Confused...Help?

[confusedgurl]

Here's me.

Introduced into Scientology by my parents (as most children are...) did the courses and auditing with no thought when I was younger. As I got older, I was punished/reprimanded for NOT being interested or wanting to do other things, and was rewarded for doing it/interest level. (What do you think I chose?)

Now I'm in full-on confusion and misery in the fact that if I do (and I want to) decide to "leave" or however you want to say, It's going to be HARD. My family will suffer and so will I. I won't be allowed to be friends with my friends anymore and my parent's lives will be affected immensely. I don't even really have anyone I can talk to about it (especially relatively unbiased people.)

I feel like Scientology checks out with a TON of the "cult" points, except the abuse. That part I've NEVER witnessed.

I am confused, lost, afraid, and fucked up right now from all of it. I've got a fucking clear head on my shoulders for the most part. Most people I know find me very observant and intelligent. I have been fed what I am starting to think are lies my entire life and I can't be blamed for this, can I?

Help? (Ps. PLEASE DO NOT REPLY WITH HATE AGAINST SCIENTOLOGY.)
Legitimate help, information, suggestions? Something?

(Pps. Under 18 here, so...still dependent.)

 

[Arthur Dent]

Hey Confusedgurl!
Welcome!

Take it slow. My suggestion would be not to "leave."
I don't know if you are on staff or not.... but as you are under 18 I don't think you are. And I don't think you parents are sea org but correct me if I'm wrong. So that would mean you are public. This won't be as hard as you might think.

I would say just apply the "good roads/good weather" thingy and ease on down the road of life. One step at a time. Don't do a dramatic "leaving" and create a situation that will be overwhelming for yourself and your parents/family.

Sounds like you are smart. Be smart. At some point your parents will wake up and meanwhile just engage yourself in more "other" activities.

When will you be 18? Maybe you can look into going to a college a bit away from home and start to build your life. Set some goals for yourself and start working toward them. If you are not intending to go to college maybe give that some thought...or start to look at what else might interest you.

Talk on the board. I think you will find it very helpful. Also exscientologykids.com. I would stay under the radar and just breathe!! Don't do anything rash. Not yet...

 

[Jachs]

Re Help

Hi there,welcome to ESMB

i am not in a position to offer you advice, but i will say that you will find alot of help through this forum from most individuals and some not so helpful advice from others(my opinion)

The individuals i respect and expect to give you good advice are alanzo,div6,FoTi, rogerb,
veda, terril park, stat.that is not the end of my list just who comes to mind straight off.

Your in a good environment to get good advice and begin to analyze the truth for yourself.

Good luck.

Here's me.

Introduced into Scientology by my parents (as most children are...) did the courses and auditing with no thought when I was younger. As I got older, I was punished/reprimanded for NOT being interested or wanting to do other things, and was rewarded for doing it/interest level. (What do you think I chose?)

Now I'm in full-on confusion and misery in the fact that if I do (and I want to) decide to "leave" or however you want to say, It's going to be HARD. My family will suffer and so will I. I won't be allowed to be friends with my friends anymore and my parent's lives will be affected immensely. I don't even really have anyone I can talk to about it (especially relatively unbiased people.)

I feel like Scientology checks out with a TON of the "cult" points, except the abuse. That part I've NEVER witnessed.

I am confused, lost, afraid, and fucked up right now from all of it. I've got a fucking clear head on my shoulders for the most part. Most people I know find me very observant and intelligent. I have been fed what I am starting to think are lies my entire life and I can't be blamed for this, can I?

Help? (Ps. PLEASE DO NOT REPLY WITH HATE AGAINST SCIENTOLOGY.)
Legitimate help, information, suggestions? Something?

(Pps. Under 18 here, so...still dependent.)

 

[Wisened One]

Hi and welcome to ESMB, confusedgurl

Wow...it sounds like you're in a bit of a quandary, there, huh? Especially still being a minor and all.

My two cents:

What you might want to do is write things down to help sort out where you are are at regarding scn. At least it'll help you feel a little less confused as far as that part goes, ya know?

