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You Can Close Your Books Now

Discussion in 'General Scientology Discussion' started by Wisened One, Aug 29, 2010.

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  1. Wisened One

    Wisened One Crusader

    Hey all:

    When I was in Scn, I became more and more of an open book and would confess some tiny little 'sin' (even if in thought only) at the drop of a hat. Wanting to be such a good, clean, spotless Scn. Ya know?

    My goal was to have the thinnest Ethics File I could! :p :eyeroll:

    Well: Since leaving Scn, I got my privacy back.

    It's ok to be opaque again! Ya know?

    I don't have to openly express, confess, do amends for, condition formulas, grovel for approval from entire groups, etc. for some 'bad thought', etc.!! :happydance:

    I got my Privacy back! :yes: :thumbsup: (Not that I got much to hide, anyways, but no more compulsive confessions or having to share every detail of my life for fear of not being allowed up the bridge, etc!!).

    Anyone else notice this effect after leaving Scn?
     
  2. Kathy (ImOut)

    Kathy (ImOut) Gold Meritorious Patron

    I can withhold with the best of them now, if I want to.
     
  3. freethinker

    freethinker Sponsor

    Did confessing every little thing result in a thin ethics file?

     
  4. Feral

    Feral Rogue male

    Hey WO, I was the same after endless sec checking I got used to giving up the goods at the drop of a hat, whether it was my WHs or just data about something.

    Doesn't work in life at all, hell, it doesn't even work in the CofS.
     
  5. Wisened One

    Wisened One Crusader

    No, it didn't. But I WANTED to have a 'thin' Ethics File, that's all. (Didn't say I accomplished that).
     
    Last edited: Aug 29, 2010
  6. Jachs

    Jachs Gold Meritorious Patron

    Hi Feral

    Nice to meet you feral. Seen you posting around the place.
    Whenever i se your pic, it reminds me of living in Penrith Nov 2009 and being bitten by a brown snake at the horse stud, man those F ers can move.
     
  7. Jachs

    Jachs Gold Meritorious Patron

    No

    No i just kept going confessing to myself writing them up and wondering why i felt so bad.:angry:
     
  8. AlphOhm

    AlphOhm Traveler of time/space

    from an older (maybe non-squirrel? :roflmao:) Tech Dictionary:

    RESPONSIBILITY,
    1. the ability and willingness to assume the status of full
    source and cause for all efforts and counter-efforts on all dynamics. (AP&A, p.
    57)
    2 . when one speaks of responsibility he means “the determination of the
    cause which produced the effect.” (AP&A, p. 62)
    3. full responsibility is not fault; it is recognition of being cause. (AP&A, p. 58)
    4 . willingness to make or unmake barriers. (PAB 30)
    5 . the feeling that one can operate something. (PAB 31)
    6 . the area or sphere of influence the individual can rationally affect around
    other people, life, mest and the general environment. (SOS, p. 142)
    7. admission of control of space, energy and objects. (PDC 4)
    8 . it is willingness to own or act or use or be. (PDC 56)
    9 . the concept of being able to care for, to reach or to
    be. (HCO PL 17 Jan 62)
    10 . “admit causing,” “able to withhold.” (HCOB 21
    Jan 60, Responsibility)


    congrats :hattip:
     
  9. freethinker

    freethinker Sponsor

    I wasn't picking on you. I just wanted to hear your response. I'm glad you feel free of the encumbrances of wondering if what you do or think is OK.:thumbsup:

     
  10. Telepathetic

    Telepathetic Gold Meritorious Patron

    I had the same problem! What a mind fucking trap!

    TP
     
  11. Arthur Dent

    Arthur Dent Silver Meritorious Patron

    Hi WO! I understand! It feels good to start being "normal" about that!

    I started to make stuff up in confessionals after awhile. Nothing earth shattering but just somethin' to give them because it wasn't ok to have nothing!! How much have you got after a zillion sec checks and an amazingly restricted life? The only thing I 'had' was how fucking stupid this was all getting and I knew better than to go down that endless road! I actually had an auditor talk to me on an auditing break heading for food about how the only thing we seemed to be handling was false reads and how it would be much better if I cooperated! This was out of session! Maybe the auditor had a quota of overts to get?! :shrug: It got nuts!

    I'm finding the compulsion is just starting to leave me recently. Not everything sorts out as soon as you leave! The percentage of scns actually being really evil in life and criminal is pretty small. I think we nearly approached saint-hood with the amount of rules, forbidden everything and enforced contributions! How bad were we?? The paranoia was just over the top! It made me want to go and do something bad!!
     
