Too Much Cruelty

[Alanzo]

One of the things I've learned lately is that using "antidotes" is a good thing for your mental health.

For instance, of there is too much warlike behavior in your life, then this causes stress, anxiety, aggression, defensiveness and isolation.

The antidote to war is peace.

So to apply this antidote to war in your life, you intentionally create peace for yourself whenever and wherever you can. You make it an intentional habit to create peace for yourself. This includes showing yourself forgiveness and understanding, and intentionally creating peaceful settings for you to enjoy.

If you apply this antidote often enough, the warlike conditions recede and so does the stress, anxiety, aggression, defensiveness and isolation.

You don't have to address the war-like conditions at all.

You just create peace as an antidote instead, and the warlike conditions recede into the background.

Cruelty is also something that causes stress, anxiety, aggression, defensiveness and isolation - especially for a person coming out of a cult.

The antidote to cruelty is kindness.

Alanzo

 

[Free Being Me]

One of the things I've learned lately is that using "antidotes" is a good thing for your mental health.

For instance, of there is too much warlike behavior in your life, then this causes stress, anxiety, aggression, defensiveness and isolation.

The antidote to war is peace.

So to apply this antidote to war in your life, you intentionally create peace for yourself whenever and wherever you can. You make it an intentional habit to create peace for yourself. This includes showing yourself forgiveness and understanding, and creating peaceful settings to enjoy.

If you apply this antidote often enough, the warlike conditions recede and so does the stress, anxiety, aggression, defensiveness and isolation.

You don't have to address the war-like conditions at all.

You just create peace as an antidote instead, and the warlike conditions recede into the background.

Cruelty is also something that causes stress, anxiety, aggressiveness, defensiveness and isolation - especially for a person coming out of a cult.

The antidote to cruelty is kindness.

Alanzo

Here are some informative talks and tools for anyone that's interested. Namaste

Cross posted from http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?32033-Recovering-From-Scientology/page2

Self-Compassion- A Healthier Way of Relating to Yourself
http://www.self-compassion.org/

New to Mindfulness? How to Get Started
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/06/03/new-to-mindfulness-how-to-get-started/

Finding Time for Truly Nurturing Yourself
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/10/14/finding-time-for-truly-nurturing-yourself/

The Path To Unconditional Self Acceptance
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolution-the-self/200809/the-path-unconditional-self-acceptance

Brené Brown - Listening To Shame (TED Talk)
[video=youtube;L0ifUM1DYKg]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0ifUM1DYKg[/video]

Brené Brown: The Power Of Vulnerability (TED Talk)
[video=youtube;iEPbkvhPuRk]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEPbkvhPuRk[/video]

Jack Kornfield - Compassion
[video=youtube;I0V3gNf6Ccc]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I0V3gNf6Ccc[/VIDEO]

Jack Kornfield - The Ancient Art Of Forgiveness
[video=youtube;yiRP-Q4mMtk]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yiRP-Q4mMtk[/video]

Eckhart Tolle - Conversations On Compassion
[video=youtube;M00VLswZdyc]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M00VLswZdyc[/video]

 

[shanic89]

One of the things I've learned lately is that using "antidotes" is a good thing for your mental health.

For instance, of there is too much warlike behavior in your life, then this causes stress, anxiety, aggression, defensiveness and isolation.

The antidote to war is peace.

So to apply this antidote to war in your life, you intentionally create peace for yourself whenever and wherever you can. You make it an intentional habit to create peace for yourself. This includes showing yourself forgiveness and understanding, and intentionally creating peaceful settings for you to enjoy.

If you apply this antidote often enough, the warlike conditions recede and so does the stress, anxiety, aggression, defensiveness and isolation.

You don't have to address the war-like conditions at all.

You just create peace as an antidote instead, and the warlike conditions recede into the background.

Cruelty is also something that causes stress, anxiety, aggression, defensiveness and isolation - especially for a person coming out of a cult.

The antidote to cruelty is kindness.

Alanzo

To put it simply the above does not work and never will. If you wish to make a change in your life then you have to addresses openly and honestly who you are.

If a person is surrounded by war like conditions, then they should ask them self why is it that I am in this conflict.

