Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology PART 4

Discussion in 'Evaluating and Criticising Scientology' started by HelluvaHoax!, Apr 25, 2017.

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  1. screamer2

    screamer2 Idiot Bastardson

    I love multiple choice questions!

    Here's another good one I saw the other day:

    (1)ARE YOU NOW(1) OR HAVE YOU EVER BEEN(1) (1) A CLAM



    the correct answer is 1
     
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  2. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    .

    ACTUAL CLINICAL CASE STUDY
    Why medical doctors sometimes reject
    the science of pre-natal engrams.

    ABSTRACT: In the years 1950 through 2019, ten thousand (10,000) medical doctors participated in a double blind study of the effect of pre-natal trauma to certain portions of the brain involved with memory, including the amygdala, the hippocampus, the cerebellum, and the prefrontal cortex.

    CASE # 7,297: Medical Doctor (age 28)

    May 1, 1978: Subject was introduced to the science prenatal engrams by providing them with access to books, audio lectures and bulletins related to "Dianetics The Modern Science of Mental Health". Subject initially expressed profound skepticism about pre-natal engrams effect upon memory. ​

    October 1,1981: (elapsed time 29 months) Subject remained skeptical about the proven scientific principles related to pre-natal engrams. ​

    November 1, 1982: (elapsed time 30 months) Subject suddenly "caught on" and fully accepted the workability of Dianetic therapy related to pre-natal engrams. ​

    May 1, 2019: (elapsed time 41 years) Subject manifests profound memory impairment, claiming they never believed in pre-natal engrams. ​

    August 1, 2019: Subject given one-hour of Dianetic therapy. PC frequently originated their rejection of pre-natal engram technology by repeated harsh originations "I don't believe it!" The Dianeticist auditor recognized the "bouncers" and "deniers", whereupon he instructed the subject to repeat the phrase "I don't believe it". Subject then stated that they found an earlier incident in the womb where their mother attended a public event where Dr. Hubbard introduced the world's first Clear Sonya Bianca. The engramic phrase "I don't believe it!" attended the pregnant mother convulsing in laughter (causing the engram) when the "Clear" could not remember the color of Dr. Hubbard's tie that they had seen seconds before. Now the subject realized that the phrase "I don't believe it!" was the restimulator and trigger for the fully irrational skepticism that he had felt about memory loss due to pre-natal engrams. ​

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  3. Enthetan

    Enthetan Master of Disaster

    Hey, I remember back in the 1970's and 80's, they would take the hottest female staff to do body routing.
     
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  4. Dotey OT

    Dotey OT I was in the wrong place at the wrong time

    They were still doing that in the 90's and 00's. Although I hadn't seen that as much recently, but who knows!!
     
  5. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    .
    The COS has discovered a far more ideal way to boom the body routing stats. . .

    TONE 40 UNREASONABLE RUIN FINDERS

    [​IMG]

    If the WOG they confront on the sidewalk doesn't cognite and agree
    and comply with the command intention to report to the Ideal Org and
    start their Bridge to Total Freedom, the Ruin Rehab Registrar writes
    up a Knowledge Report and issues a Cease & Desist Order to stop
    being a Degraded Being. If that doesn't work, they face-rip
    the out-ethics dilettante and order them to disconnect
    from their family after r-factoring them "You're not

    going to get away with this, we know where
    you live and we have all the bus and
    train stations and airports covered!"


    .
     
    Last edited: Aug 6, 2019
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  6. tesseract

    tesseract Patron with Horrors

    What, no bois?? :kickedout:
     
  7. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    .


    SCIENTOLOGY STUPID DU JOUR
    Books, Bulletins & Scripture Containing Over 10,000,000 Words
    Plus Thousands of Hours of Audiotaped Lectures


    [​IMG]

    Sure all this was published, studied and applied for the past 7 decades. . .
    Sure nobody can perform even one of the guaranteed miracles...
    Sure nobody acquired any godlike supernatural powers...
    Sure nobody can go exterior, levitate or create MEST...
    Sure nobody can heal cancer & disease...
    Sure none of it works.



    BUT NONE OF THAT STOPS SCIENTOLOGISTS
    FROM DEDICATING THEIR LIVES TO CLEARING THE PLANET,
    PROMOTING THE TECH, CREATING IDEAL ORGS & BANKRUPTING THEMSELVES

    IN ORDER TO ENSURE ALL OF MANKIND ACHIEVES - "SIMILAR GAINS TO THEIR OWN"

    .


    CULT-CRAFT PRO TIP: All Scientologists are ruthlessly indoctrinated to want "others to achieve similar gains to their own." Every single one of the hundreds of times they complete any action in Scientology, they are required to attest (on an e-meter) to the fact that they DO want others to achieve similar gains to their own. This is the cult's gimmick in order to misdirect credulous cultees into obviously not noticing that they didn't actually achieve those preternatural powers and miracles. Instead of asking them to show or demonstrate their newfound power, they are bum-rushed into the reg office where a new "ruin" is found which will destroy their eternity. Then while they are still reeling from that, they are besieged with donation and time demands in order to save the planet before it's too late. In all this blinding manipulative maelstrom of misanthropic misdirection, they are never given a moment to realize they didn't get the miracle in the first place! It's stimulus response conditioning. Think salivating PAVLOV'S PCs, each time the bell is run heralding the next miraculous level!

