_brian
WogRevert
Last edited:
Part Intro and part scn story
- Thread starter _brian
- Start date
_brian
WogRevert
Silly innocence
OK, I really didn't lie when I said I wanted to skip most of the little details in the next part of the story, but there is still some set up left to do. I'll just tell of a couple of events and then another time, try to lay out the meatier stuff and how it relates to future personality traits, behavior or habits etc. and how after getting into scientology it just became more exacerbated.
The allure was strong. A child curious and fascinated by things, can sometimes open himself up to great exploration or injury. I was only between 3 and 4 years old in1955 '56.
Watching the rubber squeeze rollers on the old ringer washing machine was not enough excitement, no I had to touch it, shrieeek wwwaaaaa !!!
Good thing mom was not too far away tending to other laundry chores in the basement of our old 2 story house right next to the railroad tracks in good old Sioux Falls South Dakota, where my father and younger sister were born.
Fortunately she got the machine stopped right away when it had drawn my hand in up to the wrist. I've always had about a 2 inch scar from the skin being stretched and folded over right below the thumb joint. Battle wounds from fighting horrible multi weapon transformer machines, to show & tell the grandkids about.
That may or not be a good way to learn a lesson. I may have been told in so many words, not to touch the machine, I do not remember, but I do somewhat remember screaming and hanging at shoulder the second time those mischievous rollers beckoned, my mom was upstairs this time and she knew immediately what happened and came and rescued me, no obvious injuries, got off lucky.
I did finally learn that lesson well and will not repeat it again I assure you. I didn't need a spanking either.
Not too long after, as a nice, peaceful and mild day began, and things were bright and colorful, I felt my space being bigger than me and everything looked so wonderful. It was time to entertain myself as my bother was not around and we usually played cowboys or what ever together, so what are not really naughty little boys to do??? when they are by them selves, Hmmmm....
Well not to fear, a hub bub ensued at the old house.
You see, there was this little hay stack in a clearing maybe about 4 feet high that looked like a mountain right on the other side of the railroad tracks behind our house. I was up on top, the king of the mountain, things were looking swell. But there was something missing.., the ability to send smoke signals like in cowboy movies, no problem.
I was being called into the house and being responsible and all, I had covered up the smoldering bits of hay that I had just managed to get lit by piling more hay on top and patting it down to put it out, that'll do it.
The Fire Department came and then the Chief of Police arrived.
I was put in the back room of our house to think about what I had done. The Fire Marshall came in and began to give me a stern friendly lecturing, I'm sure it would have been a nice PSA if it had been taped and broad casted. I only kind of only remember hearing the Woody Wood Pecker cartoon playing on the TV in the other room that my brother and sister were watching and being upset I wasn't allowed to watch it. Good punishment and no spanking.
Well, then it was time for the Chief of Police to have a go at me.
My father was really embarrassed, because the Fire Marshall was ribbing the CoP about his grandson, the criminal haystack firestarter. Oh, the scandal of the town.
Before leaving and not really saying anything, CoP Walter Sr. gave dad his usual piercing "serious eyes", son, you're in deep trouble look, my dad used to get it when he was a kid, that was all it took for him to feel unjustly punished.
The next day I got to accompany Gramps down at the station for a tour of the jail cells, housing various inmates of the city, I did not know what they were in for, could have been littering for all I know.
The last notch was just enough to keep the handcuffs from falling off, oh, and then of course there seemed to be trouble that somehow the key had been misplaced and I had to sit around for a couple hours till lunch before it was found and the handcuffs were taken off and I was taken me home.
I had dreams for ever about walking the hall, with the chance of being snagged by an arm within reach, striking out of a cell and pulling me to the bars in a choke hold. Even in my adult years I'd have a similar dream but only more creepy.
Well, the discipline with minor emotional upset of or for those incidents may have been appropriate. For some reason, after my dad signed up for the Navy in '57 and transfered to San Pablo Richmond California, he attended advanced electronic tech training at Treasure Island Naval Station, things (punishment, discipline) became more unreasonable or over excessive by my evaluations. And the beginnings of anxiety and depression started setting in, at least how I can judge.
More later.
Brian
OK, I really didn't lie when I said I wanted to skip most of the little details in the next part of the story, but there is still some set up left to do. I'll just tell of a couple of events and then another time, try to lay out the meatier stuff and how it relates to future personality traits, behavior or habits etc. and how after getting into scientology it just became more exacerbated.
The allure was strong. A child curious and fascinated by things, can sometimes open himself up to great exploration or injury. I was only between 3 and 4 years old in1955 '56.
Watching the rubber squeeze rollers on the old ringer washing machine was not enough excitement, no I had to touch it, shrieeek wwwaaaaa !!!
Good thing mom was not too far away tending to other laundry chores in the basement of our old 2 story house right next to the railroad tracks in good old Sioux Falls South Dakota, where my father and younger sister were born.
Fortunately she got the machine stopped right away when it had drawn my hand in up to the wrist. I've always had about a 2 inch scar from the skin being stretched and folded over right below the thumb joint. Battle wounds from fighting horrible multi weapon transformer machines, to show & tell the grandkids about.
That may or not be a good way to learn a lesson. I may have been told in so many words, not to touch the machine, I do not remember, but I do somewhat remember screaming and hanging at shoulder the second time those mischievous rollers beckoned, my mom was upstairs this time and she knew immediately what happened and came and rescued me, no obvious injuries, got off lucky.
I did finally learn that lesson well and will not repeat it again I assure you. I didn't need a spanking either.
Not too long after, as a nice, peaceful and mild day began, and things were bright and colorful, I felt my space being bigger than me and everything looked so wonderful. It was time to entertain myself as my bother was not around and we usually played cowboys or what ever together, so what are not really naughty little boys to do??? when they are by them selves, Hmmmm....
Well not to fear, a hub bub ensued at the old house.
You see, there was this little hay stack in a clearing maybe about 4 feet high that looked like a mountain right on the other side of the railroad tracks behind our house. I was up on top, the king of the mountain, things were looking swell. But there was something missing.., the ability to send smoke signals like in cowboy movies, no problem.