It is almost impossible to end conflict by putting your weapon down and then acting like everything is ok.

Let’s put it this way, if your brother gets shot then the assailant puts down the gun and goes it’s all ok I am at peace now, would any individual feel safe and happy about the outcome?

The issues have to be addressed, and generally with a professional.

 

[Rene Descartes]

One of the things I've learned lately is that using "antidotes" is a good thing for your mental health.

For instance, of there is too much warlike behavior in your life, then this causes stress, anxiety, aggression, defensiveness and isolation.

The antidote to war is peace.

So to apply this antidote to war in your life, you intentionally create peace for yourself whenever and wherever you can. You make it an intentional habit to create peace for yourself. This includes showing yourself forgiveness and understanding, and intentionally creating peaceful settings for you to enjoy.

If you apply this antidote often enough, the warlike conditions recede and so does the stress, anxiety, aggression, defensiveness and isolation.

You don't have to address the war-like conditions at all.

You just create peace as an antidote instead, and the warlike conditions recede into the background.

Cruelty is also something that causes stress, anxiety, aggression, defensiveness and isolation - especially for a person coming out of a cult.

The antidote to cruelty is kindness.

Alanzo

Well said and well put alanzo

Let's look how Hubs PoV on this.

War and Peace - If attacked always attack never defend.

So is it possible that this caused him stress, anxiety, aggression, defensiveness and isolation?

Rd00

 

[Purple Rain]

To put it simply the above does not work and never will. If you wish to make a change in your life then you have to addresses openly and honestly who you are.

If a person is surrounded by war like conditions, then they should ask them self why is it that I am in this conflict.

It is almost impossible to end conflict by putting your weapon down and then acting like everything is ok.

Let’s put it this way, if your brother gets shot then the assailant puts down the gun and goes it’s all ok I am at peace now, would any individual feel safe and happy about the outcome?

The issues have to be addressed, and generally with a professional.

If one side puts their weapons down it does end the conflict. How does that not end the conflict? The person or group may not survive the end of the conflict, but if they don't fight back the conflict is ended.

 

[MrNobody]

If one side puts their weapons down it does end the conflict. How does that not end the conflict? The person or group may not survive the end of the conflict, but if they don't fight back the conflict is ended.

Indeed. So why not just commit suicide and avoid all future conflicts that may arise?

[/sarcasm]

 

[Type4_PTS]

One of the things I've learned lately is that using "antidotes" is a good thing for your mental health.

For instance, of there is too much warlike behavior in your life, then this causes stress, anxiety, aggression, defensiveness and isolation.

The antidote to war is peace.

So to apply this antidote to war in your life, you intentionally create peace for yourself whenever and wherever you can. You make it an intentional habit to create peace for yourself. This includes showing yourself forgiveness and understanding, and intentionally creating peaceful settings for you to enjoy.

If you apply this antidote often enough, the warlike conditions recede and so does the stress, anxiety, aggression, defensiveness and isolation.

You don't have to address the war-like conditions at all.

You just create peace as an antidote instead, and the warlike conditions recede into the background.

Cruelty is also something that causes stress, anxiety, aggression, defensiveness and isolation - especially for a person coming out of a cult.

The antidote to cruelty is kindness.

This reminds me of one of my favorite quotes:

To put it simply the above does not work and never will. If you wish to make a change in your life then you have to addresses openly and honestly who you are.

If a person is surrounded by war like conditions, then they should ask them self why is it that I am in this conflict.

<snip>

If one is surrounded by war like conditions but seeks peace, than be peaceful.

It's a very direct solution that does have an influence not only on ones self, but also the world around you.

 

[Purple Rain]

Indeed. So why not just commit suicide and avoid all future conflicts that may arise?

[/sarcasm]

Why indeed? It's up to the victor to choose how to treat those who throw down their guns and raise their hands. Some things are worth dying for, though.

 

[shanic89]

If one side puts their weapons down it does end the conflict. How does that not end the conflict? The person or group may not survive the end of the conflict, but if they don't fight back the conflict is ended.