And...you know even if you do leave scn (as in not practicing/believing in it anymore) you can still maintain a friendly relationship with your family. It doesn't mean that you have to now openly hate on scn to them. You can just simply fade away from it.

Oh and btw: (imo) not EVERY SINGLE THING in scn is/was a lie. A lot of the basic stuff seems to work most times, makes some sense. Writing everything down may help you decide FOR YOU, what parts of scn worked for you and don't/didn't.

Active scn's are allowed to be friends (and family) with non-scn's, and inactive scn's. Even disaffected scn's....as long as they keep quiet about negative remarks, no direct verbal attacks against scn, lrh, dm, etc. going to the Media with bad press, etc.

So you should be ok, that way. If nothing else, once you turn 18 you can go out on your own and fade away a bit easier (if that's what you choose to do) while still maintaining good roads, good weather with your scn family, ya know?I would not tell your parents about your doubts or try to get them out. As others here have said, let their friends do that.

For now though, stay in and do well in school. Make ethical, non-scn friends there and stay busy having fun in life with them.

Definitely go to College or get a degree in whatever field you choose. I wish I did this, instead, I joined scn and staff!

Also, you might want to check out Ex-Scientology kids. There's probably a lot of people there your age and would love to help you, as well

http://www.exscientologykids.com/eskforums/

 

[FoTi]

Welcome to ESMB Confusedgurl.

One of the things I found most valuable was the Code of Honor. When people tried to push me in a direction I didn't want to go, I would quote LRH from the Code of Honor back to them. This always stopped them.....they can't argue very well with LRH. It took me a lot of writing O/Ws on my own to get to the point where I could do this and stand my ground, but it did work. One of the precepts in the Code of Honor is - be true to your own goals. Find the precepts in the Code of Honor that apply to what you want and whenever anyone queries you, you can just say you're following LRH's Code of Honor. This way your family and friends can't ding you for being anti-Scn. You can have your family and friends and still do what you want to with your life. It took me 20 years of being in Scientology to learn this. I hope this is of some help to you. Good luck.

 

[FinallyFree]

Confused,

You will find a large variety of people on this board, but the important thing is that you will find people who have gone through at least something similar themselves.
I am also a second generation scientologist, taught about it the same way you were, encouraged to do it as you were and so no, you really aren’t to blame and that, frankly, seems to be the general consensus – so take a nice big breath.

I have my own opinions about scientology, but I will tell you that regardless of my personal opinion on it – I do respect the fact that my Parents continue to be scientologists.

The best advice I can give you is to continue to do your own research. Find out for yourself. This board is a wealth of resources. Feel free to post your questions, confusions or just a rant. People here tend to commiserate and we love hearing new stories as much as we love sending you links to answer questions or help you with any confusions.

I also definitely agree with other posters here that I would not immediately take a big stand and make a big announcement. I do recommend you educate yourself first and second figure out a way to talk to your parents, maybe your family.

This is something I needed to do and I have to tell you it took me longer than I realized it would.

I don’t want to scare you, but I definitely would slow down and take the time to figure this all out. It was difficult for me to do this. It was. And the more I learned, the harder it was for me to *not* say something. But I made it out, I was able to tell my Parents, tell my Sister. My Sister is no longer a scientologist; my Parents and Brother still consider themselves scientologists. And you know what – we all support each other in each of our decisions and have sworn we will never disconnect from each other – no matter WHAT.

I am hoping and wishing this for anyone who can do it. I hope and wish you can get this in your family.

Sorry for the long post!

Welcome to the board. I sincerely hope you find what you are looking for here!

FinallyFree

 

[Nicole]

confusedgurl,

I am not in a postion to give you a big advice. I am not an Ex. I am a relatives.

As I read your post, I thought that it would be good, if you make friendships or contacts with young persons that aren't Scientolgogist. Maybe at school?
Please, try to create and build your own live. Other young persons under 18 are having the same problems like you. In this older it is time to separate from the parents. It is a natural process. You want to do your own things and so it should be. What doesn't mean that you love your family and to stay in contact.

You are getting an adult.:wink2:

If you leave CoS it doesn't mean to leave your family.