I was being called into the house and being responsible and all, I had covered up the smoldering bits of hay that I had just managed to get lit by piling more hay on top and patting it down to put it out, that'll do it.
The Fire Department came and then the Chief of Police arrived.
I was put in the back room of our house to think about what I had done. The Fire Marshall came in and began to give me a stern friendly lecturing, I'm sure it would have been a nice PSA if it had been taped and broad casted. I only kind of only remember hearing the Woody Wood Pecker cartoon playing on the TV in the other room that my brother and sister were watching and being upset I wasn't allowed to watch it. Good punishment and no spanking.
Well, then it was time for the Chief of Police to have a go at me.
My father was really embarrassed, because the Fire Marshall was ribbing the CoP about his grandson, the criminal haystack firestarter. Oh, the scandal of the town.
Before leaving and not really saying anything, CoP Walter Sr. gave dad his usual piercing "serious eyes", son, you're in deep trouble look, my dad used to get it when he was a kid, that was all it took for him to feel unjustly punished.
The next day I got to accompany Gramps down at the station for a tour of the jail cells, housing various inmates of the city, I did not know what they were in for, could have been littering for all I know.
The last notch was just enough to keep the handcuffs from falling off, oh, and then of course there seemed to be trouble that somehow the key had been misplaced and I had to sit around for a couple hours till lunch before it was found and the handcuffs were taken off and I was taken me home.
I had dreams for ever about walking the hall, with the chance of being snagged by an arm within reach, striking out of a cell and pulling me to the bars in a choke hold. Even in my adult years I'd have a similar dream but only more creepy.
Well, the discipline with minor emotional upset of or for those incidents may have been appropriate. For some reason, after my dad signed up for the Navy in '57 and transfered to San Pablo Richmond California, he attended advanced electronic tech training at Treasure Island Naval Station, things (punishment, discipline) became more unreasonable or over excessive by my evaluations. And the beginnings of anxiety and depression started setting in, at least how I can judge.
More later.
Brian
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xguardian
Patron with Honors
_brian
WogRevert
_brian
WogRevert
A quick side track.
Some time last year I started looking at an area of my life concerning emotions and the way I've trained myself to deal with them, especially after joining the church of scientology.
Through out my life into adulthood I never really expressed openly very much emotion, it was fairly reserved. I was expecting to address that with auditing after I got into scientology.
The John and Jett Travolta tragedy really got me stirred up.
It is just one of the times of year when one reflects, so in the Memorials RIP Thread, that I guess I should have posted on my thread here, sorry, I ended up posting an abstract eulogy to my brother, trying to define how much he meant to me and a phenomena I experienced after he passed. I have since edited it down to a minimum.
What I came to realize and what I started to experience was a release, an expression of grief, sadness and loss.
The regret I had regarding having the attitude and mindset as a scientologist to not really think much about the death.
That I didn't spend much time with my family around the time of the funeral. It was as if it was the same as with any other holiday, where I may or may not show up because of being on staff and it was too difficult to take more time off than I did.
I had already lost time away from my brother when he was in the service, and by time he was out and back home in the area, I was already in scientology.
The same thing applied when having very little time, to just go and visit family, by choice at any time that's convenient and appropriate.
It wasn't like I was on the other side of the world and regular travel would have been formidable, I was only 50 -100 miles away.
I only talked on the phone a couple times a year to any of my family, when any of them called me on the org telephone line as that is where I could usually be expected to be found in the evening, a couple of times I would call the long distance from home.
So I missed my chance to reconnect with my brother before he passed away, and I hated that I allowed my self to believe his passing was insignificant because we are "immortal thetans", blah blah, and because my priority was submitting to staff schedules and purpose .
It is a common thing when one commits to the goal of the scientology group, only to miss out on the other important aspects of life, family.
So I went through some stuff, came to terms with it and feel a degree of relief and peace about it.
Brian
Some time last year I started looking at an area of my life concerning emotions and the way I've trained myself to deal with them, especially after joining the church of scientology.
Through out my life into adulthood I never really expressed openly very much emotion, it was fairly reserved. I was expecting to address that with auditing after I got into scientology.
The John and Jett Travolta tragedy really got me stirred up.
It is just one of the times of year when one reflects, so in the Memorials RIP Thread, that I guess I should have posted on my thread here, sorry, I ended up posting an abstract eulogy to my brother, trying to define how much he meant to me and a phenomena I experienced after he passed. I have since edited it down to a minimum.
What I came to realize and what I started to experience was a release, an expression of grief, sadness and loss.
The regret I had regarding having the attitude and mindset as a scientologist to not really think much about the death.
That I didn't spend much time with my family around the time of the funeral. It was as if it was the same as with any other holiday, where I may or may not show up because of being on staff and it was too difficult to take more time off than I did.
I had already lost time away from my brother when he was in the service, and by time he was out and back home in the area, I was already in scientology.
The same thing applied when having very little time, to just go and visit family, by choice at any time that's convenient and appropriate.
It wasn't like I was on the other side of the world and regular travel would have been formidable, I was only 50 -100 miles away.
I only talked on the phone a couple times a year to any of my family, when any of them called me on the org telephone line as that is where I could usually be expected to be found in the evening, a couple of times I would call the long distance from home.
So I missed my chance to reconnect with my brother before he passed away, and I hated that I allowed my self to believe his passing was insignificant because we are "immortal thetans", blah blah, and because my priority was submitting to staff schedules and purpose .
It is a common thing when one commits to the goal of the scientology group, only to miss out on the other important aspects of life, family.
So I went through some stuff, came to terms with it and feel a degree of relief and peace about it.
Brian
_brian
WogRevert
merrily along the way we go :/
The following post is basically jumping to the end of the story at the date of this posting Who knows what talking about scientology in a negative way will bring? It'll bounce around in time a little as I write it. If only for my own benefit I want to continue with it however it unfolds and if for no other reason to a degree, do it for myself.
I had another continuing part of the story in the works but I felt just wanted to get this part out of the way. Then I'll just let it hang loose as it flows.
