Hi I’m posting my story. I been debating how to write this and its ending up being way to long. I may in the future just stick to the details of events that happened to me in the future. But because I’m a terrible procrastinator. I felt like If I don’t just post something I never will and since this story is like 30 yrs old I thought I would just post what I have so far or I never will. Sorry it cuts out right in the middle of the Heber Jentz story ill finish it as soon as I have time.
My main memory during my time In Scientology, specifically living on base in the Sea Org was the neglect. This was not only emotional but things like, hygiene, school, money, how to get a job or an apartment etc. Things that seem obvious if you’ve been taught or seen someone else do them but the details of living in the real world were completely unimportant in the church so as a result when I Ieft I was literally ten years behind in practical real world skills. The emotional effect was more devastating though.
My mother is more central to my story to the story than the church because the church was not my parent but it’s more complex than that. My mother used the church as a dumping ground for me and was able to justify it by convincing herself that she was saving the planet. The conditions at the church where deplorable for children but even at the time( or at least as soon as I was able to formulate such a thought) I didn’t think it was the churches job to raise or protect me. A point I tried arguing with my mom on several occasions at one point asking her point blank if she thought she was a good parent. She said she thought she was, I would have been about 12. I didn’t believe she believed that. I knew she didn’t want to face the real world so much so that she was willing to throw me under the bus. The denial was frustrating. I found out later (when I was thirty) she had a secret child before me that she had to give up for adoption. I believe this had a traumatic effect and drove her to Scientology in the first place.
With the guilt of giving away a kid I don’t think it’s a coincidence that my mother worked at the CEO most of the time I was there although I hardly ever saw her. I know she was the CO at one point and usually had a high post of some sort except for when she was getting demoted or put on the rpf. As I mentioned my mom was not really around that much not really sure what happened except for what I would overhear. I overheard her one time talking about how she got in trouble for going ahead and purchasing the CEO food supplies before the PO was approved because she had to order it before it was too late. Apparently no one had gotten back to her on the PO so she just went ahead and made the order. I think my mom was generally well liked and thought of as someone really dedicated to the kids
Ok before I go in all that I think a little background info is in order but after starting to write this it feels really self indulgent but also important to my story so Ill just say if you just want the detail of Cadet Org life and not some self indulgent background skip the rest of this post and wait for the next post
I was more or less born into the church my mom was a Sea Org Member by the time I was 5. I was in and around the church in LA in the late 70's through the 80's living on Beacon street, Melrose Ave, the Fountain Ave House, The Cadet Estates Org (on Bronson,) The Celebrity Center and 6724 Hollywood blvd. I was a real Sea Org rugrat. In those days it was easy to float between the different Orgs and buildings and later in my teens various houses in the neighborhood owned by Scientologists.
Prior to Melrose I lived on Beacon st but it may have been Wilcox or Belvue those are names I remember as well . This was 73/74 before my mom “blew” for this first time I was possibly five or six a lot of things like dates hazy from this period. I was very young of course so this make sense plus I was moving a lot. My reality could change at any moment. (I lived in at least 25 places both on and off base Between 73-85.) so this may also be fucking with my sense of time.
I had no real guidance during my stay at the church and wasnt developing a sense of self. Of course children in general may not have a well developed sense of self but with resolute neglect there isn’t the natural parental process of reinforcing positive behavior or acknowledging personal strengths that promote a child’s development. The future didn’t have a significance. I mostly I just existed. During this time I was in a living state of suspended animation.
I was however, smart and more importantly had strong survival instincts. Children can adapt to anything. Being smart, I could also be manipulative but my manipulation was as far as I can remember used mainly for my survival.
By no means was I an angel. Being smart didn’t stop me from being an out of ethics little shit at times. Of particular note was crime ring perpetrated by me and two of my friends, a Sea Org Members kid well call Tony and the son of a staff member who lived off base we’ll call Robby. Sometime around 80 I would have been twelve or thirteen we were breaking into Scientology offices and dorms stealing money mainly to buy comics books, which we were obsessed with. Ultimately I got caught and ended up rolling over on my friends in about two seconds flat. I was glad it was over.