I believe you answered your own question, one side may choose to put there weapons down but the other side may continue the conflict, just because you do not shoot back dose not stop you from getting shot.

The truth of the matter is, to end conflict peacefully you need resolution. Just saying I give up, its all good now, hugs and kisses for all, does not solve a problem.

Sorry Alanzo I am going to talk about you while you are in the room so to speak, quite rude of me.

For instance lets take a look at what has happened here just recently. Alanzo comes back with a its all in the past from Emma I would gather, we are all friends fighting the good fight. The truth of the matter is there was no resolution to the initial conflict so it flared up again, for several reasons I believe. Alanzo felt wronged, I would gather the issues behind that have not been openly addressed and then resolved, hence the posting here in an attempt to write the perceived wrongs. No matter how many times it is said its all good no more arguing over the past Alanzo will always have the thoughts nagging that this is what happened and it was wrong. With those thoughts still there a flair up is always possible for many reasons. Instead of saying its all good no worry's and actually addressing the issue, future conflict over the same old shit maybe avoided.

I'm not a professional in conflict resolution but I would say taking snide shots and pretending to joke with an individual you have issues with is not the way to go about solving a problem and moving on.

By the way I am not saying Emma was in the wrong, I just used the above example to show that conflict resolution is better than capitulation.

 

[Purple Rain]

I believe you answered your own question, one side may choose to put there weapons down but the other side may continue the conflict, just because you do not shoot back dose not stop you from getting shot.

The truth of the matter is, to end conflict peacefully you need resolution. Just saying I give up, its all good now, hugs and kisses for all, does not solve a problem.

Sorry Alanzo I am going to talk about you while you are in the room so to speak, quite rude of me.

For instance lets take a look at what has happened here just recently. Alanzo comes back with a its all in the past from Emma I would gather, we are all friends fighting the good fight. The truth of the matter is there was no resolution to the initial conflict so it flared up again, for several reasons I believe. Alanzo felt wronged, I would gather the issues behind that have not been openly addressed and then resolved, hence the posting here in an attempt to write the perceived wrongs. No matter how many times it is said its all good no more arguing over the past Alanzo will always have the thoughts nagging that this is what happened and it was wrong. With those thoughts still there a flair up is always possible for many reasons. Instead of saying its all good no worry's and actually addressing the issue, future conflict over the same old shit maybe avoided.

I'm not a professional in conflict resolution but I would say taking snide shots and pretending to joke with an individual you have issues with is not the way to go about solving a problem and moving on.

By the way I am not saying Emma was in the wrong, I just used the above example to show that conflict resolution is better than capitulation.

How is it a conflict once the other person is shot? The war ends when one side surrenders. History as well as common sense tells us that.

I think Emma knows I would take up her cause anytime if she needed someone to come to her defence on a message board and I hope she knows how much I think of her personally.

I think Alanzo's apology was heartfelt and I felt the resolution was in the fact of his realising how this particular feud had affected others on the board. I don't think he's talking about an expectation of forgiveness, I think he's had a change of heart and an epiphany about who and how he wants to be in life.

Certainly some of his early comments after returning to the board ruffled my feathers because I see Emma as my friend and a good person. Sometimes I've read things like what Mystic, for instance, posted in the chat room to her one night and my heart just broke for her.

I think it's a sign of her innate grace the way she responded to his apology with a lot more reason than most to be dismissive of it and of him.

I don't know what people want from Alanzo or what more he could do. Each of us have to choose how to respond to a person down on their knees begging forgiveness. I've made my choice.

If he turned around and stuck a knife in someone's back after that I would have to make a different choice.

But like others I've seen him participate as a responsible and valuable member of other communities and don't see why it couldn't be this way for him just as much here.

This isn't the Borg collective - we have our individual responses and decisions to make - but as long as Alanzo is here and making positive contributions I will treat him as one of my ESMB family.

 

[shanic89]

How is it a conflict once the other person is shot?

You are correct there is no conflict if a person is shot and killed, but just before they get shot if they throw down their weapon it does not stop the continuation of the conflict.

The war ends when one side surrenders. History as well as common sense tells us that.

Purple Rain this is simple not true, there are literally thousands of examples throughout history that graphically show what can happen to people when they surrender, quite often the war does not end.

