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Featured Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology - PART ONE

Discussion in 'Evaluating and Criticising Scientology' started by HelluvaHoax!, Jan 14, 2011.

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  1. This is NOT OK !!!!

    This is NOT OK !!!! Gold Meritorious Patron

    Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

    I'll take a stab at answering your question sir!

    I say the quote is actual Sherman Speak, actually spoken by the dwarf.

    If it's not, well you might have a future as a Sherman Speak ghost-writer to be employed in times of emergency such a Sherman getting a quick wash & rinse in the RPF.
  2. Churchill

    Churchill Gold Meritorious Patron

    Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology


    Such a delicious word salad; it could only have been written by that master wordsmith, Dan Sherman, while rocking himself into insensibility at sunset on his porch to infinity.

    I have a question for you.

    Who wrote "Scientology is always worse than you think?"

    Such concise truth!
  3. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology


    On that thought, we turn our attention to a major VIP event in 2011, where COB addressed the most able beings on the planet:

    ...and thus that brings us to that rarest of rare moment
    one seldom is privileged to witness within one lifetime. For
    events such as what I am about to reveal are not only
    not commonplace-they are the divine essence of an
    alchemy that only Scientology's advance levels can
    produce. We're not only talking about the turbo-charger
    of all turbo-chargers when it comes to boosting
    a thetan's ability up into the stars, but I am referring
    to that which mankind has always held to be sacred--and
    the reason it is only spoken of in hushed tones. Of course
    I am referring to a rundown that L. Ron Hubbard himself
    described as, and I quote: "Unleashing such a hurricane
    of power into the hands of an OT that they will
    never again succumb to the MEST universe's
    dwindling spiral!
    " And beyond that lies the
    dreams that mankind could only pray were
    possible, but we have redefined man's
    playbook and inserted our own chapter
    called "Why pray when you can Postulate?"
    and thus begins an era of prosperity unlike
    any we have ever witnessed, because our
    trajectory towards immortality has never
    been better calculated nor more assured
    and that's not even all of the story--because
    there are echelons of win now
    available that are so far above OT VIII
    that the Grade Chart would have
    to be printed on an endless roll
    of parchment that stretched from
    here all the way to the distant
    galaxies and back!!"

    Regarding your analytics & conclusion, I must congratulate you for having the highest test score of anyone to date!

    Out of a potential and perfect 100 points, you have achieved the extraordinarily high score of 50 points! While you appropriately concluded that Dan Sherman was the rhetorical source of COBs speech (excerpt above), you had points deducted for failing to acknowledge that said speech was in fact discovered & channeled in whole by Don Hubbard[SUP]1[/SUP] (see rare archive photo in my Avatar).

    To date, no independent verifications, records nor recordings of this COB speech have been located and thus the authenticity of the speech itself has been called into question. In response to numerous claims and complaints that said speech was in fact a hoax, Don provided more than adequate scientific support to debunk those allegations by turning in worksheet pages from his own personal auditing sessions--wherein he routinely had wide F/Ns upon originating "Really, man, I like totally didn't make it up or whatever!"


    [SUP] 1[/SUP]
    Don Hubbard, estranged twin brother of Ron Hubbard, is likewise a self-help author, noted vagrant and internationally celebrated OH (Operating Hobo).
  4. JustSheila

    JustSheila Crusader

    Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

    :hysterical: :hysterical:

    You are such a clairvoyant, HH! Where'd you find that crystal ball anyway? First you channeled Hubtub on green on white and red on white - so perfectly that a few people were fooled, and now it's the Dan Sherman Show with Shermanspeak and his crazy midget! :laugh:

    Moore! This is great stuff!
  5. guanoloco

    guanoloco As-Wased

  6. Karen#1

    Karen#1 Gold Meritorious Patron

    Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

    Phil Jones has had his 2 children stolen from him and manipulated against him where the CULT will not let him talk to them (for years) and they have disconnected.

    Phil was in for some 35 years, before departure from it all.
    Emily was in RTC, David Miscavige secretary 12 years and has seen sociopath Miscavige conduct. She now works at ASI.
    Michael works at CC INT
    Phil has tried HARD to be in touch with them.
    The CULT enjoys Emily and Mike's slave labor and stats while cutting them off from their parents.
    Today Phil Jones created a WANTED poster.
    Good for you Phil !
    2nd image is Emily.
    3rd image is Phil the dad.



    Last edited: Jan 20, 2016
  7. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

    Last edited: Jan 22, 2016
  8. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology


    Oh damn, there is yet another stupid thing about that quote from L. Ron Hubbard on that rundown's EP.