  12. GreyWolf

    GreyWolf Gold Meritorious Patron

    Yup. I don't withhold much these days, because I don't have to. I am not afraid of being sent to ethics or a kangaroo comm ev over something that I have said in innocence.
     
  13. Rmack

    Rmack Van Allen Belt Sunbather

    The whole idea that in order to gain forgiveness, you need to confess to someone is a really spooky policy. This cult is, of course, not the first one to use this. The Catholic church has been exploiting this for centuries. They actually used to sell 'indulgences' which was pretty much permission to sin! The more grievous the sin was seen, the more it cost ya, I reckon.

    Just like with Co$, The RCC has historically had a front story that confession was 'good for yer eternity', but behind the scenes had no problem with using the personal secrets gathered for blackmail and other purposes.

    The real strange thing is; the idea of a person, or a group of people having the ability to pardon your sins is not really from the roots of Judeo-Christianity, but is from the Babylonian mystery tradition. The whole idea of a priesthood that you confessed to is also from this same system.
     
  14. Miss Penguin

    Miss Penguin Patron with Honors

    What a great point! Talk about post traumatic stress. I hadn't really thought about this but it is so true, I have my privacy back too. I don't owe anyone an explanation as to where I was, who I spoke to, what their status is in the cult, why I missed an event etc.

    Freedom is beautiful.
     
  15. Good twin

    Good twin Floater

    Yes. I have struggled with this one too. I was thinking about how in the "real" world you would never be expected to incriminate yourself.

    Another twist on this cult think is the ability or inclination to defend oneself. I find that when I get "reprimanded" in any way. I just acknowledge and continue. I don't defend myself or make excuses even if I have a valid point. I lost that chip when I was in the cult.

    Example: I had some blood work done and my doctor adjusted my medication as a result. The first day on this prescription I had a bad reaction and called the doc and got it adjusted. Everything went back to normal real fast. Except.....on this day that my meds were outta whack, I made a huge mistake at work and my supervisor had a talk with me and wrote up my error. It never occured to me to tell him that I was having a medical issue that contributed to my poor performance.

    We internalize way too much. Spiritual freedom? Hogwash!!!!
     
  16. Wisened One

    Wisened One Crusader

    Great posts and points, you guys! :yes:

    Yeah that's what I mean. One can live more normally in terms of having their own privacy again. I hated having that taken when I was a scn.

    I would even feel compelled to confess if stepped on an ant, kinda thing, ya know? STUPID! :duh: I was even posting here at ESMB about everything, when first came here, remember? :p

    Jeez. feels good to have one's mind, privacy and judgment back!

    GT: Yeah, same here! If I was ever 'in trouble' in real life, I'd also not defend myself, just 'take it' and assume I had no valid points, actions in whatever I was in trouble for. (talking about minor things and not in every single situation, btw).

    Another layer evaporates.
     
    Last edited: Sep 1, 2010
  17. cantsay

    cantsay Patron Meritorious

    hmmm, I do the same thing. I just take criticism and give an ack - god forbid wanting to flashback! Later Ill think of all the things I should have said, but by then its too late.

    When I left the Church I was also very open and told everyone everything. Needless to say I was honest on my resume and couldnt get a job for along while until I allowed myself to withhold that I had worked at the church. I also scared off a lot of prospective boyfriends until I learned to hold back a lot of unnecessary details of previous relationships!! I was used to being so honest that it was hard to realise that this stuff was noones damn business unless I decide it is.
     
  18. Good twin

    Good twin Floater

    ....and isn't that why we are all here. We still have a need to disclose all, but have found that most of society is not interested in ALL of our experience.

    I think that may be why I came here. I found a group that I could confess to and itsa too. I found a group that felt safe to communicate to.

    It's taken a couple of years, but my compulsive outflow is finally slowing down. I don't post as much. I'm able to process my own thoughts without assistance sometimes.

    I enjoy sharing with you guys and will continue to do so. But not everything. I actually have some real life friends and people I trust. It's really nice. It feels like I have my own life. That is a big change for me.

    :smoochy:
     
  19. Human Again

    Human Again Silver Meritorious Patron

    Hunnard was the original "Squirrel" he took other people's work , rewrote it. left out bits he didn't like, added bits he pretended to "research" and then ensured noone ever evaluated it...
     
  20. Human Again

    Human Again Silver Meritorious Patron

    To me, it's also fundamentally WRONG to think that someone ele's judgement of you, ie determining what is acceptable and what is not, is valid. Theft of soverignty of judgement.