Wisened One
Crusader
Hey again.
I've posted a bit on here and on OCMB, left for a long while (about a year from here) and am back! I want to share with you more of my leaving story (this was years ago).
Please hit your refresh button before (and probably right after) reading, because I keep adding/editing, constantly.
I'm TIRED of holding this and other stories silent for ALL these years, this is downright insanity to FEAR them!! When they're supposed to be the 'answer' to all problems and the salvation of mankind? Huh?! NOT!!!!
I and Spouse was Div 6 staff at a Class V Org for a few years.
Spouse one day got sick of it, too.
And we 'went for a long walk' that night to talk.
I'd wanted to leave off and on for a good year, but kept being talked out of it.
Anways: the decision was made by both of us to leave.
And BAM, phone calls were made and an instant flight was arranged for THAT NIGHT by loving family (You know THAT cost a pretty penny!).
So the next step was getting out of our house silently. We lived in a house with roommates (also Staff).
We packed what we could in suitcases and left everything else (furniture that I loved, clothes,etc..).
A cab was called and we waited in tense silence in our tiny room for it to arrive, praying none of our roommates would notice or hear anything.
Once it arrived, I was the first one to sneak out into the hallway with my large suitcase. The pounding of my heart was so loud, I'm surprised that didn't give me away!. Amazingly, the hallway and the living room to that front door, was the LONGEST, most INTRICATE journey I'd ever made...and I had to do it SILENTLY and QUICKLY with this HUGE suitcase, by myself! Spouse had to stay behind in the closed room while I made the what seemed like hours long journey....amazingly, I didn't bump it into anything and nobody came out of their rooms.
I was outside.
The cool night air smelled fresher than ever before.
I looked up into the Night Sky.
The stars were sparkling and winking down on me, as if to say: 'You've done it, You're FREE, GO!'
Then my spouse sneaked out, it felt like FOREVER, then the front door was opened...for a second, my heart stopped. Maybe it wasn't my Spouse! Maybe it was a roommate come to get me and turn us in!
But it wasn't.
It was my Spouse, out safe and sound, too.
We didn't even glance back as we were whisked away by the cab to the airport.
I was so scared, I thought maybe the cab driver was a Plant and would any minute turn around and take us back home or to Ethics, lol!
We got to the airport and boarded the plane,after a HORRID few hours wait-time... constantly looking over our shoulders.
I can't believe how like Fugitives we felt! Like we were criminals running away from the Police, Jeez!
We got to our destination and into loving arms.
We literally huddled, shaking, on the floor of the living room for hours when we arrived,staring at the front door, expecting a knock, for 'them' to take us back.
After we calmed down and could breathe again, we WALKED MILES to a nearby mall just to stay extroverted, fearing EVERY car on street whizzing by us, was 'them' following us....lol.
Yet the utter RELIEF was indescribable, you guys.
The SCENT of FREEDOM from the 80 hr work-weeks. The starvation, the ethics, the crazy things we were made to do for our post or org,etc...staying up till 2am being told how scum we were by our ED then come in a few hrs later to work..etc..
In the days and weeks that followed, phone calls were made to our place and at first they were told we weren't there,etc.
We could 'feel' that they had us 'tailed' and we were right. Because a few weeks later, they knocked on the door. We were such paranoid sissys that we both hid from them till they left. They even looked through all the windows looking for us! Spouse was hiding in one room and I was in another. It was soooo humilitating for us, but we were not ready to face them, nor did we want to go back.
Well a few days later somehow we were convinced to let them in and they audited us in our bedroom, one by one. (We were both in the middle of different auditing actions at the time we blew).
They convinced us to go back and route out standardly. *STUPID thing to do!*
We rented a car and did so. Well: Not only was it a MUCH longer cycle than it should've been, but it was VERY expensive AND we ended up keeping the rental car too long, so long the rental company was calling us everyday to bring it back!
We FINALLY got out of there after THREE WEEKS of paying for a weekly hotel, rental car fees and penalties, countless, pointless Ethics cycles, etc. I lied F/N's just so we could get out, so did my spouse. All in all, a very stressful, dreadful time.
We were assigned 'Confusion' and told we were degraded beings and would die 'out there'.
That last night we were routing off: I and my spouse were separated in different rooms and lectured at for over two hours. My tiny room was FREEZING and I had only a short-sleeve shirt on. I was SO cold, that I was seizing! . I huddled my arms inside my thin shirt to no avail. The OTV, L's Comp didn't care, NO! I just sat and stared at this supposed advanced, powerful OT'... every single person was being listed to me, how every other Staff/Public that left and died, or got cancer, divorced, couldn't get any job,etc..
They just wanted to make sure I knew HOW many ex-staff and public DIED as a result of leaving,etc.!
The whole time, I was shivering so bad and trying to keep my TRs in to the tirade. I kept screaming things at the person in my mind and waiting for the person to read it. Come on, You're OT V and L's and you CANT even do something as simple as READ MY MIND and you WANT ME TO STAY?!