    "Unleashing such a hurricane
    of power into the hands of an OT that they will
    never again succumb to the MEST universe's
    dwindling spiral!

    When Scientologists do any Rundown, it doesn't matter what process is run, they always (somehow, miraculously) attain that EP and are proud to write Success Stories about it. Just like Ron promised! LOL

    That particular EP (above in red) comes from the confidential LRH taped briefing (March 15, 1969) on the Apollo called "Conscience - The Reason Beings Won't Use Their OT power". I am not sure what ever happened to the so-called "Conscience Rundown", but the first process was the following, 2-part commands (run alternately to EP).

    What must a thetan never do?

    How can a thetan prevent themselves from doing that?

    At the end of the rundown the being is guaranteed to attain the ability "... to never succumb to the MEST universe's dwindling spiral", pretty amazing ain't it?

    Here's a typical Success Story published at that time people were being given the "Conscience Rundown". They were expected to both voice the ability to avoid the dwindling spiral AND also some new (recovered) OT ability that "turned on". Then they could attest.

    SAMPLE SUCCESS STORY ("Conscience Rundown" - ca 1969-1970):


    I have just completed the Conscience Rundown (CRD) and it is by far
    the most amazing action I have ever done on the Bridge! I now see
    the game of the physical universe and how it tempts beings into going
    down the dwindling spiral. With that knowledge I have certainty that
    I will never again slip down the spiral. Once I became free of
    that eternal trap I began to try out my new freedom and abilities
    and noticed that there is absolutely no com lag now when I postulate
    something. This morning for example, when I was food shopping I
    forgot to get coffee so i re-parked my car and went back into
    the store. Just as I entered, I noticed the coupon rack and saw that
    the store was having a 2 for 1 sale on coffee! So I bought it and
    actually got the second one free! I realized that my postulate so
    so strong to get coffee it actually made me forget to buy it so that
    I could re-enter the store and find out about the sale! When Ron
    said that the Conscience Rundown turns back on your OT abilities,
    that's exactly what happened. I know I will never be the same again!


    The supremely stupid part of the EP for the CRD (or any other EP) is that Scientologists parrot whatever they are told the EP will be. The command could have just as easily been: "From where can a thetan communicate to Ron's bank account?"

    Oh yeah, I would be remiss if I didn't mention that all of the above Rundowns, commands, EPs, taped lectures, LRH quotes and success stories are all a hoax.

    It was just made up. Ron taught me how to do that. LOL

    Hey, my street cred's on the line here, what do you expect?!
    Last edited: Jan 22, 2016
  9. Operating DB

    Operating DB Truman Show Dropout

    Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

    This definition pretty much sums it up.
  10. guanoloco

    guanoloco As-Wased

    Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

    I just went out-list on this squirrel process. Thanks, HH. Now I'm up the pole, buttered all over the universe, having become a cropper after going apetite over tin cup while being the only one! Can you say, PC Type B?
  11. Karen#1

    Karen#1 Gold Meritorious Patron

    Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

    I found this Ad on facebook hilarious.
    Speaker: Dr Martin Poulter has a Philosophy and Psychology degree from Oxford University and a PhD in Philosophy of Science from the University

    EEEEEEEEeeeeeeks, the psychs again !

    Last edited: Jan 22, 2016
  12. JustSheila

    JustSheila Crusader

    Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

    Tom Helatrobus' son found cult parody in the Grand Theft Auto 5 game. It seems everyone is laughing at Scientology:

    :hysterical: :hysterical: :roflmao:
  13. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology


    Veda's post courtesy of another thread.

    Due to physics, after Dr. Hubbard's proclamation (above) was filtered through the Hubbard Law of Commotion[SUP]1[/SUP] what actually happened in the MEST universe (on OT levels) was at very slight variance with his one-hundred percent [STRIKE]standard[/STRIKE] holy scripture.

    "Above [Clear] there are ONLY 'mental processes'
    as we know them. There are only various drills
    and familiarization processes..."

    At least the second part of Ron's infallible statement is true. Above Clear, there are in fact only various drills[SUP]2[/SUP] and familiarization processes[SUP]3[/SUP].


    [SUP]1 [/SUP] Hubbard Law of Commotion: (physics) Analogous to Newton's Law of Motion, Hubbard discovered the immutable 'Law of Commotion' which states that: "In Scientology, for each and every policy or piece of tech, there is an equal and opposite policy and piece of tech." Thus in any situation or dispute, Scientology tech can maintain its astonishing 100% record of always being correct. [SUP]

    [/SUP]Various drills - CORRECT: While Scientologists are on the spiritually advanced OT levels, their registrars run them through various drills based on the book 'Big League Closing Techniques'.

