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Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology PART 4

Discussion in 'Evaluating and Criticising Scientology' started by HelluvaHoax!, Apr 25, 2017.

  1. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    What's a cult droid to do when OSA orders her to "make it go right" to retrieve the briefcase or lose her eternity?

    OSA probably had her do a clay demo of "INTENTION IS CAUSE". She passed it and "felt good about" handling the DB homo sap wog detectives. It was an especially epic win when when she cognited that--if she used "intention without reservation" (tone 40) no MEST being could resist it, on this planet.

    So then. . .


    JANET THE OT
    Excuse me detective, but i demand you return the briefcase!!!


    DETECTIVE
    You mean the evidence we collected?


    JANET THE OT
    I will repeat the auditing command. RETURN THE BRIEFCASE!!!


    DETECTIVE
    No.


    JANET THE OT
    Why not?


    DETECTIVE
    I already told you. It's evidence.


    JANET THE OT
    I'll repeat the auditing command--
    I AM ORDERING YOU TO RETURN THE BRIEFCASE!!!!!


    DETECTIVE
    LOL. Sorry, this is a murder investigation and there might
    be evidence in that briefcase.


    JANET THE OT
    Trust me, there is no evidence in it about a murder.


    DETECTIVE
    Oh really? Then what's in the briefcase?


    JANET THE OT
    Something that can kill a person.


    DETECTIVE
    Jeez, that sounds like exactly what we are looking for
    since this is a murder case where a person was killed.


    JANET THE OT
    It's can kill a person, but it's not like a gun or a knife or
    a weapon or some junk.


    DETECTIVE
    Then how can it kill a person?


    JANET THE OT
    It's just some information about something that happened
    75 million years ago. If you read it you'll die.


    DETECTIVE
    Are you currently taking any medication or under the
    care of a mental health care professional?


    JANET THE OT
    I am a Scientologist. We don't believe in mental health care
    or medication.


    DETECTIVE
    Really? Why is that?


    JANET THE OT
    Because if we have mental problems we just look around
    for an invisible alien that's been dead for 75 million years.
    And when we find that invisible alien we ask them
    "WHO ARE YOU?"


    DETECTIVE
    And that cures your mental illness.


    JANET THE OT
    Oh yes, it sure does. When we ask them that
    question they immediately take off and head
    into deep space and leave us alone.


    DETECTIVE
    Did your husband Rex have any of these invisible
    aliens bothering him?


    JANET THE OT
    Well he murdered a guy and tried to kill himself!


    DETECTIVE
    You're saying the invisible aliens made him do it?


    JANET THE OT
    Well, duhhhhhhhhh!



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    Last edited: Aug 1, 2019
  2. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    .
    Exactly!

    If Dianetics actually worked a lot of other things would never have been invented.

    Like, marble floors in ideal orgs.

    That's the latest invention to distract people from cogniting that the tech doesn't w[bcolor=#ffffff]ork. [/bcolor]
     
  3. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    .

    For masochists who enjoy watching WALL-TO-WALL lies by Scientology's slick marketing division, here you go!




    MY FAVORITE TWO (2) LIES FROM THAT VIDEO

    1. BAIT & SWITCH:
    The cult is selling the bait so hard. They have reached back to 1950 tech that never worked and present it as though someone just discovered something that does work. Even the cult knows it doesn't work.
    THE BAIT: In the video the star has fell off his bike as a kid. So he has en engram on bikes. Later in life bikes keep crashing into him. So he now has a "chain" of bike engrams. The video informs us that our star keeps getting sent back earlier and earlier until they remember a "pre-natal engram" where someone spoke the word "bike" at the same time. ​

    THE SWITCH: Nobody ever had an engram with an engramic word. They just made that up. It's the fever dream of a broke sci-fi writer. It never happened to anyone--ever. But you are expected to believe that if you can find your pre-natal engram and then find the "word" (or words) that happened during that prenatal engram, you will attain a miraculous spiritual state never before attained in human history. It's all sci-fi. From a sci-fi writer. But the video puts the patina of "technology" and CGI graphics on the lies and tries to stuff it down your throat.​

    THE EVEN BIGGER SWITCH: Nobody in Scientology paying for auditing is being asked to look for engrams and engramic words. That is meaningless within Scientology, it's a relic, a joke, a 68 year old artifact that nobody is even talking about. Scientologists don't even TRY to find engramic words. Yet the video makes it seem like that is the center of the Scientology universe. If a paying PC in session tried to start looking for engramic words, the auditor would have to keep repeating the auditing commands they are ignoring. If they persisted in trying to "squirrel" the "standard" process commands, they would be put back on the "CS-1" (Indoctrination training for new PCs) or (if severe enough) ordered to do training before they can receive more auditing. Not only do pcs not get asked to look for engramic words, they are PROHIBITED from looking for it. I know this for a fact because i was a professional auditor, case supervisor, cramming officer and nobody was allowed to ignore commands and start searching for engram words. Trust me.​