 

[FinallyFree]

Oh and I am in my mid-thirties, so I can't imagine how tough this is for you. Hopefully we can all help you through this.

 

[dexter gelfand]

What to do

Hi Confused. from what you say it doesn't seem like you are experiencing any hardship or suffering, and as long as you maintain your own independent viewpoint internally, it doesn't look like there is really much to "escape" from right now, at this point where you are not ready to leave the home nest.

Maybe the course for right now is to take it in stride, just be willing to experience your family, and just passively resist by finding things to do that are acceptable reasons why you don't "have time" for a great degree of involvement in C of S practices.

None of us can presume to know what actions on your part will provoke or not provoke harsh reactions from your family, so primarily you'll have to rely on your own judgement.

The mere fact that you are able to maintain an independent view of the C of S despite whatever indoctrinations you have experienced shows that you aren't in much danger of getting swallowed up by the cult, so perhaps, until you have become more able to be independent, you should simply ride this out, much the same as most of us do with our parents' ways when we're your age.

Best regards,
Dex

 

[SchwimmelPuckel]

<snip> I was punished/reprimanded for NOT being interested or wanting to do other things, and was rewarded for doing it/interest level. (What do you think I chose?)

Hmm.. It's Pavlovian conditioning. It's 'policy', 'holy scripture' and quite inappropriate, if we're assuming that 'spiritual freedom' has anything to do with it..

The tech 'works', so you'd have chosen to be interested in scientology? - Ah.. But I think you chose to be interested in what you were interested in.

That's good, imo..

 

[practice]

Here's me.

Introduced into Scientology by my parents (as most children are...) did the courses and auditing with no thought when I was younger. As I got older, I was punished/reprimanded for NOT being interested or wanting to do other things, and was rewarded for doing it/interest level. (What do you think I chose?)

Now I'm in full-on confusion and misery in the fact that if I do (and I want to) decide to "leave" or however you want to say, It's going to be HARD. My family will suffer and so will I. I won't be allowed to be friends with my friends anymore and my parent's lives will be affected immensely. I don't even really have anyone I can talk to about it (especially relatively unbiased people.)

I feel like Scientology checks out with a TON of the "cult" points, except the abuse. That part I've NEVER witnessed.

I am confused, lost, afraid, and fucked up right now from all of it. I've got a fucking clear head on my shoulders for the most part. Most people I know find me very observant and intelligent. I have been fed what I am starting to think are lies my entire life and I can't be blamed for this, can I?

Help? (Ps. PLEASE DO NOT REPLY WITH HATE AGAINST SCIENTOLOGY.)
Legitimate help, information, suggestions? Something?

(Pps. Under 18 here, so...still dependent.)

If you can make it to 18 years old without you or your friends joining staff or the Sea Org, I'd say you're pretty much home free.

I missed the boat on that one - everyone I know from the Scientology school I went to is now in the Sea Org. Oops...

I remember the one thing that really stuck with me from reading the exscientologykids board was somebody's claim that if you see someone break down and cry while being interviewed by a Sea Org recruiter, then that person is going to join the Sea Org. No idea if it's true, since I wasn't there to see my friends recruited into that organization, but it gives you something to watch out for I guess.

Other random advice ideas: Find an interest other than Scientology. Whatever it is you choose to do, Be Competent. Or just have fun. Gradually, or suddenly, switch gears from Scientology to your new interest If people ask awkward questions then you can either deflect them (you're even taught how to deflect questions on STCC ) or be honest. Everything's up to you.

Edit: Oh yeah, and seriously, stay in school. Go to college. This is hugely important at your age. Even if you don't have money for college, there is financial aid. If you're in high school and need to get motivated to go to college - try visiting a college campus. PM me if you have any questions.

 

[uniquemand]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q29YR5-t3gg&feature=related

I know that song is advice from a father to a son, but it may, I think, apply for you, as well.