I think Emma knows I would take up her cause anytime if she needed someone to come to her defence on a message board and I hope she knows how much I think of her personally.


I think Alanzo's apology was heartfelt and I felt the resolution was in the fact of his realising how this particular feud had affected others on the board. I don't think he's talking about an expectation of forgiveness, I think he's had a change of heart and an epiphany about who and how he wants to be in life.

Certainly some of his early comments after returning to the board ruffled my feathers because I see Emma as my friend and a good person. Sometimes I've read things like what Mystic, for instance, posted in the chat room to her one night and my heart just broke for her.

I think it's a sign of her innate grace the way she responded to his apology with a lot more reason than most to be dismissive of it and of him.

I don't know what people want from Alanzo or what more he could do. Each of us have to choose how to respond to a person down on their knees begging forgiveness. I've made my choice.

If he turned around and stuck a knife in someone's back after that I would have to make a different choice.

But like others I've seen him participate as a responsible and valuable member of other communities and don't see why it couldn't be this way for him just as much here.

This isn't the Borg collective - we have our individual responses and decisions to make - but as long as Alanzo is here and making positive contributions I will treat him as one of my ESMB family.

I'm not talking about taking sides, or who is right or wrong, I'm just discussing the idea of resolution over capitulation. Or more to the point, just stopping one day and saying peace love and rainbows is not as effective as actually addressing the issues. Nether am I talking about just here on this message board but in real life.

 

[Purple Rain]

You are correct there is no conflict if a person is shot and killed, but just before they get shot if they throw down their weapon it does not stop the continuation of the conflict.




Purple Rain this is simple not true, there are literally thousands of examples throughout history that graphically show what can happen to people when they surrender, quite often the war does not end.



I'm not talking about taking sides, or who is right or wrong, I'm just discussing the idea of resolution over capitulation. Or more to the point, just stopping one day and saying peace love and rainbows is not as effective as actually addressing the issues. Nether am I talking about just here on this message board but in real life.

I think half the problem was that people couldn't let go of issues that couldn't be resolved. It was an endless loop. Also, that was the last thing anybody else wanted - to go back there and revisit the trauma.

For me I find using the ignore button works much better than continually skirmishing with another poster. Once you get past the fact they can say what they want about you, you realise life is much more peaceful and happy and you feel better within yourself - like you don't need the aggravation. If I am curious about what a poster is saying I can always go and have a peek, and eventually if I find myself wanting to actually like a lot of those kinds of posts or ones I see quoted by others - I will take them back off my ignore list. I think there's a lot to be said for that strategy of just letting things go, and everyone else certainly appreciates not having a war in their cyber living room usually.

 

[JustSheila]

To put it simply the above does not work and never will. If you wish to make a change in your life then you have to addresses openly and honestly who you are.

If a person is surrounded by war like conditions, then they should ask them self why is it that I am in this conflict.

It is almost impossible to end conflict by putting your weapon down and then acting like everything is ok.

Let’s put it this way, if your brother gets shot then the assailant puts down the gun and goes it’s all ok I am at peace now, would any individual feel safe and happy about the outcome?

The issues have to be addressed, and generally with a professional.

I disagree.

Self-monitoring of social behaviour is a natural response. One doesn't have to know "why" one does or doesn't do something in order to change it.

A behavioural change can be as simple as going for a jog instead of visiting the pub. Breaking habits requires much more changing of behaviours and a lot less thinking of WHY.

 

[clamicide]

How is it a conflict once the other person is shot? The war ends when one side surrenders. History as well as common sense tells us that.

I think Emma knows I would take up her cause anytime if she needed someone to come to her defence on a message board and I hope she knows how much I think of her personally.

I think Alanzo's apology was heartfelt and I felt the resolution was in the fact of his realising how this particular feud had affected others on the board. I don't think he's talking about an expectation of forgiveness, I think he's had a change of heart and an epiphany about who and how he wants to be in life.

Certainly some of his early comments after returning to the board ruffled my feathers because I see Emma as my friend and a good person. Sometimes I've read things like what Mystic, for instance, posted in the chat room to her one night and my heart just broke for her.