I felt sad for this person trying to get me to stay. But mostly I was severely introverted and trying to keep warm and control the seizures. Maybe it was also nerves that were causing me to do that.
They also tried to make my spouse leave me there and not take me back by telling of some long ago mild out2d withholds. It didn't work. But they tried. THAT was hell, too!
And you know WHAT? After ALL this, we went back home...made new lives, yet STILL considered ourselves dedicated Scientologists and went to events, helped out at the Mission near us, etc!!?? Convinced we were Freeloaders and db's, and that it was all our fault that we were, when we'd literally cared for EVERY single new person that walked thru our doors and wanted to help them and felt CRUSHED for every single person that walked back out. How's THAT for weight on one's conscience?
WELL: A few years ago, my spouse got up the nerve to read stuff on Xenutv about the OTs that left. I was very reluctant and scared to, but finally did it.
For a long time even while reading this stuff, my mind still 'justified' the data and stories..(well they had heavy case, had mu's, etc,etc..).
But it still kept me thinking...I wasn't yet ready to 'get out'. The info of scn was just TOO good, spanned over one lifetime, etc. to 'give up'.
After all, if I DID give it up,
THEN WHAT? You know? I mean, I'd die and that'd be it. (vs what scn promises you about having OT knowledge and powers, no forgetters, etc..)..
Well a little while after reading all this anti-stuff: We actually took the plunge and decided to read ANY/ALL OT level info on the Net!
I personally was SO scared, that I was gonna DIE upon or immediately after reading it, that I actually made a hand-written Will Before reading, it. We actually both read the stuff at the same moment, in case we died suddenly, we'd be together, when we did! LOL!
Well needless to say, we're still here, (anyone still believe the church's crap that it isn't the 'real' stuff or else we would've?) and ever since then.... we LEFT and are OUT as of heart, mind, soul, etc.
We still get phone calls wanting our FL debts,etc.. but we've told them 'We no longer consider ourselves scientologiests. They just say ok. And still call constantly. And we still get our mailbox FULL of JUNK from them!!
I've even emailed them to take me off all their emailing/snail mail lists. They ignore me.
Ah well: That's more of my and my spouse's story.
I do have a dear friend that's still in and we talk regularly and this friend knows I'm inactive and all, but not HOW inactive, lol
I'd hate to lose this person, but if I end up getting found out/declared soon..then so be it, I guess. I'm nearly ready to post my whole info/name to find friends, etc... maybe one day.
Sad that you have to be this way with this 'wonderful, helpful loving religion' eh?
Craziness, huh? Utter craziness!
Wisened One
I've posted a bit on here and on OCMB, left for a long while (about a year from here) and am back! I want to share with you more of my leaving story (this was years ago).
Please hit your refresh button before (and probably right after) reading, because I keep adding/editing, constantly.
I'm TIRED of holding this and other stories silent for ALL these years, this is downright insanity to FEAR them!! When they're supposed to be the 'answer' to all problems and the salvation of mankind? Huh?! NOT!!!!
I and Spouse was Div 6 staff at a Class V Org for a few years.
Spouse one day got sick of it, too.
And we 'went for a long walk' that night to talk.
I'd wanted to leave off and on for a good year, but kept being talked out of it.
Anways: the decision was made by both of us to leave.
And BAM, phone calls were made and an instant flight was arranged for THAT NIGHT by loving family (You know THAT cost a pretty penny!).
So the next step was getting out of our house silently. We lived in a house with roommates (also Staff).
We packed what we could in suitcases and left everything else (furniture that I loved, clothes,etc..).
A cab was called and we waited in tense silence in our tiny room for it to arrive, praying none of our roommates would notice or hear anything.
Once it arrived, I was the first one to sneak out into the hallway with my large suitcase. The pounding of my heart was so loud, I'm surprised that didn't give me away!. Amazingly, the hallway and the living room to that front door, was the LONGEST, most INTRICATE journey I'd ever made...and I had to do it SILENTLY and QUICKLY with this HUGE suitcase, by myself! Spouse had to stay behind in the closed room while I made the what seemed like hours long journey....amazingly, I didn't bump it into anything and nobody came out of their rooms.
I was outside.
The cool night air smelled fresher than ever before.
I looked up into the Night Sky.
The stars were sparkling and winking down on me, as if to say: 'You've done it, You're FREE, GO!'
Then my spouse sneaked out, it felt like FOREVER, then the front door was opened...for a second, my heart stopped. Maybe it wasn't my Spouse! Maybe it was a roommate come to get me and turn us in!
But it wasn't.
It was my Spouse, out safe and sound, too.
We didn't even glance back as we were whisked away by the cab to the airport.
I was so scared, I thought maybe the cab driver was a Plant and would any minute turn around and take us back home or to Ethics, lol!
We got to the airport and boarded the plane,after a HORRID few hours wait-time... constantly looking over our shoulders.
I can't believe how like Fugitives we felt! Like we were criminals running away from the Police, Jeez!
We got to our destination and into loving arms.
