     
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  8. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on


    Dr. Hubbard discovered during his wholetrack research that it is possible for certain able beings to re-direct, re-channel & re-purpose many of their dynamic urges to survive in order to optimally flourish and prosper. Ron states:

    ". . .thus only most super-able and super-elite beings down the track did not fixate--and were able to rise above their base 1st and 2nd dynamic urges. We have here in Scientology, on this planet, the top 1% of the top 2/10[sup]ths[/sup] of one percent of beings in the universe. We see here that sublimation and delayed gratification of MEST impulses allows a being to achieve postulatingness and when a being rehabs that native power, they can mock up all the mansions, money and models they can imagine. Now isn't that interesting--you have a choice to either end up at the end of this life with a few meaningless MEST trinkets that you cannot take with you---or, you can have an infinity of all your wishes forever. Now, our scientific research has proven that the happiest beings on the track were those who worked 110 hours a week for an average of 30 dollars, didn't require much sleep and took no vacations. Naturally, this type of commitment is relatively easy because it does not last very long in thetan years, only a billion years or so. But after that you can have whatever you want on demand because your postulates will be tone 40. Now, some of you are still slightly unsure about spending a billion years on this project, but you are missing the point. When you have completed your billion year contracts, you can then postulate going back in time and re-living that period, so in actuality you never have to even invest a minute of your time feeling deprived. I myself have already completed my billion years which is why I am now able to postulate and "have" hundreds of millions of dollars of wealth--and you will be able to do the same, since I have labored long and sacrifed greatly in order to create this Bridge just for you!" (LRH BRIEFING TO NEW SEA ORG RECRUITS OF 4/01/86)

    .


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    Last edited: Jul 27, 2019
  9. Type4_PTS

    Type4_PTS Diamond Invictus SP

    When I did my EPF in Clearwater it was run by SP's and they didn't even include that reference in my course materials. :grouch:
     
  10. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    .

    SCIENTOLOGY FAQ: Send in your questions and they will be answered by L. Don Hubbard (see avatar). Don is the estranged and evil twin brother of L. Ron Hubbard, as well as being the founder of the Church of Hoaxology and the first being on this planet to achieve the advanced state of OH (Operating Hobo).


    TODAY'S QUESTION: Hi Don. I think it's pretty clear that your brother Ron just make up everything---from Dianetic "engrams" to Xenu "BTs". We know his scientific research is a hoax, but the question remains. Why the hell did he do all that?

    ANSWER: The answer is contained in Ron's scripture:

    [​IMG]


    CULT CURIOSITY: In the late 1940's when Ron admittedly was broke and mentally ill, he first conceived of that book. But it had a different title: "WHEN IN DEBT PREVARICATE!"

    .
     
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2019
  11. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    [bcolor=#ffffff].[/bcolor]

    [bcolor=#ffffff]From the Lie Factory Of[/bcolor]
    [bcolor=#ffffff] Lying Ron Hubbard[/bcolor]

    [bcolor=#ffffff][​IMG][/bcolor]

    [bcolor=#ffffff]CULT PROMISES: [/bcolor]
    [bcolor=#ffffff]"Scientology is here to rescue you"[/bcolor]

    CULT DELIVERS:
    "Scientology is here to rescue you" (from the Bible and the degrading, suppressive Christ implant it came from)

    .
     
    Type4_PTS likes this.
  12. Enthetan

    Enthetan Master of Disaster

    If 40 hours of auditing could actually boost somebody from "average" to "brilliant", there would have been lines of people with suitcases of cash surrounding every org.

    Consider how much money middle class parents spend on tutoring for their kids to get even a minor increase in college admission test scores. If a parent was able to show her friends and neighbors that her kid's SAT score was raised significantly by a few intensives of auditing, every parent in her circle of friends would have put their kids in the Org in the summers.

    But, yet, they can't.
     
    HelluvaHoax! and JustSheila like this.
  13. Enthetan

    Enthetan Master of Disaster

    One way they scam people is by administering the same IQ test over and over. The test measures how many correct answers you can do in a given timed interval. But when you are given the SAME set a questions after your auditing, you will REMEMBER the answers you figured out before. You would get a higher score regardless.
     
  14. screamer2

    screamer2 Idiot Bastardson

    And let us not forget, it's not a real IQ test anyway.
     
    Last edited: Jul 29, 2019
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  15. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

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    .
    Excellent points!

    However, the written IQ test that Scientologists routinely take is not the IQ test. It's merely the "acceptable" IQ test.

    ACTUAL IQ TEST: The actual IQ test is administered to all wogs once they are inside the Ideal Org as follows:

    - - Wogs, being only "average" homo sapiens, are assigned an IQ of 100.

    - - The IQ test begins after the wog has been r-actored about magical/miraculous states of Clear & OT.

    - - The moment the wog has been given their tech-estimate and told to write a check, a stopwatch is clicked.

    - - Thereafter, one (1) IQ point is deducted for every minute that elapses without the wog refusing to write a check "...unless you first show me at least one Clear/OT who has any of those magical or miraculous powers."