I think it's a sign of her innate grace the way she responded to his apology with a lot more reason than most to be dismissive of it and of him.

I don't know what people want from Alanzo or what more he could do. Each of us have to choose how to respond to a person down on their knees begging forgiveness. I've made my choice.

If he turned around and stuck a knife in someone's back after that I would have to make a different choice.

But like others I've seen him participate as a responsible and valuable member of other communities and don't see why it couldn't be this way for him just as much here.

This isn't the Borg collective - we have our individual responses and decisions to make - but as long as Alanzo is here and making positive contributions I will treat him as one of my ESMB family.

The person who does the shooting moves onto the next target...so conflict continues, but, eh, I'm a cynical gal. Somebody who might have made a difference with their voice and actions is now dead. At one point in time, martyrs did gain sainthood or get others to look at things differently because they are dead; I just think times have changed and dying for a cause shows up for the 15 minutes of fame on the webz, and soon is forgotten. Not saying it's right, just saying what I observe.

 

[shanic89]

I think half the problem was that people couldn't let go of issues that couldn't be resolved. It was an endless loop. Also, that was the last thing anybody else wanted - to go back there and revisit the trauma.

Maybe so, though I am not Alanzo so maybe he was trying to resolve something for himself, possibly it was needed. Then again I feel that it is better to get it all out in the open rather than to let it simmer and then explode at some unexpected time. That is why I feel honest communication is important and is far more beneficial than ignoring an issue and projecting peace and love when it is not what you actually feel.


It would have been wiser of me to use a different example earlier.

 

[shanic89]

I disagree.

Self-monitoring of social behaviour is a natural response. One doesn't have to know "why" one does or doesn't do something in order to change it.

A behavioural change can be as simple as going for a jog instead of visiting the pub. Breaking habits requires much more changing of behaviours and a lot less thinking of WHY.

Yes you are correct, I should have addressed more clearly that just removing yourself from war like conditions does not resolve conflict. Though if you do not understand the why often we are doomed to repeat our mistakes. An alcoholic can attempt to brake the cycle by going for a jog but he may find himself/herself drinking somewhere else. If they knew about alcoholism and understood it they may have a greater chance.

I believe a major part of life is about breaking and forming habits.

 

[clamicide]

I'm going to leave this here for people who want to watch it--I've mentioned it before. It is available on Netflix.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1223900/

It is the movie "A World Without US"... was made outside the US, and it tackles the huge idea of US involvement in various global affairs, such as (well, mainly) military engagement. Folks might take it as total propaganda, or whatever--my point is that it made me think about my stances on US involvement and spending money overseas...

I had very strong ideas on the subject, but the ONE thing I really learned from my experience in the cult, is to never be completely convinced of my beliefs ever again and to try to be open to dissenting opinions. Not going to say where I came out of after watching it, but I think the most valuable lesson that one can take out of coming from a cult, is to be able to listen to others' views and open their mind to their possibility and where they came from.

If anyone does bother to watch this, I'd love to hear their comments via PM.

 

[Purple Rain]

Well, sometimes surrender is the better part of valour. Japan could have chosen not to surrender, but then they didn't know that the whole country wouldn't be nuked, so it seemed like the best option even to a country known for hating surrender. And the result? They got a shitload of war aid to rebuild resulting in a thriving economy and good overall lifestyle.

But I don't really care enough to go to the wall for this theory - if I'd wholeheartedly agreed with it I would have liked it, but as it was I just thanked it because I wanted to think it through more.

My point was really that there's nothing stupid about surrendering unless the party you're surrendering to doesn't follow the Geneva convention - and even then, as with Ghandi, non-violent resistance has achieved some powerful results and I'm not judging anyone for making that kind of choice.

So now Alanzo's in trouble for not fighting? WTF?! Which just goes to show that you can't please all of the people all of the time, so just do what you think is right and try your best to be a good person.

 

[Good twin]

Seriously? Alanzo is just saying if you want peace behave peacefully.

But some people just have to argue no matter what is being discussed.

Everyone is entitled to an opinion.

 

[Lone Star]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EM4vblG6BVQ