We literally huddled, shaking, on the floor of the living room for hours when we arrived,staring at the front door, expecting a knock, for 'them' to take us back.
After we calmed down and could breathe again, we WALKED MILES to a nearby mall just to stay extroverted, fearing EVERY car on street whizzing by us, was 'them' following us....lol.
Yet the utter RELIEF was indescribable, you guys.
The SCENT of FREEDOM from the 80 hr work-weeks. The starvation, the ethics, the crazy things we were made to do for our post or org,etc...staying up till 2am being told how scum we were by our ED then come in a few hrs later to work..etc..
In the days and weeks that followed, phone calls were made to our place and at first they were told we weren't there,etc.
We could 'feel' that they had us 'tailed' and we were right. Because a few weeks later, they knocked on the door. We were such paranoid sissys that we both hid from them till they left. They even looked through all the windows looking for us! Spouse was hiding in one room and I was in another. It was soooo humilitating for us, but we were not ready to face them, nor did we want to go back.
Well a few days later somehow we were convinced to let them in and they audited us in our bedroom, one by one. (We were both in the middle of different auditing actions at the time we blew).
They convinced us to go back and route out standardly. *STUPID thing to do!*
We rented a car and did so. Well: Not only was it a MUCH longer cycle than it should've been, but it was VERY expensive AND we ended up keeping the rental car too long, so long the rental company was calling us everyday to bring it back!
We FINALLY got out of there after THREE WEEKS of paying for a weekly hotel, rental car fees and penalties, countless, pointless Ethics cycles, etc. I lied F/N's just so we could get out, so did my spouse. All in all, a very stressful, dreadful time.
We were assigned 'Confusion' and told we were degraded beings and would die 'out there'.
That last night we were routing off: I and my spouse were separated in different rooms and lectured at for over two hours. My tiny room was FREEZING and I had only a short-sleeve shirt on. I was SO cold, that I was seizing! . I huddled my arms inside my thin shirt to no avail. The OTV, L's Comp didn't care, NO! I just sat and stared at this supposed advanced, powerful OT'... every single person was being listed to me, how every other Staff/Public that left and died, or got cancer, divorced, couldn't get any job,etc..
They just wanted to make sure I knew HOW many ex-staff and public DIED as a result of leaving,etc.!
The whole time, I was shivering so bad and trying to keep my TRs in to the tirade. I kept screaming things at the person in my mind and waiting for the person to read it. Come on, You're OT V and L's and you CANT even do something as simple as READ MY MIND and you WANT ME TO STAY?!
I felt sad for this person trying to get me to stay. But mostly I was severely introverted and trying to keep warm and control the seizures. Maybe it was also nerves that were causing me to do that.
They also tried to make my spouse leave me there and not take me back by telling of some long ago mild out2d withholds. It didn't work. But they tried. THAT was hell, too!
And you know WHAT? After ALL this, we went back home...made new lives, yet STILL considered ourselves dedicated Scientologists and went to events, helped out at the Mission near us, etc!!?? Convinced we were Freeloaders and db's, and that it was all our fault that we were, when we'd literally cared for EVERY single new person that walked thru our doors and wanted to help them and felt CRUSHED for every single person that walked back out. How's THAT for weight on one's conscience?
WELL: A few years ago, my spouse got up the nerve to read stuff on Xenutv about the OTs that left. I was very reluctant and scared to, but finally did it.
For a long time even while reading this stuff, my mind still 'justified' the data and stories..(well they had heavy case, had mu's, etc,etc..).
But it still kept me thinking...I wasn't yet ready to 'get out'. The info of scn was just TOO good, spanned over one lifetime, etc. to 'give up'.
After all, if I DID give it up,
THEN WHAT? You know? I mean, I'd die and that'd be it. (vs what scn promises you about having OT knowledge and powers, no forgetters, etc..)..
Well a little while after reading all this anti-stuff: We actually took the plunge and decided to read ANY/ALL OT level info on the Net!
I personally was SO scared, that I was gonna DIE upon or immediately after reading it, that I actually made a hand-written Will Before reading, it. We actually both read the stuff at the same moment, in case we died suddenly, we'd be together, when we did! LOL!
Well needless to say, we're still here, (anyone still believe the church's crap that it isn't the 'real' stuff or else we would've?) and ever since then.... we LEFT and are OUT as of heart, mind, soul, etc.
We still get phone calls wanting our FL debts,etc.. but we've told them 'We no longer consider ourselves scientologiests. They just say ok. And still call constantly. And we still get our mailbox FULL of JUNK from them!!
I've even emailed them to take me off all their emailing/snail mail lists. They ignore me.
Ah well: That's more of my and my spouse's story.
I do have a dear friend that's still in and we talk regularly and this friend knows I'm inactive and all, but not HOW inactive, lol
I'd hate to lose this person, but if I end up getting found out/declared soon..then so be it, I guess. I'm nearly ready to post my whole info/name to find friends, etc... maybe one day. Sad that you have to be this way with this 'wonderful, helpful loving religion' eh?
Craziness, huh? Utter craziness!
Wisened One
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