scooter
Gold Meritorious Patron
I’ve had a lot of time to think lately and a lot of that thinking has been about what is it I want for myself in the way of spiritual fulfilment.
It’s a new question for me as for nearly 30 years my philosophy was “solved” for me because I was a devout Scientologist and all I felt I had to do was follow those teachings to live the perfect life. And so everything I did and thought and said I evaluated through what Scientology taught was correct or incorrect.
Prior to that, I was usually too stoned or drunk to coherently speak, let alone ponder any deep and meaningful reasons for my life or anyone else’s. In my moments of abstinence I flirted with various philosophies and had decided Buddhism fitted my life and experiences.
After finally deciding recently that I desperately needed to do something to fill the huge void left by renouncing Scientology as a career choice, I had a talk with a very spiritual lady and I realized I lost my way in life when I became an atheist as a twelve-year-old in high school. Soon after that, I began to flirt with drugs as they filled the emptiness I felt when I decided death was the end and what I did in between now and then wasn’t probably going to make a difference to anything, one way or the other.
It’s taken over forty years for me to get back to the path I was heading down back then. I haven’t been in control of my life at all in that time, if I want to be bluntly honest with myself. Back then I had hopes and dreams and several possible career paths mapped out for myself. They all fell under the bus of my self-destruction by drugs and alcohol.
So for the last two years I’ve been again drifting aimlessly with only a determination to end the abuses of Scientology as the focus for my life. Oh yes, I’ve re-discovered a lot of pleasures I’d denied myself as an “on-purpose Scientologist” and life has been steadily getting better and better and my relationships with people and life in general have improved out of sight. And I believe I’ve achieved some amazing things in these two years despite the obstacles I’ve hit. But I haven’t really had a direction, despite searching earnestly for one.
But the trap I fell into was I wasn’t looking for a direction for ME. I was after a career path or how I could fix relationships with people I’d estranged or how I could safeguard my future or something other than what was the direction I needed to look for ME. And, as someone who recently turned 54, I was getting frantic. My body isn’t really up to being a labourer any more and anyway it doesn’t pay enough to put my kids through school and maybe university or set myself up for a graceful retirement from the workforce.
But happily it’s all beginning to untangle now that I’ve asked myself the right question – what do I want for my own personal sake as a spiritual being, however you may define a “spiritual being.” And what is it that’s made me feel good about myself and has helped others at the same time?
It all comes down to stories.
I love stories. Any stories. I’ve always had people tell me their stories on the train or bus or wherever I met them, even total strangers. I loved hitchhiking around because I got to sit in a car or a truck and hear the driver’s stories. I love giving lifts to strangers because I got to hear their stories. I loved being a Scientology counsellor because I got to hear people’s stories. I talk to strangers all the time – in the carpark at the shops, at the kids’ school, at a new job, everywhere I go. I’ve always done it and I just thought it was what everybody did.
And people love to tell stories. We all have our stories and they are all unique to us. It seems to me now that we all have our own lessons to learn from life and we have to do that for ourselves. No system of belief or thought can ever replace the process of living and learning from life, no matter how much it promises to.
And I believe now that it’s an essential part of my life that I’ve overlooked. Because if you are just going to learn from life by living it, that’s going to take a hell of a long time.
But if you listen carefully to the lives of others, you’ll see the lessons they’ve been trying to teach themselves. Not always successfully, but they’ve been trying nevertheless. That’s what I now believe.
Everyone and maybe even everything has a story to tell. I think that’s why gossip magazines and newspapers and soap operas are so popular. They all tell stories that don’t involve any effort on the part of the listener to seek out new people to listen to. We all crave stories to learn from.
I still haven’t solved all my life problems just by realizing this. But I don’t expect to. I don’t believe life can be solved suddenly and dramatically anymore. I guess ending thirty years as a deluded cult member thoroughly taught me THAT particular lesson. And I happily pass it on to others, hoping that it saves them the time I used up learning that.
So – I hope this helps you too. I’ve no idea if it’s true for everybody or not. I just know that it seems right for me and so I’m going to stick with it and see where it takes me.
