@Schwimmel -- make all the jokes you want, it's really ok with me. I mean, after all, I've been attempting to inject humor into this craziness, why shouldn't you? Go for it.
@Omnom, thanks for being here. And thanks for all you and your anon buddies do. :dancer:
The saga continues...
I went along for a few years, being the good do-bee, taking every course I was told to take, going to AO for cramming (and paying big $$ for the privilege). I was terrified of the cramming guy and the senior c/s at our org. They were the creme de la creme and, even though they never actually
acted like they were above you, it felt that way. I couldn't do cramming at the org because I was "OT III." whew.
In another thread somewhere here (btw, do you people have
any idea how many freaking threads there are? holy mother, I was hoping to get sort of caught up, but that is NOT going to happen. Gives new meaning to "lurk moar!!") someone was talking about the elitism, the hierarchy that happens throughout scn. I was happy to be slightly above "bottom feeder" and had absolutely no intention of climbing the food chain. My husband and I were treated pretty royally because we donated every time they asked us to. That made us Opinion Leaders. Har-de-har-har-har
On the academy levels I learned quickly to never, ever, ever, EVER say what I really thought about hubbard's tech. There were many pieces that did not fit and eventually I realized I had to STFU. I wish I could recall all of them, but the one that most stands out is -- drum roll -- Listing and Nulling. Every bit of that section of training caused WTF moments. I must have had 50 hours of word clearing on the correction list alone. For non-techies, google L4BRB. It's good for a chuckle.
Because my husband supported us, I was a full-time student -- every day from 9 - 6. And I kicked ass (except for L&N and service facs, another one that you truly have to suspend disbelief to get through). Have I mentioned that I hated it? And did I say how confused I was that I was even there?
There is only one word (ok, there really are 5 or 7,000) for how I got there: insidious.
Ok, I'm done beating that dead horse. Oh, except for the ending of my training: I made it to the Internship. The Sup was a sweet young woman who had not done any training, except the Sup course. She was very likable but somewhat clueless about my concerns re: auditing other people. I would be given pcs and told to do xyz by all sorts of other people around the org, mostly the staff section officer (is that right? the guy who gets the staff trained and audited?). One day he tells me to take a staff member in session and do an L4BRB
And this pc is not the brightest bulb in the marquee -- nice lady, but left her education too early. I am supposed to word clear every single one of the questions on this freaking list while watching for reads. No way. Not going to happen. Ever. PLUS, she will NOT sit still. It's my worst worst worst nightmare. I sat in that chair and imagined myself getting up and walking out the door. It was all I could think of. I fiddled around talking to her about what seemed to be coming up and then just ended the session. Just ended it. Bam. She f/ned at the examiner and joined the SO the next day. Huh.
The end of the Internship came when they assigned a brand new public to me. I was supposed to teach her how to be audited -- what the emeter was, what we were doing, etc. I tried. She red tagged at the examiner (that means her session was not ok and she would have to be cleaned up by someone else within 24 hours). She got fixed up and came back to me for more. She red tagged again. I went home after that session and crawled into bed and pulled the covers up over me and stayed there for three days. The org called, begging, then threatening. At one point, the Internship Sup called and let a message: "Cathy, You are crashing the orgs stats. Get in here!" My husband asked me what had happened and all I could say was "I fucked somebody up, I can't go back, I don't ever want to do that again." <I can feel my heart pounding right now, just thinking about how terrified I was that I had hurt someone.>
Here's the craziest part: the org acted like nothing had happened. I never went back on the Internship and no one said a word about my continuing it. I did get "interviewed" by one of the high mucky-mucks and was asked what I thought was wrong with the Internship. It was multiple choice, so I picked one. And that was it for my training. I never had to listen to another tape, do another checkout, talk endlessly to the f*^king wall, go to the word clearer and so on, ad nauseum.
I'm really enjoying your story. No rush, in your own time. That's something we have a lot of nowadays 
It represents well your condition at that moment in time... 
- about scn . . .
