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What deliciously satisfying ending do you wish for CoS? (2naughty edition / humor)

Discussion in 'Life After Scientology' started by tesseract, Sep 7, 2019.

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  1. tesseract

    tesseract Patron with Horrors

    What deliciously satisfying ending do you wish for CoS?
    :dance:

    (1)
    Superpowers for everyone! Clearing the planet and everyone (minus the sinister 2,5%) becoming OTVIII, of course. Now pay up, sucker, the end is nigh, and it's going to be epic!

    (2)
    A cleared indie-cannibal end. As in, being devoured by the most terrific reformation evvah. Think of the magic of those days, once more... Play it again.

    (3)
    Something fishy and hard to grasp, leading to a slow death by a thousand cuts and being bled dry by a frantic swarm of cute shark lawyers. Om nom nom!

    (4)
    Straight-forward being dismembered alive. As in, tax exemption being taken away. For a start. Then the psychopaths and pedos. Then the buildings. Then the rest of the money. Dig this and choke on your attitude, cherch.

    (5)
    PREMIUM CONTENT: DAVEY FANSERVICE
    Being violated by a sudden blow, so quickly that Davey still doesn't know what has happened ... as his cellmate politely points out that he appears to have dropped his soap, an understandable faux pas on the first day in prison. Now, buddy? Imma gonna ask nicely - gonna pay your due for protecting you from em bad bois?

    (6)
    PREMIUM CONTENT: EGOSHOOTER
    Something apocalyptic and chaotic, as in: maximum NOIse,... for the entertainment value. Full-on cult war. Space Marines against Wakanda college dropouts, drama of epic proportions. The polyester army against the man who reinvented the suit. The gangsta killer against the rich dude who thinks it is badass to hire private detectives, to land the innocent in prison, to abuse and kill schizophrenics, to punch subordinates, and to kill pets. Squarepants and Shovelteeth against dissing Dave and pissing Lou. (Don't ask, Davey - I just know, you're a water sports man. Bitch instinct. Don't lose your patience when digging through my dirty laundry on the search for that shiny gem of an infinity stone, gonna take a while... Let me know when you're ready.)

    (7)
    Doesn't really mattress as long as it's a lulzy one. After all, we aren't yet finished, bitches. We are Anonymous. We do not forgive. We do not forget. Expect us.

    (8)
    Dammit! I'm not going to fill in you plebs on MY plan. Just enjoy the ride. Fucking useless sheeple.

    (9)
    Something... Something else.
    (Please describe your delusions in rich detail. ;) )


    fluffy shark.jpg
     
  2. JustSheila

    JustSheila Crusader

    :winner:

    Love it! :roflmao:

    3, 4, 6, 7 and 8

     
    Last edited: Sep 7, 2019
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  3. guanoloco

    guanoloco As-Wased

    They all board the Blue Bus and watch Miscavige fry himself on Sarge's Hu666ard-ordered meter!

    They stick a bunch of Kools in his Edward E Neuman ears to smoke after he lights up.

    buttigieg-neuman-1.jpg
     
    Last edited: Sep 8, 2019
  4. Type4_PTS

    Type4_PTS Diamond Invictus SP

    #9 Shelly and Heber escape their imprisonment, brief the FBI of all that's transpired in recent years.

    FBI responds by raiding every CoS "church" within the country simultaneously.

    The U.S. Congress opens an investigation into how the CoS was given religious status, and also on why the FBI didn't act on reports of 300+ recent crimes and atrocities.
     
    Last edited: Sep 8, 2019
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  5. Xenu Xenu Xenu

    Xenu Xenu Xenu Patron Meritorious

    Miscavige in jail and a pie in Kendrick Moxon's face everyday by a different person.
     
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  6. Cat's Squirrel

    Cat's Squirrel Gold Meritorious Patron

    Someone posted this before on here, but it bears repeating.