Expecting the RPF or worse village shame (which in the case would have been warranted) nothing came of it. Considering all the shit that didn’t amount to anything you could get into trouble for I was sure I was fucked this time but nope. I imagine I was written up but never heard about it. Then I was routed back to the CEO. You have to understand the system for handling kids was really fucked up. I don’t think anyone knew what to do with us . I think it was easier to ship us back to the CO or the CEO and let them deal with us. Anyway this is not something I’m proud of I’m just telling you what happened, but much more on this time period later, it was still years to come at this point.
So anyway back to the Beacon street house and two or three events that happened there. My time here is not the most eventful or damaging but the only way I could think to write was from the beginning,
This is the haunting of my dorm story which was exercised by Heber Jentz. This name could be wrong although not sure why I would remember it being him. I will have to confirm this if I can at a later time but I’m pretty sure it was him.
This was at Beacon or Belvue or wherever I was at the time was a room that was used as sleeping quarters for the younger children. I think it may have been the attic. The room was really long with an open floor plan. It was an old house with wood floors and I remember it having a pitched ceiling although that could be wrong. The room was long, maybe thirty feet and was arranged dormitory style on each side of the room there was a long row of beds where the kids would sleep. There was enough room to comfortably walk between the rows of beds down the center of the room. I don’t remember being much other furniture or mest. It was right out of the 19o0’s orphanage. My mom lived in a house next door. It would be about this time 73/74 she met the guy she would end up marrying and as a significant aspect in my life this fact is hardly worth mentioning except to note that later on this was the guy she blew ( the first time) with when we moved back to San Francisco … but I digress.
The house was creepy at night and I don’t know how long I was there before something kept walking me up in the middle of the night. Maybe it was my imagination I don’t know but I’ve never been targeted by a ghost before or since. It wasn’t clear to me at first what was going on other than would wake up scared. I might chalk it up to nerves of living at a new place but I had already lived in 6 places ( or more) before 74 and I was only 6.
…I’m going to finish the rest of this story as soon as I can
My main memory during my time In Scientology, specifically living on base in the Sea Org was the neglect. This was not only emotional but things like, hygiene, school, money, how to get a job or an apartment etc. Things that seem obvious if you’ve been taught or seen someone else do them but the details of living in the real world were completely unimportant in the church so as a result when I Ieft I was literally ten years behind in practical real world skills. The emotional effect was more devastating though.
My mother is more central to my story to the story than the church because the church was not my parent but it’s more complex than that. My mother used the church as a dumping ground for me and was able to justify it by convincing herself that she was saving the planet. The conditions at the church where deplorable for children but even at the time( or at least as soon as I was able to formulate such a thought) I didn’t think it was the churches job to raise or protect me. A point I tried arguing with my mom on several occasions at one point asking her point blank if she thought she was a good parent. She said she thought she was, I would have been about 12. I didn’t believe she believed that. I knew she didn’t want to face the real world so much so that she was willing to throw me under the bus. The denial was frustrating. I found out later (when I was thirty) she had a secret child before me that she had to give up for adoption. I believe this had a traumatic effect and drove her to Scientology in the first place.
With the guilt of giving away a kid I don’t think it’s a coincidence that my mother worked at the CEO most of the time I was there although I hardly ever saw her. I know she was the CO at one point and usually had a high post of some sort except for when she was getting demoted or put on the rpf. As I mentioned my mom was not really around that much not really sure what happened except for what I would overhear. I overheard her one time talking about how she got in trouble for going ahead and purchasing the CEO food supplies before the PO was approved because she had to order it before it was too late. Apparently no one had gotten back to her on the PO so she just went ahead and made the order. I think my mom was generally well liked and thought of as someone really dedicated to the kids
Ok before I go in all that I think a little background info is in order but after starting to write this it feels really self indulgent but also important to my story so Ill just say if you just want the detail of Cadet Org life and not some self indulgent background skip the rest of this post and wait for the next post
I was more or less born into the church my mom was a Sea Org Member by the time I was 5. I was in and around the church in LA in the late 70's through the 80's living on Beacon street, Melrose Ave, the Fountain Ave House, The Cadet Estates Org (on Bronson,) The Celebrity Center and 6724 Hollywood blvd. I was a real Sea Org rugrat. In those days it was easy to float between the different Orgs and buildings and later in my teens various houses in the neighborhood owned by Scientologists.