In another post I will go over some of the health issues that came about during my staff years. And mentioning here the progressing anxiety and depression issues I skipped over in my staff years that they played a part in some of the decisions I made in the culmination of events told here.
Though I could write all this out as my own private documents and maybe throw them away or delete them after the fact, I feel that I achieve more in personal relief by allowing others to read things I feel are relevant to the conditioning of my personality from early youth to being involved in scientology and then a few certain events that happened after I started looking and snooping online regarding scientology, against previous general eschewing of negative things about scientology.
My wife and I bought our property at a premium price at the time in '94 - 4 years after I left staff. We bought it because it had a secondary unit, which was to be rented out to help pay the mortgage at about a little more than a third of the amount of the house payments. I also wanted a shop space that was separate from the main house that I would run my business out of that I was developing. I totally gutted and remodeled the second unit almost entirely by myself, it was a small and cozy cottage and now it was basically new inside and out unlike the main house. The cost was not that much, especially as added value to the property. I liked to make and fix things so I did most of the labor for about 6 months, getting minimal sub contractor help from a couple scientologists to do a few things I was incapable of doing for lack of knowhow equipment or tools.
Well, I had racked up credit card debt from continuing maxing out my cards when reg teams from the org arrived at my home, usually while I was out in my shop trying to get the last bit of work done that I hustled up to try to cover the always increasing interest card debt.
It seems I was capable of increasing my income (to a point) to keep paying another $200-400 a month in interest to pay off $50 +/- in principle on a few and new credit cards between my wife and I, instead of putting that cash in the bank for other needed emergency things that come along and for future retirement.
Unlike the stories of others, $ wise I did not pay that much on the bridge for services maybe $50K +/- ? in the last 10 years of considering myself a scientologist and trying to finally handle my "ruins", god I hate to think about it, but talking it out helps lessen the angst.
The real cost as we know, is the maintenance of paying the credit card bill once you max it, monthly & yearly. You add up the $10-15K a year in credit card payments over 7-8 years and you get the picture of wasted money resources. But because now all the extra cash is going for credit card payments there is no disposable cash for other "real" things, one finds a way once again to charge it!
So, What do you do when you have a piece of property that has appreciated nicely and you are paying credit card bills totaling more than the mortgage on a 1/2 acre property that has 2 houses and a decent size unattached shop out building, in a nice rural setting 10 minutes to down/up town?
The common action is to re-finance (there is a cost to that too), and one does it not once but twice and then take the best or only loan option (product) one qualifies for and absorb the debt in to a new 30year loan eating up the increased value of the property.
Hardly 10 years into home ownership with steadily increasing income in my business, now I"m left with 2-3X the needed income as to the original budget to sustain basic living expenses and a new mortgage that will have to be refinanced as it was another adjustable rate loan due in 2 years, well you just increase your income some how, I did it previously but I'm getting old and worn out from overwork and stress on top of long term physical ailments and unhandled and mounting stress' of life.
We had a PC my wife used to do her business accounting work and home accounting. I don't think we got a modem to go dial up online for our PC until the end of the 90's. Around 1996 my 15 year old son who worked for me in my shop had already bought a PC sold it to our first tenant then bought a laptop had high speed cable installed in his room and did who knows what with his computer, he mentioned how he would "chat"???. I was way too busy working overtime in my shop to know what to do with the internet, the stories I had heard on the radio for years, were people getting addicted to being online on bulletin boards and running up huge telephone bills and so on. My plan for using a PC was for hard disc recording.
So, early 2000's I was fairly new to internet browsing, but not necessarily surfing or researching - yahoo'ing or googling, I'd usually just go directly to website addy's listed in music magazines I read and then to other sites from links posted. I was mostly interested in learning how to build my home recording studio on my property and I spent countless hours studying sound proofing, isolation and acoustic treatment online, drawing out construction plans on simple CAD software etc to convert my soon to be empty shop.
But it wouldn't be long before I had to give up the studio dream.
A particular professional audio recording and engineering forum I use to like to read gave my first taste and education of etiquette, trolling(ers) flamewars etc over simple things, I was trying to learn the ways of the brave new world of the internet, what a shock.
I kind of knew to be wary of computer virus' and such by having at least some kind of software pgm protection. I was still naive or ignorant enough to possible various ops.
By '03 I was sneaking peeks at the plethora of "other" scientology views and one thing led to another. I can entertain the thought, that having visited 'official scientology sites' after being on Rons Org type sites, or web sites put up by those telling their experiences (bad) with scientology, etc. that maybe the "church" (OSA) at that time got my IP and was able to determine who I was and track what I was up to??? Get into my computer???
A few strange things started happening in my life, I can only conjecture, wearing my best camouflaged tin foil hat, that a DSA/OSA pgm was put into play.
Ending just to break it up some.
The following post is basically jumping to the end of the story at the date of this posting Who knows what talking about scientology in a negative way will bring? It'll bounce around in time a little as I write it. If only for my own benefit I want to continue with it however it unfolds and if for no other reason to a degree, do it for myself.
I had another continuing part of the story in the works but I felt just wanted to get this part out of the way. Then I'll just let it hang loose as it flows.
In another post I will go over some of the health issues that came about during my staff years. And mentioning here the progressing anxiety and depression issues I skipped over in my staff years that they played a part in some of the decisions I made in the culmination of events told here.
Though I could write all this out as my own private documents and maybe throw them away or delete them after the fact, I feel that I achieve more in personal relief by allowing others to read things I feel are relevant to the conditioning of my personality from early youth to being involved in scientology and then a few certain events that happened after I started looking and snooping online regarding scientology, against previous general eschewing of negative things about scientology.
My wife and I bought our property at a premium price at the time in '94 - 4 years after I left staff. We bought it because it had a secondary unit, which was to be rented out to help pay the mortgage at about a little more than a third of the amount of the house payments. I also wanted a shop space that was separate from the main house that I would run my business out of that I was developing. I totally gutted and remodeled the second unit almost entirely by myself, it was a small and cozy cottage and now it was basically new inside and out unlike the main house. The cost was not that much, especially as added value to the property. I liked to make and fix things so I did most of the labor for about 6 months, getting minimal sub contractor help from a couple scientologists to do a few things I was incapable of doing for lack of knowhow equipment or tools.