    THE BIGGEST SWITCH: People spend very little time on Dianetics if at all. They are quickly shuttled onto the OT levels to search for something far better than engrams. BTs.​

    2. When you finish Dianetics and all your engrams are erased, and you are "clear", the wog narrator assures us: "You will finally be You!" In reality you cannot be you, because even at OT VIII you are attest to "I know who I am not and I am interested to find out who I am". How can "you be you" if you don't know who you are? CultCraft 101 = Say anything that will make a person believe enough to pay money.

    .
     
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2019
  4. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    .

    ADMIN SCALES - FACT & FICTION

    Hubbard devised a tool called the "admin scale" to better, more efficiently and more quickly attain Scientology's goals.

    goals​
    purposes​
    policy​
    plans​
    programs​
    projects​
    orders​
    ideal scenes​
    stats​
    valuable final products.​

    GOALS:
    Fiction: "A world without insanity, war and criminality"
    Fact: "A world an abundance of insanity, war and criminality, in order to stimulate sales of products that solve those ruins"

    PURPOSES:
    Fiction: "To clear the planet and salvage this sector of the galaxy"
    Fact: "To clear billions of dollars of non-refundable checks in our bank account and salvage this sector of the religious racketeering industry"

    POLICY:
    Fiction: "Always follow written policy, no exception"
    Fact: "Always follow anything that produces cash, because purpose is higher than so-called policy"

    PLANS:
    Fiction: Sell Scientology's books to make beings reach.
    Fact: Cook Scientology's books to make tax collectors withdraw.


    -------- to be continued (feel free to chime in and/or complete the cult's admin scale!) ------


    .
     
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2019
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  5. Dotey OT

    Dotey OT Cyclops Duck of the North - BEWARE

    I have to say that back in the early stages of the Ideal Org debacle in my local org, when they were talking about the finishes, flooring etc. that was going to be used, I was saying to myself "why??".

    Then when it was built, mostly marble floors everywhere. Oh, and shitty carpet squares that came apart. There was verylittle traffic then, I imagine they look pretty good now!

    I wonder what sort of business will end up owning that building after the bottom falls out? What sort of business would need a building with about 50 little closet sized rooms large enough for a desk and two chairs and a bunch of blankets?? My mind wanders...
     
  6. screamer2

    screamer2 Idiot Bastardson

    Telemarketing scams.
     
  7. Enthetan

    Enthetan Master of Disaster

    If a bed will fit in it, they can make it a "single room occupancy hotel" for the semi-homeless.
     
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  8. Dotey OT

    Dotey OT Cyclops Duck of the North - BEWARE


    I'm thinking maybe a brothel.
     
  9. Dotey OT

    Dotey OT Cyclops Duck of the North - BEWARE

    I have to add, that the building is already set up pretty well for screwing anyone that walks through it's doors!!!
     
    HelluvaHoax! likes this.
  10. Dotey OT

    Dotey OT Cyclops Duck of the North - BEWARE

    Mic drop...
     
  11. Operating DB

    Operating DB Truman Show Dropout

    Don't give Miscavige any ideas. I wouldn't be surprised if he secretly marketed it as a brothel. You know, money and greed with no regard to morals.
     
    Last edited: Aug 3, 2019
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  12. Xenu Xenu Xenu

    Xenu Xenu Xenu Patron Meritorious

    [​IMG]
     
  13. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    LOL!

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    .

     
    Last edited: Aug 3, 2019
  14. Dotey OT

    Dotey OT Cyclops Duck of the North - BEWARE

    Oh My God.
     
  15. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    REASON WHY THE PLANET CANNOT
    BE CLEARED WITHOUT IDEAL ORGS

    THAT HAVE IDEAL (MARBLE) FLOORS

    The 100% workable technology does not work on linoleum.
    From 1950 until today millions of Clears were successfully
    made using Ron's pre-natal engram technology. However
    it was not discovered until 53 years later in the planet's
    1st Ideal Org (2003) that those beings had only attained
    the state of "keyed out clear". Their gains therefore were
    not stable and this required a thorough "why finding"
    to determine why the 100% workable tech only worked
    0% of the time. It was then that Dr. Hubbard made the
    astonishing discovery that beings audited on wood
    or linoleum floors did not feel upstat enough to
    erase their reactive mind. This is because only
    marble raises a beings havingness up to
    the level where they are willing to
    let go of the mass of the bank.


