Mich,
I've just caught up on this thread (from #41 onward).
What blows me away from your description of how things at Flag are "currently" and Disinfected's story of his/her recent trip to Flag and the "second best steak" anecdote is how incredibly strong David Miscavige's psychological hold is over the inhabitants still hanging on inside the Scientology bubble.
I really do find this extraordinary. The way you've described the image held of him by staff and apparently some public still there is one of a strong, revered, tough but ultimately beneficent leader.
I have a very different take on David Miscavige, given the stories I've read and heard directly from people who've worked under him. I believe completely their stories about his pettiness, brutality and political and strategic stupidity.
I also find it astonishing that despite his small physical stature he has been able to intimidate other people -- particularly men -- who are so much larger than he is. Not that I don't believe the stories, but just that it really does astonish me.
The takeaway for me is that David Miscavige must be a truly world-class asshole.
One other thing -- you mentioned you're in your early 40s and yet you only started surfing the 'net last fall. I hope that doesn't mean you're really surfing all of the net for the first time now. But if it does, is that because you were warned by the Church to stay offline completely?
Thanks very much for all your information about how things are "inside" these days. I love getting the current scoop, since I've been gone so long.
TG1
P.S. Panda's and Arthur Dent's advice is great. You might consider remaining in "confusion" for a really long time. Nothing bad wil happen, I promise. And there really is very much to be confused about. So don't "quickie" the condition.