Be calm. All is not lost. Practice gave good advice. The way out of being bound up in the Church is education and then financial independence. That gives you space to find yourself, and time to think. It's a great way to bond with other people your age, as well. One of the beauties of getting into a residential college and using loans or grants to go to school is that you'll have your own place to live, likely a mealcard, and you'll be introduced to a world of ideas that will be a whole new life.

 

[Kookaburra]

Welcome to the board, Confusedgurl. So far, there has been some pretty good advice.

I think the best thing for the moment is just to quietly retreat and sort out your own ideas about Scientology. It is a tapestry of truths, lies, dichotomies, thought stoppers, and control mechanisms. It will take you quite awhile to sort through it all, but it really is something that every person who has ever been in Scn needs to do. This board and its website is a great place to start. There are also a number of books about LRH and the Sea Org that will give you heaps of information.

While you are doing this, just keep busy with school activities or whatever, so your parents don't get too upset about you not being on course or volunteering in CF or whatever.

Keep going with your education. A career that you are qualified to do and are successful at is your real ticket to freedom. The reges and recruiters will tell you that you are selfish, out ethics and 1st dynamic oriented. Don't buy it. It's your life and you don't need to sacrifice it for their one week stats. You owe Scientology exactly nothing.

Good luck with this. Lots of people here to help. Most of us have been through the Scn hoops.

 

[Lurker5]

Welcome

Welcome confusedgurl. All good ideas given already. I can't help, as I am not an ex - or in a postiion. And you are not of age - yet. Stay out of sea org, stay in school. Bide your time Keep reading. If you can get books, read Not Without My Sister - not scn-o but another cult - but the similarities are there - and it is about young girls born into a cult - and how they got out. And check out ex-scno kids website.

 

[La La Lou Lou]

Hi, and Welcome, I know what you are going through, many of us here do. You say you have not seen abuse, but you know that if you leave Scientology shaking the door frame behind you from your angry slam that you will not be able to talk to your family and friends ever again. Is that abuse?

It's a hard choice you have, and only you can decide.

As others have said I would slip out quietly if it's possible, that depends how in you are.

I wish you lots of success in the many years of future you have ahead of you, with your own goals and with the love of good people around you. Keep your future in your mind's eye while you make your decisions, no one can take your future away from you.

 

[Terril park]

Hi confused,
You've had good advice.

If things get difficult it may help to know, and perhaps let your family know that one can do scientology outside the church, and with auditors trained by LRH. We call that the Freezone, and there are no disconnections or
other unpleasantries.

Also note its not an ethics offence to no longer be interested in scientology, better stated in terms like " I want to go to college now and obtain markletable skills rather than study scn" or similar statements.

Anyone puts pressure on you remind them that the Creed is senior to policy. Also that enforced AR and C is reverse scn.

Just hold your position with a cool head and you shouldn't get any problems. Well.....thats in theory.

And don't forget you can always come back here for advice.

 

[Mark A. Baker]

Here's me.

Introduced into Scientology by my parents (as most children are...) did the courses and auditing with no thought when I was younger. As I got older, I was punished/reprimanded for NOT being interested or wanting to do other things, and was rewarded for doing it/interest level. (What do you think I chose?)

Now I'm in full-on confusion and misery in the fact that if I do (and I want to) decide to "leave" or however you want to say, It's going to be HARD. My family will suffer and so will I. I won't be allowed to be friends with my friends anymore and my parent's lives will be affected immensely. I don't even really have anyone I can talk to about it (especially relatively unbiased people.)

I feel like Scientology checks out with a TON of the "cult" points, except the abuse. That part I've NEVER witnessed.

I am confused, lost, afraid, and fucked up right now from all of it. I've got a fucking clear head on my shoulders for the most part. Most people I know find me very observant and intelligent. I have been fed what I am starting to think are lies my entire life and I can't be blamed for this, can I?

Help? (Ps. PLEASE DO NOT REPLY WITH HATE AGAINST SCIENTOLOGY.)
Legitimate help, information, suggestions? Something?

(Pps. Under 18 here, so...still dependent.)

Advice from a Grumpy Ol' Git:

1. Concentrate on your education. Parents have a hard time complaining when kids are doing well in school.

2. Emphasize activities at school and with NON-scientology school friends. Keeping yourself busy minimizes the likelihood of being railroaded into Co$ activities.