Well, I had racked up credit card debt from continuing maxing out my cards when reg teams from the org arrived at my home, usually while I was out in my shop trying to get the last bit of work done that I hustled up to try to cover the always increasing interest card debt.
It seems I was capable of increasing my income (to a point) to keep paying another $200-400 a month in interest to pay off $50 +/- in principle on a few and new credit cards between my wife and I, instead of putting that cash in the bank for other needed emergency things that come along and for future retirement.
Unlike the stories of others, $ wise I did not pay that much on the bridge for services maybe $50K +/- ? in the last 10 years of considering myself a scientologist and trying to finally handle my "ruins", god I hate to think about it, but talking it out helps lessen the angst.
The real cost as we know, is the maintenance of paying the credit card bill once you max it, monthly & yearly. You add up the $10-15K a year in credit card payments over 7-8 years and you get the picture of wasted money resources. But because now all the extra cash is going for credit card payments there is no disposable cash for other "real" things, one finds a way once again to charge it!
So, What do you do when you have a piece of property that has appreciated nicely and you are paying credit card bills totaling more than the mortgage on a 1/2 acre property that has 2 houses and a decent size unattached shop out building, in a nice rural setting 10 minutes to down/up town?
The common action is to re-finance (there is a cost to that too), and one does it not once but twice and then take the best or only loan option (product) one qualifies for and absorb the debt in to a new 30year loan eating up the increased value of the property.
Hardly 10 years into home ownership with steadily increasing income in my business, now I"m left with 2-3X the needed income as to the original budget to sustain basic living expenses and a new mortgage that will have to be refinanced as it was another adjustable rate loan due in 2 years, well you just increase your income some how, I did it previously but I'm getting old and worn out from overwork and stress on top of long term physical ailments and unhandled and mounting stress' of life.
We had a PC my wife used to do her business accounting work and home accounting. I don't think we got a modem to go dial up online for our PC until the end of the 90's. Around 1996 my 15 year old son who worked for me in my shop had already bought a PC sold it to our first tenant then bought a laptop had high speed cable installed in his room and did who knows what with his computer, he mentioned how he would "chat"???. I was way too busy working overtime in my shop to know what to do with the internet, the stories I had heard on the radio for years, were people getting addicted to being online on bulletin boards and running up huge telephone bills and so on. My plan for using a PC was for hard disc recording.
So, early 2000's I was fairly new to internet browsing, but not necessarily surfing or researching - yahoo'ing or googling, I'd usually just go directly to website addy's listed in music magazines I read and then to other sites from links posted. I was mostly interested in learning how to build my home recording studio on my property and I spent countless hours studying sound proofing, isolation and acoustic treatment online, drawing out construction plans on simple CAD software etc to convert my soon to be empty shop.
But it wouldn't be long before I had to give up the studio dream.
A particular professional audio recording and engineering forum I use to like to read gave my first taste and education of etiquette, trolling(ers) flamewars etc over simple things, I was trying to learn the ways of the brave new world of the internet, what a shock.
I kind of knew to be wary of computer virus' and such by having at least some kind of software pgm protection. I was still naive or ignorant enough to possible various ops.
By '03 I was sneaking peeks at the plethora of "other" scientology views and one thing led to another. I can entertain the thought, that having visited 'official scientology sites' after being on Rons Org type sites, or web sites put up by those telling their experiences (bad) with scientology, etc. that maybe the "church" (OSA) at that time got my IP and was able to determine who I was and track what I was up to??? Get into my computer???
A few strange things started happening in my life, I can only conjecture, wearing my best camouflaged tin foil hat, that a DSA/OSA pgm was put into play.
Ending just to break it up some.
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_brian
WogRevert
Yes ma'am, almost ready with more, though in Brian years that could be a week
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2RZLp5kLyw
(if you want some help getting recording going let me know; I'm working on something similar)
Zinj
_brian
WogRevert
Oh hey Zinj. Good to hear from you.
That is one of my favorite early stones songs, my first ever record/LP I bought in '66 was the Stones "Got It Live If You Want It" and I used to practice guitar to it and the lead to that song always got me.
I'll contact you sometime, and see what you got going on.
Brian
That is one of my favorite early stones songs, my first ever record/LP I bought in '66 was the Stones "Got It Live If You Want It" and I used to practice guitar to it and the lead to that song always got me.
I'll contact you sometime, and see what you got going on.
Brian
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_brian
WogRevert
A little digression won't hurt
Alright, it was hard to find a cutoff point on the last post, and I wanted to take a break from the ever rambling nature that seems to pour out of the keyboard, because boy it is amazing how difficult it is to just get from point A to B in a story. So I will still jump around, in my usual circuitous non sequitur way if and you don't mind
I partly interrupt where I was going at the end of the last post in the story as this is important to my (finding myself) and how I rose above being a failure as a scientology staff member, and still the part that organized scientology, the church, played in "NOT" helping this individual only compounding things by its nature.
I do not care to argue my not "making it go right" on staff or the "I'm responsible for the condition one is in" cliche's. I had potential to be able to do many things suitable to my personality if the opportunities presented themselves and I proved and demonstrated to be an honest, ethical, reliable good worker in a real company many times before and after scientology. Just sayin.
While an org staff member in late 1986 after working 5+ years for a scientologist owned Tire company that enventually failed due partly to the owner pulling most of the money resources out for Flag handling's etc over a number of years, I left the company about 6 months before it was padlocked by the IRS, gone out of business.
I then started working part time for another scientologist owned and run company. In my mind it was still only considered temporary because I thought pretty soon, scientology would clear the planet and I wouldn't have a need for other fish to fry.
Just prior to working for this company, I developed back muscle, joint and nerve problems, that I tried to alleviate by going to a scientology chiropractor, but even with the staff discount I could not seem to get very far in handling it with out running out of money as noted below is what it took to address these issues.