    ---
     
  16. Operating DB

    Operating DB Truman Show Dropout

    Thanks to all who posted the last several posts. I started my day feeling glum. I made my coffee and opened up ESMB and first read Xenu Xenu Xenu's escort post and the line charging started.

    I thought that there would be an limit to J&Ding about sighin'tology but the jokes keep on coming - for eternity no doubt!
     
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  17. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    .

    IF SCIENTOLOGY IS SUPER STUPID DOES THAT
    MEAN THAT SCIENTOLOGISTS ARE STUPID TOO?
    This calls into question the eternal introspective lament of ex-Scientologists---What the hell was I thinking?!

    Ex-cult members can easily be identified in a crowd due to the scarlet patterns and indentations on their their foreheads from repetitive palm-pounding whilst demanding to know "How could I have been that stupid?!

    But are they really lacking intelligence? Or are they just naive or gullibly uninformed? Perhaps that is the case sometimes, but that doesn't explain why the vast majority of Scientologists (or devotees of any fanatical cult/religion for that matter) remain in the cult when there is an ever--present cyclone of debunking evidence swirling all around them. They still don't leave. Why all the straggling, one wonders.

    The easy answer is--because they are super-stupid. True enough. I have confessed that to myself in countless cult-cringey moments of Mea Culta. But, that did not prevent me from continuing to ask myself the same question in various forms, such as "...okay, but really how could I have that stupid?" To wit, stupid enough to ignore all the red-flashing lights, blaring sirens and other painfully obvious smoke (and mirrors) detector devices begging me to "GET OUT NOW!" before perishing in a cultic conflagration and/or wall of fire.

    For the few decades since departing ye olde Hubbardian hoax, I have just accepted "STUPID!" as a pleasantly palatable reason I once thought that Keeping a Koolaid Kult Working was going to save me (and the world).

    But now I see there is more to why "dedicated blinkless loyal officers" in every nutty religious & political cult don't wake up, look around themselves and see a wake of destruction. To wit, how long should it really take for a jihadi fanatic to notice that all his best friends' lives seem to end before before they reach the age of 25 in a murderous and suicidal explosion? They "know" about it, but think something like ". . . yeah my bff Muhammad just killed himself, so, um--so wha? I mean, praise Allah or whatever or some junk, it's all good."

    How is that any different than a Scientologist learning their buddy just went bankrupt, got declared/disconnected and is now being fair gamed in order to "destroy them utterly"---whereupon they think: ". . . yeah, my bff Billy just killed his own eternity, so, um--so what? I mean praise Ron or whatever or some junk, it's all greatest good."

    Where is all this going, right? What does all this have to do with whether Scientologists are stupid?

    ANSWER: All cult members are, by definition, to some degree stupid. But there is another dimension to it that is not obvious. The main reason all cult members are stupid is that all humans are stupid---when they run into their own blind spots.

    It's not that they are UN-INTELLIGENT.

    It's that there are COMPETING kinds of intelligence.

    Native to all life forms is that survival depends on people, animals and even cells collaborative work together. An infinitesimal fraction of humans live as recluses, providing all for themselves without any human contacts. Same for all living things. Cells don't survive alone either, which is why evolution figured out that they survive better when they aggregate and function with other cells. That's how blood, oxygen and nutrients travel & arrive at the 30,000,000,000,000 cells in one human body.

    Ergo, it is genetically programmed deep within all living dna to operate with "like" life forms. That is an irrefutably fierce form of intelligence with a stellar track record of success!

    Now back to our regularly scheduled programming--are Scientologists stupid? Not entirely. They have competing forms of intelligence vying for dominance in the effort to help them function and survive.

    We're almost there, hang on.

    Life is entirely chaotic and unknowable for the most part. Certain portions of life, if narrowly focused upon, can be organized and better understood. Instinctively, life forms AVOID unknowable (and therefore unpredictable) chaos, because survival depends on it.

    Confusion is painful. Uncertainty is painful. Unpredictability is painful.

    Life forms therefore intelligently work together to AVOID the pain of starvation or perishing from exposure to the elements.

    This is how cults become cults and people REMAIN in cults despite common sense (intelligence) telling them that it's stupid and "get out now!"

    Instinctive, genetic and other life-programming hardware/software all signal one to BE PART OF ANY GROUPING THAT HAS THE ANSWERS. Example: Young lion cubs follow their mother because she knows how to hunt for food.