Prior to Melrose I lived on Beacon st but it may have been Wilcox or Belvue those are names I remember as well . This was 73/74 before my mom “blew” for this first time I was possibly five or six a lot of things like dates hazy from this period. I was very young of course so this make sense plus I was moving a lot. My reality could change at any moment. (I lived in at least 25 places both on and off base Between 73-85.) so this may also be fucking with my sense of time.
I had no real guidance during my stay at the church and wasnt developing a sense of self. Of course children in general may not have a well developed sense of self but with resolute neglect there isn’t the natural parental process of reinforcing positive behavior or acknowledging personal strengths that promote a child’s development. The future didn’t have a significance. I mostly I just existed. During this time I was in a living state of suspended animation.
I was however, smart and more importantly had strong survival instincts. Children can adapt to anything. Being smart, I could also be manipulative but my manipulation was as far as I can remember used mainly for my survival.
By no means was I an angel. Being smart didn’t stop me from being an out of ethics little shit at times. Of particular note was crime ring perpetrated by me and two of my friends, a Sea Org Members kid well call Tony and the son of a staff member who lived off base we’ll call Robby. Sometime around 80 I would have been twelve or thirteen we were breaking into Scientology offices and dorms stealing money mainly to buy comics books, which we were obsessed with. Ultimately I got caught and ended up rolling over on my friends in about two seconds flat. I was glad it was over.
Expecting the RPF or worse village shame (which in the case would have been warranted) nothing came of it. Considering all the shit that didn’t amount to anything you could get into trouble for I was sure I was fucked this time but nope. I imagine I was written up but never heard about it. Then I was routed back to the CEO. You have to understand the system for handling kids was really fucked up. I don’t think anyone knew what to do with us . I think it was easier to ship us back to the CO or the CEO and let them deal with us. Anyway this is not something I’m proud of I’m just telling you what happened, but much more on this time period later, it was still years to come at this point.
So anyway back to the Beacon street house and two or three events that happened there. My time here is not the most eventful or damaging but the only way I could think to write was from the beginning,
This is the haunting of my dorm story which was exercised by Heber Jentz. This name could be wrong although not sure why I would remember it being him. I will have to confirm this if I can at a later time but I’m pretty sure it was him.
This was at Beacon or Belvue or wherever I was at the time was a room that was used as sleeping quarters for the younger children. I think it may have been the attic. The room was really long with an open floor plan. It was an old house with wood floors and I remember it having a pitched ceiling although that could be wrong. The room was long, maybe thirty feet and was arranged dormitory style on each side of the room there was a long row of beds where the kids would sleep. There was enough room to comfortably walk between the rows of beds down the center of the room. I don’t remember being much other furniture or mest. It was right out of the 19o0’s orphanage. My mom lived in a house next door. It would be about this time 73/74 she met the guy she would end up marrying and as a significant aspect in my life this fact is hardly worth mentioning except to note that later on this was the guy she blew ( the first time) with when we moved back to San Francisco … but I digress.
The house was creepy at night and I don’t know how long I was there before something kept walking me up in the middle of the night. Maybe it was my imagination I don’t know but I’ve never been targeted by a ghost before or since. It wasn’t clear to me at first what was going on other than would wake up scared. I might chalk it up to nerves of living at a new place but I had already lived in 6 places ( or more) before 74 and I was only 6.
…I’m going to finish the rest of this story as soon as I can
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