    - - If, however, they do write a check, without first demanding to see a Clear/OT "demo" their paranormal powers, 30-49 IQ points are immediately deducted, based on the size of the check or credit card debit.

    This IQ test is re-taken many hundreds of times thereafter, upon any event where a Scientologist has been "r-factored" about some "ruin" that will be destroy them and/or the planet, unless they make a "donation".

    HISTORICAL DEMOGRAPHICS: Since 1950, 97.5% of all Scientologists in good standing have lost an average of 30-49 IQ points since entering Scientology, rendering them with a net IQ classification of moron[sup]1[/sup].






    [sup]1[/sup] moron -noun: [ Wiki ] "Moron" was coined in 1910 by psychologist Henry H. Goddard from the Ancient Greek word μωρός (moros), which meant "dull" and used to describe a person with a mental age in adulthood of between 8 and 12 on the Binet scale. It was once applied to people with an IQ of 51–70, being superior in one degree to "imbecile" (IQ of 26–50) and superior in two degrees to "idiot" (IQ of 0–25).

    .
     
    Type4_PTS likes this.
  16. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    .


    Scientology is a religion!
    I swear, it's just like...um--Christianity!
    Ya gotta believe me!
    Have a little faith!

    [​IMG]


    SIDE BY SIDE COMPARISON:
    .
    CHRISTIAN SCRIPTURE: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
    .
    SCIENTOLOGY SCRIPTURE: "Do unto others[sup]1[/sup] as[sup]2 [/sup]you would have them do-nate unto you."

    [sup].[/sup]


    [sup]1[/sup] do unto others- idiom: 1. always attack

    [sup]2[/sup] as - conjunction: 1. while 2. at the same time

    .
     
  17. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

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    [​IMG]

    .
    And now, In a super-theta imaginary world
    Where super-ethical Clears & OTs don't pathologically lie


    - the "TRUTH IN ADVERTISING" version -


    [​IMG]


    .
     
    Last edited: Jul 29, 2019
  18. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

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    COMMODORE COVETS COSTUMES. . .

    [​IMG]


    ergo
    CULT COVETS COSTUMES

    [​IMG]

    AXIOM: Cult Loves What Command Channel Loves

    COROLLARY: Cult Hates What Command Channel Hates

    Think not? Then ask a credulous cult clone why they drop everything they are doing when the Command Channel orders them to report some far-away city to march with anti-psych protesters, carrying crazy hate-speech against mental healthcare professionals in a "religious crusade" against the church's wholetrack enemy.

    Still not convinced? Okay, then ask a credulous cult clone why they sent a written KNOWLEDGE REPORT on a fellow student who committed the "crime" of using a natural shampoo that had the faint scent of lemons. And why they had a big win when the "squirreling" student was kicked off course and routed to "Ethics" to be "handled" and do lower conditions---with a gargantuan amends project to "make up the damage" for "sabotaging Ron's perfume tech, on this planet".

    Still lingering in a condition of Doubt? Okay, here's a scientific fact that should help you decide. . .

    SCIENTOLOGISTS CAN STANDARDLY CLAY DEMO THIS FOR YOU

    "Demonstrate how for trillions of years psychs have used perfume to
    trap and degrade all beings on this planet--so that you lost your
    magical powers and now have to live amongst really
    annoying humans who don't know you are
    way more powerful than low level
    OTs like Harry Potter."


    .
     
  19. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

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    KSSW #1: Keeping Squirrel Syllogisms Working​

    If all clears do not have a reactive mind, and

    If nobody on this planet has a reactive mind; then

    All beings on this planet have gone Clear.


    KSSW #2: Keeping Success Stories Working - Kindly use the blank space provided below to send in your wins now that planetary clearing has become a reality! ​
    .

     
  20. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    .

    From the always entertaining & enlightening MIKE RINDER'S BLOG today comes
    this nominee for one of the "Stupidest Moments in Scientology".
    Oft discussed, here it is in black and white!
    Err....red and white, or whatever:
    - - - - - -

    [​IMG]


    That is a lovely example of the principal (much like "Newton's Law of Motion") known as "THE HUBBARD LAW OF COMMOTION", which states:
    "In Scientology, for each and every policy, code, or piece of tech
    there is an equal and opposite policy, code or piece of tech."

    In case you are reading this and don't happen to have a generous supply of clay nearby, let's break it down:
    HCOB Signs Of Success: Whenever Scientologists are "really winning", people "start to scream". They "howl or make trouble only when we're winning".
    HCOPL KSW: "The only thing you can be upbraided for by students or pcs is 'no results'."

    Ergo, if people are screaming and howling and making trouble because of no results, it's only because there was incredible results.

    Ergo, if a paid PC is upbraiding, making trouble, screaming & howling---it's because they are winning.

    Ergo, the Orwellian slogan: "Losing is Winning!"

    CONCLUSION: All those floods of people despising, suing and filing police reports on Scientology---the modern science of mental wins!

    .




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    JustSheila likes this.