    It's less painful to be part of any "group" that has the answers OR SAY THEY HAVE THE ANSWERS, than it is to try to exist alone in the chaos of the universe.


    This is my answer to whether Scientologists are stupid. Their instinctive "intelligence" compels them to follow the leader, because leaders know how to find food, shelter and other pleasurable necessities. Their other intelligence (self-generated thought) tells them compels them to get out of a cult that is lying and defrauding everyone around them.

    Sometimes (often) the hard-wired operating system wins. It's less painful that way. It's nice when all the answers are known and the future is "heavenly". All cults game their victims that way.

    It requires an enormous amount of pain or stress or loss for a cult member to trash their operating system and head out into the chaotic world alone. That happens typically when Scientologists are targeted and mercilessly attacked (financially, physically, by being disconnected from their family, et al) by their own cult. That's when people typically "blow" from a cult.

    So, yeah, Scientologists are stupid. But so are Germans (they loved and followed genocidal-murderer Hitler). So are Russians (they loved communism and its genocidal gurus). So are Chinese (who loved their genocidal messiahs). So were..... (fill in the blank with virtually ANY place in the world where there is suffering, starvation & violence).

    This is how humans operate. It's an evolutionary stage, where the intelligence of REASON is competing against the intelligence of genetic survival programming at the instinctive level. Moths fly into flames too and it's hard to explain to them why it's not a good idea.


    .

     
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  18. Dotey OT

    Dotey OT Cyclops Duck of the North - BEWARE

    You've been in my head recently it looks like. I had the thought recently that the same thing that's put us at the top of the chain on this planet also gives us some seriously potential nasty side effects, like believing in cults or a god.
     
    Last edited: Aug 4, 2019
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  19. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    .

    KSW KOOLAID KOAN
    multiple choice question

    If OTs have miraculous technology & superpowers that can easily cure and eliminate criminality, insanity and war on this planet: WHY are Scientologists "always attacking" their countless "enemies" they are perpetually at war with? WHY are Scientologists chronically committing criminal acts of tricking, lying, bankrupting, defrauding, destroying, terrorizing & fair gaming people for the "High Crime" of disagreeing with them or refusing to obey their commands? WHY are all OTs dramatizing the identical insanity of mass-hysteria[sup]1[/sup], paranoia, and delusions of grandeur[sup]2[/sup] that they are omniscient, omnipotent Gods with miraculous superpowers on a quadrillion year holy crusade to save all beings in this sector of the universe from evil psychiatrists and dead alien spirits?

    1) Because, despite having miraculous superpowers to empty the mental hospitals and jails, stop wars, eliminate violent assaults/ rapes/murders, cure cancer and other fatal diseases, restore peace and happiness to all beings on the planet---they ethically refuse to do so in order to not attract any attention. If OTs did not refuse to demonstrate their miraculous powers which could transform the nightmare of this slave planet to a paradise--it would be noticed by evil intergalactic beings who are keeping us under constant surveillance, in order to ensure that nobody escapes from their amnesia-inducing, incapacitating implants that prevent us all from remembering and using our miraculous Godlike powers. Because they are afraid of us. So, in order to not upset them we should never do any of the miraculous things we are now capable of. Better yet, we should wait until enough of us can do miracles so we can form a miracle army to wage a massive intergalactic war against these evil aliens and defeat them once and for all. Thus, Scientologists can send out hundreds of millions of promo pieces that boast about the miracles an OT can do, be we just can't perform any of those miracles. The reason for that is simple: While evil aliens have advanced intergalactic travel and surveillance technology, they are not able to read; thus it's quite safe to send out mountains of written promo.

    Good luck on the multiple choice question! Hope you get it right!

    Oh, what's that? You are wondering why if it's a multiple choice there is only one (1) choice? Because this is Scientology! There are no "other practices" or other choices. There are no squirrel answers allowed. There is only one (1) standard answer to any question. Ron, in his greatness, has eliminated all of the DevT for mankind by finding and providing all the answers to everything!