    .

     
    Last edited: Aug 8, 2019
  8. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    .

    GOLDEN AGE OF KNOWLEDGE FOR ETERNITY

    [​IMG]


    REGISTRAR
    Hey Billy I really need you to buy a set of the exciting brand new books!
    With your IAS membership and sliding scale discounts and a today-only
    special we are running, it will only cost you $3,750!


    BILLY BLOWDOWN
    Wow, it sounds great but isn't that kind
    of expensive for a few books?


    REGISTRAR
    Not at all. The data in the books is priceless. How
    did you want to pay for it, check or charge card?


    BILLY BLOWDOWN
    Wait a minute--I don't even know what's in the books,
    I heard its the same books that have been sold since
    the early 1950s. I already have all those books


    REGISTRAR
    Oh no, you haven't had the fully confidential briefing
    so you are missing vital information. These are
    new books, we just printed them.


    BILLY BLOWDOWN
    Yeah, I know you just printed them but aren't the words
    exactly the same--and you only changed the covers?


    REGISTRAR
    Certainly not! These are the BASICS books!


    BILLY BLOWDOWN
    But I already have all the basic books.


    REGISTRAR
    Let me finish this VIP briefing so I can give
    you the confidential part.


    BILLY BLOWDOWN
    I don't see how it can be confidential when you are openly
    selling the books in the org's public bookstore.


    REGISTRAR
    No Billy, these are not simply the Basics books. These are
    the GOLDEN AGE OF KNOWLEDGE FOR ETERNITY basics books.


    BILLY BLOWDOWN
    Whoa! Really? Knowledge
    ?!
    Wow! And it's Golden?!
    Omgggggg! Seriously? Eternity?!
    That's amazing. I'm blowing so much charge on
    securing my eternity for only a few thousand dollars.
    Here's my charge card.


    .
     
  9. screamer2

    screamer2 Idiot Bastardson

    Billy Blowdown may find some benefit in a Vulcan mind-melt touch assist. It might be considered to be an other practice though.

    Too bad for our Billy. If he were a fisherman, he might have other fish to fry.

    :hysterical:
     
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  10. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    LOL

    Billy hasn't posted much recently, since he is "off on a huge win" after getting some standard word clearing.

    A BIG BLOWDOWN SUCCESS STORY
    FROM OT VIII BILLY BLOWDOWN!

    [​IMG]

    Hello Theta Terminals! I have been off on a huge win on the HCO POLICY
    LETTER "Keeping Scientology Working". This is unquestionably the biggest
    win I've ever had in 4 decades on the Bridge. Bigger, in fact, than all my
    other wins up to OT VIII combined! Well, finally they found my MU and it
    was right there at the top of KSW all this time! "REMIMEO!!!!!" When I did
    the clay demo, I realized that Ron intended Scientology tech to be printed
    and disseminated with MIMEO MACHINES. He never said anything about the
    computers and the internet. That's why after I attested to OT VIII and I went
    to post my win online, I ran into a lot of SPs. They totally invalidated my
    miraculous power to postulate any reality and be total cause over all of life.
    All that inval really caused me to rollercoaster, so naturally I lost my powers.
    I attested to "TOTAL CAUSE OVER LIFE AND MEST", and didn't attest to total
    cause over entheta. I now know I need to do OT IX to handle that which is
    such a major blowdown to me! - Much Love, Billy Blowdown (OT VIII) -

    .
     
    Last edited: Aug 7, 2019
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  11. JustSheila

    JustSheila Crusader

    BUMPETY BUMP!
     
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  12. Operating DB

    Operating DB Truman Show Dropout

    Oh, I'm gonna miss this beloved thread once ESMB goes archival.
    If anyone knows what HH is up to and if he's posting his hilarity elsewhere please let me/us know.
     
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  13. Type4_PTS

    Type4_PTS Diamond Invictus SP

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  14. Lurker5

    Lurker5 Gold Meritorious Patron

  15. JustSheila

    JustSheila Crusader

  16. Operating DB

    Operating DB Truman Show Dropout

  17. lotus

    lotus rebel french frog

    He has posted as Helluvahoax and mainly said he would have to turn out to koans style to fit the blogs short posts style. :D


    Go half way through comments and you'll find him.

    A blow drill has been ordered on him and I will add a nice reward.
     
    Last edited: Sep 11, 2019 at 5:57 AM
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  18. Operating DB

    Operating DB Truman Show Dropout

    Ah! I found it! Too bad the posts on Underground Bunker aren't sequentially numbered for easy reference.
    It's nice to read his crazy ass words again!
     
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  19. lotus

    lotus rebel french frog

    Please tell him you are sent there with Jenny , to recover him. He better behave and returns to duties!
     
  20. Type4_PTS

    Type4_PTS Diamond Invictus SP

    I swiped this off Facebook - thank-you to whomever created it! :)



    scn sign.jpg
     
    Last edited: Sep 15, 2019 at 3:37 AM
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