    Miscavige appears at one of the CofS's keynote events, such as the one at St Hill in October. About five minutes into his speech, someone begins chanting "This is a cult!" at first sotto voce but then louder and louder. He is then joined by his immediate neighbours to his left and right in the auditorium, and then by everyone in the same row, then by people in the rows above and below, and so on until the many-throated rumble becomes impossible to ignore. At last, seeing the writing on the wall, one of Miscavige's aides grabs him by the shoulder and swiftly escorts him from the platform, at which point the chanters, by now filling the whole of the seating area, stand up and continue chanting at full volume.
     
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  7. Voodoo

    Voodoo Free Your Mind And Your Ass Will Follow

    I can imagine many different, but satisfying endings for the Cult of Scientology. Letting my imagination run wild.....

    A major whistle-blower escapes from the Int base, carrying documentary evidence with them which is so explosive that it ignites:

    FBI and state police raids of cult offices nationwide,
    State and federal investigations,
    State and federal indictments,
    Arrests of dozens of top cult officials,
    Staff confessions by the boatload,
    Hundreds of staff blows,
    Unprecedented public outrage,
    Unceasing media coverage,

    Miscavige on the run (ala LRH),
    Top lieutenants crying and apologizing on live tv,
    Mass exodus of clams,
    Lawyers and Scn finance network dishing out refunds like candy,
    Ideal orgs going on the auction block,
    Freewinds sold for scrap,
    IAS dismantled and assets frozen,
    Remaining church staff reorganizes and institutes radical reforms to their organization.
     
  8. anonomog

    anonomog Gold Meritorious Patron

    Sony Music signs on a new artist that is an overnight sensation worldwide, but has peculiar side effects on all effete cult leaders with oompa loompa tans, bouffant hair, estranged wives, a fetish for Tom Cruise and a messenger in charge of changing ring tones.

     
  9. La La Lou Lou

    La La Lou Lou Crusader

    I would like the public to stop going, for them to stop paying and for the staff to all blow, just a few more every day until the Orgs are empty, and too many SO members go missing for security to chase. Nothing to make martyrs out of anyone. Just Miss Carriage all alone shouting orders to no one. An anti climax would be the right ending, just like the teque, in the end nothing actually happens.
     
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  10. tesseract

    tesseract Patron with Horrors

    That qualifies as "fucking weird ending" but I prefer a dismemberment scene as in Wanda ripping out Ultron's primary body's processor. Or the red-headed twins eating Akasha's brain and heart. :D
    For one thing, it took longer. Consider that Davey getting deposed, if and when it happens, it will feel for him like that. It might not really be his end, but to him it'll feel like we're getting a bit closer to it. The reactions of his devoted scientology organization will be interesting, and convulsive, and I can recommend everybody to get off board before it happens. :cool:


    I don't know about your tribal laws but at the galactic university for permanent mind control and successful suppression we frown upon creating martyrs... :cool:

    [Edit: wrote most of this yesterday while being sleepy, so I somewhat mistook it as a recommendation of frying him on the chair. Anyways... ;) ]
    Please don't tell me that him not being quite that much of a martyr while being imprisoned and having to choose solitary confinement over rape is not worth the costs of his food and guards and, hell, therapist. Maybe he can even write a book or two, to avoid being bored. I'd bring him coffee if he does. ;)
    And before or after early parole (for his comprehensive cooperation), he can watch corporal scientology being disassembled. Not that that will mean much to him, except the certainty that the good old days will never return.
    It's not that bad, Davey... ;)
    Yeah, that is really my vision for Davey. One of many. I'm mostly into sneaky shit. Having their hearts ripped out is reserved for robots and vampire queens.

    And if you're still feeling mean... or particularly frugal, can't decide as I honestly do not see much worth to society in the prefrontally challenged... Lethal injection is the better way and almost everybody will root for you for not making a mess. :p
     
    Last edited: Sep 8, 2019