    [justify]PRO-TIP: For anyone who was not in the cult and/or might not have read Hubbard's explanation for why OTs spend many decades and many hundreds of thousands of dollars to attain miraculous superpowers they cannot use, this is the reason he gives. Seriously, look it up in the book A History of Man[sup]3[/sup]. [/justify]


    [sup]1[/sup]mass-hysteria - link here

    [sup]2[/sup] delusions of grandeur - link here

    [sup]3[/sup] A History of Man: ""A History Of Man" (excerpt): "A THETAN is somewhat bound-in here on Earth because of the existence of other system forces. Probably, with a few THETANS active, this planet will be much less calm and orderly. Probably Homo Sapiens will use electronics some day to re-trap thetans who are bothering him but if Homo Sapiens has the techniques for getting free himself, some miracle might avert this. Possibly a handful of thetans will someday become alarmed at the worries and efforts of Homo Sapiens and try to throw the remaining race into a super-controlled slavery. All that is speculation but it is not a speculation that life will become much more interesting on this planet. It is doubtful if the thetans will pull off the ultimate trick—simply knocking out the atmosphere of the planet— that “clears” everybody after a fashion. There is nothing as wild in the books of Man as will probably happen here on Earth. And it will happen and be allowed to happen simply because all this is so incredible that nobody will even think of stopping it until it is far, far too late. Its incredibility is its best safeguard, so you needn’t bother to convince anybody who doesn’t want to believe it. It took the medical profession two and a half years to catch on to prenatals. People getting cleared of bodies don’t need any such time lag. And so, may I make this simple request—don’t get spectacular until a few of the boys make it. You don’t want to be lonesome—and you’ll need reinforcements if a war gets declared on thetans here. The preclear may think he can do it alone if he gets cleared of a body—he’ll need more help and company than he thinks. So, again, as a final note on this chapter, let’s not go upsetting governments and putting on a show to “prove” anything to Homo Sapiens for a while- it’s a horrible temptation to knock off hats at fifty yards and read books a couple of countries away and get into the rotogravure section and the Hearst Weeklies—but you’ll just make it tough on somebody else who is trying to get across this bridge. Let sleeping Sapiens snore in the bulk for yet awhile. Then meet some place and decide what to do about him and his two penny wars, his insane and his prisons. Tell people who want to invalidate all this, “Your criticism is very just. It’s only fantasy.” Cure up the lame and halt and the incompetent with whatever display of technique you need. Protect theta clearing until there are a few."


    .
     
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  20. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    .


    REDUX: Wait a minute! Hubbard wrote & published "A HISTORY OF MAN" in 1952.

    Let's see that quote one more time. . .

    "A History Of Man" (excerpt): "A THETAN is somewhat bound-in here on Earth because of the existence of other system forces. Probably, with a few THETANS active, this planet will be much less calm and orderly. Probably Homo Sapiens will use electronics some day to re-trap thetans who are bothering him but if Homo Sapiens has the techniques for getting free himself, some miracle might avert this. Possibly a handful of thetans will someday become alarmed at the worries and efforts of Homo Sapiens and try to throw the remaining race into a super-controlled slavery. All that is speculation but it is not a speculation that life will become much more interesting on this planet. It is doubtful if the thetans will pull off the ultimate trick—simply knocking out the atmosphere of the planet— that “clears” everybody after a fashion. There is nothing as wild in the books of Man as will probably happen here on Earth. And it will happen and be allowed to happen simply because all this is so incredible that nobody will even think of stopping it until it is far, far too late. Its incredibility is its best safeguard, so you needn’t bother to convince anybody who doesn’t want to believe it. It took the medical profession two and a half years to catch on to prenatals. People getting cleared of bodies don’t need any such time lag. And so, may I make this simple request—don’t get spectacular until a few of the boys make it. You don’t want to be lonesome—and you’ll need reinforcements if a war gets declared on thetans here. The preclear may think he can do it alone if he gets cleared of a body—he’ll need more help and company than he thinks. So, again, as a final note on this chapter, let’s not go upsetting governments and putting on a show to “prove” anything to Homo Sapiens for a while- it’s a horrible temptation to knock off hats at fifty yards and read books a couple of countries away and get into the rotogravure section and the Hearst Weeklies—but you’ll just make it tough on somebody else who is trying to get across this bridge. Let sleeping Sapiens snore in the bulk for yet awhile. Then meet some place and decide what to do about him and his two penny wars, his insane and his prisons. Tell people who want to invalidate all this, “Your criticism is very just. It’s only fantasy.” Cure up the lame and halt and the incompetent with whatever display of technique you need. Protect theta clearing until there are a few."


    At first, I was totally confused about why if the medical profession caught on to pre-natals in 1952, they still have not caught on to prenatals in 2019, a full sixty-seven (67) years later.

    It's okay now, I clay demo'd it.

    The reason is so obvious it made me laugh. Doctors in the medical profession have a com lag much worse than predicted.

    Thus, even after they caught on to prenatals in 1952, their com lag keyed in again. This is what happens when someone has not gone clear and erased their pre-natals.

    .
     
    Last edited: Aug 5, 2019