I had also gone down to the religious freedom crusade and sleeping on a 1 inch foam pad on the ground for 3 months in the basement garage at CCI. I want to talk about that another time.
Every day I'd be hunched over one side or the other until I could straighten out but be in significant pain. I also developed an arthritic vertebra in my neck and middle back and when I would sit and do telex's it would start burning and go on for hours until I was done, but I bit my tongue and soldiered on till the end. It would cause my arms and hands to go numb and I'd have to routinely shake them out to get relief, it forever made it difficult and un-enjoyable to play guitar, however I am currently managing better. One of the original interests of scientology was thinking it was going to help me become a better musician, lets see how that fleshes out.
The last couple years on staff, I used to go to the SSO (staff section officer) every other week or more to find out the progress of getting a auditing assist program to help since it was obviously something coming from my case right? There never seemed to be anyone qualified or available for staff members . I haven't exactly gotten into the anxiety/depression issues yet. By the end of my 3rd contract (2 - 5 years, then a 2 1/2yr) nothing really happened with auditing or assists.
Then end of the road for me came and I managed to get off staff surprisingly easy without going through a routing form finding a replacement
, I said I was done, I was so apathetic. But somehow I was going to generate money to go OT and get out of the rat race.
I believe that it was the years of being on staff starting almost immediately and because of my type of personality (being the sensitive type you know) the particular stress it caused me induced and partly brought into existence these painful conditions, I did have scoliosis and maybe just another piece of the puzzle but exacerbated.
It was not until just a few years ago that I spent about $5K on intensive chiropractic treatments massage work that helped eliminate the majority of the effects I had been going through which lessened my stress levels.
Where was/am I...
The owners of this new company, an OT5 (boy could he dramatize) and his wife a nice lady, my senior at the org, were basically "tax protesters". They had also previously built up and sold one of the largest business of its type in the area then started this new one.
It was a company that made container pottery on a production basis. There were some "artistic" items but for the most part it was just pumping out the vases, containers, planters, cups, bowls, etc. About half were thrown/made on the wheel and the rest slip cast into plaster molds. It was interesting that my mom did hobby ceramics for a dozen years up until a couple years before I started working at the pottery company with about 8 people including the owners at the time, and a few non scientologists when I started.
One of the 'wog' employees reported to the government about being required to be claimed on a 1099 (sub contractor) form and working piece rate in the shop. I believe the law regarding sub contracting was that if it is a continuing or long term service one provides to the company and works within the building/plant or on the grounds/property on a regular basis producing the product, one is not a sub contractor but an employee. Which then workmans comp, matching S.S. payments etc kick in. Something I kind of remember the church of scientology having staff do, was file 1099 forms, hhmmm.
I'm not sure and can't remember more fully the story but the DSA or who ever, didn't like the scientologist owners being tax protesters and as a result they sold the business to a new non scientologist owner. I don't know what has become of the 2 scientologist I liked the wife, R., my senior in the org. I continued with the new owner who was fairly decent person and I was now on official payroll.
This was my meat, bread butter and gravy income source as a staff member. After my first marriage ended in 1985 I shared or rented rooms in scientologists houses up and until I left staff in '90 and ventured into the real world free from letter writing, nightwatch, event participation every other weekend etc etc etc...and now had my own apartment.
The last few years on staff I just started working part time at the org and full time with the pottery company.
During this time I became fond of the subject and creation of pottery and studied it on my own, it is one of the oldest occupations in human existence, besides prostitution, and was partly up my alley with my inclination of liking to work with my hands, make and fix things.
It was not forecasted that the ceramic pottery industry would in the not too distant future start to suffer a decline in the US, due to imports and high cost of workmans comp,. this industry being one of the highest health risks and insurance costs. I didn't necessarily start out thinking this would become my eventual career path either.
By 1987 business for the company slowed down some and I was laid off. I went on unemployment, but because I had become interested in more facets of ceramics and pottery, in between looking for new work, I would almost daily come into the shop on my own time for a few hours (almost full time) to use the facilities (those too) and I taught my self how to make plaster casting molds for slipcasting for the most part. I took a couple items the company had problems producing and improved it saving time and losses. I then created a couple new items for the casting line all on my own time but with the companies materials and space. The company had been buying molds from other large ceramic supplier dealers at a premium cost. Though I admit that I did copy most of the commercial molds we were currently using but only for in house use and not reselling them.
This opened a whole new avenue for the company to save money on "tools"/ molds and being able to introduce more unique and alternative items that weren't produced by every other ceramic production companies buying the same commercial molds and so forth, but by additionally making our own line of products that saved from being thrown on the wheel when competent throwers were becoming hard to come by.
I was now hired back and though I wasn't making that much per hour I did get a raise. I ventured into making a few models of items which went into the line up. Some items required a complex mold system to produce them and I became quite proficient in figuring it out. This is a niche skill and mostly harbored in the larger industries, there were many other things about mold making but I learned the intermediate skills that went a long way.
The business scaled back to minimal employees, my friend Scott the thrower eventually quit to go his own independent way, and the owners son and daughter (20, 30 somethings adults)came to work in the shop as production and sales and then me doing most of the production. There seemed to be occasional squabbles between the "kids" or disagreements with "dad" which was uncomfortable to be in area when it was happening.
When the wife of owner died a few years later the business was put up for sale and a new owner came on the scene.
Once again I will end off to work on more.
Brian
Alright, it was hard to find a cutoff point on the last post, and I wanted to take a break from the ever rambling nature that seems to pour out of the keyboard, because boy it is amazing how difficult it is to just get from point A to B in a story. So I will still jump around, in my usual circuitous non sequitur way if and you don't mind
I partly interrupt where I was going at the end of the last post in the story as this is important to my (finding myself) and how I rose above being a failure as a scientology staff member, and still the part that organized scientology, the church, played in "NOT" helping this individual only compounding things by its nature.
I do not care to argue my not "making it go right" on staff or the "I'm responsible for the condition one is in" cliche's. I had potential to be able to do many things suitable to my personality if the opportunities presented themselves and I proved and demonstrated to be an honest, ethical, reliable good worker in a real company many times before and after scientology. Just sayin.