    [SUP]3[/SUP] Familiarization Processes - CORRECT: While on the OT levels, the Pre-Ot also twins with their registrar on familiarization processes--to help them become familiarized with the Pre-OTs charge cards and available credit limits.
    Last edited: Jan 23, 2016
  14. Karen#1

    Karen#1 Gold Meritorious Patron

    Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

    I am done with Gurus. I am done with Gurus for the next *Billion* years. :yes::yes::yes:
    And I laugh at popular culture ADs

  15. Type4_PTS

    Type4_PTS Diamond Invictus SP

    Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

    It could be quite dangerous to follow Guru's. Just in the news a year ago:



    Full Story:

    If that's what it takes to get "closer to God" I believe I'm going to keep my distance! :omg::biggrin:
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2016
  16. Jump

    Jump Operating teatime

    Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

    That was in India .. this one was in the U S of A

  17. freethinker

    freethinker Sponsor

    Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

    Here is something interesting.

    L Ron Hubbard spent his final days living in Bluebird motor home.

    L Ron Hubbard created Dianetics but later, in 1954, created Scientology (I know, created gives it too much credibility but bear with me).

    Between 1951 and 1953, the CIA ran a mind control program called Project Bluebird.

    The purpose of this project was to instill in the subject multiple personalities (think BT's).

    They were also able to produce an actual Manchurian Candidate.

    This project was put to use in infiltration. (think GO in late 70's)

    Read here:
    BLUEBIRD is the cryptonym for a CIA mind control program that ran from 1951 to 1953. Other mind control programs include ARTICHOKE, MKULTRA, and MKSEARCH. The purpose of the book BLUEBIRDis to prove that the military and the CIA have been creating “Manchurian Candidates” for operational use since the second world war. This fact is described repeatedly by G.H. Estabrooks and in CIA documents on BLUEBIRD and ARTICHOKE obtained through the Freedom of Information Act. By research at the medical school library, ordering out-of-print books, and requests filed through the Freedom of Information Act, Dr. Ross has built up compelling documentation of the fact that the CIA and military intelligence agencies have been creating multiple personality experimentally, and using these subjects in courier and infiltration operations.
  18. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology



    In that case, let me respectfully suggest that you join Scientology, the world's most advanced TAC[SUP]1[/SUP] on this planet!

    The procedure is done painlessly and without sedation--avoiding all engrams which (in the future) will reduce tech estimates and save you lots of money on needless auditing!

    Mankind owes a debt of gratitude to one Dr. L. Ron Hubbard who invented the PFB technique ('Pain Free Ballectomy'). Over decades the methodology was further refined and eventually became known as "Ethics".

    [SUP]1[/SUP] TAC: 1. Testicle As-ising Cult
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2016
  19. freethinker

    freethinker Sponsor

    Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

    Sorry to hear that, but don't give up hope!

    So many people sign up or join up with a cult and find it just doesn't meet their needs.

    They find they work too many hours, or not enough.

    They get discouraged because they find, no matter how hard they try, they just don't get the recognition they were hoping for.

    They're promised relief from confessing but find themselves in the same old repetitive transgression rut. Confessing to the same old transgressions and not experiencing new and different ones to give up.

    Not really getting that tingly outer body experience they were looking for or finding it short lived.

    People still don't do what you say no matter how much you command them using the different methods of getting in their face so they get it.

    Experiencing more punishment than what you give out making you feel your just not making the progress you should.

    Meals have become boring or lack luster if you get them.

    Not being allowed to finish one program before being pushed to start another.

    No one seems to get you like they did when you first arrived.

    Tired of the same old mantras and rituals which seem like so much dissonance after a while.

    Well at 1-800- cult hook up we have gone through more than 800 cults for you so that you can stop wasting time and get the enlightenment you were always dreaming of.

    No more hours and hours of back breaking labor just to find yourself back doing more because you can't get over your bad habits.

    No more going over the same scripture just to find you really didn't get it the first time and have to start over.

    Permanent job opportunities without getting busted down and losing status.

    New and different transgressions to confess to and make real progress .

    People who will now listen to you because that look in your eye tells them you mean it.

    Work details that fit your capabilities and not someone elses.

    So don't give up, get hooked up with the right cult for you. It's as easy as picking up the phone and calling 1-800-cult hook up. You'll be so relieved you did and it's sooooo easy. :happydance:

  20. DeeAnna

    DeeAnna Patron Meritorious

    Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

    freethinker, I'm actually surprised there isn't an online dating site to go with that toll free telephone number!

    Oh, and could you possibly give us a few examples of those "new and exciting transgressions to confess"?
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