I think I’m in for a hell of a ride.
It’s a new question for me as for nearly 30 years my philosophy was “solved” for me because I was a devout Scientologist and all I felt I had to do was follow those teachings to live the perfect life. And so everything I did and thought and said I evaluated through what Scientology taught was correct or incorrect.
Prior to that, I was usually too stoned or drunk to coherently speak, let alone ponder any deep and meaningful reasons for my life or anyone else’s. In my moments of abstinence I flirted with various philosophies and had decided Buddhism fitted my life and experiences.
After finally deciding recently that I desperately needed to do something to fill the huge void left by renouncing Scientology as a career choice, I had a talk with a very spiritual lady and I realized I lost my way in life when I became an atheist as a twelve-year-old in high school. Soon after that, I began to flirt with drugs as they filled the emptiness I felt when I decided death was the end and what I did in between now and then wasn’t probably going to make a difference to anything, one way or the other.
It’s taken over forty years for me to get back to the path I was heading down back then. I haven’t been in control of my life at all in that time, if I want to be bluntly honest with myself. Back then I had hopes and dreams and several possible career paths mapped out for myself. They all fell under the bus of my self-destruction by drugs and alcohol.
So for the last two years I’ve been again drifting aimlessly with only a determination to end the abuses of Scientology as the focus for my life. Oh yes, I’ve re-discovered a lot of pleasures I’d denied myself as an “on-purpose Scientologist” and life has been steadily getting better and better and my relationships with people and life in general have improved out of sight. And I believe I’ve achieved some amazing things in these two years despite the obstacles I’ve hit. But I haven’t really had a direction, despite searching earnestly for one.
But the trap I fell into was I wasn’t looking for a direction for ME. I was after a career path or how I could fix relationships with people I’d estranged or how I could safeguard my future or something other than what was the direction I needed to look for ME. And, as someone who recently turned 54, I was getting frantic. My body isn’t really up to being a labourer any more and anyway it doesn’t pay enough to put my kids through school and maybe university or set myself up for a graceful retirement from the workforce.
But happily it’s all beginning to untangle now that I’ve asked myself the right question – what do I want for my own personal sake as a spiritual being, however you may define a “spiritual being.” And what is it that’s made me feel good about myself and has helped others at the same time?
It all comes down to stories.
I love stories. Any stories. I’ve always had people tell me their stories on the train or bus or wherever I met them, even total strangers. I loved hitchhiking around because I got to sit in a car or a truck and hear the driver’s stories. I love giving lifts to strangers because I got to hear their stories. I loved being a Scientology counsellor because I got to hear people’s stories. I talk to strangers all the time – in the carpark at the shops, at the kids’ school, at a new job, everywhere I go. I’ve always done it and I just thought it was what everybody did.
And people love to tell stories. We all have our stories and they are all unique to us. It seems to me now that we all have our own lessons to learn from life and we have to do that for ourselves. No system of belief or thought can ever replace the process of living and learning from life, no matter how much it promises to.
And I believe now that it’s an essential part of my life that I’ve overlooked. Because if you are just going to learn from life by living it, that’s going to take a hell of a long time.
But if you listen carefully to the lives of others, you’ll see the lessons they’ve been trying to teach themselves. Not always successfully, but they’ve been trying nevertheless. That’s what I now believe.
Everyone and maybe even everything has a story to tell. I think that’s why gossip magazines and newspapers and soap operas are so popular. They all tell stories that don’t involve any effort on the part of the listener to seek out new people to listen to. We all crave stories to learn from.
I still haven’t solved all my life problems just by realizing this. But I don’t expect to. I don’t believe life can be solved suddenly and dramatically anymore. I guess ending thirty years as a deluded cult member thoroughly taught me THAT particular lesson. And I happily pass it on to others, hoping that it saves them the time I used up learning that.
So – I hope this helps you too. I’ve no idea if it’s true for everybody or not. I just know that it seems right for me and so I’m going to stick with it and see where it takes me.
I think I’m in for a hell of a ride.
Scooter. 
