one thing after another, snowballing into bullshit.
One morning I woke up from a sweaty nightmare and asked myself... Is it going to be like this for the rest of my life???.... All I wanted to BE-DO-and-HAVE was a working actor and didn't want to disseminate Scientology through the arts or be the next Tom Cruise... as I was told by my KTL Sup... "we're trying to make more Tom Cruises", she says. I said, "FUCK THAT, how can you possibly make more Tom Crusies if you have actors chained to the chair 25 to 40 hours a week?? Give me a break!"
There were so many last straws for me, I kept on giving myself an excuse not to blow but eventually I did. Thanks to all the ex-scientologist who have shared their stories on message boards and Jason Beghe. By the way, I learned about Jason's departure when I was getting a pedicure and catching up to the latest gossip. That's the only time I have time to read tabloid magazines during my pedicure sessions!
I remember reading he had left the church and next thing I knew I'm watching his YOUTUBE video.
Last straws:
1. My FSM's of 17 years were delusional- Old School OT's
2. Told by my course sups to put my bridge first and career second
3. Asked by my FSM's if I had given fellatio (blow job) to whom I was dating at the time. I KID YOU NOT. I thought that was weird especially coming from a 50 something year old woman.
4. When I was told by my course-sup that I owe her time for missed course periods.... "I don't owe you shit! And I control my time", I said.
5. Apparently I was out/int one time, a few weeks later I'm not... who decides that, by the way?
6. When I was R-factored that I had to do the int rundown and did not have the funds to do it, it was suggested to me by a course sup to sell my car and buy a cheaper car.
7. Every time I would share an acting career win with my FSM's they would reply with, "How much money are you getting paid" and "Don't forget to put money on your lifetime membership".
8. Celebrity Center staff would call my FSM's and tell them that they heard I had booked some big acting jobs and so that would mean I have money....Ring, ring, ring... Hi it's your FSM's we heard you booked an acting job?
9. Young vulnerable actresses who come from trust funds put it all on their "auditors package" just so the money sits there for eternity and never gets touched, with the purchase of two FUCKEN e-meters... in case on brakes during session.
10. Artists new to Scientology and regging them right away for the Sea Org.
11. Or aspiring actors just off the Greyhound bus responding to an ad on "BACKSTAGE WEST"-- local entertainment industry trade for acting jobs- to attend a seminar at Celebrity Center.... on how to get started in the business and book acting work.... Later leading to joining the cult and no career. I've seen this happen a lot.
12. Asking non-celebrity actors- the nobodies- to volunteer their time for something celebrity center has going on... "It's for the greatest good" and making you feel guilty or like an asshole for not doing it.
13. Observing your friends being manipulated to giving up all the money you have to do the bridge when knowing they do not have the money and then putting it all on credit cards and unable to make credit card payments; One because you do not have a job or two you have a job but don't make enough money to pay the minimum monthly payments and three you can't do the bridge (auditing or course) because you have to get a 2nd job to pay the credit cards and survive. And there's no time for career because you have been convinced that the bridge is first. I know actors who call themselves actors and are now in there 40's and have never really gotten out of non-e because they believe they need more bridge
14. Having the regges encourage you to BORROW money from your boyfriend, friends and family.
15. Sea Org members ganging up on actors/musicians/photographers and using force communication and reality to join the Sea Org.
16. Being regged by Greg Leclaire to join the Sea Org. I remember him saying to me, "if you haven't made it now as a well known actor you're never going to make it, so why not join the Sea Org."
17. Being accused of looking at confidential material on the internet.... when I didn't.
18. Getting taken off of course when I was doing well and winning for an interview with the cramming officer to see if I was lying about looking at stuff on the internet... and having him dope off while behind the e-meter. You can tell he was sleep deprived.
19. Finally-Finally-Finally.... I was under a lot of mental and psychological stress from so much shit that was going on with me and CCI that I got very ill... their solution was to be on course!
And when I went to the examiner to "its it" to him of what was been happening to my body and manifestations... in the middle of me speaking, the examiner cuts my communication and shows me to the door and I said, "uhm, I'm not done yet" he says, "oh, ok... continue". So I continue, but by that time I'm a little pist off already, I loose my train of thought. I put the cans down and I said, "I thought I was supposed to communicate all that is happening and give details of everything thats going on in my life so that I can get the correct program from the C/S, is there a time limit of how long I'm suppose to be on the e-meter with you?"... The Examiner says, "yeah, the thing is its Thursday almost 2:00PM and I have stats to get in and completions to get through in and out". I said, fuck you and your stats!
I never stepped foot in the org after that.