While an org staff member in late 1986 after working 5+ years for a scientologist owned Tire company that enventually failed due partly to the owner pulling most of the money resources out for Flag handling's etc over a number of years, I left the company about 6 months before it was padlocked by the IRS, gone out of business.
I then started working part time for another scientologist owned and run company. In my mind it was still only considered temporary because I thought pretty soon, scientology would clear the planet and I wouldn't have a need for other fish to fry.
Just prior to working for this company, I developed back muscle, joint and nerve problems, that I tried to alleviate by going to a scientology chiropractor, but even with the staff discount I could not seem to get very far in handling it with out running out of money as noted below is what it took to address these issues.
I had also gone down to the religious freedom crusade and sleeping on a 1 inch foam pad on the ground for 3 months in the basement garage at CCI. I want to talk about that another time.
Every day I'd be hunched over one side or the other until I could straighten out but be in significant pain. I also developed an arthritic vertebra in my neck and middle back and when I would sit and do telex's it would start burning and go on for hours until I was done, but I bit my tongue and soldiered on till the end. It would cause my arms and hands to go numb and I'd have to routinely shake them out to get relief, it forever made it difficult and un-enjoyable to play guitar, however I am currently managing better. One of the original interests of scientology was thinking it was going to help me become a better musician, lets see how that fleshes out.
The last couple years on staff, I used to go to the SSO (staff section officer) every other week or more to find out the progress of getting a auditing assist program to help since it was obviously something coming from my case right? There never seemed to be anyone qualified or available for staff members . I haven't exactly gotten into the anxiety/depression issues yet. By the end of my 3rd contract (2 - 5 years, then a 2 1/2yr) nothing really happened with auditing or assists.
Then end of the road for me came and I managed to get off staff surprisingly easy without going through a routing form finding a replacement
, I said I was done, I was so apathetic. But somehow I was going to generate money to go OT and get out of the rat race.I believe that it was the years of being on staff starting almost immediately and because of my type of personality (being the sensitive type you know) the particular stress it caused me induced and partly brought into existence these painful conditions, I did have scoliosis and maybe just another piece of the puzzle but exacerbated.
It was not until just a few years ago that I spent about $5K on intensive chiropractic treatments massage work that helped eliminate the majority of the effects I had been going through which lessened my stress levels.
Where was/am I...
The owners of this new company, an OT5 (boy could he dramatize) and his wife a nice lady, my senior at the org, were basically "tax protesters". They had also previously built up and sold one of the largest business of its type in the area then started this new one.
It was a company that made container pottery on a production basis. There were some "artistic" items but for the most part it was just pumping out the vases, containers, planters, cups, bowls, etc. About half were thrown/made on the wheel and the rest slip cast into plaster molds. It was interesting that my mom did hobby ceramics for a dozen years up until a couple years before I started working at the pottery company with about 8 people including the owners at the time, and a few non scientologists when I started.
One of the 'wog' employees reported to the government about being required to be claimed on a 1099 (sub contractor) form and working piece rate in the shop. I believe the law regarding sub contracting was that if it is a continuing or long term service one provides to the company and works within the building/plant or on the grounds/property on a regular basis producing the product, one is not a sub contractor but an employee. Which then workmans comp, matching S.S. payments etc kick in. Something I kind of remember the church of scientology having staff do, was file 1099 forms, hhmmm.
I'm not sure and can't remember more fully the story but the DSA or who ever, didn't like the scientologist owners being tax protesters and as a result they sold the business to a new non scientologist owner. I don't know what has become of the 2 scientologist I liked the wife, R., my senior in the org. I continued with the new owner who was fairly decent person and I was now on official payroll.
This was my meat, bread butter and gravy income source as a staff member. After my first marriage ended in 1985 I shared or rented rooms in scientologists houses up and until I left staff in '90 and ventured into the real world free from letter writing, nightwatch, event participation every other weekend etc etc etc...and now had my own apartment.
The last few years on staff I just started working part time at the org and full time with the pottery company.
During this time I became fond of the subject and creation of pottery and studied it on my own, it is one of the oldest occupations in human existence, besides prostitution, and was partly up my alley with my inclination of liking to work with my hands, make and fix things.
It was not forecasted that the ceramic pottery industry would in the not too distant future start to suffer a decline in the US, due to imports and high cost of workmans comp,. this industry being one of the highest health risks and insurance costs. I didn't necessarily start out thinking this would become my eventual career path either.
By 1987 business for the company slowed down some and I was laid off. I went on unemployment, but because I had become interested in more facets of ceramics and pottery, in between looking for new work, I would almost daily come into the shop on my own time for a few hours (almost full time) to use the facilities (those too) and I taught my self how to make plaster casting molds for slipcasting for the most part. I took a couple items the company had problems producing and improved it saving time and losses. I then created a couple new items for the casting line all on my own time but with the companies materials and space. The company had been buying molds from other large ceramic supplier dealers at a premium cost. Though I admit that I did copy most of the commercial molds we were currently using but only for in house use and not reselling them.
This opened a whole new avenue for the company to save money on "tools"/ molds and being able to introduce more unique and alternative items that weren't produced by every other ceramic production companies buying the same commercial molds and so forth, but by additionally making our own line of products that saved from being thrown on the wheel when competent throwers were becoming hard to come by.
I was now hired back and though I wasn't making that much per hour I did get a raise. I ventured into making a few models of items which went into the line up. Some items required a complex mold system to produce them and I became quite proficient in figuring it out. This is a niche skill and mostly harbored in the larger industries, there were many other things about mold making but I learned the intermediate skills that went a long way.
The business scaled back to minimal employees, my friend Scott the thrower eventually quit to go his own independent way, and the owners son and daughter (20, 30 somethings adults)came to work in the shop as production and sales and then me doing most of the production. There seemed to be occasional squabbles between the "kids" or disagreements with "dad" which was uncomfortable to be in area when it was happening.
When the wife of owner died a few years later the business was put up for sale and a new owner came on the scene.
Once again I will end off to work on more.