3. Avoid putting yourself in troublesome youthful situations. They justify attempts to instill discipline through mandatory Co$ scientology actions, e.g. Ethics Officers, C/S'ed courses, etc.

4. DON'T try to persuade your parents the Co$ is a cult. Being parents they are apt to have "know best" attitudes and be unwilling to listen to there own underage child. Let your parent's friends work on them. You know it's a cult. We know it's a cult. Let your parents find out for themselves.

5. HAVE FUN. You are young. Enjoy yourself. Get a good education. Prepare for a future where you will NOT be dependent and can make your own decisions stick.


Best Wishes,
Mark A. Baker

 

[Student of Trinity]

The only thing I can think to add, never having been in Scientology, is that life is also hard even without Scientology, but people cope with it, even without Scientology.

Finding a job, moving to a new home, and finding friends or a mate are all difficult challenges. Most people have to deal with some of these challenges several times in their lives, and each of them is very stressful at any age. There's one time in life when all of these major stresses come at once, though, and that's the late teens. So if your life is looking difficult in the next few years, it's probably mostly not Scientology's fault. It's like that for most people.

Most people manage to cope. The planet is full of people well over 18 who have somehow struggled past these major hurdles, and we're mostly nothing special. If we could do it, you can.

 

[Mockingbird6]

As a parent who raised my children in Scientology, I imagine your parents thought they were helping you by raising you in this. If so, they will still want to help you, and will do a lot of things to try to get you to see "the right way" if you start to act up, rebel, whatever. But if you have your own head on straight and have a purpose and are moving in a direction that they can agree is survival-oriented, they probably won't give you much trouble if you fade out as in the suggestions above. You can probably tell them your goals and dreams and ask them for help to achieve them and thus get their heads oriented in a direction compatible with your pursuits.

The one thing that worries me is the Sea Org recruiting. One of mine was snapped up in a heartbeat, and I have seen people in that "crying, giving up their own selves," kind of recruiting cycle mentioned above. IF the recruiters come around, DO NOT give in to "just go talk to them to get them to stop asking." ALWAYS have something else you need to do, some place else you are going. If they show up at your door, go sit in the bathroom and make farting noises. (Yes, I am being facetious, you can't outsit a recruiter at your bathroom door.) If it gets really difficult, tell your parents to please help you not get jammed on by the recruiters. Remember that parents are big on the "Help" thing--use it! Love to you, M6

 

[Markus]

A warm welcome

Here's me.

Introduced into Scientology by my parents (as most children are...) did the courses and auditing with no thought when I was younger. As I got older, I was punished/reprimanded for NOT being interested or wanting to do other things, and was rewarded for doing it/interest level. (What do you think I chose?)

Now I'm in full-on confusion and misery in the fact that if I do (and I want to) decide to "leave" or however you want to say, It's going to be HARD. My family will suffer and so will I. I won't be allowed to be friends with my friends anymore and my parent's lives will be affected immensely. I don't even really have anyone I can talk to about it (especially relatively unbiased people.)

I feel like Scientology checks out with a TON of the "cult" points, except the abuse. That part I've NEVER witnessed.

I am confused, lost, afraid, and fucked up right now from all of it. I've got a fucking clear head on my shoulders for the most part. Most people I know find me very observant and intelligent. I have been fed what I am starting to think are lies my entire life and I can't be blamed for this, can I?

Help? (Ps. PLEASE DO NOT REPLY WITH HATE AGAINST SCIENTOLOGY.)
Legitimate help, information, suggestions? Something?

(Pps. Under 18 here, so...still dependent.)

Welcome to this wonderful board Confusedgurl

You are on the right way - you started to look for yourself

Read our stories - make your own decisions - don't let anybody suppress your free will.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=INNmIBs8Ioc

Best wishes

Markus

P.S.

Here is the sad story of my brother Uwe in the Sea Org:

http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?t=14804

And here is an old lady talking about the abuses on children by L. Ron Hubbard himself:

http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?t=17289