Brian
Last edited:
_brian
WogRevert
continuing
Who's to know how things would have turned out, but See, this is my progress of or from tying up a dozen plus years of my life trying to help save the universe in scientology when I should have already had a career well underway, that I gave up when I joined staff.
Ok continued.
Before the business was sold, the drama around the "kids" would drive me up a wall, I was really "enturbulated" but hung in there, I didn't want to find a new job. It seemed that one time there was such huge upset that Butch (he went by that name), the son, had with his ex on the phone over their kid, that, just like a switch flipping on, I had a serious bout with a sinus problem that lasted a dozen years. I could get temporary relief with anti-histamines of one sort or another but it wouldn't go away, I only used OTC medication on and off for about a year, knowing I would then redo the purif. But I couldn't breathe very well through my nose, and that is the method of being able to relax and relieve stress by nose breathing exercises, but I had to learn to breathe through my mouth, it's not the same, especially sleeping.
A few years later when I had some health insurance I did go to a ear nose throat clinic to be screened for allergies, got the basic shots for about 6 months and couldn't afford the co pay and take the time away from my business as I was trying to make $ for scientology services, I hadn't gotten much results with the shots though it wasn't really long enough to build up the tolerance, later I will get it handled to great relief.
About 1992 introducing the new owner.
I was given a raise before the sale of the business so finances were starting to look good.
The lady (said with a straight face) Cathleen , probably mid-late 30's hard to tell, she was going through some hard times with her husband, she was in the middle of divorce proceedings, he was somehow stealing money out of a joint account of a joint construction business (I was privy to her offered thoughts quite regularly), she bought the business because her sister would help her run it, because her sister used to have a (failed) pottery business
. Her sister never ended up having any thing to do with the business, good thing, from what I perceived from meeting her a couple times.
Cathleen had a drinking problem (like in the morning she'd already be teetering).
Shortly after she bought the business I hired Steve, a guy who was versed in pottery.
We had a schedule of weekly kiln firings. Once she almost blew the place up.
Loaded the night before, it was time to light up the 100 cu ft gas kiln. Unbeknownst to us, she had done something earlier in the morning to "help" NOT
, it caused enough of a build up of gas in the kiln that right as Steve was flicking the the long nose bic I said "do you smell gas" BOOM! the doors on the kiln about blew off, we were concussioned back some but fortunately it was mostly loud and contained in the kiln and fortunately didn't destroy anything in the kiln. We had a very thorough kiln checklist after that, first thing sniff the air when entering the shop for gas and alcohol, especially when she was coming on to us in the morning with her slurred "Ha iiii guys".
She also (unofficially hired) brought along her friend "the anchor" to do construction and repair (break) things but he would attempt to counsel her on how to run the business, cripe's dude. Later he would be the cause for getting the business evicted from the space it had been in for a dozen or more years getting caught when pissing into the long term neighboring shop owners truck cab because of some stupid upset he had with the guy.
It was becoming something I didn't enjoy coming into work anymore.
By late 1993 I was planning on getting married again and pooling our resources we had already started the process of looking for property because I wanted to set up a shop and develop my own ceramic pottery line of products. By spring '94 we found the best of what was available and suitable as described in the earlier post, and started the home buying process that wouldn't end. Also as mentioned the shop I worked at had to move, but where, the anchor constantly disagreed with anyplace Cathleen would find, but they had to vacate, she found a huge place that ended up just being storage for all the equipment, it was such a crazy situation I can't believe how it went.
I had also already started generating incoming doing consulting for slipcasting with a prestigious Porcelain maker in Folsom Ca. helping them figure out and setting up a slipcasting department after they bought a new production shop building across the street down the hill from the retail store. They inherited thousands of ancient molds that the building housed as it used to be a ceramic making company from the '40's, it used to be a big thing for a number of decades up to the nineties, now there are only a few here and there and other trends came along too like the paint your shops.
They donated most of the molds to schools or charities as it wasn't their style of pottery but kept many they would struggle to make work, and along comes Me with the skill and know how to get them going, even above the large ceramic supplier in town who referred me to them. Also I had my mold making skills that I put to work right away at a nice increase of pay per hour as I had value with my services and it was just in time too with the other company pretty much folding. I just transfered over to working for the new Porcelain company as a temporary arrangement to get them going while I was finishing closing on the property and had agreements I would go independent and provide custom design, model proto type, production mold making and special casting services once set up in my shop.
I still suffered from my back problems occasionally numb hands and arms daily and as my work days became longer as I was generating more and more business from artists and other company's seeking my skills as the other mold making old timers were retiring I had more work than I could handle, I was fairly sore by the end of the day (after midnight usually).
My parents who were concerned about my time I spent in the Cult on staff, were happy with my new direction in life (not knowing I was still planning on trying to do services) and even mentioned how proud they were of me for buying property and getting my business going, that was the second biggest or important thing besides finally saying we love you Brian, I ever remember them say :sniff:.
Things were going full speed ahead.
I re-treaded my purif in '95, which incidentally somewhere during, I started experiencing ulcerative colitis symptoms and reported it to the purif I/C to the C/S and the handling was to cut back on vit C, I also had excruciating cramps in my stomach on and off. I pretty much rushed to get comped on the purif plus with my sinus problems, I couldn't stand it and I knew what the origs cog would be to comp me so I got her done. The symptoms subsided but then came back on and off afterwards, I didn't particularly have health insurance at the time so couldn't look into it with out running up a huge medical bill.
I didn't really think about a relationship between the purif and the crohn's disease I was diagnosed with in '04 until a couple of years ago, went ahh ha! But can't do anything about it, so I think?
Then it was time to put all my money towards going to Flag to CRACK my case. OH Yeah!
Ending off for now.
How long until we get there mommy?
Brian
Who's to know how things would have turned out, but See, this is my progress of or from tying up a dozen plus years of my life trying to help save the universe in scientology when I should have already had a career well underway, that I gave up when I joined staff.
Ok continued.
Before the business was sold, the drama around the "kids" would drive me up a wall, I was really "enturbulated" but hung in there, I didn't want to find a new job. It seemed that one time there was such huge upset that Butch (he went by that name), the son, had with his ex on the phone over their kid, that, just like a switch flipping on, I had a serious bout with a sinus problem that lasted a dozen years. I could get temporary relief with anti-histamines of one sort or another but it wouldn't go away, I only used OTC medication on and off for about a year, knowing I would then redo the purif. But I couldn't breathe very well through my nose, and that is the method of being able to relax and relieve stress by nose breathing exercises, but I had to learn to breathe through my mouth, it's not the same, especially sleeping.
A few years later when I had some health insurance I did go to a ear nose throat clinic to be screened for allergies, got the basic shots for about 6 months and couldn't afford the co pay and take the time away from my business as I was trying to make $ for scientology services, I hadn't gotten much results with the shots though it wasn't really long enough to build up the tolerance, later I will get it handled to great relief.
About 1992 introducing the new owner.
I was given a raise before the sale of the business so finances were starting to look good.
The lady (said with a straight face) Cathleen , probably mid-late 30's hard to tell, she was going through some hard times with her husband, she was in the middle of divorce proceedings, he was somehow stealing money out of a joint account of a joint construction business (I was privy to her offered thoughts quite regularly), she bought the business because her sister would help her run it, because her sister used to have a (failed) pottery business
. Her sister never ended up having any thing to do with the business, good thing, from what I perceived from meeting her a couple times.Cathleen had a drinking problem (like in the morning she'd already be teetering).
Shortly after she bought the business I hired Steve, a guy who was versed in pottery.
We had a schedule of weekly kiln firings. Once she almost blew the place up.
Loaded the night before, it was time to light up the 100 cu ft gas kiln. Unbeknownst to us, she had done something earlier in the morning to "help" NOT
, it caused enough of a build up of gas in the kiln that right as Steve was flicking the the long nose bic I said "do you smell gas" BOOM! the doors on the kiln about blew off, we were concussioned back some but fortunately it was mostly loud and contained in the kiln and fortunately didn't destroy anything in the kiln. We had a very thorough kiln checklist after that, first thing sniff the air when entering the shop for gas and alcohol, especially when she was coming on to us in the morning with her slurred "Ha iiii guys". She also (unofficially hired) brought along her friend "the anchor" to do construction and repair (break) things but he would attempt to counsel her on how to run the business, cripe's dude. Later he would be the cause for getting the business evicted from the space it had been in for a dozen or more years getting caught when pissing into the long term neighboring shop owners truck cab because of some stupid upset he had with the guy.
It was becoming something I didn't enjoy coming into work anymore.
By late 1993 I was planning on getting married again and pooling our resources we had already started the process of looking for property because I wanted to set up a shop and develop my own ceramic pottery line of products. By spring '94 we found the best of what was available and suitable as described in the earlier post, and started the home buying process that wouldn't end. Also as mentioned the shop I worked at had to move, but where, the anchor constantly disagreed with anyplace Cathleen would find, but they had to vacate, she found a huge place that ended up just being storage for all the equipment, it was such a crazy situation I can't believe how it went.
I had also already started generating incoming doing consulting for slipcasting with a prestigious Porcelain maker in Folsom Ca. helping them figure out and setting up a slipcasting department after they bought a new production shop building across the street down the hill from the retail store. They inherited thousands of ancient molds that the building housed as it used to be a ceramic making company from the '40's, it used to be a big thing for a number of decades up to the nineties, now there are only a few here and there and other trends came along too like the paint your shops.
They donated most of the molds to schools or charities as it wasn't their style of pottery but kept many they would struggle to make work, and along comes Me with the skill and know how to get them going, even above the large ceramic supplier in town who referred me to them. Also I had my mold making skills that I put to work right away at a nice increase of pay per hour as I had value with my services and it was just in time too with the other company pretty much folding. I just transfered over to working for the new Porcelain company as a temporary arrangement to get them going while I was finishing closing on the property and had agreements I would go independent and provide custom design, model proto type, production mold making and special casting services once set up in my shop.
I still suffered from my back problems occasionally numb hands and arms daily and as my work days became longer as I was generating more and more business from artists and other company's seeking my skills as the other mold making old timers were retiring I had more work than I could handle, I was fairly sore by the end of the day (after midnight usually).
My parents who were concerned about my time I spent in the Cult on staff, were happy with my new direction in life (not knowing I was still planning on trying to do services) and even mentioned how proud they were of me for buying property and getting my business going, that was the second biggest or important thing besides finally saying we love you Brian, I ever remember them say :sniff:.
Things were going full speed ahead.
I re-treaded my purif in '95, which incidentally somewhere during, I started experiencing ulcerative colitis symptoms and reported it to the purif I/C to the C/S and the handling was to cut back on vit C, I also had excruciating cramps in my stomach on and off. I pretty much rushed to get comped on the purif plus with my sinus problems, I couldn't stand it and I knew what the origs cog would be to comp me so I got her done. The symptoms subsided but then came back on and off afterwards, I didn't particularly have health insurance at the time so couldn't look into it with out running up a huge medical bill.
I didn't really think about a relationship between the purif and the crohn's disease I was diagnosed with in '04 until a couple of years ago, went ahh ha! But can't do anything about it, so I think?
Then it was time to put all my money towards going to Flag to CRACK my case. OH Yeah!
Ending off for now.
How long until we get there mommy?
Brian
Last edited:
I know 
huh.
Good twin
Floater
VI of Hearts
Patron
I like the story and your style.
Enjoyable yet provocative!
Enjoyable yet provocative!
_brian
WogRevert
Thank you VI of Hearts, that is nice to hear.
About a week ago I noticed the "change of light" in the sky, the different hue from the way the suns rays hit. I've usually noticed it pre-spring and pre-autumn. I remember someone else mentioning that too sometime ago on the board. Plus the geese are starting to fly through and visiting on their way south I guess.
Brian
About a week ago I noticed the "change of light" in the sky, the different hue from the way the suns rays hit. I've usually noticed it pre-spring and pre-autumn. I remember someone else mentioning that too sometime ago on the board. Plus the geese are starting to fly through and visiting on their way south I guess.
Brian
Last edited:
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